I’m January the winds did howl
Through the floor boards
And my heart
Still
We clung to them
The window shook with each shake
And the stove smoked like a train
My tears froze and my body ached
But I’d give anything to see you again

Every time I look into your eyes
I realize I’m flying too close to the sun

I cry
For you
When
harvest moon plays
For me

Do you understand how hard it is to flet the son of the big lililahoo in the night of the spinetines upon the darlamays oh but what a fine time it is to sway to beat of the *** *** drums once we are relieved of this fiesome pin in!

You call me white trash
Maybe I am
Maybe that’s the word
I was trying to find
When I was wearing clothes from the church’s clothes closet
When I was being touched
When I was riding in the floor board of a mini van down I-35
When I
was changing and feeding my elders
When I was curling my toes so my shoes wouldn’t hurt
When I was eating fish tails
When I was tiptoeing around rats
When I was ******* in
When I was trying not to show my teeth
and when I was ******* you on backroads in the country
The stars look prettier from the top of a cellar
And crying alone doesn’t hurt so bad in the back of a old beaten down boat
In the back of my grandpa’s truck I could hide from my anger
And I can still hear me screaming if I listen
Food stamps made summers happy
Cantaloupe in the yard for deer
They sure do love the rinds
A side of me you didn’t really see
Just something I let you feel sometimes
Something I only let those I trust feel
But now I’m white trash
And you’re still a trust fund baby
I know I climbed up and jumped
But every step higher felt like I was being kicked
down
And my mother thinks I’m wrong
Because I traded my lobster for reduced meat $4.99 a pound
But taste is nothing if it gets caught
in
your
throat

Sunday morning
You’re too tired to wake up
Next to me
Monday morning
You’re too tired
To work
While I do
Tuesday morning
Practice on your zen
Wednesday morning
You feel like a friend
Thursday morning
More time in the mirror
Friday morning
Where should I go tomorrow?
Saturday morning
Should I wake you to say bye?

Trying but the shade is gone
Take it long and take it home
Wishes are all overgrown
You can still make me moan
Thinking like a scientist
Crying like a baby fit
Tell me why it is like this
Tell me why I feel like ****

Me no importa
Me no siento
Yo quiero un escalera
Pero no lo busco
Yo quiero el sol y la luna y estrellas

100 names I’ve been called
Death 3 times a year
Pushed against walls
Spit in my face
And I let you make me cry
I am the stupidest
I am entertainment

I’ll never be
Good enough
To anyone
No matter
How far down they are
I climb lower and lower
This time I dropped
And still
I am nothing

All roads lead to nowhere
If nowhere is somewhere I don’t want to be
If home is an empty box
If you are a fleeting glance
And I fall for it every time
Because god said no
Even when I tried
Even when you tried
Time after time
With each failed test
Destined for loneliness
Dead inside

It starts with a drip down my leg
My ******* wrapped around your hand
Your bruise on my neck
The sound of my heart beating in my head
Your eyes lit up
My legs spread
Your tongue licking and *******
Me shaking and pushing
Yes means no
And no means yes
It ends with a drip down your leg

You would do that and then I would do you and then I wouldn’t stop talking and then you wouldn’t sleep
I would think to myself you don’t love me
And you would say nothing
And it would feel empty
I love the way you have a line on your nose
And I love the way your body tenses down to your toes
I like to lick and **** what you just licked and ******
I like the way you ****
Again and again

My issues are showing
Manifestations in nightmares
Manic delusions
Desperation
I could have had anyone
Twist of fate
Your hand on my thigh
Turned in
To your hand on my neck
And I loved it
No limits
No
Boundaries
No, no
And here we are
My chest cut open
Blood trickling down
My issues are showing

Caro doesn’t know
Ale from Alej
Or an oven from a stove
She knows her hair is long
And straight
And she loves to watch it grow
She doesn’t know
Her smile
On everything
Is the best
I’ve ever seen

I keep forgetting your name
I remember it when you ask
I’m good at hiding my shame
It helps reliving my past

Water fountain
Electric pulse
Wichita mountain
Diabolicals

Rubber snakes
Glasses hid
Heart breaks
Baby slid

You
Broke
The heart I gave to you
Shamelessly

I like to be tasted by you
And bent into two
Thrown across the room
Legs shaking
You’re cruel
I like to be slapped
And tapped
And told I’m nothing more than trash
I like to be held down
Let down
Laughed at
Not allowed to make a sound
I like the way you pound
Into me
I like the way you make me feel

I hurt too

In every man
I find you
Someone who’s lazy yet controlling too
Someone who hates me and loves me
Someone who beats me and ignores me
Someone who takes and gives nothing
Someone who cries when they’re lonely
To make me feel guilty and empty
Crazy
In every man
I find you
No matter how hard I try to lose you

My mother
Drinks like a fish
And lies like a dog
My mother
Stabs deep and twists
And twists
I scream before I go under but you push me in
Which I could forgive had you not been smiling

Bait and switch
I guess I was
A disappointment dressed in clothes
A twist of the knife deep inside
My legs spread
On your desk
A **** for sure
You’re impressed
A thong too much for your catholic veins
Throbbing but not enough
Chains on my ankles
Bleach in my hair
You don’t love me now
But all is fair

Always wanted an affair
Fingers brushing through my hair
Cologne on my clothes
Makeup on your collar
I enjoy
Every
Bit
Except the part where you go home
To not my home
You’ll never leave her
I’ll never leave him
But I was born for an affair
Something forbidden
Something that screams you must really want me

Your eyes bright
Twist my side
I have nothing to say to you
Inhale
Inhale
I love you too

September Avenue
Spanish panfish
You at night
Poorly rolled joint
Baby lines
I’m not tired
Back again
Scrubbed his skin
Scrubbed my eyes
Throw me against a wall
Tonight

Love to love you
And pretend
Love to sink into you
So new and fresh
Love to imagine
You

I’m so
Stuck
In you
On you
To you
I’m so beneath you
And
Between you
I can’t say no
Or yes
I just let you
take me in
And
Out
And up
And down
Underneath you

You call my name
And I come

Drinking after you
My favorite
So yummy
I like to lick
The spit
from your tongue
And the ***
From deep inside you
Where I want to be
So yummy

I saw the ball fly over fast
I was brave
A hero at last
And on the stool I stood
Peaking over the wall of wood
When you a dog of 2 feet tall and 42 teeth
Began to call
I jumped down
And slid away
Slithering slitherly as I pray
As not to wake it’s owner

I say we’re opposites
You say opposites attract
I say I’m over you
You say you feel attacked
I say come back
And you say what’s new
I say your opinions are not facts
You say in fact they’re all facts
And I think your brain is cracked
And we’re through
But I’m always sorry
And you are too
And it works okay as long as you say we do

I talk about *** a lot these days
But I’m getting
None
From you
Or anyone
Though I could
And I almost did
Last night
With someone new
In their lap
My tongue between their lips split two
Your hands upon my hips
Slide through
For months
I’d have ****** the man I knew
But flop and soft
What did I do?
My hands in your hair
My **** leaking
And you
So hard
So eager
So new

I wish I wasn’t wet
Or on my knees
I wish I didn’t like you standing over me
I wish your **** didn’t taste so sweet
And I wish I had a dash of morality
I wish someone could tell me why
The best gift I ever got was a black eye
Why a hug isn’t as good as a slap on the thigh
and why
My god given talent is staying in line
I wish I knew how to say no
But if I did I wouldn’t know where to go
Except not with you
Or him
I’d be alone
And your name looks like a ****** thrown out on the side of a country road

Tangled in a web
Of squeezed knees
And wet kisses
Of not here
Not now
Of what if they see
They won’t
you say
Repeatedly
As I pull
And twist
Wanting to be
Deeper in your web of need

My play dough heart don’t know no more than cherry mash and two by fours
And overalls and pecan pies
And dirt on feet on summer nights
Brushing my hair
Brushing your hair
Singing in your brush without a care
Fish tails
Fried
Laying on the cellar while the babies cry inside
And I don’t need your money
I’ve got too much pride

Drinking big blood afternoon
I saw you put your puzzle in the oven
I’d like to take that weight from you
Find my number in the coven
Take the electronic air
Rub it on your chest
Green pastures blue fields
And still I’m not impressed

I was close
I was really close
Closer than I ever am
On your lap
Kissing you
And being touched in anyway you wanted to
I was close
Almost broken open
Split in two
Doing what you asked me to
Crawling on my knees for you
Begging for you to want me too  
I was close
I was close to you
Needing you more than you ever knew

I don’t know why
I’m mad at you
Or why some words
******* unglued
Or why I love when you touch me
But hate talking to you
I want to scream your name
But keep mine
I want to tell you I’m sorry
And that I’m not fine

Thank you for
Everything you do
You make me happy
And sad
And angry
You make me feel

Not one
Not one time
Not one look
I cut Out my heart
I wring it out in front of you
The blood drips your favorite melody
It beats for you
As I lay dying

I love your hair
You’re a beautiful girl
Though you wish you weren’t
Your face is more than I can put into words
Your body is lovely and you know it’s true
It makes it more so because no man can touch you
But I won’t touch you either
And I’m sorry for that
You’re a beautiful girl but you can do better than that

You’re afraid of losing me
But I’m afraid of losing you
And everything you symbolize
And the way I am with you
I feel so big when you make me feel small
I think I love you sometimes maybe not even at all
But I feel something inside
Especially when you yell
And I love the way you treat me like an object
An important object

Rope bracelets
Carniceria
Salón
Si ****
Si quemah cuh
Agua Fresca
Gooooaaaallllll
My home
Thank you

Hop scotch
Drip watch
Have you
Called the boss
Have you
Walked along
Along the road
Along the pier
Can you take me far from here

Your head between my thighs
Your tongue between my lips
Knees squeezing your shoulders tight
I could get used to this

I'm crazy
I hear it alot
From you
And everyone else
I know it
I feel it
I still want you

I should've stayed with you and made bad decisions
I should've stayed with you and felt like I did something right
I just want you to want me

I miss you
And I do
Like you
I don't know why
I didn't want to
And the worst part
Is you know I like you
I absolutely hate that you do
Because now you can do what you want to
To my heart
And my soul
And my brain
I'm not good at hiding from you
Because I'm lonely
And I miss you

You break my heart
Sticky
Gooey
It pulls apart
So easy
And then you
Smash it back together
So easy

Different rhythm
In bed than him
Different melody
To you than me
A day ago
I felt so alone
Now I wish
You would leave