Brianna

Brianna Feb 2014

You told me you liked to ask me out on holidays because then you would never forget the anniversary. I always felt that was sort of cruel and odd but you looked towards a future of happiness and I saw a break up.

Timing was never out strong suite and I am not quite sure how we got to this point in our lives eight years down the road. I still think about you every single night before bed.

It's windy today and stormy. It's not funny and yet I laugh because the last time I saw you it was raining... And you took me to the airport to say goodbye.

You asked me to stay but I had a plane to catch.
You asked me to marry you but I had a life to get.
You asked me to love you but I had to love me first.

I asked you to come home but you had a reason to stay.
I asked you to marry me but you changed your mind.
I asked you to love me... But you ignored all my love.

Eight years later and we are just as dysfunctional as we used to be back in those high school days. Eight years later and we still can't figure out if we are meant to be together.

Eight years later and I still think about you every day.

Brianna Feb 2014

Eating alone

There is something about eating Thai food alone. I don't know if it's the music in this tiny place or maybe how friendly everyone pretends to be while they judge you from afar.

And I'm not sure these days if I'm lonely or just tired of being alone? Love is just a far away option I'm not sure will ever be more than past tense.

This piano is giving me a headache... Who am i kidding I have no idea if it's a piano! I just wish I wasn't eating alone.

Brianna Feb 2014

Lack of sleep

It could have been lack of sleep or maybe just lack of something exciting in my life I am never really sure these days but I hate the sunset today.

And it could have just been boredom but I took pictures of the blue sky hoping to see shades of blue that reminded me of you.

As always I seem to write the same theme to all these poetically challenged poems... More like journal entries these days.

I have been drinking again and my words come out slurred like a car crash they pile up on one another with no mercy.

Your lack of grace, or charm for a better word, makes my stomach hurt... How can I love someone I hate so much and hate someone I can't love? Such young and naive thinking is all I do these days.

I wrote you a letter but it sounded so childish... It was as if I was begging you to want me. I don't beg.

And I'm not sure If I get enough sleep because I tried to call you using my toothbrush and I realized I hated the sunrise this morning on the way to work.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Brianna Feb 2014

Work.

If i could just tell you how much I hate you.
If I could tell you how much you make my life miserable.
If i could tell you what i really thought about you and your "rich" husband or you blonde hair blue eyes skinny girl looks.
If i could tell you how much i hate how you talk so fondly of yourself without realizing everyone ******* hates you.

**I would be fired.

over this ***** at work.

Brianna Feb 2014

What we want not what we need

I wanted nothing more than to drink you in everyday; like my favorite coffee or a good glass of scotch that burned on the way down.

I wanted you to fill my lungs making me ache for more; like a cigarette I can't quit this addiction.

I wanted you to fill my soul with something so wonderful; like my favorite romance novel or a line of poetry.

What I wanted more than anything was to be loved by you; the way you loved her.

Brianna Feb 2014

I hate long hair

I smoked my last cigarette today on top of this city's skyline as i let the windy night flow through my long hair.
My hair is getting so long.

I keep losing my train of thought; trying to drown the thoughts of ending it all with a bitter beer.
I really hate beer.

I keep myself busy planning my escape from this Cities hold on me but we all know I am afraid to make the first move.
I am always so afraid.

Failing isn't an option and you told me you were never wrong... i almost believe you until the day you left me.
I knew you were wrong about at least one thing now.

I started smoking again today... I could have swore I was done with this disgusting habit but my life is one habitual mess.
I have horrible habits.

I planned my escape today while i sat work, slacking off like my boss often does, and i realized I can do.
I think things are going to be okay.

I threw out the bitter beer i had in the fridge today. I really can't stand the cheapness of it and how it reminds me of your bittersweet goodbye.
They both tasted the same to me.

I finally got that hair cut i told you i was getting.
The truth is hate long hair anyways.

Brianna Feb 2014

Horror of our love

They say you'll know when you kiss someone if it will last or not but wih you I have
Never been quite sure of anything
Except that I am
Mad
About
You.

We kissed so shyly at first and the passion I felt was more than most people feel in a lifetime. We looked deep into each other's eyes falling in love and in love.
We were one.
We were infinite.

I couldn't be quite sure where this was going but I knew if it remained strong I would
Be perfectly okay staying
Mad
About
You.

We danced along rooftops and swam through oceans to gain each other's trust. We watched stars burst and moments passed us by without a single sigh.
We were one.
We were infinite.

When the moment came for us to choose to stay with one another or to leave... I left. As many wonder what I was thinking I knew in that moment something I would never forget.

If I kept focusing on the glory, the beautiful, amazing moments we shared and never touched the horror of our love, then how would anyone ever know the truth was:

I was completely
Unbelievably
Truly
Disgusted by you.

I don't know about this one but I like it so far