What if
every time we were on the verge of tears
ready to cry
ready to breakdown
ready to give up
ready to shut the world out

...what if we smiled at a stranger instead,
they might be feeling the same way.

Why does a razor make my heart flutter
Why am I always craving blood
Why do I think about driving into that tractor trailer
or debate how long my car would take to flood

Why do I cry myself to sleep
Lying on the cold bathroom floor
But lay awake throughout the night
Feeling nothing but numb to the core

Why won't my mind stop screaming
Wondering who would find me at my worst
Or who it is that might miss me
If I could find the courage to swallow these pills first

Why do these thoughts torment me
When I have no reason to feel this bad
Why can't I find my happy
I'm so tired of being sad

"Hi how are you?"

Well, it took everything I had this morning
to get up and leave my bed
Don't ask me if I showered
or even brushed my teeth
My reflection shamed me in the mirror
Told me I am ugly
I am fat
Couldn't stand her harsh words
Fled the bathroom after that
No makeup, unbrushed hair
Threw on a wrinkled shirt
Can't explain how hard it was to walk out the door
My anxiety is crippling.
Keep my eyes down on the floor
I stay out of strangers' way
Hoping I'll get lucky
Please no one talk to me today.
I slipped into the bathroom
Don't look into Medusa's eyes
Pushed my fingers down my throat
I didn't deserve those fries.
Anxiety, depression, an eating disorder too
I'm not doing my best
but that's not what I'll tell you.

"Fine, thank you for asking."

This love is
crippling
I am nothing
Without you
Disabled
Missing a vital *****
My heart
Still beating
Ripped from my chest
Leave a wound
Leave a scar
For the world to see
That I am yours
I give you everything I am
This love
Tortures me
Tears apart my insides
Takes away my breath
A love so strong it terrifies me

i love you
but you're 512 miles away
7 hours 54 minutes away
on an empty road
with no traffic
no construction
no bathroom breaks
no gas refills
no car trouble
no breakfast, lunch or dinner
unrealistic.
are we unrealistic?
are we holding onto nothing?
i love you
but i can't hear you through the phone
you can't see me crying every night
you can't hold me when i'm crying every night
i love you
but i'm not happy
i'm not eating
i'm not sleeping
i'm not smiling
i'm just waiting
just waiting
for the 2 days we get together
once a month
and then back to
crying
the light at the end of the tunnel is gone
my spirit is broken
my love is aching
my heart is breaking
i love you
but you're too **** far away
i love you
but i can't keep doing this forever