I'll be honest in saying,
There's only one person who's come close.
To the euphoric feeling
Enveloping my soul.
The opposite of her.
Giving in to feeling.
I was ok before I wasnt.
I'm not.
I think everyone just needs to leave me alone.
Because I'll never believe you'll stay.
Your lust will last
A mere day.
Throw me in the gutter
I'll wash down the drain.
Never to be heard from again.
I'd rather not exist.
Let my life succomb to substance.
Fade in.
Fade out again.
Living life by playing pretend.
None of this is real.
I don't exist.

Bullets for words,
Without considering the exit wound.
Your hand continually strains the blood from my heart.
Tight grasp.
Steady grip.
No escape.
The bag goes rip.
And then the world
Spirals.
Down.
And up.
Puke your ******* guts.
Down and up.
I don't mind throwing up.
Down and up.
Until it stops.
And then
Back again.
Black again.
Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake the **** up!
I cant.

I just wish there was another chance to make it right.
After all, you are my light.
The sun to my moon.
Dancing in synopses
Of picturesque form.
Never knowing eachother as a whole.
Only parts in passing flow.
Substance to suffice
The passing of time.
But what will really happen down the line?
Can you honestly say you'd be content without me in your life?
I'll gladly disappear if that's what you'd like.
Maybe that's what needs to happen.
Picture a life
Where I don't exist.
Can you?
Because I cant.
Ever growing.
Ever changing.
A binding engagement.
I never would have said yes
If I knew that life would lead to this.
I honestly wish I could forget.
And that my memories weren't tied to regret.
Honestly the only regret I have
Was ******* up so ******* bad.
To the point in life where I lost you.
I lost you and you're never coming back.
It's really time to face the facts.
Succombing to a fate that you hate to choose.
Always in the position to lose.
I do.
I do.
I do.
I wish we would have made it
To the Isle
To the song we picked out
For the first dance.
It was all picturesque.
I wish I never would have made a plan.
For a future.
Because now that everything is lost
And makes no sense.
It's hard to see a clear happy end.
I honestly can't even hear the name jess.
Without going back
To hope with no end.
It's just sadly not the case.
I need to learn to live my life without seeing your face.
But what if I cant?

You were lucky to escape me.
Disregarding that four letter word
You always said so easily.
Seeing is believing.
You no longer exist to me.
Free falling into new feelings.
Old lovers.
New flings.
Disrupted bed sheets.
Freezing.
Fleeing.
He ******* feels me.
I'm fine
I'm fine
The ultimate line.
The darkness comes
The thoughts rush
Destroying you inside
Free your mind.
Always stuck talking
About time.
Last drop
Your mind can't get me off.
Everything else is irrelevant.
Like your presence.
Gone.
Gone
So now the smiles back on my face.

Slick slits for eyes,
When you tell your lies.
That's why everyone around you dies.
The unwelcome sounds
Of choking from the inside.
Out.
Get out of my mind.
Find solice in time.
Breathing lessons for beginners.
*** lessons for sinners.
Suicide lessons for quitters.
Thinking lessons in life will make you all winners.
Admiring strength
In surety.
Of knowing who you are.
Where you want to go.
What you want to be.
Some die before they're able to achieve.
Goals
And gratitude.
Thanking their gods for judgement.
Unable to be who you want to be.
Stand up and set yourself free.

So glad to see you think I'm doing well.
But honestly,
I've been in a living hell.
You still resonate in my mind
Reminiscing on the times
Talking about time.
Talking about perceptions of perception.
A euphoria in listening to you rhyme.
How are things going?
Have you learned the same lesson a second time?
Are you in that same box as before?
I understand love is what made you go back to her.
I guess everything is about the persuit of happiness.
The light is bright at the end of dark tunnels.
Living color blind.
Breaking.
I'm in a bind.
The same vines that used to consume you,
Are now holding me back too.
And though I don't think either of us will ever be free,
I guess it's a life lesson.
Times three.

I sometimes live
To the fullest of fullest extents.
I shine so ******* bright
And elevate everyone around me
With positive energy.
Positivity.
But, really
Time is just elapsing.
Time is wasted on making memories.
Only to disappoint you
When I'm not around.
I sometimes die
Inside.
I break.
I break down and fall the **** apart.
I hide in the deepest corners of my mind.
And something inside sometimes screams
Climb!
Climb!
Climb!
But I bite my nails
So I can't latch on.
And my body is frail
So I can't even walk.
I succumb to my fate.
The inevitable.
The welcomed.
The hopeful last breath
I'll ever have to take.

I don't think you know how hard it is for me.
Pretending.
Pretending like you mean nothing.
tears in my eyes
Waves and riptides.
On the surface,
Everything is alright.
Deep down
Deep down inside
I can't articulate the turbulence
Entwined.
Your soul and mine.
Flightless bird
Uplifting.
The sheer sound of your voice
Makes me drown.
Provoking emotion
I resolve to not have at all.
Don't you feel so ******* tall.
On the pedestal I put you on.
You'll never fall.
Leaves blow in the wind
And the trees start to die.
Such a beautiful sight
Still you're the only thing on my mind
Even in a sober light.
I'm tired of this fight.
Only you.
Only you.
How many times until we get this right?
It's ******.
You gave up.
You gave up.
Now all is lost.
Love doesn't exist.

I've been told before,
That it's ok to care.
Hands running through
Dark hair.
Fingers entwine.
Let your body
Fall into mine.
You do know that all of this
That all of this is meaningless,
Right?
Your presence isn't gonna make
My future bright.
Just another regret,
That I choose not to regret.
Just another regret,
My mind will soon forget.
You'd be wise to do the same.
Lose my number
And pretend
Pretend you don't even know my name.

I feel like a piece of me is always missing.
I'm not whole.
Nor will I ever be.
I tried to fight.
I try to pretend like I'm whole.
But I'll never hold my own heart.
I can never give it to someone else.
She has it
She will always have it.
Forever and a day.
Forever and always.
I don't care what depths of hell
I had to endure.
She will always be the cure.
She will always be my true north.
My compass star.
No other will ever even compare.
Tear filled eyes.
Struggling to breathe.
Over a ******* feeling.
I don't want to feel.
I don't want to feel anymore.
Just take me away.
Use me.
**** me up.
Pain is a replacement.
Death is always more peaceful
Than life.

You said I was your muse
Your reason to paint
Now you're falling off
You lost me
You lost me
I'm gone.
You said you don't love me.
But I know you ******* need me.
I bring things,
Unemaginable joyous things,
To your lonely life.
You chose this.
You chose this new life
of misery
Always wondering
what is truth and
what is lie.
You chose to be alone inside.
I had hope for us
But hopes love lost
Time has run out
I'm a muse for someone else.

I never want to remember, yet it hurts to forget.
Tears flow like my regrets.
A water fountain.
A shock wave.
Of feelings.
Why can't I just let you go?
Why can't your presence just escape my heart?
I wish for nothing more than to not be torn the **** apart.
They say time heals all wounds,
But the wounds I feel aren't surface scars.
They cut deep within.
I'm not whole.
I'm not a melody without you.
My harmony.
My solid ground.
My love.
You were my riptide.
Yet you were the steadiest motion in my ocean.
Joy and hope
Joy and hope.
You kept my life afloat.
It hurts the most
To know we just can not be.
I wish we knew ourselves
Individually.
The love I have will live inside me until I die.
Never fading.
No replacing.
Nothing will ever compare.

Up all night thinking
I've been thinking
Maybe we've been at this too long.
Maybe the feeling is gone.
I don't like the feeling
Of you
Anymore.
The pasts steady grip
Takes hold once again.
Again
Again
This is the begining of the end.
Your steady ******* boat.
Hitting rocks
And waves.
My minds astray.
I ******* hate this feeling.
Like the feeling after a one night stand
When you're just waiting for the other person to leave your bed.
Only, 10 years doesn't make you just a one night stand.
I can't stand this.
I can't stand.
I was over the mountain
Walking through woods
Then you back tracked the process
I'll never meet the wizard at this pace.
There is no end goal.
There is no end
We have yet to begin again.
There's a foundation
You see
That's built upon trust.
Once you lose that
All hope is lost.
Unless you're her.
See
I've been around this block before.
Over mountains
Through doors.
Hopes just a four letter word.
Like love.
You can't pack concrete into cracks
And expect **** to last.
The foundation is cracked
The foundation is cracked.
This love won't surpass.

I'm glad you told me you don't love me.
Because it's the worst pain I will ever have to face.
And I deserve it.
I deserve it for being such a disgrace.
All I can ever do is hope to be better than the person I was.
And I feel compelled to care.
I feel compelled to be more.
But in my heart of hearts
I know nothing will ever compare.
I'm nothing without you.
Repetitive lines.
My ocean bringing my soul to a steady shore.
Untouchable memories.
That I wish would fade.
I wish they would just die away.
You're my soul mate.
What life is really worth living,
Without the other half of your being?
You complete me.
You completed me.
No more.

I guess triggers are a real thing.
Causing people to remember sheer pain.
It's hard not knowing.
Letting it all in.
Succombing to
Overcoming.
I breathe closer
To clarity.
If only
If only
My heart would stop beating.
If only my chest would stop aching.
If only the tape would stop replaying.
Decaying in a life coffin.
Six feet down.
Still I wear a crown
Of rust.
Picking up the pieces.
Brushing off the dust.
Inching towards the gratification of a name.
Nothings the same.
Ever since that day.
Forcefully taken away.
Gone.
Gone.
In a ******* whirlwind.
A tornado of feelings.
I don't ******* fit in.
I'm a rare breed
You'll never ******* know me.
Emotions exist to people who feel
And I don't feel a ******* thing.

Two months
Until it's been a year.
My greatest fear.
You're never coming back.
I don't know if I can live with that fact.
What the **** is the point?
Baring your body with
No soul.
Infinite paths
One road.
Hiding all the parts of you
That only she knows.
I want to grow.
But I don't know if I can.
Memories holding me back again.
Impending doom
Weighing me under.
And your voice is still my favorite sound.
Still no comfort to be found.
The tables are turning.
And I'm still yearning.
I'm meant to be six feet down.
Undergound.
No ******* sound.
Your voice still makes me bound.
I'm choking on the words I said.
The words you clearly never meant.
Life makes no ******* sense.

Some drink to remember.
I drink to forget.
To forget the unforgettable.
The words you said.
"No one will ever love you as much as I do."
But there is no truth in lies.
The truth is found in someone's eyes.
Telling a depth of stories.
One tries to hide.
Hide from your mind
Drift away.
Into the abyss.
Down the rabbit hole.
You'll never find your soul.
But somewhere in the darkest parts
That you try to hide,
You might find me.
Too bad it will be too late.
You will regret the choices you make.
Don't ever look back.
Run from your mistakes.
**** the replaying of tapes.
Begin again.
Rewrite a future life.
No looking back.
Don't relapse.
It's ok to ******* collapse.
Fall to the floor and scream.
Your past is only but a dream.
It's just a dream.
It's just a ******* dream.
Wake up!
Wake the **** up!
Wake up and see.
See me.
Going blind.
You're going blind again.
But memories don't last forever.
Apparently they only last as long as it takes to put your clothes back on.
Existance is a ******* joke.

I live, but struggle to breathe.
I fight an endless losing battle.
The outcome will always be the same.
Death will take us all away.
In the end, nothing really matters.
Memories become void.
Emotionless emotions become the normality of an existence that is so lost and broken. Its all one big facade. Shaken from the past, too afraid to fly. Too afraid to live, too scared to die. Stuck in shades of grey. There is no left or right, black or white. It's a constant moving force of one foot in front of the other. Holding tears back, in fear of ruining the make up on my eyes that you never let me wear in the first place. It's struggling and fighting against yourself to not pick up that knife. Slice. Slice. Slice. It's a song on repeat in the back of my mind. Cryptic words and mind ***** only lead to future cuts and blood. That's how I allow myself to feel. For the tears to be able to flood. The panic sets in, once again. For the sake of everyone else, never minding what's good for me. For the sake of everyone else's sanity. And I hide and play my part like the good daughter, like the good family member that never gets spoken to. Like the good person I pretend to be. But all the hate I have is always directed toward me. I hate every single one of you *****. I don't want your ******* love. I want you to leave me alone. I don't want compassion or pitty or pleasantries. I'm used to getting ***** in my ******* dreams. Don't be nice to me. Feed my soul With what it deserves; hurt, make me ******* scream. I scream inside every day. I claw myself from the inside out, beating and breaking my rib cage to stop my heart from constantly pounding in my ears. My eyelids are heavy now, because I guess you should know I'm an addict too. Anything to surpress the void, or the feeling, or anything at all. Anything to stop everything. This numb feeling is what I need to get by. This numb feeling is my best friend in life. This numb ******* feeling actually makes me feel alive. All I really am is dead inside. Which actually poses a question to all my conquests; what was it like to **** a corpse?

This isn't a poem.
More of an update...
I'm really excited and happy that I kicked myself in the *** and started a Facebook page. Though I think I'm quite bad at figuring out how to work it. I like how this site works better, but honestly want to reach a far wider audience. I want my words to surpass time and space. Also, if anyone would like to follow me on a more personal level here you go:

IG: Biscuit1389
Facebook page thing:
https://m.facebook.com/Biscuit1389/

To all of you who take the time to read my words, I thank you from the deepest depths of my being. ♡

Why are women like god?
Creatures made of stardust.
Shining.
Brilliantly, radiant.
Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn.
I burn.
I burst.
I break.
Encompassing every part of my soul.
Feel the noise.
Feel the joys.
Feel me.
Touch every part of me I hide.
Reach your hands into my rib cage and grab hold of my heart.
I've always liked your art.
Words are often like fighting.
Fighting flighting demons within.
Yourself.
You.
Stand tall and be.
Believe.
Sometimes you don't need to see.
It's a feeling.
It's a feeling.
That feeling is me.
It's like hopelessness and hope.
On your worst days, you pray to just cope.
Everything is everything.
Everything is nothing.
It's all around us.
It's all around us.
Spinning worlds of wisdom
And truth.
The truth is.
The truth is a lie.
I'll live with my secrets until I die.
Open mouth, closed eyes.
Feel me.
Free me.
Seeing is believing.

I feel like I need substance to forget your name.
Stopping dead in my tracks.
Your presence resonates.
Please, I beg, for your presence to escape me.
Erase the memory.
I can't live with you
In the back of my mind.
Time times infinity will still not be enough time.
Your presence provokes a sadness within.
The only thing I have left is a paper and pen.
Words accumulating.
Words are meaningless, and forgettable.
But your love,
Your love will always ******* last.
I can't keep living in the past.
There's no such thing.
Your love is everlasting.
Even if it is just a one way feeling.

You are,
Sunlight shining with stars bright,
A rare breed.
Looking into your eyes has a way of setting me free.
We do not surpass time and space,
Instead we trace the weathered lines on each others' face.
Memories cause us to have those old souls.
Nobody knows.
We both continue to grow.
We ******* glow,
When we collide,
Our chemicals seem to mix just right.
What the ****, you even cause me to rhyme..
I don't have rhythm, and i sure as hell can't sing, but with you, with you, I don't feel that sting.
I'm over on this flowing ****.
I'll just be direct and say you're the only one I wanna kick it with.
You know that "hit it" bizz
As long as you don't quit it quick.
Deeper levels entwine
Our bodies like vines.
Sleeping actually feels right.
We fit, we mix, we both like ****.
I fell off the beat, so yeah,
**** it.

Life is hard, dude.
But hard times don't mean
End times.
Because, believe me I've tried.
To end time.
During those hard times.
And yet, I'm still alive.
I'm a pretty firm believer in
I'm not living, I'm just killing time.
But yet, I'm still alive.
Everything is in yourself.
You can be whoever you want to be.
You're free, and you're free to choose.
But all in all I hope the choice leads to good over evil.
And that, all in all, you exude
Positivity.

Peace, hope and love.
But always remember that beauty is free.
****, I sound like a hippie,
And I don't even smoke ****.
Labels are stupid though.
Do all hippies even smoke ****?
Whatever, I'm just me.
And honestly, that's all I can be.
I have ears that listen
And a mouth that speaks.
A mind that rarely shuts off.
Eyes wide open
And a heart full of love.
I think the combination may be deadly to one's soul.
Because in all honestly, if ever you have the privilege to know me.
To really know me.
You'll always feel like you're missing something when you don't anymore.
When you don't have me.
I feel at times I give pieces of myself to people that I will never get back.
But it's not a loss of my pieces.
It's a gain to touch lives.
I'll always stay inside.
You.
You'll never be able to forget me.
Even if you try.

What happens when you have a broken heart?
Does  it fill with blood and burst?
Does it bend to fit in the tiniest box,
locked up in your chest.
Entwined in your rib cage.
Does it pull to the left or to the right?
Does it hurt and ache?
Does it long or yearn?
Does it feel at all?
Is it an old familiar stabbing pain?
Is it dull or like roaring flames?
Is it hard to breathe or even to see?
Is it a panic attack, or just me?
It's a ******* explosion.
It's asking what ifs.
It's reflection.
It's the past.
It's a constant.
It's a constallation in the far out space.
It's the space between you and me.
It's a ******* monstrosity.
It's a game.
It's a mind ****.
It's a lie.
It's life.
It's love.

I want to reincarnate as a tree.
And have my limbs cut off
One
By
One
For evey time
My hearts been
Broken.

Where has my inspiration gone?
Down the toilet with the pills.
In your stomach full of alcohol.
While I'm starving.
History perpetually repeats itself
Full of intent.
Full of regret.
Repent!
Looping lines inside my head
Trying to write again.
Tell me what to swallow
To regain hope.

Existance is a ******* joke.
I hope another country drops bombs
And we all ******* die.
The glorious last dance with life.
It's peaceful in the abyss.
Moving through darkness.
Kissing lips.
Lying to yourself.
"You can pick up the pieces and move forward"
But your mind is stuck on replay.
It may shuffle,
But the song keeps repeating.
Swallow,
Sniff,
Repeat.
Swallow,
Sniff,
Repeat.
And down
Down
Down
You go.
I have no ******* soul.
My heart is already controlled.
My mind is not my own.
So what do I have left?
What's left for me?
A ******* universe
A universe
Of dreams.

The blackness of everything
Falls away.
Decay
Decaying.
No looking back.
You should have stayed.
Naked.
Bare.
Strip down to your nonexistent
Underware.
Flesh only lasts til the sun comes up.
Stare into my eyes
And you'll find
Nothing.
Emptiness consumes me
From the inside
Out.
Get out of my mind.
I'm ******* dead
Inside.
If only I had the strength
To take my life.
I would.
In a heartbeat.
A moment in time.
No thoughts resonate
Don't hesitste.
Just *******.
Break my ******* spine.
You'll always be mine.
Suffocate me.
Make me beg.
Make me feel.
More.
I feel nothing
All of the time.
Hurt me.
Make me rhyme.
The rythmic
Movement of
Two bodies entwined.
The darkness inside.
The black hole of life.
**** feeling.
Always stuck
Repeating time.
Fast forward
And stop.
Or just pause
On replay.
Why didn't you stay?
Why the **** didn't you stay?
I give up.

I'm withdrawing.
Running and hiding.
You'll see in time that it's for the best.
I'm at a standstill while time is constantly moving forward
Forward moving.
I can't pretend.
I need to stop before I'm in over my head.
I'd rather embrace the feeling of wanting to be dead.
The end is always inevitable.
I don't want to wait to find out.
I'm ending this here.
I'm ending this now.
I need a drink, but instead I'm gonna take a couple sleeping pills and drift into the abyss.
Far from words that sting egos.
Far from hands of time.
That only keep people at arms length
Safe from harm.
Safe harbor.
Safe haven.
Safe camp.

I feel motivated to say
That nothing bad in life
Ever stays.
It gets washed away
Like the rain.
I'll be your steady boat
On rocky shores
Holding you together
Like the many times
You've done for me
Before.
I'll help guide you
To the mountain tops,
And navigate through
The valleys of shadows
That linger in the dark
Corners of your mind.
Just stay the night.
Fight.
Fight this feeling of lost hope.
Fight this feeling of choking
From the inside out.
Fight with everything good inside you.
I know you can.
I'll be here to hold your hand.
Everything is temporary,
But my love will last a lifetime.

There are two outcomes to love pulling on the heartstrings of suffering
Writing
Or death.
I choose pen on paper
Rather than a blade to my wrist.

Stop hiding.
Abiding.
You are not that person
In the back of your head
Telling you not to share,
not to care
YOU ARE NOT A ROBOT!
Don't hold yourself back
Ever
Because of the failures of
Others
Outsiders
Today is a new day
I acknowledge you
Trying.

I'm fighting for a future.
Bright.
To read, and listen, and write.
I know I speak in words untimed.
Half of my **** doesn't even rhyme.
Everything is processed and resolved
In time.
What does it mean to be human to you?
What is it like to constantly move?
What is it like to hold a gun?
On your worst days, what thoughts do you have?
Do you sit and face the facts, or run?
Speak in tongues.
Throw your hands up to the ******* sun.
And scream,
Scream at the top of your lungs.
I am human, and I, by far am not perfect.
I don't believe in perfection, actually.
Because in truth, flaws are reality.
And I've always been a firm believer that beauty is free.
I see it in the form of dead trees.
It's all around us all of the time.
All you have to do is open your eyes.
Just open your eyes.
Open your eyes.
Open your eyes.
And see.
There are deeper depths to the souls you meet.

I still can't get you off my tongue.
Or out of my mind.
I want the thoughts of you to end.
Deeper thinking has me thinking
Everything was a lie.
Why did you make me fly?
Now my wings are clipped
And I'm sky diving without a parachute.
Hoping that soaring will save me.
Hoping you'll be there to catch me in the end.
But you're nowhere to be found.
No words escape.
Lessons in the dark.
Lessons in time.
Of time.
On time.
How much time will it take for me to forget your name?
That's the thing about the ties of men.
And maybe not even men.
Just the act of letting people in general in.
You give them a chance to break you with every word you speak.
Every aspect of breathing becomes a not so sure thing.
Why do people have to hurt so bad.
Why do we feel the need for them to intertwine within our lives?
When did we as humans lose touch with the contentment of being alone?
Nerves are a wreck.
I hope you think of those nights as more than just regret.
My lips will always blissfully remember yours.
How you were supposed to be the crashing of waves to a steady shore.
How you were supposed to be the brightest light in my dark tunnel of hope.
Once again I'm homeless and alone.
Building bridges in my heart for you to walk upon.
Navigate your way through my tearing heartstrings.
Sew them back together.

I still talk about you,
And how you encompassed my soul.
And honestly, that feeling will never go away.
It will always be like the first day.
Your lips on mine,
In my father's hallway.
Can you honestly say
You don't remember?
I will always be passionately enthralled with you.
The push and pull of exotic enticement.
The deftones will always bring me back to your bed.
In catasaqua,
With the slushies ballroom dancing
And the old dude watching us **** in the back seat of my Plymouth acclaim.
Of tripping endlessly,
And the saying "beauty is free"
From staring at dead trees.
The bench,
And the roof.
Those feelings will always lead back to you.
I can honestly say,
I will ways love you.
It was so easy for you to say you don't love me,
But yet you instilled the fact that you'd be the only one who would.
I know now,
No matter what you say,
That I will love you more than anyone
Who will ever come your way.
I will love you,
Forever and always.

My hair is everywhere.
And I like infidelities,
You know,
Like the song.
Taking you somewhere.
There are pictures that speak louder than a thousand words combined.
The stories lie in my eyes.
That certain look that gets you every time.
Little do you know that most times the pictures I take take pieces of my soul.
But I'd gladly relive certain moments again.
Just to feel the rushing sting of loss.
Just to feel your touch.
Break myself down, to build myself up.
And each time the baracade around my heart gets more tough.
I am no longer see through.
I no longer see you.
It's only a feeling if we don't forget it.
Well, I don't feel a ******* thing,
Because I've already forgotten you.

I'm tired.
I'm tired of the tears
Bursting through my eyelids
Uncontrollably
When a stupid song comes on.
Provoking emotion.
I don't want to feel, self.
Don't you understand that by now?
It's too much.
I tried feeling once.
After a terrible loss.
And then I ******* died.
I was a phoenix that day.
And the reignighted fire
Burns deep
To keep
To keep ******* pushing through.
Just to breathe
Is sometimes enough
To smile.

I don't care what hell you've put me through.
I'm not an innocent party.
I've ****** up too.
But I won't sit here and deny,
You're the love of my life.
I'll always sink into your eyes.
You were hell bent on saying goodbye
There are deeper ties.
Deeper threads.
Bringing us back,
Again and again.
I don't want to let go.
Always having to adjust to the word "no"
The seasons change,
But your favorite was always fall.
Leaves falling,
As your body fell into mine.
It wasn't just lust
It was love.
Body on body.
Souls entwining.
I know the only way
You thought I'd give up,
Was to tell me you didn't love me enough.
But you do.
Don't deny it.
Our past doesn't define us.
Soulmates speak volumes.

I think I'm just gonna start writing about *******.
Like love.
And the moments between when you're born and when you die.
Surely,
Your last breath is the most peaceful
In life.
Living is always easier with eyes closed.
Abiding
Conforming.
Doors closed.
You don't see.
A big picture.
Full of promise,
And hope.
Life's fading in
A bag of dope.
I wanna hold on to hope.
Promises of a tomorrow,
That will never come.
Eyes glowing like the sun.
It's easier to run.
**** facing
This confinement of feelings.
Feeling is over rated.
It's not worth fighting.
It's never gonna fade.
Time is at a stand still.
On the moment
Your eyes met mine.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
Or fate,
Or destiny?
Gratification came from that first day.
The first moment you spit words through a microphone.
Touching my soul
With your poetic justice.
Screaming deeper meanings.
Yearning to know every part of your mind.
Even the parts you try to hide.
I wanna get inside.
I want to bury myself in the deepest of depths of you.
Be that voice of reason,
Be that indestructible fluttering feeling.
I want to be your hope on days when you don't feel like you have anything.
Because you'll always have me.
You have me.
I'm here.
And I'm not going anywhere.
I want to see the light in your eyes, every day, especially when you look at me.
Star gaze.
I'll make you shine.

Shoved against a wall,
hands entwined
Overhead with mine.
Two souls slow dancing.
Slowing time.
Your body against mine.
Flightless bird,
Just make a sound.
Bound to memories
Bring me down.
Down to earth.
Where I can breathe
At a steady pace.
Plant my two feet in one place.
Forward moving.
A revolving door
With no exit sign.
You helped me shine,
If only for an instance
Before snuffing out the fire.
The flame in my heart is dying.
The wax is melting
And the concave
Of my chest,
Hollow it be
It will not rest.
Still it beats.
A steady rythm,
Ruthless and untimed.

How did you,
How did you walk away so easily,
Out of the door
and into another's arms?
Just because,
Just because
I didn't dress trendy enough.
Just because I wasn't aware of pop culture up to your standards.
Was it ever even really love?
In those nine years was I ever enough?Please just tell me the truth.
Because I can't take the wondering
All the ******* time.
Losing time was enough.
I sit here and I try to be tough.
I try to hold it together.
Hold my composure.
Enough is enough.
I'll never be good enough.
And those times that you made me feel like
I could fly,
Were equally matched with times you made me feel like I wanted to die.
Why?
Why?
Why did you ever swoop in and try
To save me at 17?
Hopes lost.
It's hard enough.
It was hard enough.
Before your presence made it more rough.
I ******* give up.
I give up.
Deleted and blocked.
Deleted and blocked,
But you're still a ******* thought.

When are you going to go overseas and get shot?
Word *****.
Deep thoughts.
Your presence possesses the power to destroy.
Are you listening now?
Can you feel my noise?
I want you to feel the pain of payback.
Pondering if I should even say that.
Quick with a whit that slits wrists.
Back again with wordplay twists.
Screaming in my ears
And out my throat.
I hope you ******* choke.
The alcohol may feed your soul.
But it will never allow you to grow.
Childish and remorseful.
I may write it,
But I'll never stoop to their levels.
Undergraduates of real life.
Breathing once
Blinking twice.
Look left when you tell your lies.
Look right into someone's eyes.
Everyone can see it,
Not just I.
Eyes wide
But you still fail to see inside.
Cover your bruises with
Names
Drawn from a hat.
Combat.
Draw your knives,
You won't survive.

I know that it was ******* love
And that fact alone lifts me up.
To know I'm capable of extraordinary emotion.
But also knowing you may only have one great love
Is such a terrible let down.
To think the word love was wasted
On someone who inevitably
Was incapable of reciprocation.
It tares me up
To think you only have one love.
That reaches the depth of the ocean
And soars through mountains.
Maybe it was but infatuation.
Possession is not a product of love.
It pretty much leads to hating each other's guts.
Like a middle school crush.
High school lust.
All of it is a rush.
I guess it's all about choice.
And choosing the right wave to dive into.
Not letting yourself be cast away.
But finding someone who will sway your boat
Steadily back to shore.

How could you?
How could you be so reckless with my soul?
I broke down walls,
I unchained my rib cage
I served you my heart on a
Silver platter,
Just for you to take
A bite when you were hungry.
Just for you to come and go
As you please.
Always putting yourself first,
Myself, an afterthought.
I once again know pain
And loss.
I once again am losing my mind
At the thought.
Why do I hold on so tightly
To people
Who just destroy me?

Lack of sleep has me writing.
That mixed with jack and coca cola.
Sitting in the chaos of a bar.
Silent.
Writing.
This.
This is what I live for.
And I wonder why
I constantly hold on to people
Longer than I should.
I give too many chances.
I take too much abuse.
But there's this secret,
About me.
I'm addicted to pain.
So I surround myself with
People
Who just ******* destroy me.
And I keep coming back for more..
Like a good little girl.
Keep your mouth shut and ******* obey.
Pray.
Pray
To a higher ******* God than yourself,
For a change.
I pray every day.
Just to breathe.
I feel insane.
Like I said,
Lack of sleep.
I hope I breathe.
Tomorrow..

I wanna use the words you wrote
To describe how I feel.
So ******* empty.
Useless.
Depeche Mode is relevant.
I'm a bursting baloon
Helium.
Read between the lines.
You'll never find
The answers that define me.
My definition is lost.
I'm floating in space.
Never found
No trace
Resistance of everything
With a ******* straight face.
We own the sky.
Created from stardust,
Time goes by.
And by.
This is goodbye.
This is goodbye.

I'm losing.
Again.
But the loss is drawn out.
Time is precious
Because all we have is the moments
Between when you found out you were dying
And the moment you'll forget me.
And I regret losing time.
I regret the nots
I regret the enoughs
When I should have kept my mouth shut.
I regret not having time
Enough.

Oh, my true north,
I will see you again.
I will love you
In another lifetime.
Your name will be forever on my lips.
And your kiss,
Your kiss will always be bliss.
There are pieces of you that live in every day.
There are parts of you that will always stay,
Even though you didn't.
And just know,
You'll always have a part of my soul.
You'll live in my heart forever and a day.
There is nothing on this earth that could take your memory away.
Like I said before;
If have turns to had, atleast we'll have that.
We have that,
Regardless of what we once had.