This isn't easy. I don't know how and what to feel. My mind is a fire and I'm burning love away. It's getting harder to feel. They don't know how it feels to be broken. I can't help it. I feel numb. I'll wait for the waves to leave. I think I'm breaking, I'm a mess in the making. I'm getting tired of the same old feeling in my chest. I'm not a liar, but I've got secrets I can't confess. Don't say you love me, because I don't understand those words. I'm holding on a tightrope. You know I'm not coming home.

May there be no future for us,
No happily ever after.

I honestly believe human beings are not meant to live like this. We are meant to live in loving communities and be around nature every day and grow our own food and create art and not work day and night until we die. This longing for another life is not human nature, it’s a symptom of modern society.

You can be angry about things but still make the conscious decision not to be cruel. When we remind each other to be kind, we’re not saying don’t be mad. There’s a lot of stuff to be mad about right now. But you can still be a kind and patient person. You don’t have to be mean to other people. You can choose.

What if you know you found the one, but every minute of the day feel like you don’t deserve them because you are worthless and not believing a single thing of what they say to you because past relationships messed you up so bad that you have trust issues.

Seeing every compliment as a lie because in your head it is simply not possible for someone to look at you that way.
You make up the worst scenarios in your head of them leaving you but, you are too scared to tell them because they might actually do.
Waking up every single night crying because in your dreams they don’t want to be with you, like you always expected. It feels like loving me is a job not something you do because you actually love me. I worry about everything.

I overreact half of the time and I push you away when I need you the most.
I need constant reassurance and god I hate it so much.

There is always this fear of not knowing what someone actually thinks about you because the voices in your head are screaming at the sweet words he tells you.
I say ‘sorry’ 20 times a day because I actually think I insulted you in some way and the smallest arguments seem like the end of the world. I cry and panic over the smallest things and I ask if I am annoying at least 3 times a day because I believe I am.

I cry every time you have to go home or when you leave because it might be the last time I get to see you even though I know that’s not true.



I never expected finding the love of my life would also be one of the most painful things ever.