Here I stand with both friend and foe.
Both those who ridiculed me for my preference of solitariness.
And those who stood by me when I needed them.
We all stood on that stage as we were handed what we worked so hard for.
A piece of paper that merely says congratulations on graduating.


Some cried, some danced, some just were too overwhelmed to even speak.
But not me.
I wasn't excited or overjoyed.
I was numb to this experience.
Not because I'm not relieved its over.
I suppose this was never truly important to me.

And that is okay.
Because now I know what is important.

Second place is where I make my home.
And sometimes I think "Maybe I could win?"
If only I was a little stronger.
If only I was a little smarter.
If only I was a little braver.
If only I was a little less me.

Just a little shadow boy always second place.
It doesn't even matter if you really won the race.

No one will ever believe you when you say that one day your going somewhere.
But I suppose the shock on their faces will make the victory twice as sweet when you finally get there.

So run on little shadow boy and no matter how hard it may seem.
Because at the end of the day this life is only a dream.

Sometimes I think I can move on find someone else and be happy.
Its obvious that's what you want me to do.
But when I see your face those thoughts fly away and all I want is to pull you close and press my lips to yours.
So why the **** am I suddenly so nervous when I want to talk to you.

If I were to describe myself.
I would say I'm a night person.
There is something about the hours after the sun goes down and the stars come out.
That gives me peace of mind.
That things may not always seem so bright.
But that doesn't mean they are without beauty.

I once had goals.
Now they're bigger.
But these goals of mine offer only one thing to those I care about.
Pain.
But if I don't make my own path I would bring myself the same.

Forgive me for my selfishness.

I knew this was coming I could feel it.
Whenever we were side by side I felt it could work, but we both already knew.
And that's okay because when I look up the sky is still blue.
The sun is still shining.
And yes I'll miss you, but I can survive.
This won't be like last time.

Because this isn't a trip to the past.
It's a whole new chapter.
And I wish best of luck to **you.

I'm not bothered by the heat.
In fact I Love it.
I soak it in make it my own.
It gives me a sense of comfort, but also a sense of power.
Maybe that's why I have a love affair with fire.

It seems we're doing what we set out to.
Discovering what the back of our minds hold and who we are.
And I'm finally free from the chains I locked myself in happiness begins to show in my eyes if you look closely.
And I like to think you're happy too.
That doesn't change the love I feel only for you.
And I would like to see if you could still Love me, but not need me.
Because needing a person to constantly hold is like handing someone a weight they can't lift.
I'm sorry I made you hold that.

We just went out of stock you're an hour too late.

There are no more tickets available you're a week too late.

The class is no longer being offered you're a month too late.

You just woke up too bad she doesn't Love you any more you're ten months Too Late.

Just because I'm late doesn't mean i'm giving up because to me Love doesn't have an expiration date.

Sometimes when I'm alone in my little corner of this world.
I think of all the horrible things I've done.
The bridges I've burned, the ignorant things I've said, the people I've let down.
And then I think of now of you and how soon you'll be one of those people.

But then the sun rises and I go to you.
And my blissful ignorance and unquestioning confidence sets in.
I enjoy living in these beautiful daydreams.
But now as I sit in this little corner I wonder if one day.
That these daydreams will become just that.

Merely a **Dream.

I've always been a bit of a story teller.
It's just something I've come to enjoy.
So I hope people will be able to understand that when I cover my body in ink.
That I'm telling my own story for once.

I lie when I say I feel it kicking in.
The **** doesn't work it never worked for me at least.
Or maybe it works every time.
And I just don't feel it because it'll never make me as high as I was with your head on my chest.

Some days I lay on the floor alone, and I think to myself
That if I were to drop dead right now, no one would know.
And barely a handful would really care.

Then some days I sit in my chair alone, and I think to myself.
That handful is more than enough.

Darling please leave me be.
I know its only been a week since I walked away.
But don't run after me.
You're better off running the other way.
Because I can't take you where I'm going.
You wouldn't like it there anyways.

I suspect a fight in my future.
If what you told me is true.
Once we come together as one.
Then that boy who once called you his Love will try to come back for you.
I don't want to fight because I don't want to scare you.
By showing you the side of me that loves the sound of crunching bones.
But I will not back down.
Because I lost you once many years ago.
I'm not about to let that happen again.

Why over-think what you can't control.
I tend to keep my guard up and fight my fate.
But whats the point in fighting when you don't know what its for.
Because no one knows whats meant to be.

To them I'm not even a person just a machine on a line.
Hell even I started to believe that.
But you once saw so much more, and I saw the pain in your eyes when you started to believe them too.
I watched as you left and I tried in vain to chase after you.
Finally I broke free not just of the line, but also of my metal body and I can still see you in the distance.
I'm not asking you to slow down.
But if you could just turn around for one second I promise I'll catch up.

Many years ago I made plans to write a novel.
I gave up because my attention was drawn elsewhere.
But it seems I've rediscovered a lost passion.
I can't help but enjoy being around people who are as addicted to this drug as myself.

I've been directed my whole life.
I always thought I knew what I wanted.
But now I question if its really just what they wanted.
Because the only thing I want from life anymore is happiness.
And that doesn't give me time for much else.

Let the wind catch my shirt.
Carry me somewhere I do not recognize.
Leave me be to my own devices.
Away from all my worldly vices.
Let me forget my lovers of the past and not look forward to those who will hold my love in the future.
Just let me drift tonight through my thoughts of both pain and delight.
Until my eyes  are ****** to the mornings light.

It has been a while since I have wrote my thoughts out.

Perhaps its laziness or perhaps a fear of who I have been in the past.

But, as I stop to pack a few more things from the closet of my mother's home.

A handful made me smile, and made me feel the need to put my thoughts down somewhere.

A few Polaroids and some old notes from a girl who was once my whole world, but haven't talked to in years.

I wish her nothing but happiness, and I am eternally grateful for the happy memories we shared.

A tiny christmas tree small enough to put on a night stand, I remember a night in college that tree in the center of our dorm sitting and laughing with the man who is to this day my closest friend.

And of course the fresh wound.

My fathers golf clubs.

At first it's the happy memory of me and my father putting a golf ball across the small patch of grass behind his trailer drinking beer and enjoying a cool summer breeze.

Inevitably though any memories of my father return to that day just this past July.

Sitting next to the hospital bed clutching his hand and watching light fade from his eyes.

But, that was yesterday.

Today is a day to pack, I need to return home to the woman with whom I share my bed.

Groceries need bought, chores done, cats fed.

And come Monday work will need done a future of my making is calling me forward to each new day.

So for now I'll simply take these old memories and tuck them away.

My coffee was hot.
My classes were quick.
My speech was written.
I made some new friends.
And my work is all in.

Oh and I made her laugh...

I say today I win.

Ever sense I was young I remember wanting a simple life.
A family a good job and a simple kind of happiness.
But you came along and changed my view.
Now I refuse to become another mindless drone.
And the shoes on my feet will be my only true home.
And though my life has changed to a different point of view.
One thing that hasn't changed is how I feel about you.

I often question why these thoughts occur.
Why I constantly have the desire to cause pain to other men.
I'm so often tempted with the rush of my hand crushing someones jaw.
I've learned to control it over time, but its getting worse.
I hope that I don't scare you if I'm provoked while your with me.
Then again maybe a part of you should be wary of angering the beast in me.

Hey again everyone once again I should preface this by saying this is not a poem, but instead an update relating to the fact my book is now available on i-tunes at https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/id1046409177? Like I said before I completly understand if you don't wish to purchase it, but if you enjoy my writing or just writing done by younger authors in general it would mean a lot to me if a few would be willing to pass this around.

It'll just be for a second.
Because that's all this life is it ends so quickly.
So I wonder what you would say if I asked with you to Dance with me.

It's incredible how far I've come to make it to right now.
All those times I should have died.
All the times when I thought my world could not go on.
But I haven't died my world keeps spinning.
And through all this madness the only earthly thing that I've found is certain.
Is that nothing is certain.
And despite this the world moves on and people move with it.
So I don't see why we can't be friends.

I'm a man nothing less.
But as such I am also nothing more.

My mind is filled with riddles I cannot solve.
Like why would a man fall in love when he knows it can ****.

My heart is like fire which means my words must be smoke.
This is why I hate their smell when they pour from my mouth.

Growing up he and I shared so much.
But he never felt like family.
Though we are of the same blood he never felt like a brother.
But I don't resent him for that.
I made my own family of just me.
And it may sound cold, but at the end of the day I'm the only human I need.
And for now that's perfectly fine with me.

My ideas are once again bursting out of my mind.
And the one idea I don't have is where to start.
So thank you for helping me find the key to unlock it all.

I laughed as you stumbled over your words.
It was obvious my presence made you nervous because I have never seen you stumble over anything.
But at the end of the night I was the one who really stumbled.
Because I missed my shot to make you leave with me.
I hope it was not my only one.

Sadness unidentified you're not even sure what is wrong.
Maybe it's just teenage hormones that you never tasted before me.
But I fear its more than that.
I fear your sadness is derived from my impending absence from your life.
Perhaps I was a tad selfish in thinking we could make this work.
But I know you and I know myself and both of us are far to stubborn.
To let us go with out a fight.

I've never been overly fond of these.
Mainly because most of my peers annoy the **** out of me.
You made every one I went to special though.
Even when I was tired and slow (**** that ****)
I don't know how I'll take this one alone.
Hell maybe if I had ***** I'd ask and you still go.

I often question whether or not the choices I make are always the best.
But as walked down the street of a place I'll soon call home I feel relief.
And I think back to the pain it took to get here.
And ahead to the pain on the horizon.
But for once in my ******* life I feel this choice is one hundred percent right.
So let the pain flow on me.
Because I stopped running from it quite some time ago.

I see you every day walking through the halls like I no longer exist to you.
I have so many things I want to say, so many things I have to prove.
Yet every time my courage is up your headphones go in.
And I see you walking with him casting nervous glances in my direction.