I wish I could tell you how messed up I feel.
But last time I did that they left permanently.
So I'll just pretend like I don't feel.
And let life go on as if it meant nothing to me.
Maybe I'll get lucky and get a one night stand or two with you.
But if you ever read this just know, I care more than I let you think I do.

To often I feel like the stress of life gets the best of me.
Whether it's work that needs done or bills that need paid.
That's the stress I can deal with though.
The kind I can throw on my back and carry till it wastes away from my mind.
But lately I've had a stress of a different kind.

Sometimes I wish I could just say what I feel.
And that others could do the same.
And that acceptance and forgiveness weren't so rare a thing.
And that pretty girls with blonde hair weren't so **** confusing.

Once in awhile I like to pretend that I'm more than what I am.
I fall asleep and dream of my name on awards and of people lining up so I can sign my book for them.

Once in awhile I like to remember the past.
And I fall asleep and dream of ****** ****, cheap beer, nights filled with laughter, and kisses good morning.

But everyday I shake myself awake.
Because I still have to write that book.
And it's time for me to make new memories.

Because once in awhile is not enough for me.

My eyes feel glazed over like a steam covered mirror.
I don't really care if you think you see me clearer.
Than she did.
Because you won't be here long.
I'd hate to hurt you, but I don't need any tie downs right now.
Then again maybe I do, but I don't think that's you.
I don't mean to be cold.
I don't feel that I am.
My priorities are just set in front of me.
Because I can't be like my brother and wait for **** to be done for me.

I've lost a lot of love and passion.
I replace it with pretending to laugh.
I think too much, but I feel like I act too little.
But I don't know what more I can do.

I don't love her.
But I know she loves me.
I don't know how I will get there.
But I know where I want to be.

I'm fine my life is good.
I worry much more than I should.
I think I'm just scared of what's next.
I'm young though, I still have a lot of nexts to go

I'm in love with a dying world.
My dream is to save a world my fathers generation set fire to.
Probably doomed to failure.
Maybe these words I write could help.
God knows they're better than the ones I speak.
Though real poetry still manages to escape me.
Unless I put it to a beat.
Maybe add a few chords to get people off they're feet.
Or maybe stretch it to a few hundred pages and really give people something to read.

I only smoke when I drink.
Just like I only live when I think.
Just like I only love when I get on the brink of losing my mind.
So I guess that's not love then.
I know I've loved before, but I'm not sure if I knew then.
I know I love who I am and what I'm working to.
But I don't know if I'll ever love you.
I guess the beautiful thing is that I could.
I don't know if I want to though.
Because everyone I've ever opened to either accepted me.
Or ran away.
And the one thing I know for sure is I don't want you to run away.
And lately I've been really feeling like a good smoke could clear my head.
But I only smoke  when I drink.
And when I drink I don't think.
And when I don't think I don't live.
And to be honest that's all I really want to do right now.

Lately my life has felt like the passing lane on the highway.
Everything is going so quickly I barely get to enjoy the scenery.
At least I'm getting better at talking to the people in the car with me.
Except sometimes I still feel like they barely know my name.

I think I'm running out of gas though.
But I was going so fast I didn't catch the last road sign telling me how much farther till the next station.
All I know is I'm too far ahead to turn around.

I guess I could always get out and push.
Maybe the people with me will help me out if I ask.
Maybe I'll get better at asking.

Life is beautiful even when it breaks your mind.
Unnecessary stress and tired eyes derived from nothing really.
At least nothing that would have lasted.
Then again we tend to care the most for the things that don't last.
Or maybe its just me.
It doesn't matter anymore really.
Nothing but water under the bridge.
Eyes already looking to something new while trying not to distance you.
Because I wouldn't mind if you changed yours.
Or at least if your going to continue to be in my apartment don't act like its weird that I'm here.
What I should be saying though is don't be surprised when someone new arrives.
Because I've had enough waiting this time.

I'm all out of love poems.
At least for right now.
Though I could talk of an English girl whose heart I had to refuse.
Or the girl with fire hair.
Who in spite of summer heat I managed to stay true.
For right now I'm all out of love poems at least until I see you.

I've spent the last month of my life teaching children to respect the earth.
I don't know how much truly got through.
What I do know though is that some times it's the smallest seeds that give rise to the greatest trees.
And that gives me hope.

Bones eventually will break.
Skin eventually will tear.
If young love can't learn to stay young then eventually it will die.
But what you believe.
Your passions and dreams.
Only you can decide when they break.
This is what I've learned to believe.
So the next time I breakdown.
Everything I'm building now won't fall with me.

At midnight I drove.
No real intention of coming home.
While I was home though I thought I saw her.
I thought I talked to you.
Half the time I was so ****** ****** though so I'm not even sure.

I look in the mirror and what I see looks nothing like me.
The bags under my eyes are nearly gone and my acne is replaced by stubble and razor cuts.
I learned to sleep, but I prefer to stay awake.
Because when I dream I see faces that I miss, the girl that I never kissed.
And possibly never will.
So I take my coffee black just like the ink in my pen.
And I wander through this new town which was kinder to me my first day.
Than the one I came from was to me my whole life.
And I think about my future and question where it leads.
And I look back at my past to look for dots to connect that lead me to my present, but all I see are jagged lines going no where.
At least its good to know one thing never changes.
That I still don't know where I'm going.
But that's okay, because if college has taught me anything yet.
Its that no one does.

I left with no money and no girl.
But I came home with so much more.
Friends worth more than gold.
Stories that still amaze me.
And a passion that drives me more than any lover.

I think I'm afraid of getting comfortable.
Both around my friends, and with myself.
So I end up holding back so much of who I am.
Which is unfortunate because I'm not even sure if there is much in me to start.
I like to think there is.
At the very least I think there is more than this.