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215 · Sep 2014
It Doesn't Fit.
Jake Sep 2014
This is all I can think of as I lay in the bed I grew up in.
Home to visit the few friends I kept.
But how can I call this home?
I gave up this place, I've spoken out on my hate.
And already its starting to get late, but I can't close my eyes.
Because if I fall asleep those mountains might move and block my escape.
And my family keeps telling me that this town is my fate.
But I believe I can be more. I have to be.
Because right now laying in this bed I grew up in.
I just feel like a puzzle piece **that doesn't fit.
215 · Aug 2014
What is Sleep?
Jake Aug 2014
I don't even know why I stay awake anymore.
I suppose its because while everyone else is asleep I have time to think.
But when have my thoughts ever helped anyone?
They don't even help me.
Its almost 1 a.m and I've lost the ability to give a ****.
213 · Aug 2014
¿Open?
Jake Aug 2014
I don't live in my past anymore.
I packed up and moved on.
I suppose that is why I told you of my childhood.
Its just odd to me.
Because I've never been open before.
I guess this is a start.
212 · Apr 2015
Untitled
Jake Apr 2015
Life is too short not to bet on the long shots.
Which is what I'm guessing you see me as.
Now I'm not saying forever.
Hell I'm not even saying tomorrow.
But tonight lets make a bet.
And if we don't feel the same when we're sober.
Let us go on with no regrets.
211 · Apr 2014
Every minute.
210 · Apr 2014
Let Me Take a Picture.
Jake Apr 2014
Of the moment when my friends helped me face my fear.
Of the moment when I gave up on being afraid of what others think.
Of the nervous smile you had when I walked over to you.
Of the smile I think you'll have when you read this.
208 · Aug 2014
What
Jake Aug 2014
My mind is tired, but my eyes cannot shut.
My hands want to write, but my soul cannot utter a word.
I did everything I could, but it wasn't enough.
So what does one do when he can't do anything.
I'm not sure anymore.
Because it seems I've spent so many days awake.
That I've forgotten how to sleep.
I've learned to hate so many things today.
205 · Apr 2014
I've seen this before.
Jake Apr 2014
Its all too familiar the way my life is now.
I wonder how it will end this time.
I guess we'll wait and see.
200 · Aug 2014
What I Need.
Jake Aug 2014
She cried when I told her I didn't need her.
She said that she had a need to be needed (whatever that means).
And that she would feel better knowing I needed her to be happy.
And while I apologized for bringing tears to her eyes my answer didn't change.

Because I don't need another person to go on journey's with me.
Because I already have all I need to be happy.
And while I would love for her to come with me.
At the end of the day I know she won't.
Because soon she'll realize that she doesn't need me.
And that's okay with me.
197 · Apr 2014
Why aren't you here?
Jake Apr 2014
As I stand on the beach and let the tide over take my legs I wonder.
Where are you going?
Why did you have to leave?
The thing is I already know these answers.
Maybe I just like talking to myself at 6 a.m before people show up and bug me.
Cause who wants a crazy guy who talks to himself ruining their beach time.
193 · Apr 2014
Try me.
Jake Apr 2014
Try me on again like you did once before.
Who knows maybe I'll fit better now.
191 · May 2014
Myself.
Jake May 2014
You ask me to tell you about myself.
And honestly I would like to share myself with you.
As long as you share yourself with me too.
But I wonder how much of me you'll want to see when you realize.
I'm not all light underneath.
189 · Aug 2014
Untitled
Jake Aug 2014
Its too late and I think I need a drink.
Something that will make my throat burn.
At this point I don't even care if its coffee or *****.
I just want to sit here and let my mind blur.
Flash me pictures of my past or give me a glimpse of the future.
Just show me something.
Because when I look out my window all I see is black.
Maybe that's what I need to see right now.
I guess that's okay.
Just like I guess 2500 miles isn't that far away.
189 · Aug 2014
Lets Try Again.
Jake Aug 2014
Everyone expects me to know what to do.
I'm supposed to be the one who knows where he's going.
I'm supposed to be the one who will make everyone proud.
I guess we're all in for a reality check.
Because a year from now if I have it my way.
All those expectations will be disappear.
Just like the bridges I crossed to get here.
188 · Sep 2021
Old Memories, New days.
Jake Sep 2021
It has been a while since I have wrote my thoughts out.

Perhaps its laziness or perhaps a fear of who I have been in the past.

But, as I stop to pack a few more things from the closet of my mother's home.

A handful made me smile, and made me feel the need to put my thoughts down somewhere.

A few Polaroids and some old notes from a girl who was once my whole world, but haven't talked to in years.

I wish her nothing but happiness, and I am eternally grateful for the happy memories we shared.

A tiny christmas tree small enough to put on a night stand, I remember a night in college that tree in the center of our dorm sitting and laughing with the man who is to this day my closest friend.

And of course the fresh wound.

My fathers golf clubs.

At first it's the happy memory of me and my father putting a golf ball across the small patch of grass behind his trailer drinking beer and enjoying a cool summer breeze.

Inevitably though any memories of my father return to that day just this past July.

Sitting next to the hospital bed clutching his hand and watching light fade from his eyes.

But, that was yesterday.

Today is a day to pack, I need to return home to the woman with whom I share my bed.

Groceries need bought, chores done, cats fed.

And come Monday work will need done a future of my making is calling me forward to each new day.

So for now I'll simply take these old memories and tuck them away.
I didn't intend for the rhymes at the end so that's fun.
186 · May 2014
This is a Start.
Jake May 2014
This I'll admit is not what I'm used to.
But that's a good thing.
I actually feel that I know you.
And right now that's what I need.
I know you need your time I know I needed mine.
You say I make you happy, I know you make me happy.
182 · May 2014
I Was A Ghost.
Jake May 2014
I was once a ghost.
I would float through the halls passing by my peers.
And it was very rare anyone took notice of me.
I liked being a ghost.
But now people can see me.
I'm still blurry to most.
And I'm glad that the person who saw me first all those years ago hiding under a table.
Still sees me clearer than anyone else.
Thank you.
179 · Jun 2014
Why You.
Jake Jun 2014
You asked me why I chose you.
Out of everyone why did I single out you to be the one.
Its because whenever I'm with you I can just smile and forget.
My past, my future, my pains, my faults.
You bring me a joy that I haven't felt in a while.
That is why I chose you to be the one whose lips I shall press with mine.
175 · Apr 2014
So I Walk.
Jake Apr 2014
I have no idea where I'm going.
But I'll never get there by slowing down.
So I will walk on.
Until my feet no longer touch the ground.
174 · Jul 2014
Oh Look I Fell Again.
Jake Jul 2014
After today there is no other way to say it.
It doesn't mean I'm any less concerned if anything I'm more so.
Because now I have something to lose.
But it also means I have something to fight for.
168 · May 2014
Hours.
Jake May 2014
Here we are again sitting laughing just like we did back then.
You know the pain you caused me.
And I don't regret my sins.
But when I look into your eyes I know we could be happy again.
165 · May 2014
Maybe.
Jake May 2014
I doubt our lips will ever touch again.
And I really don't mind at all
Who knows maybe one day this ice will melt.
And maybe we could still be friends.

— The End —