Like the fire spitting from the tip of my lighter.
Like the way it feels every-time I write a new chapter.
Like when I finally let go of the things that made my mind tear.
Like the passion of the girl with the white flower in her hair.
You see intensity is not new to me.
If anything it's addiction that has since become a part of me.
But tell me what's wrong with living a life that actually makes me feel **alive.

I often get knocked off course.
Stuck in places where I don't want to be.
And no matter how many times this happens I never seem to catch on.
Because these are the places where I tend to find the people who end up meaning so much to me.

I'm glad you got stuck with me.

Lets dance over the phone to different songs.
Lets be drunk criminals and vandalize some condemned house.
Lets forget the fact that you graduate two years before me.
Lets be stupid together.
Because every-time I try to be smart, to think things like this through.
I always end up watching them break.
And I'm not saying we won't.
I'm just saying lets ignore it till we have to.
And then wake up the morning after with no regrets.
Just like the first night we were together.

Fireball whiskey and cinnamon toast crunch.
Laughter and stolen glances.
That could have turned into stolen kisses given half a chance.

I wish I could remember how to have a conversation.
One where I could say what I actually felt.
But until I do I'll stick to my corny jokes, and sarcastic comments.
Because if I can't make myself admit how much you mean to me.
At least I can make you laugh.

My favorite thing to do, is to pretend I'm a writer.
When reality I only write so I can sleep at night.
Sometimes I pretend my old friends still care about me.
When I already know they would rather get high than hang out.
I used to pretend that I didn't care about anyone, or anything.
But as it turns out I care about almost too many things.
I used to pretend to dream to have everyone know my name.
But I only dream of having a enough people know my name,
and that maybe something I write could help someone else get some sleep at night.

My biggest fear is that I'll go back to who I was.
Fall into a rut of self-doubt and self-pity, too afraid of the future to crawl my way out.
Everyday I threaten to breakdown.
Because all I see are my own mistakes.
So I keep my safety blanket close to me.
In the form of coffee in my cup and a bible by my bed side.
It's not always a perfect peace of mind.
But when my biggest enemy tends to be myself.
It helped me survive.

Its so easy to say someones wrong.
To call another out for all their faults.
To look down on someone because they wear all black.
Or because they sit on the corner and talk like gangstas.
Its so easy to judge someone just because they don't believe in a God.
Or because they're unashamed to walk with their lover, even though they're the same gender.
Its so easy to fit these people with labels.
Instead of looking at them as they are.
As Sons and Daughters.
As Mothers and Fathers.
As Sisters and Brothers.
Yes its easy to hate.
And you'll be at church every Sunday morning....
But the party every Saturday night.
Because while its easy to hate its hard to look for the wrong in yourself.

Now don't get me wrong I believe that Christ came and died for me and you.
But if you actually read that book you love to quote so much.
You would know he came for them too.

So who do you think will go home with him when our eyes finally close?
The atheist that preaches love?
Or the priest who preaches hate?
I suppose only God knows.

I've never met someone quite so hard to read.
Yet I want to read every page.
I want to know your story, know who you are.
Though I'm willing to bet no matter how far I take this.
You'll always have something more to show me.
That is if you'll let me see.
Because though I feel so comfortable with you.
I haven't been this nervous in years.
Sure yet so unsure.
Because when it comes down to it, you and I haven't learned much about each other.
But I've learned that I want to.

I'll see you again.
For now though I'll just play pretend.
That your sitting in one of the planes that we see flying overhead.
On your way to a foreign land.

I know I make you nervous.
You've told me that much.
Because when you're with me you forget about him.
While I try to ignore how easy it would be for our lips to touch.

You said this summer you would try to forget about me.
I guess it's because he gives you safety.
And I guess I'm a bit of a leap.
So guess I'll try to forget about you too.
But I'll admit that's not easy to do.

When every-time I close my eyes all I see are your sky blue's

I gave up chasing after smoke that I had no chance of holding.
But there is something about the way she hold's herself.
I can't help but sneak a second glance.
And my friend did his best to warn me,.
That she's the kind of crazy that you can't get rid of.
The kind that sticks in the back of your mind so the doctors can't treat it.
But in all honesty from where I sit.
I wouldn't mind a little insanity.

Living isn't really living if you have nothing to live for.
Living without living for something is just surviving.
Breathing air and getting nutrients don't feed who you are.
Only what you are.
And in my life I live for many things.
Some I still live for.
Others fade away in time.
But in the end its all life.
And one day we won't have it anymore.
So maybe for a few months at least we could all stop just surviving.
And try to start living.

People use Love like a drug.
To get high off of someone else like they were made just to pleasure you.
And too often I see innocent hearts taken and broken because they don't understand.
And I have to admit that I've been on both ends, and I can say assuredly nothing will ever stop it.
I can offer some advice though, if you could call it that.
Define yourself by your passion.
Not those who you are passionate for.
For you are not them and they are not you.
You are not two half's to a whole, but instead two whole's to a team.

Coffee at 2 am and Arctic Monkeys ringing in my ears.
While I let a world pour from my fingertips into a document writer.
Fueled partially by a smile from a blue eyed girl.
But mostly for a hunger to cause a real change in the world.
Only to wake up late for a class the next day that's supposed to "prepare me for my future".
I'd like to talk to the first guy to ever say those words.
Just to ask what I'm supposed to be preparing for.

I take it slow.
I prefer to ride the current.
Drifting along as it ebbs and flows.

Only with you though of course.

Because the rest of my life is more like a tornado.
And I just do my best to to make sense of a mess.
But it was in that storm that I really began to grow.