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Apr 2015 · 587
Hiking With Hangovers.
Jake Apr 2015
My head feels like its been beat with a hammer.
My feet ache from the 10 miles we walked.
But I couldn't be anymore satisfied.
Because when I woke up she was still in my arms.
And I'm not even sure what we are exactly.
But I'm not going to over-think either.

My head still hurts too much for that anyways.
Apr 2015 · 196
Jake Apr 2015
Life is too short not to bet on the long shots.
Which is what I'm guessing you see me as.
Now I'm not saying forever.
Hell I'm not even saying tomorrow.
But tonight lets make a bet.
And if we don't feel the same when we're sober.
Let us go on with no regrets.
Apr 2015 · 270
Jokes On You.
Jake Apr 2015
People seem to forget they can't steal from me what I could never own.
She'll leave you with broken bones.
While I stand above you and offer a shrug as I say, "I told you so."
Apr 2015 · 240
Passing Lane.
Jake Apr 2015
Lately my life has felt like the passing lane on the highway.
Everything is going so quickly I barely get to enjoy the scenery.
At least I'm getting better at talking to the people in the car with me.
Except sometimes I still feel like they barely know my name.

I think I'm running out of gas though.
But I was going so fast I didn't catch the last road sign telling me how much farther till the next station.
All I know is I'm too far ahead to turn around.

I guess I could always get out and push.
Maybe the people with me will help me out if I ask.
Maybe I'll get better at asking.
Apr 2015 · 197
Jake Apr 2015
I think I'm afraid of getting comfortable.
Both around my friends, and with myself.
So I end up holding back so much of who I am.
Which is unfortunate because I'm not even sure if there is much in me to start.
I like to think there is.
At the very least I think there is more than this.
Mar 2015 · 966
Jake Mar 2015
Fireball whiskey and cinnamon toast crunch.
Laughter and stolen glances.
That could have turned into stolen kisses given half a chance.
Mar 2015 · 719
Safety Blanket
Jake Mar 2015
My biggest fear is that I'll go back to who I was.
Fall into a rut of self-doubt and self-pity, too afraid of the future to crawl my way out.
Everyday I threaten to breakdown.
Because all I see are my own mistakes.
So I keep my safety blanket close to me.
In the form of coffee in my cup and a bible by my bed side.
It's not always a perfect peace of mind.
But when my biggest enemy tends to be myself.
It helped me survive.
Mar 2015 · 242
Jake Mar 2015
Some days I lay on the floor alone, and I think to myself
That if I were to drop dead right now, no one would know.
And barely a handful would really care.

Then some days I sit in my chair alone, and I think to myself.
That handful is more than enough.
Mar 2015 · 498
Night Routines.
Jake Mar 2015
Coffee at 2 am and Arctic Monkeys ringing in my ears.
While I let a world pour from my fingertips into a document writer.
Fueled partially by a smile from a blue eyed girl.
But mostly for a hunger to cause a real change in the world.
Only to wake up late for a class the next day that's supposed to "prepare me for my future".
I'd like to talk to the first guy to ever say those words.
Just to ask what I'm supposed to be preparing for.
Feb 2015 · 277
Broken Lighter.
Jake Feb 2015
I don't know if it's really much of a statement.
I guess its just letting go of another thing that was holding me back.
It's something I've been getting better at.
One thing I haven't gotten better at is getting this girl off my mind.
Because I know she's bad for me.
Probably way more than the smoke ever was.
Feb 2015 · 863
Jake Feb 2015
I wish I could remember how to have a conversation.
One where I could say what I actually felt.
But until I do I'll stick to my corny jokes, and sarcastic comments.
Because if I can't make myself admit how much you mean to me.
At least I can make you laugh.
Feb 2015 · 340
Till Tomorrow.
Jake Feb 2015
I'll put life off till tomorrow.
When so I can have a better shot at whatever I tried to do today.
Maybe I won't trip over my own feet.
Maybe I'll manage to speak to the next person I meet.

But not everything can be pushed to tomorrow.
But those are the things that'll I start working at late.
And by the time I'm finished it might be tomorrow.

But for right now tomorrow can wait.
Jake Feb 2015
I often get knocked off course.
Stuck in places where I don't want to be.
And no matter how many times this happens I never seem to catch on.
Because these are the places where I tend to find the people who end up meaning so much to me.

I'm glad you got stuck with me.
Feb 2015 · 346
Four Hours.
Jake Feb 2015
That's all I've ran on today.
But I feel refreshed, and alive.
Last night I was blessed, I was surrounded by people who burned with passion.
I wrote until my mind ached and my eyes refused to look at the screen.
And I fell asleep with a sore back and blood on my hands.
And yet despite my mind and body drained I feel so awake.
Maybe it was just seeing the smile I managed to put on her face.
Jan 2015 · 343
Growing Into My Own Shoes.
Jake Jan 2015
I never used to feel comfortable in my own skin.
If I wasn't hating the way I looked in the mirror, then I was feeling ashamed of the way I could never manage to speak my mind.

But now when I see my reflection I've learned to smile at what I see.
And when someones trying to shove their hate down my throat, I've learned to spit my own right back in their face.

Blame it on the girl, or blame it on the *****.
It doesn't really matter to me.
I'm just happy that I can finally fill my own shoes.
Jan 2015 · 535
My Kind Of Crazy.
Jake Jan 2015
I gave up chasing after smoke that I had no chance of holding.
But there is something about the way she hold's herself.
I can't help but sneak a second glance.
And my friend did his best to warn me,.
That she's the kind of crazy that you can't get rid of.
The kind that sticks in the back of your mind so the doctors can't treat it.
But in all honesty from where I sit.
I wouldn't mind a little insanity.
Jan 2015 · 845
Play Pretend.
Jake Jan 2015
My favorite thing to do, is to pretend I'm a writer.
When reality I only write so I can sleep at night.
Sometimes I pretend my old friends still care about me.
When I already know they would rather get high than hang out.
I used to pretend that I didn't care about anyone, or anything.
But as it turns out I care about almost too many things.
I used to pretend to dream to have everyone know my name.
But I only dream of having a enough people know my name,
and that maybe something I write could help someone else get some sleep at night.
Jan 2015 · 393
Jake Jan 2015
Is there not something beautiful in the idea of being alone.
I don't mean being lonely because believe me I know.
That's a feeling worse, than broken bones.
No  but there is something about being alone.
Going 80 down a back-road in the middle of the night.
Window cracked, and music full blast.
And you don't really have to worry about tomorrow.
Yeah I would say there can be something beautiful about being alone.
Jan 2015 · 361
A Year Ago Today.
Jake Jan 2015
A year ago today it was me and her.
That girl who inadvertently started all of this.
I remember walking down her street talking about Oreo's I think.
I remember I was happy I think.
I remember a few weeks later when she tore my heart from my chest.

I remember a few months later when I finally got over her.
I remember it in a fit of yelling and rage.
I remember being able to see clearly.
I remember I was I happy I think.
I remember rekindling an old flame a few weeks later.

I remember sitting in a field by a pond.
I remember dancing in a kitchen.
I remember saying "I love you"
I remember I was happy I think.
I remember a month or two later when I had to leave her behind.

I remember starting fresh.
I remember hot coffee and long nights.
But I also remember teaching myself to sleep.
I remember the first chapter of my first book.
I remember I was happy I think.
I remember the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen.

I guess today is the day for remembering the year, and looking forward to the next.
I look back and I see pain, and tears, and some minor alcohol abuse.
But I also see joy, and new friends, and the fresh air I so desperately needed.
I ****** up a lot in 2014 and if I had the option to go back and change it.
I would decline.
Because right now I'm happy... At least I think.
Happy new year or some **** like that.
Dec 2014 · 330
Fast Forward.
Jake Dec 2014
This whole year felt like a dream.
It was as if I watched myself grow older from behind a silver screen.
A bad movie with an uncertain ending.
I suppose I can't complain too much though.
I did help write the script.
Dec 2014 · 475
Looking at Myself.
Jake Dec 2014
I always hated mirrors.
Because they seem to highlight my flaws.
Whether it's the acne or the way my ribs poke through my skin.
I rarely like what I see.
Maybe I'm not supposed to.
I'm gonna push myself anyways because one day I might like what I see, and that will be worth it.
Jake Dec 2014
I used to write for Love
Then I wrote for me
Now I write because I need everyone to see

I dug a plot from the corners of my mind and made a word to shape
I filled it with names I used to know of people I used to see
I created life on paper so I could build myself a new one

This is how I'll run away
And with only 37000 words to go
My dreams get closer everyday
Jake's novel writing 101: Coffee, ***, and Netflix. Though contrary to popular belief are all a necessary part of the process.
Dec 2014 · 289
3 a.m
Jake Dec 2014
Because why not.
No where to be.
No one to please.
Except for me.

And her I guess.
The girl of summer back for more.
I don't know if I can be who she wants.
Hell I wasn't really before.

I'll tell you what I won't do.
I won't over-think.
In fact I might just let the passion overwhelm me.
Because why run from something.

When I can just regret it in the morning.
I could use a nap.
Dec 2014 · 206
Jake Dec 2014
I left with no money and no girl.
But I came home with so much more.
Friends worth more than gold.
Stories that still amaze me.
And a passion that drives me more than any lover.
Dec 2014 · 1.8k
Jake Dec 2014
Like the fire spitting from the tip of my lighter.
Like the way it feels every-time I write a new chapter.
Like when I finally let go of the things that made my mind tear.
Like the passion of the girl with the white flower in her hair.
You see intensity is not new to me.
If anything it's addiction that has since become a part of me.
But tell me what's wrong with living a life that actually makes me feel **alive.
Dec 2014 · 327
Pot Smoke and Pretty Girls.
Jake Dec 2014
I woke up high two days in a row.
My leather still has the faint smell of *** smoke.
Stuck back in this town surrounded by hills dotted with snow.
And I know for sure I'll never miss this place.
I said it everyday this week
As I try to slap myself awake.

I wanted to text her, but I couldn't think of the words to say.
And I could always blame it on the beer or the smoke.
But in reality I know it wouldn't have mattered either way.

But she'll still give me that sarcastic smile when our eyes lock.
And I'll say something to make her laugh.
With my tongue refusing to release the words I feel she wants me to say.
Because my mind is too busy getting lost in those Icy blue eyes.
Nov 2014 · 313
Wander With Me.
Jake Nov 2014
You're eyes make me take a breath every-time they lock with mine.
You make me want to run back to school forget the home I'd leave behind.
So we can help build each others dreams.
On laugh filled dinner dates and old cheap wine.
But until we meet again I'll always remember those eyes icy blue and how they made me feel warm once more
I'm really high right now so I don't even know if this can be thought of as poetry.
Nov 2014 · 269
Jake Nov 2014
I smile as I taste the blood in my mouth.
Not a lot nothing to be worried about.
Just pushing myself too hard again.
It's just what I do.

I had three chances to talk to her today.
All of which I blew.
I think she actually likes me.
But I'll probably over-think it.
It's just what I do.

I tend **** up a lot.
From not calling home to friends or family.
To getting drunk to the point where I almost got arrested.
It's just what I do.

But tomorrow's a new day.
And even if I have to work till everything hurts.
Till my pens all run dry and my brain goes mad.
I'll become more than what my parents dreamed me to be.
I promised my self that.
And I always do my best to keep my promises.
It's just what I do.
I think I'll text her tomorrow.
Nov 2014 · 230
Winning Streak.
Jake Nov 2014
My coffee was hot.
My classes were quick.
My speech was written.
I made some new friends.
And my work is all in.

Oh and I made her laugh...

I say today I win.
Nov 2014 · 247
Once in Awhile.
Jake Nov 2014
Once in awhile I like to pretend that I'm more than what I am.
I fall asleep and dream of my name on awards and of people lining up so I can sign my book for them.

Once in awhile I like to remember the past.
And I fall asleep and dream of ****** ****, cheap beer, nights filled with laughter, and kisses good morning.

But everyday I shake myself awake.
Because I still have to write that book.
And it's time for me to make new memories.

Because once in awhile is not enough for me.
Nov 2014 · 262
Jake Nov 2014
I can still taste the alcohol on my tongue.
I can still feel the adrenaline from that run from the cops.
My mind is still lost amiss my drunken words.
But at least I'm still alive.
This is not who I am.
This is not what I chose to be.
But just for tonight, just leave me be.
If I text you I'm sorry.
Oct 2014 · 300
If Looks Could Kill.
Jake Oct 2014
If looks could **** then I would be a murderer.
My eyes used to be filled with hate.
Staring down those who have wronged me.
So many dead in my wake.

But if looks can **** then maybe they could also heal.
Because the way she looked at me reminded me of memory.
That once had to be told to me because I couldn't remember.
If you understand this you may be thinking to hard.
Oct 2014 · 347
Tied In Knots.
Jake Oct 2014
I can bring worlds to life with a pen or keyboard.
I can tell stories that can make people laugh or bring tears to their eyes.
I can stare into the eyes of death and smile.
I know this because I've done all these things.

But why is it that whenever I try to make you notice me.
And I look into those icy blue eyes.
My tongue gets tied in knots.
Oct 2014 · 268
Jake Oct 2014
I like the sound of the rain bouncing off my leather jacket.
I like the smell of the *** smoke in my hair.
I like the burn of the ***** in my throat.
And I know that this will get me no where.
But right now I don't care.

I sometimes get the urge just to pick up everything and disappear.
Leave no trace cut all ties to the life I've made.
Run to some foreign place and become so famous that the whole world can see my face.
Or maybe I'll vanish into the woods and become nothing more than a story parents tell their kids at night.
I just want something more than this.
Oct 2014 · 288
Lost Keys.
Jake Oct 2014
I feel like I'm staring down at myself.
Locked outside of my own mind.
Its almost painful to watch this poor boy stumbling over his words.
Like he's not used to the sound of his own voice.
And I want to help him, but I can't find my keys.
Jake Oct 2014
My lack of confidence in myself is a weight I feel I'll always carry.
Its not like I don't have courage, but its like watered down whiskey.
It still has the burn, but it takes a minute to hit me.
They say if you work hard enough you can do anything you want to.
But every time that I try something new.
It always has the same outcome, ashes and smoke.
Like my attempts at creating something to be remembered by, are nothing but a ******* joke.
So excuse me if I'm not as confident as I try to appear.
Sometimes I guess I just get lost in my own fear.
That I'll end up like my father with no job and no life.
To be left with nothing, but two kids and a ******* ex-wife.
I once thought love was the reason why I wanted to write.
Now I realize I do it just so I can sleep better at night.
Because pixels and pens gave me a confidence I've never had before.
I might not be ready to make that jump yet, but I'm getting closer that's for sure.
Oct 2014 · 714
Black and White.
Jake Oct 2014
Its so easy to say someones wrong.
To call another out for all their faults.
To look down on someone because they wear all black.
Or because they sit on the corner and talk like gangstas.
Its so easy to judge someone just because they don't believe in a God.
Or because they're unashamed to walk with their lover, even though they're the same gender.
Its so easy to fit these people with labels.
Instead of looking at them as they are.
As Sons and Daughters.
As Mothers and Fathers.
As Sisters and Brothers.
Yes its easy to hate.
And you'll be at church every Sunday morning....
But the party every Saturday night.
Because while its easy to hate its hard to look for the wrong in yourself.

Now don't get me wrong I believe that Christ came and died for me and you.
But if you actually read that book you love to quote so much.
You would know he came for them too.

So who do you think will go home with him when our eyes finally close?
The atheist that preaches love?
Or the priest who preaches hate?
I suppose only God knows.
Sep 2014 · 195
It Doesn't Fit.
Jake Sep 2014
This is all I can think of as I lay in the bed I grew up in.
Home to visit the few friends I kept.
But how can I call this home?
I gave up this place, I've spoken out on my hate.
And already its starting to get late, but I can't close my eyes.
Because if I fall asleep those mountains might move and block my escape.
And my family keeps telling me that this town is my fate.
But I believe I can be more. I have to be.
Because right now laying in this bed I grew up in.
I just feel like a puzzle piece **that doesn't fit.
Sep 2014 · 553
Background Noise.
Jake Sep 2014
Everyday I hear that train whistle blow.
Every morning I'm awoken by the sound of construction.
And every night I walk to the beat of the music flowing from the bars.
But even with all this background noise I can still hear.
That quiet whisper that brought me here.
But all it seems to want to say.
Is keep going.
Sep 2014 · 298
Jake Sep 2014
I don't mind being forgotten.
In fact I've grown so used to it I do it myself.
I no longer remember the touch of any past lover.
And I'm happy with that.
I'm glad that I was finally able to shut that door to my past.

But today I walked in my room and on an impulse I guess.
I walked over to the little nightstand beside my bed.
I opened that top drawer and pushed the clutter out of the way.
And carefully I took out the little orange and white origami flower ball that was so carefully made just for me all those years ago.
And I smile.
And I put it back.
That's enough memories for one day.
Sep 2014 · 210
Jake Sep 2014
Let the wind catch my shirt.
Carry me somewhere I do not recognize.
Leave me be to my own devices.
Away from all my worldly vices.
Let me forget my lovers of the past and not look forward to those who will hold my love in the future.
Just let me drift tonight through my thoughts of both pain and delight.
Until my eyes  are ****** to the mornings light.
I think I need some sleep.
Sep 2014 · 206
Jake Sep 2014
I look in the mirror and what I see looks nothing like me.
The bags under my eyes are nearly gone and my acne is replaced by stubble and razor cuts.
I learned to sleep, but I prefer to stay awake.
Because when I dream I see faces that I miss, the girl that I never kissed.
And possibly never will.
So I take my coffee black just like the ink in my pen.
And I wander through this new town which was kinder to me my first day.
Than the one I came from was to me my whole life.
And I think about my future and question where it leads.
And I look back at my past to look for dots to connect that lead me to my present, but all I see are jagged lines going no where.
At least its good to know one thing never changes.
That I still don't know where I'm going.
But that's okay, because if college has taught me anything yet.
Its that no one does.
Sep 2014 · 916
Broken Compass.
Jake Sep 2014
Those who say they have direction are delusional.
Because if anyone knew where they were going, then they would already be there.
Though at least we all know where we'll end.
And those pearly gates come faster than you think.
So when you're checking your compass.
Make sure you don't blink.
Sep 2014 · 345
Jake Sep 2014
I sat in silence as I watched a man practically get booed of stage.
He only wanted to tell jokes, to make us laugh and be happy.
What did he get for his hard work?

Faces of stone and the occasional awkward chuckle.
Another artist who couldn't appease the peoples desires.

I felt pity, but I guess it was more sympathy.
Because I know what it feels like to stumble over words like they were marbles strewn along the ground.
I bet I would have the same experience as him.
So why do I still want to **stand-up?
Sep 2014 · 265
Jake Sep 2014
My breath reeks of coffee and my hands are stained with ink.
I can't remember the last time I was this content.
But I would like to keep it this way.
For now at least.
Sep 2014 · 504
Tired of Safe.
Jake Sep 2014
My dreams are like drugs.
The more I think about them the more addicted I get.
But I'll never get to them by going the speed limit.
I was always taught to be afraid of things like heartbreak and debt.
But if you're afraid of getting hurt you'll never be strong enough to get out of your league.
And if you're afraid of being poor you'll never take that chance to be rich.
And maybe someone else can be happy playing it safe.
But that man is not me.
Aug 2014 · 399
Hours Out of My League.
Jake Aug 2014
Who even are you?
And more importantly why do I want to know so bad?
I never looked at another girl when I was in a relationship.
But you always made me stare.
Even when I was love drunk, looking at you sobered me up.
And you're so far out of my league.
It's like your NFL and I'm on a couch playing Madden. (what is football?)
Maybe someday you'll give me a chance that I will probably blow.
But I'll give it one hell of a shot.
If you let me.
I like sleeping, it lets me dream.
Aug 2014 · 304
Jake Aug 2014
I think I rediscovered sleep.
It's an odd sensation.
I think I like it though.
I guess getting out of those hills was all I needed.
And although I didn't run very far.
I never want to go back.
In fact I want to see just how far I can run.
Aug 2014 · 465
18 years
Jake Aug 2014
That's how far I made it today.
I have survived 18 years and now I'm considered an adult.
But that doesn't matter.
Age doesn't determine maturity.
Neither do cigarettes, ****, or gambling.
I don't exactly know what determines maturity.
But what I do know is that growing up is over rated.
Almost like trying to be well liked or trying to impress my father.
Just another thing to add to the basket of **** I no longer give a **** about.
Happy birthday to me.
Aug 2014 · 190
Jake Aug 2014
I don't live in my past anymore.
I packed up and moved on.
I suppose that is why I told you of my childhood.
Its just odd to me.
Because I've never been open before.
I guess this is a start.
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