Dear God:

You will be my best imaginary friend
You'll circulate.
Hey god,
We'll incorporate
Your practice.
Holy water drips in the past tense.
My passion striped away by his lashings
I know I'm asking
A lot.
I pray for the lasting
Of us.
Tip toed walls
Surround me.
Blocking out the guarded son, and his glory.
You live under god
I live under an open mind.
Until he shows
And releases a sign.
I loved you through a letter.
He loved you through books.
Until you discover what "it" took,
You're open mind, mind, mind, mind, do you mind?
I'm stuck with differences so I ask all the time.
Do you mind, mind, mind, mind
What I believe?
Because me and your god,
We share similarities.
I loved you so,
I hugged your soul,
I was tender and caring
I was close to you.
Now I'm a distant
You know this
We share final words
It
is
finished.

Amen.

I do not want the solo,
Let me duet with you my dear.
Sweet harmonies, loud soft, high low.
My heart acts as percussion with you near.
A tune so perfectly pitched,
I lose my time, breath caught in my chest.
We pick up speed, entwined and bewitched.
Forte notes echo , regardless of rests.
I feel your pulse, and you mine,
Lost in the moment, our art.
Accenting each note through bar to line,
Aching passion from the start.
There is no need for strings or timpani
For tonight, you accompany me

You might be damaged goods,
but I'll not seek for compensation and reimbursement,
because I'm damaged too,
so we both are good.
Very good.

So I looked at my mother and asked her "I'm sorry but what do you speak?"

With a stern look in her face she said  "Your nothing to me William, you're only a disgrace."

But mother? WAIT! Mother!
Are my words special or is my self, a son special?

No son you're not special.
Your words mean bleak...
You simple minded fool.
Hate is all you seek.

Oh how cruel,
Your words spill with the old.
Repeated system of vocabulary directed at my point.
That point, a heart, one desperate, one in need.
Of a caring mother who may see something special in me.
Well mother I can write.
I can write your worries.
And hold them tight like your once told bed time stories.
But these new story's that cut so deep,
Hold demons and monsters  suffocating my heart beat.
Flip the switch you caretaker.
Press delete.
Erase me from your whittled life,
To one not carved to include me.

That intoxicating, suffocating, chemical spitting, death pursuing, white stick.

Pressing death on my forever gasping lungs.

Inhale:Addict,
            Inhale:Addict,
                   Inhale:Addict,
                              Inhale:Addicted.

This stair step downward towards hell in my lungs.
Please,
oh god please let me exit when I realize this mistake,
let me crawl up these steps with my everlasting,
hesitated,
chemical tainted breath.

With every breath I take,
a ghostly hand conjuring from the wisps of fading smoke,
choking my lungs.

My body no longer paradise but an ash tray,
each ash, a day stripped away by my own consistency to smoke,
this **** POOR EXCUSE OF A  COMFORT.
A JUVENILE DECISION THAT WILL CAUSE NIGHTMARES FOR ME,
A ******* DECAYING WALKING GRAVE!

I'm getting out of {second}hand...
I need to calm down...
I need...
A cigarette...