the truth is
i fall
in love
with almost every
single girl
i meet,

the tall ones, the loud ones, the petite ones,
the heartless ones and the caring ones,
i'm vulnerable to
them all,
to the extent
that i even
surprise myself,
at times.

i can't help it,
and this is no
exaggeration.


my love for these women
is not immortal,
i can assure you of that.
it often transforms into
extreme hate and disgust,
i begin to loathe them
and soon
myself,

i'm a disease,
really.


whilst my love is genuine,
so is the pain
i will inevitably
suffer,
because of it.

at first, i become slowly obsessed,
my affection is exponential,
i say all the right things
and i'm often not
full of ****,
i can close my eyes and picture
the next
6 years
with this girl,
my life is injected with
unsurpassed happiness,
and i plan never
to let them go,
its bliss.

but then,
something goes wrong.
always.
its normally minuscule-
a slight rejection,
a misinterpreted comment.
my expectations are set
too high,
i know it.

the cigarettes start,
the depression kicks in,
give me a beer
a joint,
my life seems so much
worse
than it is,
i know it.

i switch gears
and become
my worst
enemy,
i'll begin to ignore
her, give her the
cold shoulder,
my hate unjustly
grows,
i'm a monster.

her feelings are no longer
priority,
its all about me
and my sadness.

sometimes
its justified.
most of the time
its pathetic,
i know it.

but you see,
i'm an infectious parasite.
for some reason,
girls often respond
desirably
to my premature love,
but for another reason,
its the worst thing
that ever happened to them,
and me.

Sons of *******
were born
with hearts of stone,
cherishing this stone
all their life.
Children of
sons of *******
were born
with hearts of grenade,
in order to
blow to pieces
everything,
and to leave as a message for their descendants —
entrails
(still smoking entrails)
of sons of *******.

Pain is something you cannot see
It eats away inside of me
At times it feels like something I can't bear
And it comes from people not seeming to care
Pain hurts I'm not going to lie
The pain I have makes me want to die
You tell me to drop the blade and start over again
But the pain I feel will never end

The following
of music
d
  o
    w
       n
the steep hill
to a place
where life
must exist

here
there
singing
but no words

only sound
emotion

down the rabbit hole
to wonderland we go

do you see?
no, you don't

Not a sound to be heard
alone, left to sink in my own thoughts.

What was I, what am I to you?

Those words pulling at whatever shard of sanity I have left.

After I let you in and gave you my soul, thinking I would assure you that it was yours and yours alone.
After all the words, and how if everything else was lost,
our trust,
our faith,
our love,
in each other would never meet an end.

Through darkness without you I still believed.
In every word you gave me oh so long ago
they gave me strength to continue on.

The ones I gave to you where not enough.

You lost your faith in me, you thought I could forsake you.
you, my one happiness, believed that I had let you go.
This is the mark of my greatest failure.

With all the words I could give, I still could not bring you to see
that you are all that I love,
and all that matters to me.

Who is she?
Who are we?
The Cheshire cat is still smiling at me. I am who I am, but who will I be? Alice is lost and so are we. Will someone please set us free? I thought I was mad, but the Hatter is madder than we.
Just a simple old cat, thankful I'm not the queens bat. The hearts tarts have been snatched, surely someone's head will be hatched.
The White Rabbits still tardy, he is sure to miss the unbirthday party.
The Tweedles are fighting, listening to them is a mad kind of exciting.
The flowers are crying, their sweet petals slowly dying. Could the March Hare be the only one who could help them prepare?
A Wonderland this surely is!
But do we know yet, who she really is?