You gave me that cold look
on the night of the summers end
and i lost all thought
confuzed like a child on a foggy day
but melting with happiness
slipping through the problems
that dont ohld me back
no more no more

Did you hear me?
I'm over
Did you hear me?
i'm done hearing your voice
Did you hear me?
i'm floating on like a feather
that fell off a wise bird wings drifting the skys
Did you hear me?
I'm done

So my walked around last night
passed through the old road
we used to run on
a paper layed on the ground
picked it up and unfolded it
and i see youve been talking behind my back
Telling lies about me
thats leaving a sour feeling in your tongue
said you never hurt me
i guess thats lie
you told me so i could  trust you
Goodbye goodbye

I'm driking tea with friends
and laughing at the good moments
feeling my heart is numb
maybe am ready to fly

and your smile starts it all


and i said " why....even the music dances"

soft whistling in my ear

*my heart couldn't take it

Woke up on a sunday
on october

trees stripping away there disguise
and grass losing all happiness
as if they lost a lover

Woke up on a sunday
were the first thing in my head
was her...

Walked out into the world
onto the street
coming down the road
on a bike
she comes

And thought to myself
"why is she coming to see me"

came in and sat down
we watched an old movie
she sat on one side
i on the other

and i thought to myself
"would she liked if i were closer?"

took her to my room
she read some poetry

took her downstairs
were i have another bed
we held hands
and we were silent

we took our bikes out into the cold
and rode down the street
thinking
"this is like a movie"

We sat in a cold park
we we sit all the time
silent
and i thought
"should i?no. i'll swallow it down"
she bikes off as do i

on my head my all afternoon

i biked to her house
she came walking down the grove
Gorgeous she looked
we sat in the leaves and we took picutures
she said
"what did u do for the rest of your afternoon?"
and i thought
" i thought about you all afternoon"
but said
"oh nothing much"

we hugged eacother

tight hugs there beautiful

she walks off with a smile

and as do i

Telling the sun to bleed
upon my head
so i could sleep
in your arms
waiting to dream
with  your cold breath
crossing my hair
and your frail fingers
hold me in closer
to your body

7th

July2013:
July...i went for a bike ride
in the sun...and i felt
weak.
weak...
I got sick
i coughed and coughed
my bones feeling weak
i just stayed in the darkness of my room
watching movies
of love...

i felt better
and i went to the middle of town
with my lovely sister
came back home
from the sun
and i got more sick
so i took that month to be dead in my own brain
and played games
and dreaming of biking soon

By the end i felt better
back to my self
and i saw my friend janessa in the mall
she was appyling for a job
so we sat down and we talked
and laugh
just old times
it was very nice

i went back home and slept
and july was gone

I wish humans were simple


But we're not

Complicated as ****

We don't even know our body and mind

I wish we were simple as ****

But our entire being
Is a maze

Sleep is my favourite hobby
No one knew that I would be this way
Not even I knew I'd be here now
The days are shorter and so are
My years
The past is looking better
The future seems twisted
But I know after it'll be a nice ride
Sleeping like I'm on a tide
All I wanna ******* do is glide
Far off  onto the other side

Sleeping is my favourite hobby
Spread out on my bed
And deep in my dreams
Is where I wanna stay
If I wake up one more time I think I'll cry
Don't get me wrong I don't wanna die
But the state of sleep
Is something I wanna dig my myself in deep

She walked in
ever so slightly

with the swiftness of her legs
and touch of her toes

she walked in
ever so peaceful

Getting lost in the way she looks
they way she laughs
the way she stays quiet

each hug  
is numbing

each kiss
is forever

i look at her
she looks down
she smiles
and says
" bye"
walking swiftly away in the leaves of october
get on my bike and ride off
looking back at her
she walks...
leaving footsteps in my head

laughing away on an island

there i go in the air

confused on what am feeling

feeling like turning to honey
and make my through the cracks of the earth

and just sleep
and my head turns on itself
and laugh my way
away
floating on the clouds
of
sea's
....

its been 6 months
6 months more
and itll be like its been a dream
water like time
draining out months
i dont remember everything
but i do remember  you
thus i know it had to be good
oh i dont remember eveything
-im sorry-
but i know it felt good
right from the very sounds that poured from your mouth
and the way your eyes rolled back
and shutting them tight

we've said it 1000 times
and we'll always say it one more time

even though youre mad
ill make u smile
even though youre sad
ill make you laugh
even if youre happy
ill make you ecstatic


-im sorry-

im so ******

i know!

Your bones are white
like a full moon
on an aqua night
like clouds
in a raspberry sunrise

And now you walk
on green grass
barefoot

walking
walking
on
summer mornings
looking back at me
with a white cloud smile

And i say
"darling,oh darling
walk
until you see the sun
creep over the green hills
until you see the milky moon
cuddle with the grey rain cloud
until your heart is red
red
like the leaves in fall....
WALK
WALK WITH YOUR
BRAVE WHITE BONES!
on the orange sun's ray."

There she went
walking
walking with her naked toes

Even if the city is filled with smoke

Because of the fires


Even if the smokes feel my lungs and brains and make me feel dizzy

I still smoke cigarettes
And smoke ****

.....my brain feels...

Kinda....light.

so much snow its reaching inside my body
filling up my lungs and brain
**** its cold
everybody shivers off  the cold wind off there shoulders
as they walk into the station
**** its so cold
i kinda wish i was winter myself so id be used to this
but i still manage to get out of bed into the cold streets
everyday
everyday i get older
and everyday its gets colder
worse and worse
the only moment when age, time and the coldness of the city doesnt matter
is when im with you

3rd month

March 2013:
The snow melted
and the sun came out
the winter was slowly  turning away,
but the snow didnt leave.
the beginging of march
is snowed like it would in december
the cars wouldnt move
nobody would go out.
My poor mother still went to work that day
and car was buried under snow
my mother had to dig it out,
her bones cant take it anymore...

The snow melted days later
and i made music with my friends
i met this girl Alicia
we became friends, i never saw her again

Spring break came
and the girl from the past came up to me and asked me
"Do you hate me?!"
i was silent i didnt know what to repond
"...I used to, i no longer do. Its dumb to keep hating someone for the past"

"sorr-"

"dont apologize,its over anyway"

we smiled
and we became close friends.

Hey i can see your snowy

look

with your eyes of frozen death

Hey i tried to give you my

summer heart

To melt away your frozen frown

But

now am leaving
to get lost in the fog of spring
to
find
other
summer heart
so i don't have to waste time

I just  don't know what I feel

sad,how poetry slips slowly out of my life
ill try to grip on
no other thing like it

lazy
friends
girlfriend
biking
school

i guess im just busy

but how i miss writing poetry everyday

being able to say,decribe and even picture  
how i feel which i thought was impossible

My  days are a blurr
My feeling is gone
Am floating on clouds
flying
through the water of the clouds
My brain laughs
My eyes cry
my teeth  stick out more an ever
i Don't know were i went
I dont know were am going
Am forgetting all as the seconds pass
I dance all out
no caring what the birds think
i sing aloud
not caring what the gods think
burning the floor with my feet
i dont care
i dont care
come to me
and tell me you hate me
i would laugh
i would laugh
the whole night long

stars in my eyes

honey tea  in my hands

a button up shirt

and ***** grey pants

standing on a hill
the moon watched me closely
and sung into my ear
i sung loudly after him

you honestly think i miss you?

i miss  the days
i talked with the moon
and sat on a porch
with my friends
as they smoked cigarettes
the sunset...resting in our eyes
as we laughed
and made quotes,
the days i biked  
and felt so freely

then i proceeded to melt

into the earths  fingers...

I am so glad
to have let her
slip in my life
and make the moon shine again

the wind blew sofly
and the snow felled quietly
the trees dipped in snow
and the sky's body is filled with grey
the snow covered the green field
buried those green memories

i stood there
stiff as hell
the cold probably reached my bones

The cold plastic of the headphones dug into my ears
and the music played loud as hell

♪On a thousand islands in the sea
I see a thousand people just like me♪

in the faint distant i hear the snow being compacted
under her feet as she walks away

♪Take me away everyone
When it hurts thou♪

my hands curled into a fist
frusterated by her thoughts
filled  with uncertainty...

♪From my head to my toes
From the words in the book
I see a vision that would bring me luck
From my head to my toes
To my teeth, through my nose
You get these words wrong ♪

Angered with the thought
that the winters chill
freezed her heart

♪ Everytime
You get these words wrong
I just smile ♪

i Turn around quickly
and i see her  walking away
looking at the clouds
as her arms are crossed
her hands holding her arms

♪For these last few days leave me alone♪

i yelled at her
"HEY!"
she stops
but doesn't look back

♪Leave me Alone♪

i smile really big
smiled with madness
"**** you, for making my head
hit the clouds!"
she turns back to look at me
but i was gone
far away
i was gone

♪intrumental♪

Teeth marks on my neck
oh teeth Marks on your chest
the feeling so great
with the most comfortable pain
oh i keep pulling
you keep tugging
and we wont satisfied
till our skin encounters
shivering,shy to meet
they've met,feel those goosebumps reach your  brain
no i never felt no better thing
then the touch of skin
yeah i feel like honey
sinking in these lovely bones
i step out of my mind
cause i cant believe
no i gotta step in
cause i wanna believe
youre the one
i need need need to hear  your heartbeat
to know youre here
cause maybe im not
cause youve got me to high
my feet touches the clouds
sinking in through the earth
never gonna stop
cause you me to high
my mind is touching the moon
never coming down
cause im crowded by stars

walking in the rain
and i felt my bones growing old
with each drop
witch each step
and the piano plays in my head
oh it plays
just reminding me
when i used to run
instead of crawl
all i wanna do is grab my rope
tie it around the moon
fly around world
so that my eyes fill with its beauty
like the notes of the saxophone
on that night,chilling night
were i saw you sitting in the cafe
drinking out of that cup
and you looked down that cup
looking for something important
maybe you were looking for me?
hoping you saw my reflextion wither delicately
you didn't know i stood outside, as the snow
took me away
with the notes repeating in my head
and my eyes flew
and i run through these woods avoiding
those traps i might fall down
pretending i need to go somewhere
well i kinda do
i just wanna scream in a group of people
out to the stars
NA NANANA NANA NAA
and the stars would come and fall asleep on our cold hearts
dancing with those smiles
of raspberry memories
laughing at our jokes
we end up crying
you'll be watching from your window
wondering why why why
oh i'll just watch smile on by
with  my cold fingers leaving marks in the air
traveling through my hair

oh man
"just fall asleep in the grass"
they said

i put on a big smile
and fell back

We're all friends

Thought we don't always see eachother

The five of us
Are similar

Yet so different

Who knows we're all of us will be

But I love them

I don't need 1OO  friends

I like just having the 4 of them

You're not sick
You're heathly
The things we do normally could become a struggle
Like swallowing
When we feel good
We forget  how deadly sick we can get

The art of feeling good
Is quite the thing
What I would do to feel good

cookies crumbling in my mouth
tea burning my teeth
slowly making the cookie crumbles
melt onto my gums...
i sat layed on my old couch
next to the big window
in the living room
the sunset creeping through the curtains
painting my skin gold
the tea fumes
slowly  disapearing into the thin air
......
i wondered
and wondered
"why?"
....
"i dont know"
responding to my own
question
laughing softly...
the tv was on
playing a movie
my eyes tired
my hands sinking in my couch...
happy..
happy..

10th month

October 2013:
I went to the cafe
with my best friend Becca
she ordered something to eat
i ordered a tea
i told my adventures with kirsten so far
to all of it she answered
" You two together yet?"
i replyed
" no not yet, i hope soon."
a couple of days after she told
me she just wanted to be friends
i was sad and all, but i was fine with it
She came over my house one morning
we watched a movie
"Love story"
after we went to my room i showed her my poetry
and climbed on the bed and held hands
We went outside
and biked around for awhile
it was like a movie.

the week to come
we had another night advenutre
it was cold that night
but we ran a lot
sat on a river bank
listened to music
and ran off into a golfcourse
near a pond
we threw our glowsticks in
and layed in the grass
ran through sprinklers
and laughed

Fall was starting to make more of an opening
more cold
more colors were breaking in
me and my friend janessa rode the train
one afternoon before thanksgiving
up and down the town we went
enjoying every moment

thanksgiving came
and kirsten came over my house
she kissed me
and we spent the night
in eacothers arms
We enjoyed it
so we did it a couple of more times
after that night
i remember waking ine morning
with her lip marks on my neck

the last week of october
came around the corner,
Kirsten once again told me
she  did not want to be with me
just friends
i accepted it,though i did not want to
i could do nothing
my words were nothing
we spent  five days together
i like to refer to them
" the last five days of friendship"
after those five days
something went wrong
and we barely spoke anymore

it snowed terribly
before Halloween
Otober advenures ended
and ****** november came

I told her
I finally told her
the words behind my teeth
and shared them so she could swallow my words
and rest nice in her belly
but she spat them out
and walked away

and that was it...

9th month

September2013:
blue skys
warm air
at night it would go cold
the autumn leaves slowly started to fall
still rained from the summer
and the cold wind
started to chill us to the bone

On the first week
i walked to my friends house
with Zoe and her french exchange student Elise on my side,
we waked into Zoes house and sat in the kitchen
Elise had an apple with peanut butter
Me and Zoe  Had Soup
We walked after to a little River bank,
Elise sat on the rocks
i skipped flat rocks like Amelie Poulain
Zoe took picutres of the river.
We found a ripped dollar bill with a phone number written on it
Zoe texted it, no answer
it rained later that evening
i reasted on my bed and thought about the day
with a smile

i Biked to my favorite field
one evening...
recited a poem i made up in my head
the one line that i repeted was
" Will the love of Fall and Winter choose me this year?"
a week later a girl named Kirsten walked into my life
with a smile and wave, i wanted to meet her
we talked one day and planned to go to my favorite field
on a Friday..Friday the 13th..not so unlucky
though i cut myself shaving
i went to go meet her that friday
i walked down the stairs
there she was at the bottom of the stair case
"What will become of us?"i thought
She facing the other way,
i wondered if we would become friends
I tapped her on the shoulder
turned around with a surpised look
then she gave me a warm smile
We went to the field
sat in a childrens park
Then sat in the grass that melted in the sun
i showed her a leaf that looked like a heart
..i kept it under my hat...
i walked her home, she lived close by
i gave her a hug and left with a smile on my face
Got home and put the heart leaf on my wall

We became friends
Talked everyday
i would walk her home
and meet her in the field
as i came in riding my bike
She kissed me before i left...

I started to fancy  her
she to started fancy me
I asked if she would be mine
she told me wait
i said " i will!"

Nights came
when we walked around looking the stars and  looking at the city lights
laying the grass and runnning around
we were happy
The night was ours
She kissed me goodnight
i went home
fell upon my flower my bed
and dreamed of her...

Joy in the future

The struggles
Are yet to come

The hardest parts
Are yet to hit

But..
There's joy in the future

In your arms
Or in my own

I   Am excited

Kiss
MY
Milk
And
Honey
Lips

And let me hold
Your beautiful
Summer body

And as the paint drips
From our heads
We stare in our ocean eyes  
And
Drown...

Falling from  my eyes
the hours
the minutes
until the new day
new year
breaks in

and i am a new person

the last day
nice and relaxing

my skin feels like syrup
i miss her touch...

the last day
i hopes it over soon
and wait for a new day
better day
pure as rain
and as snowflakes

i wait for a new day....

and i got lost

in the night sky

the stars melting and dripping down the navy blue sky


a thought crossed my mind
that came aloft

slipping through my skin
in my brain of wonders


a thought .....

so sweet
as sweet as  strawberry
growing on my lungs
the veins tangling my heart

my lips started to dry

and i wanted to kiss your soft flower petal lips

Today
was an
adventure
today
was beautiful
today
felt like a beautifully written book
under the hand of a poet
today my day
felt like  the morning birds resting  in my eyes
felt like the grass taking apart my bones
throwing them to the sky
so i could fall into the clouds
Today my day
my beautfiul day was taken with photographs
and my day took a shape
of a tea and  a cold smoothie
and i felt cool down my throat
the beautiful taste, it had

I can simply say
"Today was ******* beautiful"

rage in my head
my eyes go blind
my heart goes black
everyone seems peaceful
buts whats in their heart
to disappear or not
thats the question
to live in the woods
and find that light in my veins
youre eyes pierce through me
but your voice cuts me deep
everyone should feel this
but not everyone should feel this...
peace in my finger tips
this love grows strong
my heart grows big
whats in her heart i wanna know
but whats in this universe
i wanna die

i felt the solitude
go into my bones
as a far cry in the distance
deep in the mountains
sings to the sky
i began to cry
my cold hands covering my face
i could feel the wind pushing me back
into the fog,
i thought of you
and fell on the humid grass
as the person as i used to be
reflects in the water
that slowly quivers in your eyes
tell me you'll still fall into my arms
even though im tired and cold
even though...
i'll still hold  you up to the moon
as my mind floats through this world

I am a
Flower

She is the
Rain

I have a heart of red roses
and eyes of purple lily's
a mind of wild flowers
and hands of dried orchids

I am a Flower

She has a heart of a warm lake
and eyes of a big sea
a mind of a deep blue ocean
and hands of cold rain

She is the Rain

I need the Rain
to live
to grow
Without Rain
I dry up
like my hands
and die

But she rains
on other flowers
and not me
and i am drying up
like my orchid hands

and i wait for her
to rain on me

paint spilled onto my brain
the world around me was glittering like an ocean
and  the air felt like i was flying through a rain forest
my lips were dry
my mind was numb
i took my bike
and got onto a train
listening to music
the whole world
felt like a movie
looking out the window
you crossed my mind
how we went down this way
holding hands
looking out the window together
and you would turn your head to kiss me on the cheek
leaving my winter cheeks to melt softly
i wanted you by my side
but do you...

stare at me
longer then a second
your eyes  are what i need
to cleanse my mind

hold me
longer then forever
cause your touch

is what keeps my heart at ease

Am gone
am far away
this night
this strange feeling
crawling in my brain

another nibbled finger nail
another nibbled memory
this night
this strange feeling
making my heart pound

a cold night
a cold stare
i walk away
in the darkness of the white snow
oh, this night
oh, this feel

another summer night
spent by the fire
another summer night
spent by the fire alone
this night
this feel

i found myself digging a hole
in my wall
i found myself troubled by the moon
why does it shine on me
this night
this night

one morning
on a summer morning
i took a shower
boy, did i feel...
that feel
that feel
that feel of betterness
and bitterness drained away
down the gunky drain

on a summers afternoon
i took a walk
a walk in the field
on the painted green grass
there she sat
oh, this feel
oh, this feel
this feel of **alive

Make my thoughts of anxiousness stop repeating
I need rest
Training ways to to be in bliss
Forgive everyone
Forgive myself.
I've been changing for the better

For you
I'd change
For you
I'll build you and us
Up

"I love her"
Those words stick to me
Stiched in
Keeping me warm in the winter
The snow falls from morning to the next
Cold bitter days
Everyone hiding
But.....
....warmth breaks in
Thoughts of her waiting for me to arrive
Suddenly seeing me arrive her face blooms!
So happy
I love that

So please
Stop my thoughts of anxiousness
For when I have her
I am happy

You control me
I control you
Both restrained
Vulnerable to the love
We have
For each other's body

Another night

To bed to bed

I love my bed and my sleep

Forget what I've done

At least for a bit

My bed is cold
My skin crawls
Goosebumps
On my heart
I run into bed
For warmth, but your arms aren't there
I tangle myself in my blanket
But it's not the same without your legs
And body , closing me in

The morning
Unknown day
Unknown feeling

Sad that your not here
I think I'll indulge myself
In a fantasy world

One month later
you forgot so fast,so fast
now what am i
a man with no face
just a black silhouette hanging over me

My brain is on fire
am thinking to much
stop me
stop me
from caring for someone
who hates me

christmas is coming soon
the city will go to sleep under a white blanket
i'll stay awake
walking in the deep white snow
i'll walk up to your pink house
thinking weather to knock or not
on your door
and tell you with snow on my face
with snow on my heart
''i still want you''

They say that am a tree

for when fall comes i get sad

when winter rest his head upn the city i die

and when spring comes
i rise

and when summer is here
i bloom like a flower

and fall in love
with the sky