In my big bed
Darkness all around me
Everything is quiet
Except for my head

Days are faster
19...just around the corner
First day of high school
Feels so long ago
Also...  like it was yesterday

Time is slipping by me
By the milesecond
And here I am awake from too much thinking
I miss the old days

I miss the old days

But here I am
Growing older

I'll miss these days too

Some day

My heart went in a flurry

when you looked up...

It seemed to have
cooled down your head


all those times

we spent
running  through the clouds
at night

laughing
laying near a pond

looking the infinit stars

as our bones
melted in the green grass

And your black hair
Covering my face
As you rest your chin on my shoulder
Breathing hard into my ear
You whisper softly
"I really ******* like you"
And you let your head fall
On my chest
My heart beat against your cheek
Yours against my rib
I respond
" me too love ...me  too "

i dont know if i hate the whole world

or the whole world hates me

Darling can you please

Take my hands

my cold hands...


i know there cold
but they can be warmed by yours

take it

and slowly walk onto the river with me

and lets dance

please

darling

take my cold hands and take my melting heart
and drip onto yours

i know my heart is weary

but its worth something

to prove myself
that i can
be yours....

How long can we do this


Make eachother sad

Make eachother hate each other

I don't know if I can do this

No....ill try

A bit more

in my veins
her blood runs

oh

in my brain
her footprints lay

I sat there
My head against the table
My hand up against my heart
It was beating really fast
I looked around
And everyone was looking at me with smiles
I'd say something
And they would laugh
My head hit the table as I laughed with them
They tried asking me question
I just laughed at the questions
They would laugh with me

We were laughing like stars
At night

smoking ciggies now
Stress takes over , I don't quit
...the blue sky's look nice....

Fell asleep in the foggy park
Woke up to the sounds of her heart beat
With her head leaving a dent in my arm
and the grass ties us down

sun breaks through the leaves
and her warm body
moves ever so gently

We'll never forget
We'll never forget...

white clouds
travel through the sky
leaving us with a thought

We'll never forget
We'll never forget...
These
Spring mornings

Old, alone
and sore

he packs his suitcase
and packs his torn leather shoes

he leaves
never gonna return
never...

walking upon shore
it rains
dripping from his sin
and his glasses get lost in the drops

the water crashes against
his
and he runs his fingers in the deep sand

his teeth glimmer in the ray of the sun

a tap on his shoulder
a frail tap
oh so frail

i want to get lost
with you in my hand oh love
oh lovely oh love

As we sing our song
screaming it out to the stars
come now take my hand

And we will ride clouds
upon the fall breeze of leaves
Flowers like love,oh

3rd month

March 2013:
The snow melted
and the sun came out
the winter was slowly  turning away,
but the snow didnt leave.
the beginging of march
is snowed like it would in december
the cars wouldnt move
nobody would go out.
My poor mother still went to work that day
and car was buried under snow
my mother had to dig it out,
her bones cant take it anymore...

The snow melted days later
and i made music with my friends
i met this girl Alicia
we became friends, i never saw her again

Spring break came
and the girl from the past came up to me and asked me
"Do you hate me?!"
i was silent i didnt know what to repond
"...I used to, i no longer do. Its dumb to keep hating someone for the past"

"sorr-"

"dont apologize,its over anyway"

we smiled
and we became close friends.

rainy days are peaceful inside your house
in your bed
sleeping

but rainy days are always adventure of the unknown
once you step outside

Even the deepest ocean's
has light
hidden at the back of your head

am crazy
cause
they turn me
turn me
until i fall

come on, come on
smile now
smile for the sky

people often ask
were are you going...
to tell you the truth
no were...
am going no were
am just a typical man
finding something to fill this hole
buried deep inside me

maybe just a place were
the grass is greener
were the air is cleaner
and were the clouds are whiter

maybe just a place
a place...
were people smile
smile
for the sky
sky

hey don't do that
don't let your eyes
fall to the floor

just take and throw
take and throw that
mask...
that hides you from this world

there's that beautiful smile
now look up to the sky
and laugh
laugh
with the sky

She walked in
ever so slightly

with the swiftness of her legs
and touch of her toes

she walked in
ever so peaceful

Getting lost in the way she looks
they way she laughs
the way she stays quiet

each hug  
is numbing

each kiss
is forever

i look at her
she looks down
she smiles
and says
" bye"
walking swiftly away in the leaves of october
get on my bike and ride off
looking back at her
she walks...
leaving footsteps in my head

lost lost lost lost
am i actually lost?
lost in the world i am
and hell im enjoying it
running through these foggy parks
not knowing were am going
what am going to run to'

MY head is
lost in this lust of the world

my eyes
my eyes
fell into the
dew of the morning
and now
feel me
falling out
falling out
of this sticky honey
i got into

oh oh
oh oh
ran into
this forest

and now am running on sea
...

Closed my eyes
and i imagined
myself flying

Opened my eyes
found myself
sitting in the leaves of fall
drowning

you have those lips

you have that hair

you have that smile
that makes me turn

you have those eyes

you have that feeling of warmness

and you have that feeling that gives
my skin bumps

and i only saw you once
walking past me
on  a thursday afternoon
in a park
as i sat on a bench
looking at the clouds

Oh,love the night
and wake up in the snow

Run through the days
Until the leaves turn green
Until her face falls in the summer moon

My white brain
white bones
nibbled in the break of dawn
While i see laughter drops
falling from the curves of her lips

The frozen river
turns to spring

And the fumes of my coffee
wraps me to warmth

Singing on the summer beaches
with her red hair sinking in my bones

I just  don't know what I feel

Laying in bed
And the sweat on my back
Is uncomfortable
I'm to Tired to move
The sun,that beat me down all day
Finally can't reach me
My legs are jelly
But I love it
So exhausted
But the feeling of speed
Is  ecstasy

i simply dont know

whats going on

with all this cold

it seems to half frozen my emotion
in one stage

frozen my  way of thinking
and it cant thaw

am still there
in that state

i simply
cannot seem
to be thawing
no matter what


******...

laughing away on an island

there i go in the air

confused on what am feeling

feeling like turning to honey
and make my through the cracks of the earth

and just sleep
and my head turns on itself
and laugh my way
away
floating on the clouds
of
sea's
....

so much snow its reaching inside my body
filling up my lungs and brain
**** its cold
everybody shivers off  the cold wind off there shoulders
as they walk into the station
**** its so cold
i kinda wish i was winter myself so id be used to this
but i still manage to get out of bed into the cold streets
everyday
everyday i get older
and everyday its gets colder
worse and worse
the only moment when age, time and the coldness of the city doesnt matter
is when im with you

My arms turned to clouds

and i fell asleep

in the warm snow

with the thoughts of my past

melting away

Hey i can see your snowy

look

with your eyes of frozen death

Hey i tried to give you my

summer heart

To melt away your frozen frown

But

now am leaving
to get lost in the fog of spring
to
find
other
summer heart
so i don't have to waste time

my skin has been dripping from my pillow
to the wood gaps on my floors
the sun creeping through my curtain
my room is dark a bit of shine comes in
and rests upon my tanned skin
and fingers are floating
the music is honey to my brain
i think of you in the deepness of my coffee
i see you glimmering
smiling me that smile
you have
i wanna  laugh with you
right now
and let the clouds become  a place
of pure numbess
in your trembling in your arms

To all this rust
we just need to adjust

You came over
slept in my arms
kissed my cheek
smiled softly

" you okay? do you need something, some water?"

you replyed softly

" I'm good''

and dug your head into my chest

the moon shining through the window

we stared at it
and you gripped my hand
kissed my neck
and fell asleep

I left my heart
In your skin
and bones

******
I wake up
My room pitch black
The sun of the outside world
Creeps ever slightly from the stairs
I want you to turn around
Be there in my bed and grab my face
Kiss me
The rhythm won't stop
Lost
Lost

I wake up
There I am
In the middle of this darkness

Who's...
Body am I in?

oh its a shame

how all the fun i had with
thou

does not mean a thing
anymore

oh its shame...

oh are you happy
with these memories
are you

oh its shame...

how we both
forgot the meaning
of all those moment

and now our eyes
are filled
confusion or hate

I always liked
Walking in snow
while it snows very hard

The feeling of snow sleeping on my black messy hair
and my pants frozen and wet
of  all the snow reaching up to my knees

While everybody stays under blankets
warmed
and
relaxed
drinking coffee
staring at the falling snowflakes

i stand out
covered in snow
like i am waiting for some miracle

i guess am waiting for her
that girl to come up behind me
tapping my shoulder

gently turning my head
she'll be there
with her blue  crystal eyes
burning me

and we'll kiss
while
the
snow
bury's
us
under

your hands went thorugh me

so my bones are gone

and legs melt down

like rain syrup....

i still want

your flower
body

will you
let me have it

one more time

-Yeah.I still do...

They say that am a tree

for when fall comes i get sad

when winter rest his head upn the city i die

and when spring comes
i rise

and when summer is here
i bloom like a flower

and fall in love
with the sky

i'll die in the winter
and rise in summer
go on adventures
and sleep for the night
think of you under cold stars
and dream of you under the red sun
and when fall comes breaking in
i'll sleep under the covers
and i'll imagine me
standing in the middle
of the leaves
cold and writing poetry in my head
hoping you'll walk around the
falling tree

2nd month

Feburary 2013:

deep sleeps
Slumber...
Drown me into
An infinite hibernation

To be honest
I wanna break free
Leave this city
Leave society
Bike far
Find my place
Live
Cleanse my brain with nature
I don't need these detailed problems
I don't  want these detailed resolves

I'm falling asleep again after an argument
I just wanna break everything
Bash my skull

I'll wake up refreshed

Sadly I'll have to deal with all this again

You drive me crazy
Memories of us
Keep me up
But I let my guard down again
And I’m the one who’s left hurt
You’ll always be my friend, I love you so much
But I must let go of my infatuation for you

Who was I

Who  am I

The answer still resides
And the moments into past
Still linger

I hate going back
My mind is weird


I wonder what the future holds

I'm sorry
Forgive me for me
I don't know what I think

I don't know what I want

Today feel very different then it did last year

But life's like that
It's an unexplainable feeling
Until it's a memory

love

you

deeply

D
e
e
p
l
y

.
..
.
..
.
.
.
..
.
.I love you..

You know!
that i want to hold you flower  body
on this winter bed
and melt
into this earth's skin
never to wake up