I could stare st myself
Endlessly
Never knowing who I am

This body
This mind

uncontrolable

Like the sea

Who am I
Who am I

Endless thoughts
Like the aquatic sea

Your flower lips
Touched my withered lips
And warmed its frost

oh my chilling body
warmed by your heart


oh you
oh you

make my bones crumble
with this
feeling
you give me

your
summer feeling

Grey clouds
Peering over the city
The sun in the back trying to be known
Trees frantically thrashing against eachother
the wind ,pushes  us back
But the sun
Shines on your face and warms your forehead
Then it goes away

The days have gone by fast
City living ,people around you
Always in a rush somewhere

Makes you go fast
Makes you think fast
Fast,quick ,be there soon
Give me 5 minutes
Give me a sec
I gotta go

In nature is where I want to be
Surrounded by trees and sky
Mountains and animals
A little house
In the middle of it all

Goodbye city
Goodbye
Fast living

i sunk my teeth
in the soft sweet bread

then swallowed it down
with my coffee

"i put way to much sugar in this coffee"

oh well

i like it

Grey Sky's
White earth
Cold but comforted
Sleepy feeling but the world is my own bed

Everyday i look forward
To talk endlessly about same old stuff
But I mostly just wait for a response now

Warm but  unnaturally too warm
My bed clean
My floors and counters...messy
I flop onto my bed
Half drunk half ******
The darkness fill my eyes
And for a second
I feel like falling in darkness wouldn't be too bad

****

This shouldn't matter !

I wish humans were simple


But we're not

Complicated as ****

We don't even know our body and mind

I wish we were simple as ****

But our entire being
Is a maze

Why are you so distant from the earth

i can't  reach you anymore

and pull you in close to me

oh ohhh oh

snowing on the hearts of love

were did it all go

those shivers
of octobers fall
oh oh ohhh

slipped away
like the rain
off my tanned skin
Gone
like  the summers ray
never did i
feel so alive
oh oh ooo

driving down the night
smiling like the moon
thought i  was better
but am just rushing time

gotta sit back
and see the worlds fumes
pass on by

oh boy

You see
That smile
Shook me
Until every thing that was still alive in me died...

And that look in your eye
Gave this feeling of content
Like I was missing something before

That star that glittered on the corner of your lip
When you smiled...
That sure made me say
" she's the one for me"

When  you gave me that first touch
I lost  my **** mind
Not to mention that first kiss

But now
It's done

We look at each other
And don't know what to do
When we make eye contact

The only thing I see
Is my memories of you

We don't talk much anymore
You Found someone else I suppose
I don't mind really...I think

We just can't connect
I don't why...
Quite sad, maybe we will later
Maybe not...


People will ask me
"  what about that girl over there?"


And I'll reply happily
" she gave me the most butterfly's in the world"

Lips
Nibbles on my cheek
Never
Will i Forget
The eyes
Of green

And the kisses of summer

I took a sip of my coffee

and i thought to myself

"i wonder what her lips taste like now"

fill my bones with clouds

so you can rest upon me

forever

It's been
Aproximetly
1320 days
Since that day
You became my clementine
And I became your valentine

A dream we both hold
Lays in the midst
And sometimes it's hard to even see it within our grasp
But late at night
When we are together
And  I turn my head to look at you
And when I look at you
Your eyes are closed
And your billions of worlds away
And when a soft breath
Escapes
Your soft lips
I know you are the one for me


But sometimes you are asleep
When you are awake
I cannot blame you
It must be hard being stuck in your own head...more then most

You know your my hearts beat

Love , my darling

But....




Is it that hard to say





"How you doing?"

in your eyes
i see no one else but  you
and me sinking in your heart
slowly slowly

yeah you
see yourself in my own eyes
and me drowning in my mind

yeah you and i
see nothing
but each other
and each of us
loves to sink into each others skin

I get lost, lost like a star without it's moon
Lost when i stare into her crystal eyes
Green like the leaves, after a rainy hour
The summer
Blue like ocean disappearing off the horizon

The sun burned through the window
Onto my heart
I realized i have fallen
Fallen
To deep
To deep

My Bones feel to numb
I feel to weak
When i
See her
Beauty
Turning my eyes

Her smile
Oh, her smile
Get's me
Get's me
Lost...

The sun Fell
Each step burning
The heat nibbles at my feet
And my bones
Buried under leaves
And you cold hands
Wrapped around me

Hanging over me
The drops of  melting years

Dreams becoming cold
Lingering words
Lingers on my mind
I have no choice now
But to hug my sins
That are driving me old

Memory's of that afternoon
Breaks Through like a wave
Escaping now
Disappearing now
old days...

Talk to me
With the sound of your teeth
Eating at my nerves

Wanting to breath
Under water,
Burnt liquid
Troubles my guts

Oh how i love
To see you glimmer
Over the city

Turning tight
Forever forgot
Fast alive
gasping for love...

Hey,stop
Painting on your knees
Hey,stop
Breaking your fists
Who are you?
Who are we?

the
sun
rose
in
my
head
and
i
felt
differently

i want  flowers to start growing out of my brain


so that  my eyes can turn into melting sweet honey

Heads heavy
Eyes lids hanging
Dragging limbs
Messy hair
No light comes through the windows
Only the pink pink sky
The world looks asleep
So why should I be up ?

Tell me the storys
they have told you
The songs they sung for you
all that touched you
all those who went right by you
tell me of the ones you rained on for
was it to make them sad?
or make them sing in the rain?
or for the passionate lovers to kiss?
tell me all those clouds you met
were they as nice as you
did they let you dance with them
did some  of them let you show what you can be?
tell me Mr.cloud
is the sky the limit?
or futher?

Tell Me Mr. cloud
did you find love?
with a girl
in a big  blue dress?
and blue eyes?
as you paddled on the river...

Oh all the happiness you can bring

There's nothing left

Just us two

Holding hands

Prepared to survive

"We can do it"
"We can do it together"
We repeat it like a song

We are ready

As we hold hands

It's starting to feel comfortable
Passible
Starting to feel  a little less..."weird"
With My surroundings
I still feel disconnection
From something
From somewhere
Something picking at my brain
I need to mold  myself still

But it's starting to feel comfortable
Tolerable

But I still feel a disconnection.

From someone

and when you held my hand

i lost all feeling from my head to my toes
from my head to my toes

i lost all feeling

through my bones
through my veins


when you held my hand tightly

I can't take it

I can't take it

I can't take it

I can't take it

Remember when we used to keep waving at each other  until we were out of sight
When I used to bike across the city to see you
Laughed until we cried
Drank until we danced
These memories fill me
And Gush out
Late night car rides  
lonely train rides
dark bike rides
My mind riddled with your face
The peachy sunsets
And glittering stars are there to comfort me
The burning sun in the deep blue sky push me
The cotton candy clouds engulf me
“It’s just me now”
My eyes filled with tears now
the music soothes me to sleep
You’re so far now
And it’s because of me
I’m sorry
So sorry
Some times I just really want you back….

I just wanna be alone

For at least a second

Away
From EVERYONE
Just be in the solitude

Comforted with my thoughts

rage in my head
my eyes go blind
my heart goes black
everyone seems peaceful
buts whats in their heart
to disappear or not
thats the question
to live in the woods
and find that light in my veins
youre eyes pierce through me
but your voice cuts me deep
everyone should feel this
but not everyone should feel this...
peace in my finger tips
this love grows strong
my heart grows big
whats in her heart i wanna know
but whats in this universe
i wanna die

...making me feel at home
as i lay on an open field
with autumn leaves
dancing with the autumn sunset

*love love
love love

Trust me
My love

If I knew that I would have ended up with you

I would have done eveything different

Everything...

And you wouldnt be so hurt

Trust me my dear love

If I KNEW I was gonna have you
Hold you
Kiss you
Love you

I...
Wouldn't feel so guilty

the sound of the trumpet

off in the distance

puts my brain to my sleep

and i fall into a  deep dream sleep

Dooooooooooooo
Dododooooooo

It's not that I want
It's that I can't
I don't know who you are
Nether do I know myself
I feel a gap in my brain
A gap in knowledge
Sitting in dark class
Is everyone alone
Or everyone together
Alone
All of us
Even with companys
We're alone
Stuck in the world we have created

The world still turns
Like it always has

Like it always will

But it doesn't feel the same

This world
Our world

What do we do

What have I done

What will I do

This world
My world

I am confused

"No I'm not "
She says
Sadly and disappointed with herself
"But you are!"
I say
Confidently that her beauty kills me slowly everyday

You can point out your flaws
But I see beauty and perfection
I've said it already too much
That the words don't even mean anything
If seeing is believing
I would do anything
To show you my love
That you're beautiful!!!
Even if  you have flaws
So do I!
Our imperfections make us perfect

You are
You are you are

I wish there was an action
To show you my love
That you are
Beautiful

I want to go through life
like a breeze
not caring for anything
and the puzzle pieces
fall in there places
as i stretch along my years
but to many things happen
all at once
trying to make myself feel happy and free
but when all the pieces fit
there's always that one that breaks
and will never fit

...i lost a friend today...
on a rainy day....but i did not cry
but i wish i did
...i wonder what i did...

....and i wanna walk up to the girl
that i love and kiss her....
but my fear of reality kicks in....
and i never do anything....
i wish i did though.....
but am stupid cause i want to
know everything...
and i know thats bad....

oh what a day
oh what a day...

i want to cry
but
i can't....

Days in the summer


Dazed in the summer


My minds a bit tired
" I'll take a break "

Seems to never happen


Hidden away in my room
In the dark

I don't like light


Only you

"Get up, get up
Walking!
Sleeping..no
Keep on moving
Slowly
Good morning and good sunshine"

Midicronia/San Francisco

and you where there
in front me...
breathing softly
digging your hand in the other
your brown hair sleeping on your shoulders
i didn't know you then
but i thought
"this is going to be great"
i didn't know you then
and i dont know you now
after all the pages we written
smudges
and ink running out
you changed me
....
so much
we were strangers then
and we are strangers now
giving looks
looks
that make me remember
of all the things we did
"and now?"
**i ****** it up

I have always hated the thought
Of living forever

As I grow older
I see how how much
I do wanna live forever
With my mother and  my sister
My father and most of all of my baby girl

I talk to my family that lives far from I
And it saddens that some of them are closer to death

Death how horrible

Wouldn't it be better if we could decide when to die

God or not ?
Why have I found myself
Questioning my own beliefs

its summer now
i dont know,what to say
neither do i know the day
erasing my mind  everyday
like a bad drawing
down my lungs
and out my lips
in through  my eyes
in my brain
the clouds dance
and tell  me to sink into the grass
i cant stand
i wont walk
ill actually go crazy....
you dont understand
no...
she dips her legs in the pool behind her house
and i walk in the water up to my knees
in this pond surrounded by trees
with rocks under my feet
i feel the waves in my bones
true peace,rests  in my mind

the sun burned my eyes
andi  dug my head into my pillow
my socks almost fell off
and my shirt twisted around my body
the hair that rested upon my head
was messy as hell,

i hopped out of bed
and saw the snow melting
as i drank my coffee
i felt cool down my body

i thought to myself
as i drank it
"what a **** lovely day!"

walked out with a smile

and lost my head in the clouds

and fell in love with thoughts of what i'll be
doing for the rest of the day

Came back home
and hopped on my bed
the sun was out
and the moon came on

and i thought
to myself

"what a **** lovely day today!"

and fell asleep with the
foggy air

I’m so tired of loving people
Who don’t love me back

now tell me
why your heart beats
oh so loud

and tell now do you look
like the moonlight shine
on a winter cold night

now
please
sleep next to me on this field
of fall were leaves dance about in our imagination

were i can stare and the red raspberry clouds spread there arms
for
us

heads so full

and some times light

when i see your smile

oh. so windy
can't light my smoke

**** me now
id rather live in winter time
then in dark times

eyes so full

oh so tired

ill go to bed

I want to believe
Not know the world is round

rip off your skin
and wrap me in it


ill die happy
with the wetness of your lips on my forehead

sometimes
i never wanna wake up

I never thought I would be
Staring at the stars
laying on the frozen grass
Or running after the night
With you

At night
When world bursts with beauty
And when our cold lips touch
My bones shiver

Shiver
With happiness

my body is leaking through the cracks on my desk
im tired of the voices around me
im tired of all its fakeness
the scent of liquor lingers on my shirt
and  it reminds me  of the night before
my words are leaking through  peoples knowledge
they seem to be confused
they seem to be lost
but as lost as me?
i certainly do not know
winter is now printed on the city
everyone walks with there chin close to there chest
and there hands in there pockets
i wonder howll ill keep warm half the time
but i know i have her to warm me up
with her tight hugs and her soft kisses
i know i have her so i can talk to her
and she'll make me feel better
my heart is mellow
and i all i want is to  feel her light touch on my back

"roll up your sleeves were headed for winter i know...
and nights will get colder
and ill make my bed, make sure i'm all fed and asleep...
wake when were older"

~we were promised jetpacks/roll up your sleeves

the feeling inside my chest


Bursting into my brain

"  I miss you"

I wanna play with your hair

In my bed
Drunk
******
My problems seem to fade
Like my stress
Once I take that hit to the lungs
  I take that shot or two

Once I think of her bare skin on mine
Her lips  on mine
Smiling so heavily
Breathing so heavily  
Inside of her

Yeah life's not to bad
Listening  to music
And thinking of the way she sees you
When she opens that door

Honey of fall
pours over the city

Trees grow tired and loose their leaves

The grass stops growing and goes to sleep

clouds turn grey
and the sun hides away

and i stay standing
in the middle of the field
the wind breaks through my clothes
and into my bones
oh how i shiver
oh how my bones shiver

and there she walks
pass the golden trees
with the smile that touches
the sun and moon
and her eyes like clouds in day
and the stars at night
her hair flows gracefully
like the wind breezing through the grass

oh how lovely
how lovely

and there i stand
cold and shivering
with a face thats rough
and brown hazel eyes
that are tired
black messy hair
dry hands
and i stand slanted

yet she holds my hand
my cold hands
yet she does
she does...