Change
It can be fine
Scary,fun
It can make  you  sad
It can make u happier
But change
Is always coming
That's scary...
But I wish some things stayed the same
I wish some memories would last forever ...
The  complex   way of life we live
Makes me cry when I'm drunk
I wish we lived more simple
More natural
But we all think to much
We all care to much
We want...to much

Sometimes I'm glad I'll  die someday
I won't need to expirience the death of the world ...I hope
But I'll  miss the beauty of life
Yeah
I'm pretry sure I will

Shaking my head
you dancing around me
starting to fill my bones
i ask myself why
you just keep on tapping your feet

gave in
and the light just grabbed my heart
threw at the moon
well im gone
forever
dancing my tears away

and the stars
tell me
to glide across there glow
and i wouldnt be more happy

time
filled up in my skin
im tired of turning
i want to keep still
now...

so tell me
tell me
whats the purpose of you crying
and me laughing
come join me

My chest caving in
But in a good way

My stomach turns
But in a good way

Zoning out
Spacing out
The thought of her
Lingers at   the back of my head
Her eyes piercing me
With her dashing smile

Her smile
Her smile
Her.....
Smile.....

....oh!
I forgot I'm sitting on top
Of a cloud
The world that's all around us
Is so vast
But the outside world is so much bigger
A jungle of darkness
We are a spec of dust
Why must we make
Everything complicated

.....
Sleeping in my bed
No way I know how I got here....

One month later
you forgot so fast,so fast
now what am i
a man with no face
just a black silhouette hanging over me

My brain is on fire
am thinking to much
stop me
stop me
from caring for someone
who hates me

christmas is coming soon
the city will go to sleep under a white blanket
i'll stay awake
walking in the deep white snow
i'll walk up to your pink house
thinking weather to knock or not
on your door
and tell you with snow on my face
with snow on my heart
''i still want you''

what a lovely night, to hear love songs,as my heart grows big and my eyes grow small, oh how lovely, oh how lovely your smile shoots across the sky

What a lovely night to hear love songs, to read love words, as love has hopelessly disappeared, as my heart keeps closed, oh how lovely, oh how lovely were these times when our soul was exploding inside us.

oh how i wish these lovely times would come again! come and crawl back into me, oh how i wish, how i wish i could touch your lovely face once more, once more on a winter night

Oh how I wish I could have hope, a tiny finger of hope, just send me a smile, just tell me a word, just give me a look to tell me everything is still possible.

still possible for my love,for my love to creep back into your heart,still possible for my lips to touch yours,touch yours...

Oh, how I wish this could be true, how I wish these words were yours, how I wish you whispered them in my ears, how I wish your words could vibrate my ears and my whole body and soul, like they used to do. Oh how I wish what you are saying wasn't a dream of mine, oh how I wish you were really near to me, oh how I wish I could tend my hand and tighten yours, Oh how I wish if I rose my hand it wouldn't only grab the air of my loneliness.

oh how i wish, how i wish you were by my side on this winter night...

But you're not. I'm walking barefoot in the snow, and tomorrow I'll be sick. If you had only been
here...

the smell of your skin
still rests on my nose
giving my mind ecstacy

Oh i drank coffee
Tired as hell
knowing how the story went
from begining to end

Now Now
come
drip from hair to my toes
please
make my fingers numb
and make my heart stop to beat

oh the night was young

both of us together

both of us together

oh what now
what now

shall i do
with this heart that melts so?
collect it in a bucket
and try to put back to its shape

oh no
but how

once this melts
no going back

all i need to do is now
is let it melt
until its all gone and i'll drown
and my heart comes back anew

oh these tears
how
they came out
like flowers

for her

Beers and whiskey

New friends

A new feeling

A view

A new feeling

and in your mind
i seem to have never stayed
oh and im quite proud
quite proud
now
now that the spring arrived
i cant resist to lay my green skin on the green grass
and they always told me
"you'll die catching your dreams"
but i just kept living
as I'm  killing my lungs
here we go another day
in my life
ohhhhh

Staring at me cause I smoke

Letting the smoke escape my mouth and nose  

I look at you

And  I throw my cigarette down then spit

" I don't care "

capital A for Arguements

Capital BS for *******

They always go and end in the same way

You think I want you
Dead
You think I think your dumb
That I hate you.

I'm just little ******* tired
With a capital T
With all these
"Why would you "
"How could you "
"I can't believe you"

I'm just a little human
You know

And because of that reason

I MAKE MISTAKES

these days I don't even know when I'll step on a bomb

Maybe I should just blow up

I remember I could use to feel the sun and earth flowing in my body

The morning rise
Would excite me
And the orange evening sky's
Would put me to sleep

I would feel laughter
And joy
But these days
It's like im stuck in a rut
Everything feels the same

7th

July2013:
July...i went for a bike ride
in the sun...and i felt
weak.
weak...
I got sick
i coughed and coughed
my bones feeling weak
i just stayed in the darkness of my room
watching movies
of love...

i felt better
and i went to the middle of town
with my lovely sister
came back home
from the sun
and i got more sick
so i took that month to be dead in my own brain
and played games
and dreaming of biking soon

By the end i felt better
back to my self
and i saw my friend janessa in the mall
she was appyling for a job
so we sat down and we talked
and laugh
just old times
it was very nice

i went back home and slept
and july was gone

running
panting
lights in my eyes
the bones in my legs aching
people staring
panic running through my blood
" just run just run"
the dark city became evil in the night
the lights looked like it was shining on me
looking for me
pointing me out

sadness mixes with panic in my head
wandering what happened to my friends
what happened to the girl i care for so much

are they okay??


running
panting
the lungs in my chest aching
it sounds like ill cough blood

everyone is out to get me

Bored in class
Smoked half my pack
I keep getting up for a snack
The days hot
I got a cold , nose full of snot
All I wanna do is bike
Nah man **** a hike
Give me a joint
Then I'll tell u my point

stare at me
longer then a second
your eyes  are what i need
to cleanse my mind

hold me
longer then forever
cause your touch

is what keeps my heart at ease

Take my hand
and kiss my lips
so we can
turn into crazy poets
that fall in love with everything

turn into a poet with me
so we can swim on the honey
that drips from the moon

Oh turn into a poet with me
so you can understand
why i can't put your beauty into words

oh....

You're beautiful

But this world is ugly

Oh you just...

Make everything better baby

Gone to bed with an empty feeling

**** I don't know

I should get more ******

Gone to bed ...feeling like I haven't said a word to you all day
Under my covers
The best feeling I've felt all day

****,everything else shouldn't matter

Make my thoughts of anxiousness stop repeating
I need rest
Training ways to to be in bliss
Forgive everyone
Forgive myself.
I've been changing for the better

For you
I'd change
For you
I'll build you and us
Up

"I love her"
Those words stick to me
Stiched in
Keeping me warm in the winter
The snow falls from morning to the next
Cold bitter days
Everyone hiding
But.....
....warmth breaks in
Thoughts of her waiting for me to arrive
Suddenly seeing me arrive her face blooms!
So happy
I love that

So please
Stop my thoughts of anxiousness
For when I have her
I am happy

You control me
I control you
Both restrained
Vulnerable to the love
We have
For each other's body

Am gone
am far away
this night
this strange feeling
crawling in my brain

another nibbled finger nail
another nibbled memory
this night
this strange feeling
making my heart pound

a cold night
a cold stare
i walk away
in the darkness of the white snow
oh, this night
oh, this feel

another summer night
spent by the fire
another summer night
spent by the fire alone
this night
this feel

i found myself digging a hole
in my wall
i found myself troubled by the moon
why does it shine on me
this night
this night

one morning
on a summer morning
i took a shower
boy, did i feel...
that feel
that feel
that feel of betterness
and bitterness drained away
down the gunky drain

on a summers afternoon
i took a walk
a walk in the field
on the painted green grass
there she sat
oh, this feel
oh, this feel
this feel of **alive

its been so cold
lately, our skin get goosebumps
we hide under your covers
and hug it out till the summer
theres something telling me " you're  the one"
i still can't believe I'm the one
who gets to hold you,kiss you
run my hand through your black hair
and stare deep into your eyes

and i can't take it!
my love, you make me crazy
with the way  you smile
and stare
darling we've  said so many times
but i can say it forever more

Falling deep into sleep
Your body  floating in the middle  of your own mind

The night seems long
But not long enough

The darkness only lasts a bit
The quiet comes to the end  

And you're back to where you were

Night
Making us sleep forever
Like death
The problems we create disappear for a second

1st month

Janurary 2013:

Snowing like hell, and the cold still eating out my bones
I still lingered on a bit of sadness, of the past
But i was better.
My best friend tried to **** himself
i said to him "Dont to that man!"
he apologized and said he never do it again
"You better not! now lets play some games, you idiot."
i smiled
he smiled and sat his in chair and i sat in mine.
I got a new haircut
with the sides of my head shaved
i looked like a mushroom
i liked it, wondered if it changed the thoughts of people bout me.
She still talked to me, though  i didnt want to talk to her , i did
she made me mad , but i wasnt dwelling in the past.

I have this beauty in my hand
With the softest heart

And I got mad at her ...

I should never do that to her

I'm sorry I don't show u enough love

I hate mySelf

It was cold that day
and i walked into my favorite cafe
and i ordered a tea
i stood there waiting
i look to my side
kids that i knew all sitting in the middle long table
5 girls and one guy
it was interesting to see..
i scratched my stubble that i grew out for a bit
and i felt my mustache that i was growing for a year now
should i cut it?
it was tangled,
my toque down my forehead
my black hoodie with a faded chocolate stain
and buttons and pins on my left side
my grey jeans
and torn green converse
i looked at the cars pass by-
"Your tea sir!"
he layed it on the counter
looking past his glasses at me
with his long red beard
he stared at me long
i was confused for a moment
" oh th-thank you man!"
he walked away
i grabbed my tea  and walked out
with my hands around the cup
my frozen breath going into the cup
and coming out
intangled
with the tea's steam-
i looked at it escape into the air
and i remember i saw you early that day
looking at me from afar with food in your mouth
waving at me

i was confused

you told me
lies
in my body
getting to high
forgetting how the rays of sun
feel
this smoke is making me look old
and now the clouds
cry forever
you told me

we laugh
crying like those clouds
forever
shiver down my skin
you kiss the clouds
forever
you told me
lies
in my body
hiding in the dark
getting to high
forever

4th month

April 2013:

The month of my birthday came around
and i was looking forward to the day i turned a year older
My good friend started dating this one girl
and thats all he talked about,drove me insane
but he was happy and i was happy for him
I wrote a lot of poetry
of my confused state that month.
and continues making music with my friends
Warm weather was pearing over the hills.

The day of my birthday came,
my buddy came over and we walked around the mall
with a small keyboard we bought at a second hand store

He talked about his girl
and i shooked my head
and smiled.

Tried writing poems
About the beauty you hold
but i couldn't
So i tore the page apart

Tried writing poems
Of the smile that makes me forget
of everything
but i couldn't
so i crumbled up the page
and threw it away

Tried making a song with my guitar
of the way you make me feel
but this feel is far to great
for strings to play
so i put it down
and walked away

Tried sleeping by thinking of ways
i would kiss you
if you would by side
but you would never would be by my side
so i turned over closed my eyes
and slept away

Tried thinking of ways i would tell you
of how much my heart beats for you
but i was afraid you would walk away
not saying a word
so i stopped thinking of ways to tell you
and hoped you would come for me
but you never did...

We poets
see things
hear things
say things
that others don't.

We see the beauty
within everything
We try to write the beauty we see
with words

when we love a person
we just don't love them for the figure
of their body
Or whatever else society says
that makes a person beautiful or perfect
When we love
we love them for
the sound of their laugh
the way they smile
talk,walk
the way they look at you
the way they kiss you
or the way they tell you things

We love them for past
for their mistakes
the small things
we poets love

We love the way the water glitters
the sun shines
and the way it rains
everything

We poets wish we could say things
and people would love the words you say

but  we poets and can cry tears
and make it look like a poem

people who hate poems though
we could feel sad for them
cause we know they'll never
be able to say the words of their heart

We
Are
Poets
Be happy
for we are poets

these words that beat from my heart
that go up in rush
and break when they hit my teeth
its cause of you...
i dont know how to...
talk.

its  not cause your beautiful
but you know you are
and its not cause of your smile
but you know you have a great one

its cause of your eyes
i dont how to...
get through the judgmentel look
you permently have

now my words are used for me
to build my confidence
and tell you how what i want to do
but my words
that fill my blood
and leak out like a waterfall
dont mean a thing
cause i am back from were i started

from my heart to my mouth and your ears
you'll never understand these words...
so i just smile...
and leave...

Goodbye now
Goodbye now

When we first met
I thought u were Strange
Weird...
But you ended up being my best Friend
Once I knew you more
You were ...hilarious...knowledgable
My brother....

Time goes on and we change
I found a girl who touched my heart
You continued to be the "Lone Ranger"
Too man to cry
Too "man" to even be your own self

Adventures we had
The laughs that left us breathless
Are now just memories
We barely see eachother
We barely talk
We said we would be best friends...brothers
But now I'm not sure

We're on two separate paths
That...it's too late to make u walk back to come on my side
I hope one day u can cut through

I love you
Even if I dont talk to you
I miss you ..my brother
I hope one day we can somewhat
Expirience
The old days

this humid morning
seems to be making me
seems to  me....
so take a deep breath
down your lungs
let me feel your eyes  turn me
oh
bright smile
always seemed to
have made me-
oh
it seems to me-

so drink of your cup of sin
and tell me in the morning
"why are  you making me sad for?"
ohhhhhhhh

seems to me
you found delight
in your own skin
but i thought you said you'd never-

never-

and now i forget

I do not love you any less

It is my stupid selfish desires


I love you forever

You'll be mine forever

I like to see you shine
shine above the world
that had been dark
for many years
oh, how i love to see you
shine...

Theres no man
no man
that loves you
like him
so why am i here?

We're all friends

Thought we don't always see eachother

The five of us
Are similar

Yet so different

Who knows we're all of us will be

But I love them

I don't need 1OO  friends

I like just having the 4 of them

The world seems better in the air and the clouds

Rather then here on the ground


If I can't fly

At least let me glide

But to bad that I didn't know

I am very sorry

These days
I don't feel normal
Unless I'm dancing
And my brain feels
Like it'll explode
From all this sound
That makes me wanna dance
And forget

These



Days


Don't feel normal
Unless I'm making love to you
And my heart falling out of chest

Waiting for your reply

Waiting all morning

The clouds pass
The sun sinks

Waiting all afternoon

My bed holds me up

Woke up on a sunday
on october

trees stripping away there disguise
and grass losing all happiness
as if they lost a lover

Woke up on a sunday
were the first thing in my head
was her...

Walked out into the world
onto the street
coming down the road
on a bike
she comes

And thought to myself
"why is she coming to see me"

came in and sat down
we watched an old movie
she sat on one side
i on the other

and i thought to myself
"would she liked if i were closer?"

took her to my room
she read some poetry

took her downstairs
were i have another bed
we held hands
and we were silent

we took our bikes out into the cold
and rode down the street
thinking
"this is like a movie"

We sat in a cold park
we we sit all the time
silent
and i thought
"should i?no. i'll swallow it down"
she bikes off as do i

on my head my all afternoon

i biked to her house
she came walking down the grove
Gorgeous she looked
we sat in the leaves and we took picutures
she said
"what did u do for the rest of your afternoon?"
and i thought
" i thought about you all afternoon"
but said
"oh nothing much"

we hugged eacother

tight hugs there beautiful

she walks off with a smile

and as do i

In sleep you find comfort
In your crafts you find inspiration
In your pets you find love
But in the people you love
And who love you back
You find criticism
Short tempered
And anoyyed
In the presence of a Stranger
God forbids you speak up
You would take the word of a stranger that would comment about your appearence
But from the ones who love you a chuckle of disbelief escapes your breath
My love yes
I do wonder of our
F
U
T
U
R
E

engulf me into your skin

swallow me

together we will strive for a different life

drown me in your hopes

maybe all is not lost for me...

My bed is cold
My skin crawls
Goosebumps
On my heart
I run into bed
For warmth, but your arms aren't there
I tangle myself in my blanket
But it's not the same without your legs
And body , closing me in

The morning
Unknown day
Unknown feeling

Sad that your not here
I think I'll indulge myself
In a fantasy world

Today
was an
adventure
today
was beautiful
today
felt like a beautifully written book
under the hand of a poet
today my day
felt like  the morning birds resting  in my eyes
felt like the grass taking apart my bones
throwing them to the sky
so i could fall into the clouds
Today my day
my beautfiul day was taken with photographs
and my day took a shape
of a tea and  a cold smoothie
and i felt cool down my throat
the beautiful taste, it had

I can simply say
"Today was ******* beautiful"