Days are dull
Grey skies and weeping clouds
The sun peaks through and says hello
And blue skies leaves you wanting more
Days are dull
Even when the sun blasts through and burns all the clouds in the sky
And you go home a different shade at night

This city , this open space ..
feels lonely without You
These morning and nights with empty beds and unspoken words ,leave me wondering
About you
Wanting you
You are far away In distance
But your galaxies away in spirit
When you talk to me
Your words fall like cement blocks on the floor
And pierce my chest and mind like knives

I sense it
My fear has finally settled in
You longer want me
You no longer have the need to talk to me
Oh how it breaks my souls
Oh how I want to cry on your shoulder and in your arms
But alas , that is no longer an option
I must comfort myself now
For you are just a mark
On the map of my past

You say “only you”
You say...

But i knows that’s *******

the darkness leaks inside me
the reflection in the mirror, car windows,water
is a man who seems like a past acquaintance
the body my souls lies in seems strange

my mind is crushing in on itself
or maybe theres a hole there
empty
confused
these feelings tower over me like the devil
ready to take control of me once im fully weakened

her eyes are soulless when she looks at me
Her kisses hit me like a single snow flake
Her touch feels faint
her words...no emotion

Here I am
Reaping what I sowed
Dealing with the **** I myself made

My sanity clings on a tiny thread


I love her...
But I Despise myself

I wake up once the morning
And I slowly open the curtain to peek outside
Blue sky shines through and the green trees strengthen all the colours
The world is alive
And the heat has already spread inside of everyone's houses

On days like these
I want to have an adventure
Or work hard in the sun
I hate being in my house and do nothing or go to work and trapped inside all day
On a cloudy and rainy day
I do not mind
But the horizon on a sunny day calls me
The clouds lift me
The  trees and the grass wants to drown me

I used to never feel like this
Rain or shine is didn't make matter
I could stay in or go out and not matter what the weather is
But now
I desire an adventure

Cleanse me
Reach into my brain
My mind
And cleanse me
Bring me back to my normal self
Give me my confidence
Take away these thoughts
I am not this
I
Am
Not
These
Thoughts

You know
I never really got it
Stress, anxiety and all those things
I thought they were mild feelings
And a good sleep could cure it all
Until it happened to me
It's true what they say
"Don't know what you got till its gone"
But to me it was my confidence
My sanity
My cool and calmness
All of a sudden it was hard to just relax
Hard to work
Hard to be loving to my girlfriend
To sleep
To wake up
To enjoy the burning sun
the warmness on your skin
Music
Biking
Eating
Good thoughts
Days felt weird not normal
being myself felt...difficult
All I wanted to do is stay locked up at home , in my dark room  
..
....
.....
I can say I get better everyday
At least I hope

You know
I never really got it
Thought it could be cured with a good shower


Now I just feel happy when I get an hour that I feel like myself again

The two paths
Lay there peacefully
Quietly teasing you
Taunting you...
Your decision  couldnt affect them
In any way...

The two paths
Lay there
Stretching as far as the eye can see
With nothing in view


The two paths
Lay there as two paths
Not knowing
Never knowing
How they taunt me night and day

In sleep you find comfort
In your crafts you find inspiration
In your pets you find love
But in the people you love
And who love you back
You find criticism
Short tempered
And anoyyed
In the presence of a Stranger
God forbids you speak up
You would take the word of a stranger that would comment about your appearence
But from the ones who love you a chuckle of disbelief escapes your breath
My love yes
I do wonder of our
F
U
T
U
R
E