Sometimes it is 4am and I'm awake
relearning to breathe, calming my heart
because for once you saw me and smiled
and the reality, well it tears me apart

Sometimes it is 2pm and I'm anxious
heart pounding and hands shaking
because I know in twenty minutes
I have to seem perfect for the taking

Sometimes, it is 6pm and I'm thinking
whether I'm annoying or just weird
I just.. kinda hope sometimes for once
It wasn't just as I feared.

I wonder what you think about
When you are all alone
Do you ever lose reality,
and go somewhere no one else can see?
My mind is like a pendulum
Sometimes straying, but always coming back
I feel like I'm never not thinking of you
Like my conscience loves you too
To and fro, my thoughts toss and turn
I feel restless in the dark,
And exposed in the light
My weakest parts are hidden from your sight

I lost the ***** that held my world together
There is no finding it now
And yes, I looked between the cushions of the couch
I prepare to run because
Like water through a busted dam it is coming
Like the pain of a stubbed toe it arrives in a furious instant
That asks for select curse words to be shouted
But so unlike pain in my toe, it does not fade
My world comes crashing down
The clouds in the sky fall
As dust onto my outstretched fingertips
(They hope to catch a bit of my falling world)
The atmosphere caves in
The air pressure intensifies
Until it has wrapped me
In a straight-jacket and
I
Am  
Paralyzed
I Search for your comforting eyes as you
Distantly ask me if I am okay I’m not
Okay but I cannot
Open my mouth
For the words to say because
I cannot move an inch to save you
Let alone myself
I couldn’t even save a
Word document right now
I try to scream but  
I
Can’t
Speak
And my world is crashing down
The water from the busted dam
Hits me like a concrete wall
My useless straight-jacketed body
Is swept away  
The water washes away all emotion  
I
Can’t
Feel
The sound of my demise is so loud
In my ears
I cannot hear you any longer
I
Can’t
Hear
The lack of oxygen
In my brain
Turns off the light  
I cannot see the stars
I
Can’t
See
Water everywhere
World crashing down
I
Am
Drowning
My heart beats too
Fast
Fast
Fast
I don’t have enough air to
Last
Last
Last
World
Crashing
Down
I
Can’t
Move
Can’t
Speak
Nor
Feel
Hear
See,
I
(Gasp)
Can’t
(Gasp)
Breathe.