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Mar 2021 · 167
Untitled
Ayn Mar 2021
Don’t go
You’re leaving me
To the endless flow.
You preach destruction,
But the sands of time still stand,
a subtly worse construction.
Mar 2021 · 492
Untitled
Ayn Mar 2021
As the gloomish clouds
Silently weep,
The world darkens
And we fall towards sleep.
Mar 2021 · 114
Untitled
Ayn Mar 2021
The darkness brings comfort
With a touch of suffocation.
All’s not unwell, though,
For he exists too
Within this space made for two.
Silently peering,
Deathly fearful of rest
Or of a loss of control.

Both of us are but mere parts
To a far greater whole.
Is it really better? Can I state thar with confidence? No, and no.
Feb 2021 · 119
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
Your silent hypocrisy;
A now faded memory.

Wishing for well
With directions to hell,
Purifying me
With oil and flame.

We weren’t meant to be,
Yet you still reside, now tame.

It’s only a matter of time
Before you rise from the grime.
The more I become less myself, the more it splits away from me, and teaches me all of the wrong ways to cope, under a ruse of helping me. It is too unlike me to be inside of me, yet it is there.
Feb 2021 · 87
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
Tugging at my eyes
With the gentle touch
of a light-bathed savior,
Time has once again
Caused me to lapse
Into the world of waking dreams.

Reading what I hear
But all I hear is latin;
The voices in the confusion.

Spikes cloud my vision,
Disintegrating the border
Of self-awareness.
Half baked poem. I’m too afraid to sleep ****. I’m such a ******* wimp sometimes. Honestly I know it doesn’t matter in 2021, but I feel like if someone listed out my qualities to a stranger the stranger wouldn’t even think for a second that I’m a dude. It’s almost pitiful, but it isn’t, so that’s what matters.
Feb 2021 · 119
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
Dancing to the music
Which has long ended,
Static replaces
The now distorted confusion
Leaving a shimmering illusion.

Forgetfulness is an imperfect crime,
And so I truly am
Everywhere at the end of time.
“Everywhere at the End of Time” - The Caretaker
Feb 2021 · 118
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
Hold the rain;
Follow the fall,
Catch it before the splash.

Little umbrellas
Are all I have
Lay upon the grass
And feel the silencing grasp.

Live vicariously
Through my rain;
Through my pain.
Feb 2021 · 102
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
Spiraling through the sharpened skies,
Slicing at the wind
With a blade sharper than air.
We say all’s fair,
But with a corrupt mind and body
Do I have any right to endorse it?

In a world of bladed air,
The act of falling
Hurts more than the impact.
This is the world we live in today. If you are cast out by society, the fall to rock bottom hurts mire than being at rock bottom.
Feb 2021 · 104
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
The tug,
The pull,
The snap.

Giving way to the fall.
Time, flowing like water
Among glittering beaches.

Darkness moves in,
But a flaming defiance
Rises like a screaming gale
Along the gap
Where the string once existed.

In the flames of renewal
A new string is born,
Holding back
With a grip like thorns.

Spiraling in and out
Of a fruitful Existence,
We stand on the brink of life.
Hi~ hi~ everyone! I was listening to some Bring Me The Horizon today, and I caught myself thinking what would happen if I just drove my car into a tree (while I was driving my car I thought of this). I knew it was a dodgy thing because I don’t know how fast before I die. In the end I figured out one thing. If I went fast enough, I’d be dying, blinking out of existence, but I’d be screaming to live, in every last cell of my body. This poem is to reflect that. I didn’t crash my car. I’m not dead yet *******! (Said in a joking manner)
Feb 2021 · 147
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
Clear and transparent before me,
Lying calmly and silently.
The dawn rises behind the horizon,
The moon, once gone,
Now over the silver land.
Electrified emotions
Left to stimulate a dim moonlight.
Feb 2021 · 175
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
False whispers
Sounding alarms,
Poisoning the will;
Drowning the ill.

Pulling you down
Just to push you up,
And burrow inside you,
To be a viciously vicarious
Vile remnant
Of whats long gone.
Feb 2021 · 154
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
A violent struggle for air,
Lasts like a star’s radiant flare.
As the void turns to ashes,
Breath resumes control;
A frozen silencer thawed dry.
Feb 2021 · 142
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
Decompression overwhelms
Concrete mentalities,
Shattering them
Like false glass.

Heavy is the head
That dawns the crown;
An anchor of lead,
Pulling us down.
Using greek letters i can make interesting things, take the uppercase lambda for example: ΛIDΛN cool i guess.
Feb 2021 · 109
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
What ails these sorry veins,
Plaguing the mind and soul alike?
Boiling blood, sores and pains,
Killing what’s left of life.

Maybe rubies are all I need;
To make a mark and watch it bleed.
I’ve overworked this sickness further into me. I can’t even laugh it off anymore, I don’t have the strength. It’s tearing me apart.
Feb 2021 · 336
Churning
Ayn Feb 2021
Within the midst of your lies,
Hiding among the corner
Of your drifting eyes.

I stand surprised,
Activated by what’s lost
Awoken by the cost.

These cold blooded veins
Warming to your pains
Attempting to hide your fear
Of doing man right.

Internalization taking flight.
I still am up and weird about what I did. it’s nothing bad. I gave someone a gift and it made them “disgustingly thankful” in their words. but still I’m in turmoil. Was it right for me to do that, from a personal standpoint? From an impersonal standpoint (not considering me) it was a nice thing to do. I do remember their reaction and smile because it made me happy, but why?
Feb 2021 · 210
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
Losing grip
As the void opens below me.
A rage like a flame,
Ready to consume it all away.
The water douses the flame,
The smooth visage
Of the silently stoic seas
Now threatening to drown
Rather than to save.

One good tug deserves my time,
And so I unwillingly fall
Into the drowning sea.

Reddened hands,
slick with broken skin
Reduce the sea to an abhorrent red.
Now sadness has a new color.
Feb 2021 · 149
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
The darkness holds me tightly,
Wrapping me within
Its—mine—our sin.

I see it shifting in the corner,
The forlorn spectral shade
Slipping through the thin fabric
Of my weak perception.

Embracing my body,
Living in my soul;
The shadow lies dormant,
With it I feel whole.
It’s not just the good parts that make us up, it’s the bad parts too. I started watching people stream videogames. It’s actually pretty chill.
Jan 2021 · 132
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
Like the sun
Blazing through the sky,
A master swords
Cleaves the fallen knight,
Bringing forth
The golden sunrise
Of a gilded age
Jan 2021 · 120
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
Arriving with an air
Of delicate stillness,
The cold slips between our fingers,
Much like the marsh mud I threw
As a young child,
Or as the years of my life
That disappeared before me.
Yeah idk where I was going with this it’s 10 degrees outside rn (yes, degrees F, it’s below zero in Celsius)
Jan 2021 · 144
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
The thunder of gods
Hitting like a stone,
Yet fragmenting
Like hollow glass;
An insufferable impact
Followed by a spectral radiance
Of the refractive prisms
Which now litter
Our wandering minds.
Inspired by “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC (the first line is my mishearing of the song, and all the inspiration) the second line inspired by “IMN” by Mudvayne. The rest is original to me.
Jan 2021 · 150
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
I’m the whisper
Among the piercing scream;
The subtle vertigo
Of an early morning dream.

I’m the darkest burning star;
Your wandering mind
When you’ve gone too far.

I’m the voice you could not hear;
The voice you should not fear.
Advice that most abhor,
Given with an air of valor.

Don’t follow my whispered suggestions,
All it becomes is bad recollections.
Jan 2021 · 170
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
Without constraint,
Without boundaries,
Emotion persists
Through the trials of time.
Jan 2021 · 130
Endurance
Ayn Jan 2021
The purest expiration;
The train has left the station
There’s no need to lie it out
There’s no need to contain it
It’s just a small remainder;
What’s left of our container
But shattered resonation?
A silenced inhibition
Led me to emotion.
There’s no thoughts to control,
This mind just isn’t whole.
Idek
Jan 2021 · 113
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
Youthful spring,
Slowly drawing itself towards winter.
We wish it would stay forever,
But time grows old,
As all things do,
And barren days
Arrive in a haze.

All seems lost and lifeless,
But hope is not yet futile,
Because spring lies beyond
The approaching horizon.
Jan 2021 · 129
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
As we make this mess whole,
We look into the distance, intoxicated
By the silent, corrupt vessel.
A terror once prominent, now abated.

A sickness soon to grow,
But the infection has long sat, dormant.
Break the dam, beckon in the flow,
And watch as we sing our silent lament.
My parents seem to be under the impression that I’m a closeted transgender. I’m trying to figure out how to tell them that dudes are allowed to like cute stuff too ****.
Jan 2021 · 128
Isles
Ayn Jan 2021
As I look beyond the ocean,
The horizon’s phantasmic light
Reflects a midnight’s oasis
Of never ending stars;
A planetary pastel painting
This distantly endless expanse,
Bringing color to my eyes,
And life to the world.

It’s this lightly salted bliss
Which I’ll come to miss.
No matter how much I move forward,
I’ll wish “once more” to see this.
I really do feel this way. I doubt I’ll be on the ocean much when I set off on my own. Even in the far off chance that I become rich (but hopefully not famous), I’ll live in an ok house that’s not on the ocean. I’m not into all this “big house, expensive stuff, nice car” *******. I just need what I can make-do with.
Jan 2021 · 306
Control
Ayn Jan 2021
Losing the last cord,
Left to sit and whimper.
Silenced by a culling voice;
Words escaping my thoughts
Like a bullet escaping the cartridge.

All I need is for a spark
To rise beyond the towering flames.
I’ve started drawing, because idk. I’m not great at it but practice makes perfect. Well perfect is a concept rather than a possible outcome for almost everything, so I won’t be perfect, but lets see how much I can improve.
Jan 2021 · 104
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
Cleaving through the stilling silence,
Like an ocean’s crushing roar.
The dulling gray sky
Becomes a lightless void
With a scream of defiance,
Splitting the essence of noise.

Left with a silence so warm,
But it’s just the calm before the storm.
Jan 2021 · 279
Current
Ayn Jan 2021
Mulling over past events,
I hear the simple breath.
A complex existence
Lulling me forward.
The ocean lies ahead,
But her breath pulls me closer.

The rising surf,
Crashing like a titan’s cradle.
Fear spraying my face
As she kicks up the water.
Tearing me from our reality,
While screaming a muting melody;
Dragging out the fear inside of me

My layers,
Worn too thin,
Letting her right through.
Piercing my skin
And igniting my nerves;
Numbing my senses,
And leaving in silence.
The wind is cold, is it not? It’s another thought. If you’ve seen my other work you’ll know what the wind is.
Jan 2021 · 95
Subtly Frosted Dreams
Ayn Jan 2021
As it bears down,
Shrouding me in fear,
I feel it.

Piercing my skin,
Like a webwork of needles;
Igniting my nerves
And numbing my veins.

The weakened rays of sun
Fail to reflect the lingering web,
Or the spider lingering beyond.
Just a playful idea on how the cold feels. I say meh. I wanted to describe it more deeply. How the sunlight failed to show how cold it really is.
Jan 2021 · 75
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
Dawn the helm of war,
Nothing else matters anymore.
But when all means
Meet their ends,
Dreams subtly was ashore.
You made this all go away,
But now you’re what I can’t see;
A fading reminder
Of what I used to be.
Not a love poem. Hahaha if it was it probably wouldn’t have been as sour.
Jan 2021 · 89
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
It seems that you’re not satisfied
With all the runs I’ve tried.
You’re gone for good yet you linger,
Like one’s reputation, pointing the finger.

What was I supposed to do?
I lost my **** because of you.
I’ve made it to the bow;
Nothing can stop me now.
Jan 2021 · 101
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
Fluorescent shadows
Quake on the concrete.
Like autumn leaves
In a solitary plain,
The ****** and disappear.

Shadows of men I don’t see,
I guess they’ll always be there,
Haunting me.
Jan 2021 · 141
Descent
Ayn Jan 2021
Underneath
What I am;
What I was,
I burst out of the shell,
Burning to shred.
Smoldering paper
Is all that remains.

Burn it all,
The thought doesn’t count.
Burn it all,
It shouldn’t survive.
Burn it all,
Just save me from my memories.
What memories could I be speaking of? Hahaha that’s for me to know and try to forget! I’m usually on the side of not trying to forget things because they teach me. This taught me nothing and caused me pain.
Jan 2021 · 100
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
Pushing,
Seeping,
Leaking.
It’s all tangled up inside.

Disintegration is temporary,
But the damage is eternal.
Jan 2021 · 119
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
Streaks of rose-gold radiance
Elevate the scarlet plateau.
Through watching skies,
And ethereal cries,
The peak of the world draws near.

When all’s said for all to hear,
A hidden motive is made clear.
There’s no reigning power
As pervading as our fear.
Jan 2021 · 85
Rain, Rain
Ayn Jan 2021
A vast dark sea
Approaches overhead,
Like a distant diver.
The silent scenery
Swiftly slides
Into a world of noise.
Birds caw their warnings,
The wind rushes by,
Like a helicopter
Sitting too close for comfort.

As twinkling lights
Shine like starlight
Through a cold night,
I look for another calm
In this unruly tempest.

As my fears disappear,
Like a toothpick
Among the amber blades
Of fall-going beach grass,
I admire the excellence
Of the rain’s soft persistence.
Inspired by Down In It by NIN, but that song has nothing to do with this poem. Just the lines “Rain rain go away, come again some other day.”
Jan 2021 · 327
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
As the sunrise’s claymore
Is the blazing creator
Of our earthly existence,

The moonlight’s spear
Is the slice right through the vein,
Revealing what we try hide.
Jan 2021 · 287
Me, Myself, & I
Ayn Jan 2021
Drawing out the vile ichor
Which flows through my veins.
Cleaving out what’s left in me,
And leaving it to dry.

As you’ve taken out my sun,
Only moonlight remains.
And with the rising night,
I enjoy glistening pains.
Jan 2021 · 183
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
Laying newfound gemstones
Upon the fields of springtime citrus,
The sun rises once again.

We are here to witness
As the earth’s moonlight visage
Is burned away by the rising fire,
Leaving us free to start anew.
Hey, this is for a friend named s, and probably everyone else. Who I wrote it for isn’t important. It’s important to remember that sometimes all you might need is a reset. To take a nap during the day, or sleep through the night can help you a lot. Remember that. I don’t want anyone making the mistakes I have.
Jan 2021 · 103
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
Through time’s distorted glass,
I’m led to believe
On what you were,
Not on what you’ll be.

It’s sad to see
This distortion affect me,
But now it’s my reality.
Jan 2021 · 320
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
The permeation of my shadow
Beckons a new dawn
Upon the moonlight
Which shrouds my soul.

But it’s only in the day,
That I can clearly see
The dripping carnage,
Which was once me.
Jan 2021 · 129
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
Shrouding every waking breath,
And stifling my sickened cough;
Weakening me.
Forcing broken promises,
And dealing only half-truths,
Making my regret vile.

I wish I could’ve met you,
I would’ve saved some face.
But your face is mine.
And your mind,
Well it’s on the same line.

There is no solving you.
Believe me,
I’ve tried it too.
Only in avoidance
Will I save myself
From your remnants.
Jan 2021 · 80
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
Confusion whips up all around me;
A desert of the unexplained.
Words and phrases once meant to free
Now trap me in my pain.

A scarring biting nervous wind;
Shards of memories meant to maim.
Time is all I need to mend,
But my silence became a dying flame.
On the spot, just me writing without pause. I only used backspace for misspelt words. It’s a challenge more than anything.
Jan 2021 · 130
Vicarious
Ayn Jan 2021
Through the open door;
Tapped open by the playful prairie breeze,
Comes a man.
This man has a story, as does everyone else.
However, for this striding figure,
Standing tall and slightly large,
There was neither need nor reason
To share a time long past.

His clothes were out of season,
And poorly fitting for the time of day.
A collared purple shirt,
Decorated with tropical floral
Wore him like a flirt.
Velvet pants, shimmering with each step,
Electrified his egotistical stride.
With wrinkles like a rocky outcrop,
And colors most abhorrent today,
The sluggish outfit was complete.

Jaunting up the the well-loved counter—
Tended to by well-hated men—
And slowing by a slight amount
For those unlucky enough to cross his path,
He rested an older, pudgy hand
On the exposed splinter board.
All it took was a small glance
From this month’s wretched clerk
To set this man in motion;
“A pack o’ Marlboros and a coke...
Make sure it’s cold.”

An inaudible sigh—
I doubt anyone else heard the forsaken utterance—
echoed silently from the clerk’s unmoving lips.
Full of despair, this uniformed creature stepped back,
Turning his mind towards the cigarettes,
One of the many things he longed
But could never have.

Opening the case, and picking a carton,
He placed the weathered box upon the stressed counter.
The worst of the bunch... that’s why this one is hated.
After a couple of seconds,
The world, as if once trapped in stasis,
Was shattered back into movement.

The offending hand, wrinkled and haired,
Belonged to the confident customer.
“And the coke?”
He questioned, the corrosion leaking from his words.
“Oh... sure.”
The clerk mumbled in reluctant submission.
The cowardly one dropped to a kneel,
Pulling the coke out of an old icebox—
It was probably his—
And placed it lightly on the counter,
Not daring to shake the time bomb.
After the amount was rung through,
And a grimy $6.76 was paid in full,
Two hands—well known by now—
Seized the chemicals like it was his right...
And it was, because he bought that death.

Strutting out of the store,
his slimy hands slipped into his packet,
Drawing out his heroic match,
Like Excalibur from the stone.
A simple strike along the rusted doorframe,
And a smoldering cigarette later,
We gazed as a lit match was thrown back;
It’s fall like a clock of death,
Slowly ticking towards the man,
Bearing down beyond the corners
Of those sharp yet simple eyes.
I watched this kind of scene unfold as I wrote it. It was fun to write. It sure as hell took a bit. And there are no edits, like usual. I wrote what I wanted, so yeah.
Jan 2021 · 312
Edgeless, Nameless
Ayn Jan 2021
Silence;
Turning to dust in the gentle breeze.
Anger subsides
And the turquoise sea drags us down.

Through our ethereal existence,
We listen.
Through our heart’s mind,
We feel.

All we hear is the wind,
And all we feel...

All we feel is our silent suffocation.
I needed to write so I wrote.
Jan 2021 · 108
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
Fuzzy nightmares,
And lurking daydreams.
Hiding from the ends
That justify my means.

It’s all led me astray
There’s always another day,
But there’s always debts...
Which I need to repay.
Dec 2020 · 175
Untitled
Ayn Dec 2020
Life makes us bitter,
But with wings a flutter,
We soar.

Above the teardrops
Sitting like morning dew
In the naked eyes
Of our beholder;
We stay afloat,
And delightfully aglow.
Dec 2020 · 66
Untitled
Ayn Dec 2020
It’s a day of fun
Just one of those days,
No need to run;
It’ll all be done.

It’s an endless time
And time’s never kind,
So count my teardrops;
All hundred-eighteen of them
We’ll see this one through;
Watch the sunset’s red gem,
Then we’ll know
Time’s kindness once again.
Dec 2020 · 146
Whispers of the Past
Ayn Dec 2020
The depths of consciousness,
Pierced by the needle
Of everlasting imagination.

Childish whims
And vehement tranquility
Continually surround
This world of purity.
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