I haven't had you in so long


I cringe when you penetrate me


engorged sleep inside of me


well least I dream this could be



but right now your far from me



and I'm far from you,


same city


same town


but it's hard to give back


what once used to be,



scared to trust again,


I listened,


believed


I had plethora of will


to withstand all things


which could of


  and did come our way,


I trusted you



loved you best


I have to go now

have to forget


pain pleasure tears sweat


in and out


deep, slow


more and more

seemed to be all we ever had


seems if



we weren't *******



we were scrapping.


Tried,


so tired,

I just want to close my eyes



and forget all the negative.


Forget you,


but the massiveness



between your legs


has me craving  you once again.

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®

I'm not obligated to you,
I don't owe you anything, not no mo &
not when for years you've made sure to
exclude me and treat strangers
far better than you'd do me,
your impressed by your entourage
&

groupies
                    
                             but if they knew
                                              
                                                                             you like me maybe they'd see
                                                                      
                                                the ******* hiding underneath.

                                                                                  Just maybe huh...
Yo you talk a lot of ****

but what do you have to show after
spending on these little old *** man--looking women.

Blaming me,
when your caught out & stuck...

I swear son these
"Fee'males"  
make it hard for rest of us females,
take note girl and realize his money don't impress me.
I knew this motha ***** when he ain't have a dime
or any type of game,
your the only one in line
trying to be what I once was- his everything,
the chef,the lawyer,
his counselor, budget keeper,
clothes mending,
dish washing *** machine -house keeper,
his baby maker,
& forever attending to his every waking need,
his bread winner,
I'm the chick, the queen-bee,
girl the only one that ever held him down,
I'm the one whose made sure
he was clothe, feed & never broke
Yo you think I'm the joke?

Trick please,
just for your
assumptions & blatant disrespect,
I'll always be better than you!

                                                              These men are so funny

                                                                                      and these uneducated
                                      
                                   so called women too.

Who in there right mind
would assume they now my life
or that of the relationship I was in,
***** don't attempt to answer,
that was rhetorical
there ain't no way you can ever know
&
I don't give a **** what's been told you
specifically&especially; by
him.

Of course he'll lie to you that's the only thing he knows,
I'm laughing hard at you though cause
your stupid too, for believing his sorry excuse.

No good gold-digging man whom you've seen
me do everything for,
no need to listen to him when
the evidence been right in front of you,
but your cheap&looking; to score,
She thought to take from my children,
stupid *****,
I think not,
because everything he's got
it because of me.
I made and gave to him
except the man he pretends,
I can't claim the fake ******* he doing with you,
***** please
that's all him,
an adulterous
looking for you to give to him what I used to
and you keep looking to me for answers
well my advise to you- get back on your knees,
kiss my *** actually never mind
who knows what diseases
are on your lips.

My advise to him,
be careful who you play games with
and watch who you lay down with too,
I got a life which no longer involves you,
my kids will be fine,
so baby boy *******
**** yo own ****
cuz
from here on out I don't owe you a **** thing,
I don't forgive you
but I'll forgive myself
for trusting in ya word and the vows we had left...



I'll forgive me

                           for ever loving you,
            
                          for the pain I let you cause me
                                
                                     not to mention the pain

                                                           ­                      I let myself feel
                  
                                         ­           for falling for
      
                              the wrong ******* dude.



                                  But

               ­                          from here on out
                    
                           I'm sailing my ship far the **** away
                            
      and taking my kids too,
                                    
             because after all your lies,
        
affairs& every kinds of abuse
                          
           I'm no longer
                          
  Obligated to You.


*Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®

Man,
there's a cold dark corner
in my room,
your voice calls
out when I'm curled up there
on the dank musty floor,
it speaks to me; I'm coming for you.
I hold to the
voiceful melody of your
softly
spoken sounds as you drown out
the drone of negativity
and the past men who lied
when they said
they'd always love me...
His'aholic.
As I lie on my bed
in the fetal position,
eyes closed
hoping
you'll walk in,  lift me onto your lap
cradled me in that protective way
only you're able to give me,
feel your fingers caress me.
Too many times I find
I walk in a stupor from the loving  you gave.
Gosh it feels so long ago
and my needs wrecking  my senses
once more can you do to me what you did last time,
just once more & I'll let it be.
I'm feigning...
My dystonia
is you- every time you come around
I get what I'll call
His'aholic,
uncontainable, uncontrollable
movements and twitches
twerking if need be, just to get
intoxicated one more time of off
you,
like the excitement a kleptomaniac gets
or the levels of high a shopaholic feels
my dopamine fired up every time
you do what you do to me
Him'aholic, His'aholic,
Your'aholic
my
infectiousness habits,
sweats & hot flashes-
Man
because of what you do,
mentally I'm gone,
once you take root in my veins,
in my lungs,
I forget all that's wrong with the world,
all those problems from my past
I no longer see any of those things.
It's a made up word,
less you count when
Kelly Price
used
Him'aholic for her album title.
Different meaning in 
 His'aholic, different in Your'aholic too,
but
that's a bit more personal and much more deep,
it a thing where
  well forget I said anything
hehehe.
I make up my own words in referencing to anything about you.
Man,
I'm  jonesing, longing and yearning
oh please oh please
note
the
oh please-
I'm begging you!
Your the unusual
"drug" addiction
I need to feed on,
You got me
craving, shamefully
shaking with it,
longing and in a dazed- hazy blur.
Because of you I'm a
mindless puppet, my strings
once connected to you
are torn.
The music doesn't sound right,
the dance ain't got he same
rhythm,
I feel sick when I can't have you
feel upside down,
when I ain't got my fix.
I got it bad & all I want is you
say what you want but just know
I got a illness
there's only one cure for
His'aholic
&
it's
you!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®