He used to paint my nails.

He'd paint em

pinks reds and orange

he'd paint them blue

sometimes too

mostly black.

He'd make tiny daisy

flowers all around.


He used to put lipstick

on me

he'd trace my  out lip line

he'd use

black or brown liner

making them fuller

he'd tell me

they need to look fuller.


He use to dress me up

he'd get fishnet thigh highs

he'd have me step into

a mini dress

made of synthetic leather

zebra prints all around.


He'd follow with

a black tight

leather half shirt

gloves long and white

always would follow.


He use to do my hair

he'd comb front to back

for 45mins

it'd shine and glow

falling off my shoulders

cascading down my back

it almost touched my ****.


He used to put me in heels

he'd picked always the reds

I didn't like these red heels

I stood almost to his chest.


He used to tell me

to dance.

He'd say move my

hips like this

in a circular motion.


He'd say stand

  in the middle

on the dinning

room table

dance for me

he'd say
dance
for poppop.


He use to touch me

when I danced

He used to

touch himself too

I cried.


He'd become meaner

He'd say don't

make me punish you

I felt punished already.


He'd get undress

I'd cry louder

begging him not to.


He's slapped

my face

I always fell

I'd stand up

fast or he'd

hit me again.


He'd lay me on the table

keeping me trapped

in the middle

he'd fill me every night

I'd cry

He'd laugh.


*He use to paint my nails.

(until my birth father shot him)


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®

I am glad
he doesn't love -
with his  silky tongue
for
his words can dangle
forever in my veins
like an infectious cold,  
tearing away at my heart
while my mind tries to forget all the things
he's never saying

I'm glad
he never tells me he loves me,
my  heart,
my soul
or
my face
nor
my body,
the lie
would mean
he care and has feelings
that
I have known weren't ever there.

I'm glad  
he doesn't say
he  longs for me
like he longs & loves
the sun,
or
good food & flowers.

I'm glad  
he ignores my plea as I beg him  
to finally treat me with a semblance
of respect
because
it'd mean
he wants this to work,
I'm more realistic...
I know it never will or can.

I'm glad
he leaves my side after making me ***,
because it'd mean
he wants more than my body...  
I know he's not ready to commit
or
open his heart,
not to me anyways.
I'm glad
he doesn't look too deep into my eyes,
because
he'd see that I'm so broken and lonely
&  
he'd see the crippling pain
he causes each and every time
he walks out...  
I'm so glad
he doesn't notices a thing.
- If that's true,
why do I hear in me
tears dripping
like winter falling leaves?
hmm?*
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®

Take your word..
You say.   But  She took Your word when
you told her- you loved her the most
in this world. She's your lady & baby girl.  You  gave ya word to her   when you told her your so in love and no other will do!
Not me nor anyone can replace her- remember you gave her ya word- huh?
hmm TAKE your word for it ?  You gave ya word to her and told her you'd do anything to please her! 
but  now I must-
 Take your word... ??
When You told her I'm nothing to you at all.
Your not in a good place right now  &  only she can pull you out!
Your missing her so much.
  You wish she was here  because your craving her touch.
& you keep on begging me to-
Take your word.....
When you've told her, her and her,  you have to stay because  your trapped.
didn't you tell  her this girl in that 1 - I'm not healthy+
I'm in a bad state-
( of mind because my mental psychosis ain't right)
  which is why you can't leave me  right now?!
This you say- Take your word...
When you telling
em  I'll never be as good as them.  (this girl or that  other woman) 
 You can't wait until your free.
Your playing pretend with me but they're  (her, she and them)  is really where you want to be?
Take your word.......
When once again
after you've lied stole and cheated
&
emotionally beat the love right out of me-
Yet you want me to
Take your word?!?  
I took your word: 
 when YOU vowed to
forsake all others  when you promised  to
love me in sickness& in health, for better & worst-  
WHEN YOU
asked me to love you forever  
and
if I'd do just that  (take ya word)  
YOU'D  "show" me
I could once more trust you or as you said  
(take your word) & you'll give me all of you
1000%,
take ya word
on everything & it'll be us, me & you, through thick or thin
and you'd "show" me 
 I could believe in you once again too, that if
I take ya word-
you'll bring the faith I had in you- back to me,
"IF"
  I'd take ya word  
YOU'D save me from your past neglects and FINALLY love me best!
   "IF "
I'd take ya word  - You'd never abuse, misused, or deceive me EVER again!  
SEE
that's the problem,
I did
TAKE YOUR WORD
&
TOOK
you back even after all this...  
NOW I don't want to hear it...
  Ya words  hurt me...  
SEE
I was ya choice but never was I  1st!  
Never
did I have 1st dibs
& for you,
it was easy picking
when you got hungry unscrupulous ***** nasty type chicks after you! 
 I was never number #1
I was just  1 of many   you played & used!
Yo your words ain't ****.  
Take MY word(s)  & listen good :
I can't and  I  wont do this to myself nor allow
you to
******* abuse me
NO MORE,
I'm to good for you and this here mess!
BOY  Ya WORD and words no longer mean ****!
DEUCES!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright © Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®*
..

I conflicted you,
confused you,

I never meant to
but you see baby

I'm defective from past
and
present abuse

misused,
mistreatment,
misdeeds,
misconceptions

recreated into what you
see
before you,

an
explosive mindless mess.

I should of got help

before
letting you in...
Should of
fixed me before
we began

but
you see papi

I didn't want to,
because
it'd mean
letting you go
for another to ****** up.

Ooh no
I could never have that,
so
I hide my pain-

until we fought and I blamed you
when it was never even your fault,

I tried to drown you in my anguish,

causing you
to become a beast instead of man!

took away your self-esteem
making you into what I believed

I wanted,

believed
I needed-  
to become a better me.

See papi

I thought if you did all
I asked and laid in my bed-

things from my past would cease to exist.

I thought once we became as one
you'd pick up the burden of

my broke heart mend me
and
fix what once was lost,

help me to become better even
thou
I never knew what was yet best
for me...

I let you in,
when
I was wounded
and
while war was raging in my head...

All
I needed was you
in my bed-
inside of me
pumping nothing but deceit
as we consummated
a lie,
a dream,
unrealistic fantasies
and
things that could never be
but still
I held on turning

you into -
what others have turned me to
too.

Letting you
think your the only one
when
I had him them and those three.

I could never love you
because at the end of the day
I barely *******

loved myself!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®

Come to me,
*** with me.
fall into lust
as our
love consumes us,
let me ride you...
Like
tidal-waves
you crash into to me...
Gently
so gently
your filling me,
filling me
until I cry out
begging you to stop
yet
wanting so much more.
*** for me,
come to me.
Holding on,
holding me
tight
mmhmm
tighter...
The
weight of you
all on me
has
me feeling
so
protective,
loved, cherished,
treasured,
accepted
and
so wanted...
Come to me,
*** with me.
Your
kisses trailing
over my body
making me dizzy
leaving me breathless..
*** for me,
come to me.
I
yearned for you too long now,
my body's calling
for more
and
my hungers overflowing.
*** with me,
come to me.
Open
me and play within
like
hide and seek,
the keys deep within.
Kiss me
here-  slide farther....
now kiss me there.
*** for me,
come to me.
I
have a notion to pretend,
role play
and
change this tryst into a romantic
randevú.
I need you.
I'm  begging you
Please
I'm
longing
and
wanting
you....
Meet
me in our bedroom.
let's
retrace our steps,
repeat
what's
recently transpired-
Come to me
*** for me!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®

I remember the first ingredients
to our lover's brew -
desire & passion
was the basics ingredients,
He already had the spice of
"want" & a dash of "need"
copiously he trailed rainfalls of kisses
down my body.
Until he reached my valley of milk & honey,
He opened me slowly, meticulously so- placing one finger inside as his tongue danced across my *******.
Causing me to reach my hands down pulling his hair, trying to pull his head closer deeper as my body melted to him.
Contumaciously
He rejected my urgency...
reaching my hands he held both with just one of his own keeping me in place as he administered his lustful assault on my person, my mind froze as my body ****** hips first before he let go my hands then wrapping both hands around my thighs.
Holding me tightly while making me cry out his name over & over...
He knew I was ready, wet & sleek.
He's hard solid & ready but I rush to taste him he only allows me to for a second then he bends me over my *** facing his **** he doesn't enter me- he once more licks & ***** my ******* then my tongues my ***.
Causing a new sensations...
right before my body explodes he slams into me swiftly, my moan dies as my cries of more rant the morning air.
He's moving so vigorously- blending sensual amounts of harmonic tones of his own moans and whimpers in my ear as he ****** harder but oh so gentle like he was a drummer & his throbbing ****- a solid 10" hard hitting drum is now beating  in & out of me,
He was so energetic without rules or reasoning to pleasuring me so immensely he never noticed the door bell ringed..
Oh well, my legs began to shake as he holds my hips he moves in- pushing deeper,
retracting slowly then again- he slams inside of me...
from behind me he pulls my hair while his other hands is placed  on the small of my back, I'm convulsing like I'm having an epileptic reaction- my ******* rapture causes me to fall in a heap upon our bed.
These are the ingredients to our
Lover's Brew!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®