Music is my Muse
From the funky jazz tempo
To the sounds of salsa
From the classical rock
To the alternative basses
From the Opera Lady's bellow
To the Tenors solo
From the 80's slow jamz
To them 50's swinging bands,
To them country folk songs
To those old folks blues
Music is my Muse,
My inspiration,
Being Black&Puerto; Rican
I- A NuYorican,
I've heard the best tunes,
Bahchata's & Merengue,
Bailes La Cumbias,
Like Macr Anthony &
oh how he sang to me,

My wanting
to rock with you like
Micheal Jackson-
To Vanilla's
Ice Ice Baby,
It's yo thang do what you wanna do,
Candy coated Rain drops
By Soul For Real,
& When will I see you Again-
Babyface
Until I muse
in my amusement
When Tim McGraw  
Sanged don't take the girl,
Reba "Asking Does
He love me like
he's been loving YOU",
To its my prerogative
Like Bobbi Brown said,
Let not for get
Johnny Cash,
Or what About them
O'Jays
Yeah my muse is musical-
Music and thinking artfully
coincides with one another,
with breathing and  eating
Rhyme & Rhythm linguistics
even as we walk down the street
or cruising
while jamming in ya car,
LL Cool J said Cars drive
by with the booming Systems-
AH Push it was
My jam back in the day
R&B; Was mostly what I liked
But growing Up
I started listening to
Rock & Hip Hop,
Got drunk off those sweet
Monster Ballads
while Making love
to Sade,
Sung All Cried Out
at my graduation party,
Tony Toni Tone
Made Us-FEEL GOOD YEAH
at all them block parties
back in NYC,
Now
I listen to everything
going on 33
heard it through the grape vine
that YOU share
a likeness in this Musing?
Music is My Muse.
Always Me Ayeshah

Your
touching me again ,
doing
that thing you do when your
wanting me ,

Come here
and
let me subtract
thoughts
from your mind ,
Make it reality,

Come here
and
hold me,
let me
caress you
touch you
and
feel you all
over me,

Your
doing it again,
licking your lips
and
making me
want to bite
you,
lick you in the spots that i know
will
melt the core
of you,

leave you
panting and breathing
for more
of me,

Lay down
and
let me sweet talk
my lips around
you

Taste
you and feel
you,
as
69 becomes us,

Ecstasy
controlling & empowering
us to join as one
start a new chemical reaction
a
Meltdown
With
waves in the sheet
as

Our
Bodies
transform
like the sound of an
Atomic Bomb
and
**** near ***'bust with
the elements
of lust,

The shear heat ignites us
and
blows us
into
*******
rapture

Intensifying
the realms
of
This bedroom,
We 're
Bored
no longer,

Leave
the sign on the
door...,
It Reads:
Do Not enter...,

I fly higher and higher
and
come away sedated!
Now
I SLEEP!
Always me Ayeshah

Like a moth to a flame,
I keep coming back to You,
Like a
***** in heat
I lift my tail to your flesh,
I can smell you a mile away ,
on any given day..,
I don't even like you,
Don't
want to do
the things we do....
the hurt you cause me
and the lies you give,,
The promises all broken
like my cheek with ya fist..,
The mistrust
I know so well as you Yell,
while the words you say..,
send me, condemning me to hell,
This is whats given to me yet
still can't seem to let you go,
Let you be
even when you make a fool of me,
Why am I
still here
still around you,
Why am I this way..
holding on to you
Even when i say we're through
It's over I say ..,
Then I cling to you..,
The closer you get
it seems the further you push me away,
I run in opposite directions
trying to fight the traffic
you brought in my life..,
The fist the kicks and slaps  
Broken ribs..,
All coming my way ,
We're scared ,
Afraid to stay or go,
stuck in the middle ,
Running in circles...,
Trying
to get back past lives....,
The word's once said
wasn't truly  give
in ,
To what I let you do to me,
miss use me and bruise me..,
Even when our bodies
Touch I feel  nor felt
no lust
I don't even let you  too close to me ..,
I can't think and can't be who I want to be..
You only gave me part of yourself
put half of you in to this ..,
and now I can't  live with out it,
I had to stop you ,
before
never mind that NOW..,
You're tearing me up even more,
I'm like  
a flower to water  drinking you into me ..,
The potions
you seeping in me
the lies and greed,
just to control me mold me into
what you seek..,
Living for a taste of the freedom
I had before I knew you,
But I don't let you go ,
can't let you leave,
See I got so used to
the way you treat me,
I don't even love you
Nor ever liked you,
The control I give to you
I ask myself who are you ,
who am I
And
why did I let you
take me as you did ..,
control me
with sweet word's
but never
truly giving in to anything.,
Beautiful you said..,
When I know I could do better,
Why do I stay in your presences
When you make me sick..,
Real love don't hurt like this.
But the Pleasure & Pain
Are so meshed to together
That I can't control my feelings
there out of my grasps ,
YET
I'm not revealing  how you upset my life,
I don't like you nor do I want you
This control you got over me ,
I can't believe..,
I let you in to my mind
To find the weakness in me and do all these
things to me,
I know I'm better than what your giving
SO
Why do I take so much from you
all that you do,
What's keeping me here...,
I know its not fear,
For Death
comes to us all and
if it's my time to fall so be it,
let me Fall, God have mercy on me,
for give me for all my transgression
AND I KNOW
MY LIFE LESSONS.
******* ,
You win,
But from what
I been seeing and reading ,
I know know what it is ,
This **** you got me twisted in!
Its a CYCLE
And I'm in
REPEAT
or so you may think..,
The CYCLE of you:
ABUSE!
(To those who have been in it
or going
Thur it;
you can over
come anything -
I did!)
Always me Ayeshah

He Fights to be the Provider,
Hiding the Pain he Sometimes feels,
Trying to be your Healer,When you both have to seal -Deals ...
In life that give way to many...
Mistakes, He lifts you up when your feeling down,
Holding all he feels deep, Down,
Worries about what you don't have while trying
to make you Laugh,
Sometimes Sitting  up, Late at night thinking
of another way to give everything
Helping you
Through the old wounds of pain caused by another Mans
Abuse,un truths or lies you never forgave,
Taking blame even thou its not in him to hurt
this presious women,
To him You are everything,
Asking Nothing of himself,
When your in pain he leands the help,
taking all your worries away
Pain Skecthed on his face,
You dont Notice, your too stuck in your own
Turmoils, You dont think..., What dose he need,
A Mans Struggles
Is beyound us,We only know what we WANT, As Women
Some of Us don't trust enough or care long as we
Get OUR share..,
We aruge with him,
Fight and fuss,
Making it harder on him to just be a Man
His Struggles,
Not to mention The Father or daddy to some of our kids,
Even when their not even his,We burend you with our self
conclusions and confusions, Make you Pay Everyday
for something you didnt do or Never Could..
Mistreatment is evident as
We give to him
Our own Abuse ...Words Hurt him too,
Even thou he Holds it ALL in
As Girls, Ladies and Women,We concurred you,
With looks of our own Deceptions and lie to get you in our web,
Black Widows Grasping at you, laying you on the plater not really
knowing what "lies" Ahead,
Not All Women but Many of THEM...,
Taking him from Man to the Beast paying for
The ******* by other old peeps family
or the Other Ex's
Not leaving Room for him to be Next,
Or The Best...,
**** His Struggles and let him deal with mines,
Let him see me as I want him to,
his girl we say, His Lady, His wife,
His Baby Momma
With all the strife and Drama,
Causing him to be Not Man but less of Him,
Make him the Next Abuser,
No its not Right but
hey Thats life,
or THE Way you want it to be..
You wanted more of his time,
stopped him from making a Dime or paper,
To Recreate him
Not in God's Image but as You want it..,
Women Listen...
He's
Giving all he can, Working Paying bills..,
In the street or 9to 5 ...,
Doing anything to let You get by,
THIS MAN STRUGGLES.
Yeah he gets a little satisfaction
from all that he's done to just put
that Smile on your face ...,
See his kids say
Hey my Daddys great,
But Given His Struggles His way of doing things..,
its time to sit and think
what it means to be a MAN,  Be Men....,
A Mans Struggle's
We dont talk much about...,ONLY what he do "WRONG"
or what he's NOT willing to Do for you,
You Complain
About what's NOT Given  or  
NOT done (done/doing RIGHT) whats not yours
or what He DONE gone in did AGAIN & AGAIN...
This Song Continues,
And now hes got your Tune Stuck in his Head,
Negatives not Words of Encouragement,
NO  Praises and Thanks for helping Rasie these bad as kids ...,
Putting food and gifts & Roof over ya Heads,
Saving up, time to spend and taking work off...not that its a cost
YOUR willing to make
( cuz Some just Aren't Going to Take it/US Women)
or to even say THANKS,
Some Of us Women just dont Get it,
Can't Say all Women but
I know Plenty of THEM,
Not willing to take his place on any given DAY...
Making him..,
Not a man but worse than sin, taking away his "self"
Esteem and the MAN you ONCE Fell in love with,
is No longer him,
Changing him Again til he's unreal...
Saying "I do" just to Get his Dibbs,
Saying "I love you" just to pay a bill,
STOP WORRYING
ABOUT WHEN HIS NEXT PAY IS,
OR IS HE GOING TO BE THE NEXT
to do what the Ex's did to you...,
ABUSE YOU,
THINK OF THE ....
Love he's giving..,
You as a women and for
giving the realationship a chance,
Wow to just be a ma!,
HIS STRUGGLES,
GOT ME IN a TRANSITION OF FEELING HIM
AND LISTENING TO ALL YOU MEN!...
I  Apologies if this Was ever me
(I bet I did it too acted petty and lost a good Man,)
I AM THANKFUL AND YOUR HEAVEN SENT.
AGAIN TO ALL THE GREAT MEN...
To all you Wonderful MEN...I say AGAIN TY...
I know some of the ****
your in and I feel your pain at times Too,EVEN
if I don't ALWAY Understand You,
Even when I'm Yappying my Mouth...,
Talking a bunch of ****,
I give Thanks to you,
all you men For DEALING with it!
Hench I dedicate this
to You Men
Cuz I can only Guess About.....
A MAN'S STRUGGLES!!!
Always Me Ayeshah

Abstract love's &
( "Lover's" )
like abstract art-

You see what you want to see
Believe what your gonna believe

I've shared my linguistic
knowledge & observations
too many time to count.
Trying to help & wok this out

Begrudgingly l held onto
this imprisonment called
"loving".

Let it stain & detain me,

Overpower myself & my thinking....
Even allowing this

Abstraction to consume my very soul

The every essence of what I once "was"

My dysfunctional state's
isn't no longer in question...

After the mistreatment(s)
I know there's nothing left.

Suicides a gift- my anchor  
It's my only way out of this-
Abstract "Love"!

Always Me Ayeshah

I tasted desire when I wanted to taste love,
I tasted lust when I wanted  to have fulfillment
I supped on false kisses that left me yearning for
way more than the physical .

I craved lust when what I really wanted was love,
Settled for second best instead of waiting for number one.

Games played ain't fun when I'm letting myself lose.
How do I trust again with so much doubt,
What I thought wasn't real was and now I'm drowning
in regrets!

I tasted you & her too
When it should of been just US,
I felt your body shake while
"Truth" be told I thought of someone else.
Replaced you but never replaced the image of "him".

Tasting never  savoring
or being genuinely full,
2 course meals ain't good for my health
sipping but never drunk off your love.
You me was never as us we just pretended to be.

My plates empty and his loves the main course
yet I find myself  more times than not
asking for 5 dollar meals,
Something to just tide me over until
I can savor him,
Something to fill me up temporarily,
Sort of like Chinese food...

That being said,
Well I can't dine here any more,
I'm rarely  or hardly full
Your skill leave much to be
un'desired and it rarely satisfies,

So I must now ask for the check
pay my balance and leave your mundane -
mediocre Establishment
&
Hell Naw
I ain't gonna Leave No tip! Wait yes I am
here it is;
The next time you think your doing ****
& can compare or compete  
with another
Baby PLEASE
Think AGAIN!
Always Me Ayeshah

The Morning After,
ya lips touched mine,
the smell of  us from last night
the way you made my body shake,
I wake up in a state of sedated bliss,

Completely
oblivious to what's going on
around me
I find you nestled in the crook of
my arms holding on to me ,

loooking at  you,
looking so peaceful
and yeah
you should be
cuz you worked my body
like I always dream
and I can't say I blame you
cuz I gave the same to you,

I licked you and kissed you til you
begged me to stop
and as drops of you left my mouth
I let you cover me again
and repeat the steps as
we danced in the sheets,

Magically pounding me
yet so gentle
as you move into me
with me

Our bodies
flowing with the rhythm
and moving to the same tune,
I like what we did,
I cant lie
I loved it,
I didn't want to stop
couldn't get enough..,

but as we lay here  
whispering and giggling  
joking  about this blissful enconter..

I think again it's time you go
I dont want you to
but
He's coming home and
I know it's killing you to leave
but

We'll always have these memories
of the night before
and Today.....
The Morning After!
Always Me Ayeshah,