Hypothetically
Would you take ya time to get to know me ,
hold me and teach me the ways of your body,
let me get to be all that you dreamed,
ya
ever waken wish and fantasy's,

Hypothetically
Could I be the one that changed
ya life
made you think twice,
must be nice to be on the outside looking in,
Wishing as hard as
I can to be the one you call ,
****
Can't you see me standing here,
waiting to dry all
your tears,
caress you after dark,
make you say my name ,

Hypothetically
Could you look at me
like that,
make
me smile right back ,
touch you like no other
& take you as more than my lover,
feel the rain falling on us
as we made love
in a heated rush,
Listen to your heart beat
as you fall fast asleep,

Hypothetically
walk with you & talk with you
listen to your heart ache your problems ,
your desires and
things that others can't see,
Could
you let me in even
just for a tiny bit ,
let me see whats it is that's
got me doing flips,
making me want you so badly
and
thinking of you constantly,
missing you when
I can't see you or touch you,
I want to hug you,
rub you and love you,
Couldn't
you
understand me
or the pain
ya causing me
cuz
your not here with me,
What
Would
you do if I told you
I know you more
than you think
I do,
If I could conceal
all that you went
through
so you wouldn't
have to show and prove,
Couldn't
you put up a
front and
act like your
in love with me too,
See
I been where
you been
a time or too
but
if only you knew..,
even thou I
asked

You all this,
What would you say
and do,
If
I meant it all this
in stead
of asking you
Hypothetically
????
(some times you just need to know!)
ALWAYS ME
AYESHAH
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

I listen for so long at what
TV, Radio & what other people said.
Advertisements, Magazines,
Books on how to loose weight,
Other ways & things to make myself look
pretty.  Pity-Petty me,
Trying to dress like
Celebrities,
Trying so **** hard to fit in & be like those
Models & some of them one hit wonders...
even starting to think there
was something wrong with my skin.
Too dark for many
and yet I have this red hue kind of glow,
White teeth but so UN perfect to me.
Hour glass shape I hated it,
Big strong thighs that just didn't look right,
Truth be told for a while I used to like me
until I started becoming self-sabotaging .
Thinking I could get him or just be happy doing
what all the other girls & women did,
Oh how I wanted to be anyone else
other than myself.
Long curly- unruly hair,
***** some would say
but back then
I'd have it no other way,
Afro puffs, braids,
beads,
Styles that made people question me.
Relaxing, burning&straighting; my hair
To look like Halley Berry  
How she looked in that movie
QUEEN.
I guess.
Making me feel so unPretty,
You sorry lil freak in
the mirror looking right back at me,
My grapefruits sit high-up on myself,  
They perk up and smile at me
in my state of  undress,
Some where some how along the way
I started hating them & their shape,
Wanted bigger even though I'm  38C.
Why? I really don't know...
I guess it all started
way back when;
I was just blooming
into a young lady,
Finding ones self.,
When I started to hate being me;
Foster father told me
I need to eat less,
Only Black/Puerto Rican
with dark skin in
a all White School.
Went onto visit family during this time
and got picked on
at home because
most of my families skins was so light,
Abusive relationships unbeknown at the time
had me feeling like I could never get it right,
Doing what ever "He" He  "Him" liked,
which is also what
helped take away any concept of self.
Went through the toughest 15 yrs of my life,
Married young to a
Man whose opinion
matter more then Mines.
Finally hit 23, Divorced & Free,
A light came on bright as the Sun...
I had to figure out who
I was when everyone told me
I was Ugly,Worthless & Dumb.
See eventually you reach that exhaustion.  
You take a really good look in the mirror,
Seeing me for me what hard facing reality...
I have almond shaped cat like eyes,
Brown hair with auburn highlights,
Full lips that most people pay to have
and I ain't never had to inject rat poison
into any parts of my FAT,
It's at this point where
I had to decide at this crossroad
which route I'd take.
Most would choose defeat but I had my little girls,
I couldn't accept them ever looking
at me as someone who gave up.
I had to figure out how to love myself  all over again
Be comfortable with who I am.
It takes many a lifetime sometimes to
finally come to this conclusion.
But for others like me,
It's really like building or rebuilding a puzzle,
The Puzzle Of You!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

He Don't
want me but he loves to **** me , cover it up with words of love, Words &promises;, like I'll do better& we can start again.Sorry.

He Don't
want me but as I grow and my body swells I laugh within myself,I lead my self down this destructive road knowingly, given in to my own self needs, My want to be happy wasn't meant to be hiss imprisonment, The words thou the Way he said em ,The ways he feed them in to me,Left me feeling Unique,Special,Like a Queen, & him then The king of all kings,  His subjects groveling at his feet.

He Don't want me
and no matter how much I want to do this all over again Knowing the results in the end is already evidently clear, I wont win,Not him,He's not up for grabs, not a treat to be had, Just the trick-ster playing on my lonely heart,  When it comes to the Man I want yeah He came real close ,closer then most for me to still be dwelling on past Re living it as I see myself leaving in stead of spreading wide for him..

He Don't want me
No matter what we say or do, I know this to  already be true, like the declaration's and amendments set forth for something better, protection was better,
How funny I'm the only one paying the price in this life time, Man Oh Man I can count past my hands how many times I heard "girl you know I only want you" or "be my wifey"
& lets not for get he says over & over again "I'll take care of you".
Funny the caring and all the rest  He's said to the lil' no ones- like me plus that wifey thing He's been spitting to them other Chicks he calls queen,
I've now seen him with  so many, So many times since claiming me His queen
& its been long since know that He Don't want me.
So I'll LEAVE!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

Can you feel the resonance throbbing gently through this subtle discourse?
I constantly  find your lustful innuendo to be an incredibly pleasurable experience. Like your a magical lyricist.., Your words urge  to create masterful *******'s through laced pages with in me you bring out the artistic'ness hidden deep with in me.  
Rhymes and rhythmic vibrations build up until finally they gush forth with musical symbols, A stream of  lyrics resounds in & out of  my orchestra,
While we attempt to concentrate on our next  feature.
You have me unable to distinguish the next verse for our repetition's, Artfully your lyrics coincide with my own causing phrases to be come literate and a **** good read, Flowing melodies,
While you impregnate my text with all your, your lyrical kiss&naughtiness.;
Filling up my syllable's,Reconstructing my vocabulary.
Our rhyme is  basic element that defines the couplet, LOL Coupling as  we do.
Our consistent element is the repetition of form,
As in me and you forming as one Not in-difference to you ,
Just with small changes,
in your  technique
As we face off while playing out these scene,
Your persistence of  our sonnet reverberates like multicultural dance,
I'm competitive while feeling in awe of you. Your sweet tunes ripple down my spine,
while our word play
brings havoc to my mind. Like a chant or a sweet harmonies.
Causing mental eruption's. Conversing about to end,
tactically you evoke emotional & sensual response, But I'm
keeping up with your lyrical  flow. Rhyme for rhyme,
as each adjective courses through me, in and out while you become a
cunning linguist
master!, I'm about to overflow as you
Cause me to rhythmically fall victim to
insightful
Poems!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

HAVE YOU EVER;
Listen to the sound of his heart beating,
Ba bump Ba bump Ba bump...ETC,  

A rhythm you can get use to, Have you ever;  looked deep into his eye's
and lost yourself,  Ever felt his touch and ya body just melts,
Ever listen to his voice and your heart vibrates,
you turn 10 shades of red when caught staring at his lips,


Ever laid with him and never wanted it to end,
The physical out weighted the mental..,
Ever  felt filled and complete, not knowing if this was it,
The end to your loneliness..,  

I think of Him often&I; don't mean to, Ever have a conversation that leaves you questioning  what's life really worth,  Even thou your on ya way to greatness his presences is blessing Yet cursing  since your falling apart,  His essences is treasured,  His words manifested into you like breathing.., You come out of a dream state,Longing;  wishing&waiting;,   The next time it wont be like this,  You think;You got to get a grip and let time heal this blessed wound,He create a monster yup honey its me...,  

Ever want to be near him yet you know you can't,
Ever wanted to hold on to him and give all you had,
take care of him..,  Like no other can, Thoughts of him fill your head and,  take up your time,  Ever been at work and he popped up in your mind,  Thoughts of the last time he was in your bed,
Is this lust?    Is it love,  To want to let him be free if that's what makes him happy,  

To want the best for him yet you want to be next to him..,  To want more for him  even if it isn't you he's getting  it on with but there's so much more to give,your not ready for this..,    Yet some how as confused as you are,
You want to be his number 1 star  (his Fan all wrapped up in 1),   Even if it's not you He's been missing,  Wishing,

Wondering if your even what he needs,   Doubting the beauty you shared was it real or was it again another dream,  Perfection in the art form of Man (HIM)  The man you think you want, You know you had him but let him go,  Not In the sad way just closed the chapter and went ahead to the end.

I want to start the page's over and began anew again,  Take HIM on a journey to explore the possibility's,
We could of been & BE-A you and me,   Scared to take that leap but wanting too so badly.., Have you even EVER been where I am,  Have you even or ever seen what I see, I'm hurting for release and the only freedom  I get is letting you be,Funny..,  

Alone but not lonely kind of a malevolence dream,   maybe..., Have you ever; felt like me?   Felt like this, Am I to give in as my body did, HIS touch and the way HE makes me feel it's unreal,  Like a painting the artist has made & built me up to greatness like I did him  but now he's so high up, I can't even reach him,  I can't touch this beautiful art form  Know as MAN..,  His struggles..,  I can some times relate to  but to do like him and give  Unconditionally,  I would if only I knew,  The pain I see him in sometimes got me wondering...,  

Questioning myself,  Shouldn't I let him love me as best he can, I can't   Confusions setting in.   Been thinking of him again.
******..,  The strength in him I want to conjure&concur; it.., Make him weep with joy, I have to let go release my burden and let him go..,But is he the burden,  Not really, Not to me,   it's the pain of knowing him as my lover&friend;, I want more yet His hurt isn't healing, His pains are raw & deep, I can give all that he wanted but whats gonna happen to me.., I might suffer greatly if I let him in,

This struggles for this man wont end & I can't be what he wants I can only be me,   But as much as he like and loves me for me is that what it really is I question again not only myself but this  thing that I'm in, with him.., I'm right for him but I'm not, Have you ever felt like this?   Dealt with it and owned up to it,  I'm a woman trapped in his web yet there's no other place I rather be, I ask you lust or love;  Have you ever been this confused ?   Yeah me too Cuz nothing I'm saying is making sense well I think only to me it is ...,   Ladies, Fellas.....,
Have you Ever?
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

I'll never love like
I used to LOVE him,
But You knew that,
Didn't You,

Cuz love comes in different
shades of purple's pink's& blue's
Chance's are
I'll never care like

I once did,

Again

You knew that too.
Chance's are
I'll never trust completely
Let me guess umm

YUP

you also knew that?
Chance's are

I'll cry again OR I'll smile again,
I'll live like I did before you or him came in to my Life.
I'll try once more to find my soul mate,

But
Chance's are
Nothing will ever be the Same,
Not with out You,

Not with out Us,
Chance's are

we're stuck right here.
With one another,
Is it so bad
Or do you like it this way.
Am

I your everything

your Nubian Queen
Chance's are
I'm nothing You thought I'd be,

I'm a lady yet Crazy,
You see how I do,
But

Chances are
your already Immune.
Chance's are,
Your not ready

Maybe It's me,
Maybe I'm too scared and scary to be,
More than what

He made me,
Yes I am ashamed,
I let him take away my greatness

And steal away my fame
Made me think
I wanted this for myself,
But
Chance's are

Your gonna help-
Me to change

for the better,
Let me lean on you in this weather,
Let me hold you as you hold me,

Sweet talks,
While shedding our grief.
Chance's are

Your gonna keep
your word un-like Him
Sorry there's

no Comparisons
Chance's are,
You'll claim everything,
Even the seed's of another man's

See now that's what I call a MAN.
The one's who really
love and want that

Woman
and

what ever comes with HER.
Chance's are,
You could be fooling me
but

in time I'll know and I'll see.
Chance's are
I might just be using you,
But for what Boo,

Trust in us cuz,
I now got you too.
Chance's are,
I'll RUN from you,
Too Infected& Effect

From what others used to do,
I might blame you too
For the mess they caused me,
Chance's are
I'm doing this

ALREADY?
Chance's are
I'll let you go too soon

and

miss You the most
Cuz

the love you give to me

WAS

unconditional!,
Even your touche's

were

HEAVENLY

From head to toe!
Chance's are,
I'll beg and plead for your heart
Just to get it and tear it all apart.

With every thing in life thou ain't
It worth the risk cuz
Chance's are
I wont do none of

THIS,
I might just love you for you

like you'll do for me,
I might just give into you

in your time of need,
I might just hold you

and

play with your hair
Maybe braid it or what ever

cuz it's there!
I might just let you heal me til I hurt No Mo,
Even claim

YOUR OWN seed's as my OWN!
I might shut the HELL up and let you win A fight,

Maybe just to have make up *** on Winters cold nights!
I might just be everything your looking for huh?
Maybe cuz you know
Chances Are
Abundant...,

To be right there
NO MATTER WHAT
I wouldn't care.
I might carry you to victory,
We might find pleasure in enjoying the little things,

We might make this a lasting thing.
Something to tell OUR grand kids.
You never know and that's the beauty of it
We still try and even thou LOVE hurts,
How do you KNOW

tomorrow will bring rain or sorrow?
Maybe the sun will Rise  AGAIN

And

you'll fall in love with me.
Take a chance on me cuz ,

Chance's ARE....,

(whatever WE make them!)
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

I'm Painting The Silence.
As you dwell in forgotten bliss,
You don't like for me to be happy,
Sadness is what you want be.
I'm Alone but happy.
Glowing from the inside out
and
Ya now mad cuz your not the cause,
Maybe even mad
cuz
I wont allow myself to hurt no more,
I am LOVED,
Isn't it amazing when you brought despair
I found a replacement.
I gave to myself what you was never willing to do,
I found in life Love really does choose you,
Mad aren't you that
You can't hold a GOOD Chick down.
Clown me and always let me down.
It's OK now cuz I'm going to  be
Painting The Silence.
I'm a do bright reds,
pretty blues, purples too,
maybe even some pink...,
I need to do something different
like Janet in Poetic Justice;
I changed my color of clothes
which helped to change all my negative mood.
Changed how I felt about you too.
I now where yellows,
Whites what ever I like,
What pleases me  is me being me ,
Something you try to change.
I'm a be,
Painting The Silence with laughter,
in lime green,
With hugs in tidies.
My kisses now come in  sweet coffee  browns
don't forget,
off white creme
and
strawberries red love
dripping with whipped creme,
Champagne colored glasses
all around
cuz
my frown is now turned upside down.
I can see it clearly now,
Like I never could before You
and
Yes I'm blessed a whole lot more than you'd ever know!
I'm a enjoy my life
Be free and live right
Thanks for the fun time
but
I want more than a lover,
I want it all and
as I now walk with my shoulders back
my head held high,
walking tall again.
Smiling for nothing or just for everything,
I think In your absence and in this  
Painted Silence,
I'm gonna make up for lost time.
I'm going to go out on the town,
Paint it  
Yellow or green while rocking stiletto's
while I have the chance &
**** Man
I can really see all the better reasons,
The world is my canvas
and I'm now gonna be
Painting The Silence
(you thought to leave me in)
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved