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Ayeshah Feb 2010
Molesting Innocent's
Taking
advantage of young un-suspected victims,
****** away hope,
Beating out trust as
"they"
tell you it's all for your own good.
The System
Verbally sales you,
Mentally
making you believe thing's aren't
really what they seem.
Hey pretty girl,
You
want to come home with me,
Like
stranger's using Candy,
Creeping in the middle of the night
stealing away dreams,
Snatching babies outta arms
For not being what "they"
want you to be.
Jumping through hoops
to prove your worthy.
The System cover up lies,
Disguised
Your Shame
It's not "their fault for you
becoming pregnant at 10,12 & 13.
Abortion isn't in my beliefs,
Forcing us,  Breaking us, Making us do what "They want!
Telling Lies while Judges become your executioners
Fostering empathy's,
Making you live in misery
Parents- Grandparent's
Crying Screaming,
Dreaming of they days you'll be back.
Depressions, PTSD, Bipolar
Explosive disorders
Meaning a person gets angry fast
with no reason or for the littlest of things....,
Label's
from Misuse,
Misrepresentation's
Misuse of my or even your body,
******, Molesting, Physical, Mental,
The System
took me from a Exceptional-Good home,
Placing me
with Monster;
Who called themselves: wholesome,
loving- Good- God fearing Church goers;
Foster Parents.
A Preacher  
phrasing the almighty book,
every Sunday
While every night
He'd say I was better then his wife,
As
my eye's cried,
Hoarsely I beg him to stop.
Case-Worker & The Systems
cover up.
From home to home
Group home to group
I'd run as fast as I can,
To  my
own family even thou
We were  broker then sin
at least I was so safe there.
Repeat & repeat these step every chance
I'd get & still they'd  Placed me in home's
until
I got old enough to make it on my own.
Even then The System wouldn't let me be,
See I knew "their" ***** deed,
All the well kept secrets....
unfortunately for me,
16 going on 17 mother already of 2 while
expecting another lil girl,
The System tryna step in once again,
Robbing me of my Children,
Their
words: labeling me,
I'm tooo crazy to love or ever be a mother.
I'm not doing what "They " want....
I had it,
Life was it for me,
I wanted to commit Suicide
I just couldn't thou & Lucky for me
cuz
I Finally found away out at 18.
Got my kids- Sued & Beat
The System!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Pesent Day(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Feb 2010
A  rare breed in deed.,
Handsome, strong and true,
Your romanticism(s)
have many guessing or left in  
awe as well as wonderment.
How
You were created,
in such a way as to leave
Women of all sizes and ages
drugged on your ***** words,
As they salivated over each syllable,
each phrase,
what ever lyric & note you present,
So masterfully into your intellectual verses,
Their begging  
for mental release many are begging for you
to consume their baser needs,
In the end the results the same.
Competitions and playing games,
While many of them do this
I'm
sitting back with a grin,
Seizing opportunities
instead of battling for you.
Getting to the root and core,
adding up the possibility's & taking score.
keeping my dignity in tack but like most,
I'm extremely fascinated with you,
Your aura compels me as you put a spell on me.
Like them
Females begging for a treat,
Yet the difference is
I keep it held deep inside.
Not showing my feeling
Leaving them so blatantly open.
Never wishing to come second so I stay where I am,
While longing for you from a distance's
Keeping up this friendly appearance.
My soul begs too,
For you to write about  me talk about  
me,confess your dying love for only me,
Reality is you don't know I exist,
As a friend you see me
but
I'm more like the buddy you see once in a blue moon.
Such a rare Man,
A rare species.
Successfully you've heighten,
Your lyrical accomplishment(s)
setting goals in motion as if your words
were your shaft  
emotionally making love,  
not just words and your objectives necessary,
To achieve a particular task,
I've realize a particular dream or to satisfy
a particular need & want,
for a particular period of time obviously
I read you sort of well
but only time will now
Tell- the truth but for me this is all I need,.
For now
I've surmised the realness in
and
about you and to me it's more then cool
cuz
I see this as another interlude of&about; you,
The you
I've been wanting to get next to and that's another story since
I'm trying to get close to you make you feel as I do and have you see the bounties of being wit me.  For now
This is  me looking forward to finding  
out more about you
so I can add it  in my little notes...,
Toward A Definition of You!
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Feb 2010
.....
I woke this morning
feeling not
like I did last night.


Last night


I felt something touch my
heart,


deep down to my very soul,



causing my spirit to
question what it too started to feel.


You've captivated me,



How did I lose track of what's
important?


Never can


I Say I played so falsely  
with someones better half,


but now


He's the better half of me,



Unlike a concubine or wife



I- as his mistress



have no


legal rights & relationship
to this man



I call mines.


It was fine,


Now I'm conflicted,
tormented,



I regret nothing then again it's
a lie
I regret he's not fully in my life.


A little bit of me dies away
leaving an empty shell,


Where I was once lived hearty
and well,


Now


With out him is something I
might have to face,


It's like I'm racing trying to
beat time,


while trying
to


continuously make him mines,
make
him realize


He needs me by his side.



How do I
compete


Yeah he says


I'll never have to,



Funny


thou
I feel as if I am
and
been doing so.


I got to give up and let nature
take its course.


Every-time


we're together our love making
gets better and better,


He never has to direct me nor I
him,


It's like we were meant, made
for one another


yet
here I am not his girl just
his lover.


I feel sadden when we
part,


Like he's taking away my heart.



I know when he's
home,


Oh how


I hope
it's about the
children and not "her" his babies mom.


But I'd be fool in thinking she
wasn't getting everything like me,


I'd be fool in wishing that
she'd leave,


She knows what a great man
she's
got
even if all she may ever be is just good enough.
While He professes I'm his greatest love,
He says
I'm his true love.
I doubt  his words& my guiltys setting in.


We conversed on so many levels
sharing more than what's ******


Yet I feel at times like he's
evasive,


Avoiding questions,
Changing
things,
Pleasing me isn't the problem.


It's when I'm not around
him,


I want to monopolize
all his
time
when he's not with the children or his
"wife"


I want him to give her up
but
How
can I say I had enough,
When in reality,


We just began to love- each
other,


I wonder would
he,


Tell her he's loving me,
Would
he speak on how he's in love with me?
Would he let her know


He's for now going to keep
seeing me,


Being with me?
Would he let
her know all the thing's we

DO?


Tell her how I move to his
groove,


Let her know
I'm important too,
to him,


I'm more than a friend?
Even
if


she doesn't ask will he man up
and let her know all
that?


Tell her


He's got deeper feelings and



that


"YES"


what we me and him have does
mean something?
Or


will he keep hiding me,
denying
me,


Make up
excuses for what we be
****?
I wounder  


if she knows


who I am
at times
cuz
I think no women is
stupid,


or so naive.


I'm sure she
guesses


but does she
question?


Why am I so fascinated with
her.


Because


She has everything I
want


and


at this point I find it ****
near impossible to keep holding on.


No strings my *** I'm wrapping
ropes around Him ,


Yeah
You.


I love more than the
physical,


I like our
talks,


Love when  we go walking
hand&han;;,


To a movie or 2
wouldn't be bad
again,


Out to eat and I love how you
hold me as I fall asleep,


I love how You kiss my eyelids
& how you wipe away my  tears,


As well as when you rock me
slowly to your body,


Letting me run my nails all
over you,


I crave more
thou.


That's where all my problems
come into light.
I can't settle for being second
I have to say Good-Bye
& Do
Something So
Completely
DIFFERENT!
Always Me Ayeshah
©1977-2010 Ayeshah
(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights
reserved
Ayeshah Feb 2010
I'm the Afrocentric Gift
you been waiting and dying to open ..,
Christmas came Early just for you this year,
I'm the Thoughts in ya head,
Mind blowing the
Essences of Sexuality,
Wisdom,
Knowledge
and a
multitude of Feminine Power,
Prowling and
Roaring for your affection,
I'm every Women,
Just not to night
I don't want to share,
Be my one & only..,
I am the
Architects building
the bridges back to ya heart,
My Prominent Black African King,
Mr.**** as ya wanna be..,
I Dreamed of this many times at night & also for some weeks,
Thoughts of you Thought of us become " We"
Teaming up and Doing
What lovers do,
But
I want more,
I want your heart too,
I see it in you,
the artist ;Your words caressing me,
Like painting and drawing,I'm just one of your sculptures..,
But
I'm the centerpiece of this mental non-nocturnal dream,
Your the
Author writing a great masterpiece only I'm the Main character...,
Chapter one we began slowly as our bodies
mesh&entwined...;,
Can you distinguishes between Fantasy,
I'm here and these feelings are real.
Lust so passionate you'd think you
conjured me up from your imagination.,
I'm un reasonable when it comes to you,
I want to give you unquestionable pleasure.
Be the Concubine you desire & you shouldn't have to wait,
Not tonight anyways.,
Come here and let me show you,
Be mines....,
Sacrifice yourself,
Be my love salve and come away with me..,
I want to give you this
Delicious yet delicate sweet
Afrocentric Gift!
Speak into me poetically,
Mentally blowing my mind ,
touching with words as you hurt me gently
Yet pleasing my body..
take me
cuz
right now
I'm for the taking,
I'm ready and waiting,
open me,
for
tonight I'll be your
Latin mist
You Puerto Rican *** ,
Come get drunk off my love,
Let me sooth you
and
caress you into submission.
Take what's been given.
This Mix, and blend it with you ,
dance to my song
as
I open for you.
I'm ready and willing
to be what you want me to be.
Give
me pleasure
release the yearning
deep with in me...
I'm yours ya Afrocentric Gift!
Always me Ayeshah
Copyrights © 1977-2010 Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved.
Ayeshah Feb 2010
Why do I answer or even text,
Why do I pay any attention to you at all?
Must be the way you talk or how you write,
must be I'm loosing my mind,
"I love you" ,
YOU
keep saying,
But
if this is love then please take it away,
I don't want to feel a thing,
In time I know in time
I'll heal,
start to feel again,
Start to live again but right now,
Right now I just can't.
Can't seem to make it,
can't seem to take it,
Can't strive for better,
But I smile to myself,
for the memories.
I need to do this,
and
On my own for now  or until eternity
If that's what it takes for me to find  
a semblances of peace.
I know you say it's killing you
cuz
I moved away,

But it was
killing me to stay,
I had to let go
and
be as free from you
as I could be,
I loved you and was there,
In love but was it real?
Still love you and that's what scares
the hell out of me,
Cuz
You've always be free
unlike me,
I still even now wont talk to anyone
and
still wont let anyone
touch what
I still consider yours.

You love me thou huh?
Funny thing about that word
love,
I can't say it wasn't
but
If this is
Love,
I no longer want it.
I no longer want to hold my pillow tight and cry for you,
No longer do I want to wake up reaching out for you,
No longer do I want to carry your seed,
No longer do I want these hurtful memories,
How do I let go,
Tell me?
If it's so easy
How
about you show me,
Prove it!
You said you'd never hurt me,
Never let me go,
You said I was yours,
Your world,
You lady,
Your Queen,
So who
wears the crown now,
Who'll
hold you down when your tormented and
Your own demon's
come kicking and screaming??
You gave me your world ,
Forever & never,
I guess
"Never"
was the other day,
But wait
you fail to see or understand,
You
can't take back what's been done,
My Yesterday's
will forever be like foot prints in the sand,
Naw
like footprints forever in concrete,
You were my happy ending,
Tragically
for me it ended not as planned,
It's what's best you say
I gave you too much advise
and
Now look at me,
Look really hard & good,
Can you get glue,
nail's and a bunch of other stuff,
Rebuild what you broke,
Open up and sew up my soul,
Mend this broken heart
and
recapture what onces was,
give back to my eyes that held you captivated,
that special spark?

Look at me now
and
You'll
see someone so completely different!
So unlike me
am I now,
easily I smiled,
My eyes lite up when You or anyone talked,
You could tell my thoughts,
Friends read me some times like a book,
You claimed
it was all in my eyes which never lied,
You said this and so many things,
Like You knew you were in love with me,
You knew I was forever yours,
Always would We be like we once was,
You never promised but I wish now that
You would of
cuz
Promises
are meant to be Broken,
Like my heart has been by only you,
I would say many but
Honestly
I really believe that
for the first time for me
I finally fell in love,
Finally knew what it was,
But if this is love,
I don't want,
I wont own it,
I rather just leave it alone,
Give it back the same way
you let me go,
easyily.

Never was pose to  mean so much,
like how you touched me
and
went  down on me,
staying there on me
for hours,
Like when
you kissed my eyes
and
looked right in to my soul,
or
how about
when you made love to me
and
called out my name
over and over again as you
professed your un-dying love for me,
and Yes
when you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw tears well up in your eyes,
and
as I held you so many times,
I wipe your eyes as you cried,
I talked to you and planned a life with you,
Why
was I so blind?
You had your cake and ate it too,
Ate it **** good,
but
what's now,
How come I had to lose,
Lost so much already
and
I think you love what's growing in my belly,
Never
was it me
just the lady you meet on Feb 20th 09,
Yeah
she was a queen and her light shined so bright,
Her face
lite up as you open doors
and
pulled out chairs.
Playing the perfect gentlemen.
As
you helped her to your car
excuses me
your suburban!
Un-dying love how funny that sounds and
yet I'm here still breathing
and
haven't died yet
even thou I feel so much like I did.
**** IT,
If this is LOVE
I Don't Want IT!
Always Me Ayeshah
©1977-2009
Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved
Ayeshah Feb 2010
With my hand in yours...........,
With This ring I'd wed or so It was Suppose to be...,
I was Suppose to walk down the aisle..,
Say my I do's,
Give a speech even,Tell you on this day,
Why I love you most,
Why I love you so much..,
Walking down the aisle,
Looking as beautiful as I could be,
Smiling faces all blended together,
As I slowly try to rush on ahead to you..,
My focus and determinations rising as I finish the last few steps...,
The only face
I'm looking for
is yours,
As I'm given away on this day...,
I Can't believe it comes to this,
Trial and tribulations,
We've shared a few,Grew&grown..;,
I want to grow even older&wiser; with you..,
To my Surprise I'm handed to a stranger,
ya best man and what he has to say to me,
I don't want to hear,
He Tell's me Your not ready,
You don't think you can come to ya sense's,
and I must listen ,
listen to him its a serious matter,
but my brain ain't working,
I can't understand what's being said,
ON
this wonderful Beautiful day,
I'm told I wont be given away to you,
I wont get to say my I do's ,
I,We
picked everything out
as best we
could and wanted it to represent US, Look Man,
this ain't funny so stop playing PLEASE,
Has something Happen I ask him ,
YA Friend,
The Best Man,
He holds his head down,
Bent real low as he looks up at me a tear falls
and He hates to be the one to tell me
but your just not coming at all,
How could you do it, Whats gotten in to you,
How could you hurt me specially
TODAY,
We had it set in motions from the first time we met,
We both knew some how it was gonna end like this, with us
Together forever, or so we Vowed,
Rehearsal was perfect,
Everything was so right even agreeing to do this outside,
Shouldn't it rain now why is the sky shining blue, so bright,
Why
is it that there's laughter every where but only tears in my eyes,
I run back to the limo and get inside I got to talk to you,
but as I reach the car,
Ya best man
Ya friend,
Say you left, your not there,
hours past.
I'm at the Reception Hall,
Minus well
let everyone enjoy it,
since they came from out of town,
from all over the U.S.
My family and yours,
was Suppose laugh and share stores toast Us
and say how proud they were for us..
Instead they're all looking at me
wondering what I'm ah do....,
How
could you leave me here with everyone guessing. starring, wondering?
For better or worst,
that what we planned,
taking my hand placing your ring on my finger, as I
smile,
Yes I agree to carry your last name,
Sickness and in health ,Until death do us part,
With all of my heart,
I give myself to you,
No matter what may come, these words I promise you,
But your not here to listen to me or to even hear me,
I shout it out for the people looking and staring,
I'm breaking down,
I never thought this would happen to me not to day.
Not to me...,
It's still not raining,
It's still sunny out,
DJ
please play anything
let me loose my self with this Champagne,
Ya Friend,Ya Best MAN,
He's here with me&My; girl too,
They look at me with such sorrow,
I'm still in my wedding gown,
How Funny & sad for me huh?
I look so beautiful,
My hairs perfect,
My face is painted just right,
In the sunlight,
My Mahogany skin glows..,
Dance I say with a smile, its OK,
I'm alright...,
Please dance.
Looking out the window I let the tears flow,
How could you be so bold yet so cold,
You let me go & even thou
I know you'll say you didn't mean to:
When or if I ever talk or see you,
I'll say LEAVE,
Let me be
like you did to me on ;
OUR WEDDING -DAY!
ALWAYS ME AYESHAH
©1977-2009 Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved.
Ayeshah Jan 2010
Urgently,
I rush to the small cafe down the road,
I waited for your show for about a week,
now your finally here.
I pay my entrance fee and grab a front row seat.
It’s starting, Curtains open.
The light dim and every ones quite.
On the edge.

You step up to the microphone.
I hear music slowing began to play,
I feel a breeze as you began to speak.

Your voice’s, mentally kissing my neck,
As word play began to transform  the crowd.
Transforms me.
I imagine the stage, like a field of flowers,
A bed in it’s center.
Verse after Verse, You speak of,
Your ****** Epistemology.
But I want you to be my very own lyricist

Be my proprietor and fully take ownership over me.
Every word, every  phrase & verse, I hang on,listening.
Clinging to your Rhythmic Melodie.
Strum me Metaphorically,Embrace my mind.
Love me poetically. "Undress my soul".

I almost expired when these words were said, as you
experimentally held out your hand & repeated the words.
like a chant, like your beckoning for me to come to you.
I feel I’m in a monopolistic competition.
Fighting the crown for your attention.

For your affection.
Continually You speak,
Word’s played over& over .

Done and redone to the beat and base of your baritone,
While you some time whisper in that **** tenor voice of yours.
I’m lost, Gone!
Refilled with a driving need to be where you are...,
ON STAGE!  
A.M.A.
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-2008
All right reserved
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