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Ayesha Jul 2020
Ever chattering and chortling, we never shared a memorable word and now my parchments are filled with letters to you. It's easier talking to you dead for I like fooling myself into believing the gnawing silence is your sound reply.
I'm devoid of words these days.
Ayesha Jul 2020
I don't remember coming in
my cotton armor melts in the corner
I sit, my arms devouring my bent legs.
my knees embracing my cheeks
I stare, drop after drop running over the tiles
I think of bullets, invincibly unstoppable.
I feel, splash after splash stab my back
I think of bombs, hopelessly inescapable.
But it doesn't matter what I think.

My lashes meet the floor of my eyes,
weighted down by the battle in my skull.
Wish I could say I see dark but I only see a void;
colourless, lifeless clouds over a barren soil-
a few glimpses of my energetic blood vessels.
My shaking fingers curl under my palms,
skin imblankets my jagged nails
I imagine my back splitting asunder,
the blushing water vanishing down the drain
I imagine the cage of my ribs tearing up
with the strain of my sqeezing lungs-
heart leaping out, swriling and whirling with the streams
spiriling down a tight eternal abyss-

I don't remember giving in.
my light dreams wash away with the dandelions
I sit, my naked shivering, trembling body
under a thousand layers of clothes
I stare, day after day running away
I think of incinerating masses of uncountable bodies
I feel, thought after thought piling up
I think of graves feeding in on bygone beings.
But it doesn't matter what I think.

My skin gets clumsy and tired,
The bullets get cold and slow, giving in
Wish I could say I get up, dress up & walk out
this prizon shell that I now call my home-
holding me in, it reads my brain, suffocates my lungs
like a vulture it guards the small of my self.
I sit, I stare at my closed lids, I hear the water
the breathing of something alive and still.
I bolt all my muscles shut, tie up my nerves
-Not a hair dares stir, not a vein speaks
not a tear makes out alive, not a whimper lives.

I don't remember going out,
a part of me turns off the shower,
soaks up the towel, puts on a skin
and walks out the door, breathing.

I part of me never does.
Ayesha Jul 2020
Wind melts over me
as I close my eyes and spread
my obsolete wings.
_
I gasp for an ounce of sky as the strands of my own hair whirl around my neck like snakes, my own lashes push the dust in my eyes as my vocals turn themselves to stone;
still my screams echo in the hollow caves of my ears, still my lungs keep pounding, still I see the vaccancy around me.

Down I go. Still I go on.
Ayesha Jul 2020
You have stolen my mighty dreams,
my glorious goals and ardent aims
that I had set with such delight.
Came you in at night, through
a window left carelessly open.
Put you them all in a bag, threw
then them out the same spot.

You then ate some flowers,
drank their essence, gulped
down all my hopeful cookies.
Climbed then you out
the same way the same way
climbed you in.

As if you had just not plucked the life
out of a an arid apartment.
As if the mountains you climbed were
not the result of your own deeds
As if the snow coughing sky did not curse
you for the cold you emitted.

Now here I am!
This ramshackled mess hugging me tight.
Scattered bricks of my own thoughts,
broken cement that my passion has become
Naked foundation, a mere shivering skeleton
but they say they see no destruction.
No wall needs fixing, no glass is bleeding.

I haven't cleaned remnants of the flower ***
the echo of the essence still lingers around
the halls like a silent ghost of the dead
Cookie tray buried under the dust of dishes
has long since given up hope for a new life.

Here I am now!
Two hundred years later,
still staring I am at my self-painted sky,
wishing to the electrified stars, questioning
the dimly blinking suns.
Still wondering I am!

How you managed to come inside
when there was no window to begin with.
14 year old I.
Ayesha Jul 2020
There are boys everywhere

If you go down the street
to buy some floor of wheet
If you walk up a school hall
or just stop by a shoe stall
Go to the moor for a walk
visit the neighbor for a talk
If you go to the store for pills
or run happily up the hills
If buying a dress for a ball
or some wool to knitt a shall

There are boys everywhere.

Don't ever go out late at night
Change the path at their sight
don't ever look them in the eyes
Even if you wear a disguise
Hide yourself in layers of clothes
Walk in chains you ardently loathe,
adorn your hands with rings, stones
Then cover 'em up like skin on bones
Don't question the tightrope or cell
You'll be protected in this shell

There are boys everywhere

When they play you the sheep
You, my love, are not to weep
When they pull out their daggers
And start bruising you to shatters
You, my child, are to stay silent
Or they'll only get more violent
They're stronger, they're all around
Walk, run, fly, you they surround

There are boys everywhere.

If you peek into their playful eyes
they'll hypnotise you with their lies
If you try following them away
they'll leave you alone and astray
Don't you even reveal your skin
Even if they call you their kin
They'll crush you to mere ashes
and then laugh at their clashes

There are boys everywhere.

Don't smile or laugh too loud
they'll follow you out like a cloud
Don't step out of your prison house
They're cats, you a mere mouse
Don't draw curtains to sniff flowers
You know not all of their powers
stay in, don't whine, cover up
Walk slow, hide away, quieten up.

There are boys everywhere.

This is how it all has always been
There's so much you haven't yet seen
they say we were made to be used
and then thrown away when bruised
Say they they'll show us the world
Stuff then our mouths at a single word
It is how it is, it is how it ever was
there's no reason, there's no cause.

There are boys everywhere.

But, darling, I've suffered it all
and you're walking the same fall
I'll give you an advice tonight
Next time at their sight, don't fright
Look in the eye and let out a laugh
Walk up to then, play not the calf
And I know, my baby, I know
how tired you are of folks, but go

Where there are boys everywhere.

Go there, a flame in your fingers
run, burn down their rules to cinders
Go there, a faith blooming in your heart
fly, aim and fire then your perfect dart
When they laugh, love, don't you fall
When they snarl, you bravely stand tall
Go, open the chains, help all of us out
If they talk and joke, lion, you shout

When there are boys everywhere.

It's easy to give up and play the prey.
All the myths, you and I will slay.
I'll pick you up when you crumble
You hold my hand when I stumble
We'll take together this barren walk
We'll be the ones to light up the spark
Darling don't you hide anywhere
Even if there are boys everywhere.

      They cut
                your petals
                             not your
                                       w i n g s.
Wrote this at 14.
Ayesha Jul 2020
Shallow ocean- empty yet going.
Hissing gusts, clouds roaring-
sky, a child dissolved in covers, trembling.
Sun- what sun? The placid air hides it all.
Stars, mere scattered leaves with
Stems, the broken ribs and
birds- fluttering heart beneath the mess.
Houses, firm as bones-
bleeding, sweating, melting.


Hold- Hold O dying tide
and never let lost!
You touch my skin
I disband to embers-
blown, then, out of the face.
pushed, then, out of the way.
Kissed in the hair, punched in the face
Licked on the neck and kicked in the chest.
O mighty wind, break and crush,
then take along!

Picked plants, chopped fingers.
Bleeding gutters, open lips.
Entangled howls embrace in-
Devouring shadow-less beings
whirling about.
Tear-stained sky, deserted abyss.

Gleaming streets- wingless birds-
racing litters- eclipsed countenances-
cursive rain- beautifying falls-
choking trees- coughing chimneys-

yet a dusty, dry I.

O lonely wind! Hold on.
A strong, furious wind blew yesterday and
when I stood inside it's reign it was strong
enough to defy and ******* away.
I had a strange feeling that my thoughts
had escaped my mind, out into the sky.
Ayesha Jun 2020
Pull all the weeds away.
Rows of caravans- unwavering oceans
- cold, ****** tides; under and over
the wandering moons and the weeping stars
Grab by the necks and
pull the unwelcomed out-
this sacred dirt will have no more.
Pull out, like the sea did in-
Echoing, chocking, musical screams
Bloming, wilting, weightless beings

Once more yet once more!
Come! The hungry void will hold some more.
Once more then once more!
How many were not puked out on the shore-

Rugged beds stabbing the skins
pre-engraved with tales untold.
dripping canvas of bruised camps
Let the clouds bleed over; they stained our
streets with their spitting wounds.
Let the winds wash away, far from here.
Take them along, O draining sun!
These dirt-stained faces can't blend in ours
unborn shivering, tired in wombs-
newborn silent, still as windless skies.

Once more yet once more!
Come! The starving dirt will take more treats
Once more then once more!
How many were sublimed off on the streets-

Flocks of lambs, follow they, the burning sun
Broken glass- scattered shards- missing, lost
Snarling lions, waiting, in bushes- in bygone homes
Thirsty seas, desperate for survivors- forgotten shores
Tempted despair, devours and embraces the petite lives
Impatient death being impatient death ebbing them away.

Uninvited unbidden unaccepted unwanted-
embers roaming the vacant sky, searching home.

Pull all the weeds away
- this is not their home.
- in memory of the boy who knew the secrets of ocean and beyond- Alan Kurdi- and all the children and maidens and men who dream of going home.
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