Autumn

Autumn Jul 2018

The longer I go,
The harder it is,
To want,
To become,
To try,
To live.
The steps are heavy and the breathing is difficult, and when will I see what it is I’ve worked so hard for?
Time progresses as the fire in my soul declines,
The shadow is no longer a visiter but a imitation of what it means to be
“Me”.

Autumn Jul 2018

Success and depression hold hands

There is a misguided stereotype out there that if you are depressed you cannot be a success.
You can deal with depression.
You can make it through the day one step at a time no matter how exhausting it is.
Because if you do not get up today you will not be able to get up tomorrow or the next day and that is not a cycle you want to begin.
The battle is everyday.
But you can be a success with depression.
The thing is it is right and wrong.
To yourself you will never be a success to myself I can never succeed.
Yet to others they can only see success.
Depression can only decapitate your perception it is up to you to change it of yourself.
Because success and depression are best friends.

Autumn Jul 2018

Questions we ask

I wake up each morning wondering if the life I’m living is one worth it.
I wonder if the choices I make today are the decisions that happiness will bring me tomorrow.
And I dread that one day I will say I regret.
How can you live in the moment, in the now, if you are always trying to plan for peace?
How can you be content when there is so much more to do?
I wonder when my time will run out.
I ponder If my depression adds value to the important moments.
Is my depression not a handicap but fuel for the jet taking me to a life worth living?
To a life full and empty and calculated and spontaneous and happy and sad and full of regret or hazardously without?

Autumn Jun 2018

Untitled

What should you call the desire for a best friend that you’ll never ever have?

Autumn Jun 2018

Awkward emotions

It is an awkward thing being depressed, in love, happy, suicidal, at peace, determined to bring change to the world, and being completely drained of all energy at the same time.

Autumn Jun 2018

Happiness

In the glimpse of the morning sunrise, I have found peace.
In the wake of the birds orchestra, I have found solitude.
In the first sip or morning coffee with a pinch of hazelnut creamer or maybe more than a pinch,
I found a calm serenity.
During my morning drive I have discovered the beauty of the rolling hills that reek of the stench assosicated with a dairy farm community.
During my entrance to a city I have the sensation of belonging, this road has been slowed down by the constant speed in which we all desire to go, we all must go.
During the work I realize I am part of something larger.
Withdrawing from the city and heading for home I am reminiscent of the hum echoing in my head.
Withdrawing to my work out I am pleased get my daily dose of happiness.
Withdrawing to my family is where I am comfortable.
Heading to my love is where my heart soars.
In the shut of my eyes I am smelling the sea, I am hearing the ocean, I am seeing the sunlight, I am hearing the crunch of leaves, and the sounds of exploration pound inside, I am feeling his kisses on my forehead, I am feeling the love of my family, I am feeling the hope for a better future, I am determined to enanct change, I will not rest until I am me and you know it.

Autumn Apr 2018

Alternative methods

And when nothing
And no one
Relieves the stress or
Depression
You find alternative methods
In order to feel free