He says I'm the kind of girl
Everyone falls in love with..
He shakes his head,
Says not everyone.
Starts to think
Why he wouldnt...
Our friends talk
"We'd be good together"
But he sizes me up
And shows nothing at all.
"You should get together
Make everyone happy"
Looks at me,across the room
Says, "the pressure"
"You'd have the most beautiful kids"
Then he says " you're too weird"

I'm in a state of disrepair
Switched off all the lights
Stayed beneath these layers
Hoping days would turn into nights
And the count would cease..

Can't even stand to look at you
face won't hide what I'm going through
I'm mad at myself for being
Life was better when I wasn't feeling
Now it's all too much
And tears are always close enough to touch..

Can't blame
Blissful ignorance
Elizabeth bennet blindness
Tore a hole in me

And I'm left wishing
I'd never learned to use my heart
The trouble I've been through
I hope it's worth it

i catch myself sad
stopping mid sentence
wanting to shed a solitary tear
then i disappear
back inside my colorful shell
my empty laugh reverberates
and the walls grow closer
uncle claims i'm bipolar
somethings cant be unfelt
i cant be unbetrayed
so i talk too much
i say too little
i lie.
back inside my colorful shell,
the walls are crushing me..

the tarmac becomes fascinating
the way my shoes look against it
you can love the feather, obsess over her
i felt your heart dance to the feather's beat..
made something grow inside me
you light up,
the sky falls, mixes with my yellow skin
I'm green..
you pick her up, swing her around
suddenly, i feel like a prisoner
i cant stop watching, cant stop thinking
but the sun is shining and i cant start crying
four walls and locked doors aren't safe enough
i'll never be free....

God i've tried to let you go

I feel I'm going to discover I'm a fool
You're telling me you're giving up
You say you're tired of waiting for me
I say it's like we're breaking up
You say I wouldn't know it..
I start to think you're too nice
should tell me how wretched I am
Instead you say:
"People always bend backwards for you"
I'm stuttering claiming it's not true..
You're leaving just as I started living
I want to tell you to stay but I know this is right, you leaving me is right...
I like to have my path disappear around the bend, for you and I, that was the end..
We said we'd climb a mountain together.
Travel the world in a Fibonacci sequence
Till we made it to space, the milky way..
You asked me once from what I was made, called me a rainmaker..
We made sense, I can't explain
Why you leaving seems right...
the storm Will always conjure your name

"If you love it, let it go"

The last thing I'd want
Is freedom from you
I've knocked on a dozen doors
With my unbound hands
Still I come back, begging ..
to drag your shackles by my feet..
different scenarios cause a phantom pain
Yet under blue skies, it all stays the same..

I changed and you lived
change was death,
oblivion was static..

If you're ever looking
for someone who loves you
Come and find me..

I will ask no questions
I do not promise empathy
Only presence..
What you feel is uniquely your own
And I am witness..

I don't claim to understand you
I don't think there is such a thing
How can I know how time shifts around you?
How can I know how you carry a world inside you?
If you're ever looking for someone who loves you,
I hope you find me