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 Dec 2013 Aditi
Dustyn Smith
You used to give me butterflies
  Now you give me anxiety

I used to smile just thinking about you
  Now it fills me with anger

You used to make me cry with joy
  Now they're just tears of sadness

You used to be my reason to stay strong
  Now you're the reason I relapse

I used to imagine a bright future
  Now all seems dark

You used to be the calming voice inside my head
  Now its the one that screams that loudest

You used to always make me feel better
  Now you're why I hurt so bad

You mended my heart and made me feel whole
  Now you've broken it and left me in pieces

I used to write love poems about you
  *Now the only ones I could write are of pain
With my heart in your hand,
And my name on your lips,
And as the last few drops,
Of my dignity flow from your fingertips,

I remember how it felt to be alone,
And all the love I’ve never known,
I wrote a love song for you to sing at my grave,
And I know it would be wrong to say that I was brave,

But I don’t want this to be your last memory of me,
So turn away because I don’t want you to see,
I’m in a dark place and I don’t know where I am,
And alone is the only way I seem to be able to stand,

You’ve given me a lifetime of hope,
But I’m dangling at the end of my rope,
You were the start of my life,
But will it end with the blade of a knife?

It’s hard to say,
The path one takes,
When they have nowhere else to go,
But they are the only one to know,

Will Heaven open its gates for me,
A lost soul looking for peace?
Or will I fall to the pits of Hell,
To waste and rot in my empty shell?
 Dec 2013 Aditi
Nat Lipstadt
68
 Dec 2013 Aditi
Nat Lipstadt
68
Sixty Eight years of age
and he texts her puppy love
msgs six time a day,
in between phone calls.

long ago lovers,
high school, I think,
Facebook stumbled upon,
and the inky surprise,
that they have relearned to be,
a new shade of
a true blue tint of
the word,
devoted.

mushy is the heart that goes
soft to hard to soft,
soft by innocence, then
Pharaoh hardened by life, then,
softened by reflection,
mushyed by wisdom,
that came costly.

when relearning
the side effects of
discovering the words
that were left unsaid,
or even better,

spoke this time with
better understanding,
greater appreciation.

Now so better
After Aging Aching
in an oak cask
of finally, filly fully
fermented love.

I don't need inspiration
to clap for you,
but your confidence un-betrayed,
name omitted,
as one grandfather tips his hat to another,
all he can smiling say,

*******,
romantic rediscovery at 68,
I suspect is even better than the
first fumbled go around.
For he who knows that I borrowed his words....shhh...
 Dec 2013 Aditi
silent
The world is sad, I've noticed.
But it is also happy.
Like the way you feel on the first Christmas without a loved one.
At times like those, I find, the meaning of life can be blurred.
It can be swayed.
It can be lost.

As humans, we question,
it's in our blood,
even at a ripe age,
children begin to question.
Once the questions begin, mystery seems to be lost.
There is no santa claus anymore.
There is no tooth fairy.
There are no happy endings.

Life wasn't meant to live with happy endings,
with free presents from a magical man,
from money when biology takes its course.

In life, we are meant to feel,
every emotion that is evoked by it.

When the sadness comes,
it's because we are meant to be sad.
The times we feel the lowest,
are the things we will look back on when we feel the best,
and wonder,
how we ever let it get that bad.

When happiness reigns over all,
it's because we are meant to be happy.
These times in life we will smile,
and we will look back on the times we felt so low,
and wonder,
how could it ever get that way again.

Without the emotion,
that fluctuates from our being,
that pulls our heart,
and sometimes tears it out,
we wouldn't know if we were real or not.

I wouldn't know that I love you so much I hate you.
I wouldn't know that I am sad when you leave, meaning I miss you.
I wouldn't know that I'm angry with you because you don't feel these emotions for me.
If I can't evoke emotion from you,
how am I going to be the one
who makes you
feel
real









I can't believe it ended up being about you again.
 Dec 2013 Aditi
amc
drowning
 Dec 2013 Aditi
amc
i don't mind it.
i mean it *****.
don't get me wrong,
it really ******* *****.

but i'm used to it yanno?
it's just been going on
for so long.
so consistently it's kind of beautiful.

it's beautiful.
how hard it is for me to breathe.
how each time i inhale,
there is a war waging within my chest.

i am so used to this feeling.
i can live with this.
this is pain. terrible pain.
but it is manageable pain.

for me at least.
i'm strong enough, i can handle it.
i love when people ask me 'how have you been?'
i respond the same way every **** time.

i'm still here, so i guess it hasn't been all that bad

and then they just stare at me.
like did you really just say that to me?
like i didn't want a real answer,
i was just asking as a formality.

you know how people do that.
they ask how you are because they're supposed to.
but **** it you're not supposed to tell the truth.
you're not supposed to tell them you're drowning.

but anyways, yea.
i can handle this.
the bad part though, the part i absolutely can't stand,
is watching people who love me watch me drown.

they're like cute puppies in a window.
so helpless.
so ignorant of what you feel.
because the people who understand...

yea well they got the hell out of dodge
as soon as they saw
part of themselves inside your pain.
they know how bad you are, so they save themselves.

no. i'm convinced this wouldn't be so bad,
if i didn't have to watch them watch me.
because really, i'm the one suffering.
but somehow, i still want to help them.

now how does that make any sense at all?
honestly i'm not sure it does.
 Dec 2013 Aditi
Victoria G
Cigarette
 Dec 2013 Aditi
Victoria G
I've never smoked a cigarette
But I think I know how it feels
My misguided love is as addicting
And every breath of mine, you steal

I breathe the smoke into my lungs
My insides turn to dust
I can't find a way to give you up
So I drink your poison from the cup

I don't care if you will **** me
As long as you hold my hand
You know I'd give up my own life
To save the ground on which you stand
 Dec 2013 Aditi
Sprishya
For You
 Dec 2013 Aditi
Sprishya
If I told you I wrote this poem for you
Would you start loving me?
Craving me the way I crave you
Go insane
Live in a world where nothing else exists
Do everything to make me understand
Fail but keep trying
If I told you I wrote this poem for you
Would you instantly run into my arms?
Kiss my lips and stare at the stars
Forget the world
Forget yourself
Yet somehow remember
What I was wearing the first day we met
If I told you I wrote this poem for you
Would you spend your days thinking about me?
Coming up with excuses just to see my face
Go to the same coffee shop
Hoping for me to show up
Note down ‘Spiced latte, no sugar’
Just so if the day comes
You know what I would order
If I told you I wrote this poem for you
Would you start dreaming of the future?
A small chapel by the sea
Gathered friends and family
Vows and bells
Our kid’s show and tell
A family portrait hung on the wall
If I told you I wrote this poem for you
Would you be mine forever?
Let me die in your arms
Happy and loved
If you would
Then my love
I wrote this poem for you

(Kathmandu, Nepal 12/22/2013)
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