Check your mail in a week
You should find a letter
One that tells you everything
Both of you should sit down
And read them
Dissect every word
Read the hate
Read the pain
That will be my last contact to both of you
So savor it
Realize what you left behind
When you started dating

Do you ever wish for death’s sweet embrace?
To feel nothing
To stop the pain
But isn’t it ironic
The only way to freedom
Is the thing you’re desperately trying to escape?

I got asked today
“How do you create?”
I write at night when nothing but the truth flows through me
I write in the dark where nothing can see me
I write alone so nobody can read over my shoulder
Critiquing my every word
I write in silence so I can hear every word
Or maybe a playlist subtly infusing itself in my words
But most of all I write the truth, because **** those who have a problem with me

Who knew you didn’t need a heart to live?
Mine was torn up
Torn out
Thrown away

Left on ...
After the declaration
Then it pops up
You are my best friend

She yells at you
Not out of anger
But
Because you’re there to be yelled at
To give advice
To give your soul

My heart was stolen
I guess I don’t need it
But
I didn’t even see the theif

A test for love
Who’s calls
Who’s visits
Do you want the most
Who do you want in your life
To ward off feelings of loneliness
When you go on vacation
Who do you want with you
Who would you most like to comfort you
In moments of pain
When you’re life is well
Who do you want to share the news with
Do you see their face?

If we look at what’s the same
Between you and me
You’ll see that we aren’t that different
Sure we may be from different places
Love different people
Act different
Look different
Talk different
Think different
Be different
But
Look at what’s the same
We are human
We are made of cells
Of molocules
Of atoms
Of electrons protrons nuclei
We live in the universe
We live the solar system
We live on Earth
We orbit Sol together
We are the same
We are equal
So why
Do we get treated unfairly?

If you need an ear
To listen to your problems
If you need a shoulder
To cry all the bitter memories away
If you need someone
To sit by your side
If you need a friend
To show that life is worth living
If you need an outlet
to yell, call names, hit
If you need me
I’m just a phone call away

It’s rare
To skip a class
To talk to the teacher after
And have them apologize to you
Sure she wasn’t apologizing because I skipped
But because my relationship shattered
Because I couldn’t deal with people
Because she knew the pain I was going through
It’s rare
For a teacher who’s class you skipped
To apologize to you

The best thing about needing to wear glasses? The search when you can’t find them

Never read through old texts
Memories that linger in those digital words hurt more than they did the first time around
**** from old friends
Discussions about your now alma mater
An awkward conversation that left you on read
All that waits in those buried messages is pain

How is it possible to hate someone
Yet care so much for them

We lay in a bed
Hopefully surrounded by those we love
By those who love us
We close our eyes
We breathe in
But not out
What comes next?
Darkness?
A skeletal hand guiding us?
A scale?
Perhaps a boat rowing us over the river Styx
Or maybe, it’s another life
Whatever it is
I’m ready to take that leap
But not quite yet

Love
Followed by regret

What a ******* year

I have no clue what you look like
Or what your voice sounds like
But you care
We’ve both been hurt
But together we can pick up the pieces,
And fix our broken selves

Though I’ve never truly met you,
Seen your face,
Heard your voice,
Felt your touch,
I feel better knowing you’re there

I wanted to be more
I told her how I feel
I thought she’d be happy
I thought she felt the same
Then I see
She says
You’re my best friend
Nothing else
My heart withered
The light of love
Slowly seeped out
Color left me
Pain replaced love
Darkness entered me
Nothing else matters
Those four words
Killed me

What’s the point of life?
In our broken world it’s to find happiness
Happiness... a rare feeling
But how do you find it
The system we live in
One forced upon us in the name of Order
Makes it near impossible to find
So I ask again, what’s the point of life?
If it’s no longer happiness,
Is it just to survive?
But what is the point of survival if we have nothing to look forward to?
Sure we have moments where we can bear the pain
We look forward to those moments every ******* day
But if there’s no happiness to gain
Why should we keep trying to live?
To give money to a richer *******?
To pay for the right to have our friends and family killed by people who are supposed to protect us?
To make the system that oppresses us last longer?
What’s the point if all I’m doing is marching on
Happiness dangling on a string, just out of reach
Like a donkey chasing a carrot to pull a cart
What’s the point?
Why am I here?
Can anyone tell me?

Can I ask for some advice
Who can tell me
What to do
Who can tell me
What to say
How to ask
Where to go
Why this is so
Difficult
Why this is so
Exhilarating
Whether or not
I can do this
Someone
Anyone
Tell me an answer

They say the pen is mightier than the sword
But even stronger is your tongue
With just your voice you can ruin a life
With just your voice you can declare freedom
With just your voice you can tell your feelings
With just your voice you can save someone
With just your voice you can create
With just your voice you can destroy
Let’s see a pen do that

It took me 16 years
To get one to agree to go out with me
When will the next one arrive?
When will I get to hold someone’s hand
Feel someone’s lips upon mine
Hold them close to me
Experience everything with someone new
Someone better
Someone who doesn’t tear groups apart
Someone who actually makes me safe
Someone who cares about me
Someone who won’t break up with me over Snapchat
Who will it be?
How long will it take?

Smoke is thick in the air
You can’t see to the end of the block
But I still go to work

I stand in the yellowed, dulled sunlight
Trying to to breathe too deeply
Lest the ash fill my lungs
But I still go to work

I miss my connection and walk
Through the empty streets
Passed the old neighborhood
My eyes and throat burning
But I still go to work

Six hours I stand by a window in a hot room
Wishing I could smell anything but fire
Checking over and over
Anxiously reloading the alerts
“Am I evacuated now?”
But I still finish my shift

I’m only a few dozen miles from flames
In a state that’s being razed
City by city
Town by town
We’re disappearing
Returning to ashen shells where homes once stood
But still I finished my shift

The restaurant dead
Air painful to breath
Homes shuttered
Bags packed
Fingers crossed
Prayers muttering from atheist lips
“May our loved ones houses stand through disasters, amen”
And I head home

Everyday I hope I don’t have to leave
Everyday I doubt that everything will be fine
Every single ******* day I pray to the gods that you believe in, even if I’m not sure they’re there

Close your eyes
One last time
Breathe in
One last time
Feel the air
One last time
Smell the aromas
One last time
Hear the rush of blood
One last time
Think about your life
One last time

Give me a chance to be your boyfriend
To bring flowers
To bring chocolates
To bring happiness
Give me a chance to be your boyfriend
To show you my love
To show you who I am
To show you how kind I can be
Give me a chance to be your boyfriend
I know the situation
I know you broke up
With my friend
I am the one
That talked you through it
Almost every night
That reminded you that
You’re perfect
That kept him away
Even if it ruined our friendship
I put everything on the line
I have told you
“I’m all in”
Give me a chance?

The story of me
How to tell it
How to describe those moments
Those emotions
How to break apart every conversation
Conveying the importance
The desperation
The depression
How to tell you everything
Without the words to describe it...
I’ve got a story to tell,
But only if you were here

All I want to do is sit and write
Ignore all the other **** in the world
I have a story waiting to be told
But no time to tell it

If I want her to be mine
Why can’t I ask her
If she says no
What will happen to me
If my heart breaks
Will that be the end
If I can’t ask her
Will I ever know the answer

You can’t fight fire with fire
It’ll only burn quicker
Just like you can’t fight depression with sad shows
Sad songs
Pictures
Poems
Or people that remind you why your sad
Because in the end
All your left with
Are bitter memories
And tears cried for those who don’t deserve them

Sick enough that I can’t talk
I want to sleep
I can’t stay home
I have to go to school
Even with my throat on fire
My head pounding a steady beat
My nose on the edge of sneezing
How much is enough to stay home?

I know I’m not writing the great American novel
I’m not a poet who’s words will be sung out for centuries
I know that just a handful out there even hear the words I say
But it’s enough for me to know that I’ve told my story to anyone who decided to listen

I wish they knew the way I looked at them
I wish they felt the same
I wish it could happen
But I know better
Than to waste my wishes

I just want to sleep a peaceful slumber
As the rain pitters against my window pane
My bed warm and the lights off
My brain wandering into pleasant dreams
Where flowing fields and whistling birds fly
My friends sitting at a table with pots of never-ending tea
Sweet scones and berry muffins sitting just so
We talk nothings as we drink and laugh
The sun setting next to us filling the skies
Purples, reds, and pinks flowing like water
An eternal party for temporary bliss

Life is a *****
We start weak
We dedicate our entire life
Achievement is the goal
We grow
We shrink
We end weak
Life is a *****

Only a few of you remember this
Me being Chicken Little
but those of you who need a reminder, here’s the tale

Scrolling through Netflix
we crammed onto that tiny couch
Into those tiny chairs
We put on a movie we thought was just memories

We did what we all do when we watch movies with friends
We decided who was who
Talib was that fish
Dre was Chicken Little’s dad
Kiera was the goose
That left me, Chicken Little

From then on
I was Chicken Little

Here I sit
One day from the new year
Remembering all the fun we had
The tears shed
The laughter shared
The hugs given and received
The pain healed
And I wish I could do it all again

I miss the feeling
Of being held close
Of holding a hand
Of lips upon mine
Of trying to send the sexiest picture
While keeping my clothes on
I miss the feeling of knowing
That someone out there loves me
The same way that I love them
I miss the feeling
Of having someone there for you
Of laying down with their arms wrapped around me
Of my legs twining around theirs as we laid in each other’s embrace
I miss the feeling
Of being with someone

A flood of thoughts fill my head
Giving me moments of clarity before vanishing again
I want to write but can only think of math,
Want to code but can only find words,
Try to game and all I think of are chores I need to do
Believe me when I say I’m doing my best
Even if you’ve seen me do better
Cause my body is there
But my mind wanders
Seldom do they meet

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart

“Register for school
August 16th”
August 16th...
Then the drama begins
My ex best friend and I will see each other
For the first time since she started dating Him
Most of my friends —
My group— are gone
Off to college
Off to bigger and better things
The ones who are left all know
They’ve defended me
They’ve battled for me
Or they’ve turned
Stood by their side
Who is still my friend?
And who do I need to avoid?
August 16th, we’ll find out

Everyone else is out there
On these beautiful summer days
And here I am
Inside
Alone
When I get invited out I become the third wheel
When I go out alone
It’s no better than being inside
How do people live life?
How do I do more than sitting at my computer
Playing level after level
Even though I’ve played the game before
How do I do more than laying on my bed
Watching episode after episode
Even though I know all the lines by heart
How do I live life?

I don’t think I knew
How much I would miss you
Until you left

The night is dark
Lit only by the stars and a single streetlight
A short stout man stumbles down the deserted road
He stops under the light and puts a cigarette to his lips
He takes a long drag, enjoying the silence
“Got a light?”
The man turns to a figure beyond the light’s reach
He steps forward, arm outstretched
The flickering flame reveals a woman
Beautiful, long dark hair shuffling in a light breeze
“You found me,” she says plainly, “so what do you want?”
The man stops to think
“I want... someone” he finally says
Smoke billows from her nose “Someone? You came all this way, for ‘someone?’
You know the cost?”
He nods
The woman sighs, exhaling smoke
When the cloud clears she’s gone
The man goes home
Someone is waiting

Yet another problem solved
Yet another ******* solution given
Yet another friend helped
Any other problems?
I may be 17,
But what the hell, I’ll take a shot

”So this is odd,
A painful realization,
That all has gone wrong”
It starts when I put on my headphones
Every time
Sane songs
Each word carrying a message
Straight into me
“I’m missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we have to speak”
Every word striking a realization
That I had to avoid the people I loved the most
Her, and her, and her
But not him
“I heard from someone that you wish you could set things right between us”
I’ve apologized
She’s accepted
But we no longer have the energy we did
Devoted to each other
Empty looks are shared
“Cause you’re gone, I get nothing
And you’re off with barely a sigh
I never said “Goodbye””
And you left
I don’t blame you one bit
I wouldn’t want to have been around me either
Yelling out the falsehoods I was told
I was wrong
“Waiting here with hopes
The phone will ring
And I’m thinking awful things”
Mostly what caused me to hurt
Those reasons of *******
The man who ran
“The martyr is meaningless “
I think we all know why
I think we all know who
But still I say
“”I hope that you’re happy,
You really deserve it,
This will be best for us both in the end””
Because I don’t know what else to say
“Please send me anything
But signals that are mixed”
I miss you
But don’t know if you miss me
“These are the places I’ve come to fear the most”
The ones where we would see each other
Have to talk
Be civil
Because I don’t know you anymore
I used to tell you
“Take this bitter pill,
This medicine
Hope you swallow, choke, and die”
The music ends,
Instinctively
I reach up
Tap play
And move on

This was unexpected
A sudden break between acts
The stage goes dark
The curtain falls
And nobody knows when it will rise again

The most unexpected person
Reached out
Told me things I needed to hear
That someone is here for me
Someone who knows me
Who understands me
Who knows how to cheer me up
He gathers the pieces and tries to place them in the right spots
He tried
He failed
I am still broken
Still incomplete
One piece missing
A void he tries to fill with his heart
But it just doesn't fit
I love him, but not in the same way
I love The Other, and only they can truly fix me

I lived with my sister for a while
She goes to college
I played video games while she was working
She worked a lot
I met her many roommates- they’re very nice
She has four roommates
I didn’t go to bed until late night
She doesn’t sleep much
I was living at college for a while
My sister invited me

To all adults who feel they can ignore kids:
Why?
Why do you feel you can ignore us?
Especially when we’re old enough to know
**** isn’t perfect
We know things
We have opinions
Yet we get ignored
And let me tell you, it’s ******* annoying
So why do we get ignored?
And before you say
“It’s because we have life experience”
I understand that’s important
But we just want to be listened to
If you think we’re wrong, debate us
Change our minds
Give us that experience
Just don’t ignore us

We sat and cried tears
Both happy and sad
In the mourning of the one we held dear

Her arms held me as we stood in the parking lot
Wind blowing in our hair
“I missed you so much” she tells me
“Oh you had no idea”
I don’t want to let go
To just stay there talking
Catching up on what I missed
In those three long months apart
Our voices carry across the football field
I finally get to talk to her alone
I finally got my chance to apologize
She and I click again
As we did before
Regret sets in as I realize I missed so much
We hug again
Her hair smells of strawberries as I tell her
Once again “I’m sorry for being an *******”
She gets into her car
Driving away as I stand there
Crying tears of relief
I had no idea how much I missed her