Only a few of you remember this
Me being Chicken Little
but those of you who need a reminder, here’s the tale

Scrolling through Netflix
we crammed onto that tiny couch
Into those tiny chairs
We put on a movie we thought was just memories

We did what we all do when we watch movies with friends
We decided who was who
Talib was that fish
Dre was Chicken Little’s dad
Kiera was the goose
That left me, Chicken Little

From then on
I was Chicken Little

Here I sit
One day from the new year
Remembering all the fun we had
The tears shed
The laughter shared
The hugs given and received
The pain healed
And I wish I could do it all again

I am not the worlds best poet
Yet
Everyone calls me
A great writer
They say I’m emotional
But
Maybe it’s just them

The years pass quick
I forget who I was until I remember I wrote it down
I was a man
I am no longer
I was single
I am no longer
I was unhappy
I am no longer
I wasn’t me
I am no longer

I look through photos and barely recognize the face
Because I am no longer the one I once was

Thank you
For all those who know
Who stepped foreword
Who are trying to comfort me
Thank you

It’s so fresh in my mind though
I haven’t had time to think
To comprehend
To wallow in my self pity

Sixth period
I sat there
In front of a pig
It’s stomach open
And on view for the world to see
My phone buzzes
It’s him
I pull off those blue surgical gloves
Whip out my phone
Wait for the dot dot dot
to turn into actual words
They turn all right
They speak that you don’t feel right
That you may have rushed into this
That maybe you mixed friendship
And attraction
You take responsibility for it
But that doesn’t dull the pain
I suddenly feel as though the pig
Is better than I am
With its guts exposed and all
I want to cry
But I try to keep it together
I grab the knife
Start cutting into the guts
Tears welling in my eyes as I try to keep strong
I wanted to cry
I just leave after that
It doesn’t matter that I had class
It doesn’t matter that I had friends waiting
I just leave
I go home to wallow
To think
To cry the bitter tears that push up against my eyes
I hoped that this was all a dream

You all warned me
And I ignored you
I told myself that we wouldn’t break up
I told myself that we had a relationship
Stronger than his last one
Which crumbled like mine did today
You told me he’d use me
And toss me aside like a human ******
I feel stupid for not heeding the words you spoke
I was naïve to think that we could last
The three months he had left here

You all are here for me
And I love you all
When I’m ready to shed these bitter salty tears
I know you’ll be here to dry my cheeks
And hold me in your collective arms
The way he did last week

I thought he could put me back together
But he only stole the pieces
I hope I can get them back

You know me
Here I am wanting love
And here I am telling them no
And I don’t know why
Except that I do
The people I reject are friends
People that I have brought close to me
People that I can’t stand to lose
I know that if we date, there will be an end
And then you disappear
And we leave each other wishing nothing had happened between us

Nine months
That’s when society says
“Hope you know what you want to do with your life.”
And throws you out into the world
I have no plan
I don’t know ****
And I’m afraid

It’s all I feel anymore
I no longer feel happy
I no longer enjoy the moments I did a few weeks ago
It all lands in an empty void
Souring memories
Taking ahold of me
I try to escape it
But I claw at the walls of the abyss
My fingers grow ******
My legs grow weak
Until I lie there
Crying for release from the hole I dug
People tried to save me before
Tried to get me to put down the shovel
Tried to get me to climb out while I still could
But here I am
Alone
In the dark
Wishing for anyone to help me
But everyone already left

My fingers typed in your name before my brain had a chance to realize
I clicked on your profile, the picture the car you drove daily
And before I knew what I was doing I had already scrolled through
Unable to control myself, I read through your posts
Seeing your new girl
Seeing how happy you were
Seeing that you were living your Happily Ever After

Check your mail in a week
You should find a letter
One that tells you everything
Both of you should sit down
And read them
Dissect every word
Read the hate
Read the pain
That will be my last contact to both of you
So savor it
Realize what you left behind
When you started dating

Why does she not see me
The way I see her?
What is wrong with me
Do I not make her
Laugh
Smile
comforted
Am I
Ugly
Rude
Insensitive
What is wrong with me
That I find
An amazing
Beautiful
Smart friend
And I ruin it
By trying to be more
By trying to find happiness
By trying to explore ourselves
By trying to be an us
Rather than a
Me
And a you
I don’t care if people know
I need to express my pain
I need to express my love
I need to express me
I love you
And nothing can change that
Now do you see
How much I care?

On behalf of all men
We’re sorry
We’re sorry that we lie
When telling the truth would be better
We’re sorry that we demand
When simply asking would be easier
We’re sorry that we are *******
When simply talking about our problems is healthier
On behalf of all men
We’re sorry that we are complete idiots
But that’s because
We need you to help us be smarter

Well done
Here come the test results: "You are a horrible person."
That's what it says
We weren't even testing for that

Something to count on
Just something that tells me
“It gets better, maybe not much, but enough”
In times so bleak I need something to count on
Someone to say I’ll be okay, WE will be okay
But I look out
A sea of people who want to help
Yet I feel like I’m still drowning
I just need someone to hold me
And provide a little comfort

Never again will I walk those halls
Trying to bypass the large groups of students
So that I’m not late for class

Never again will I see Mr. Edwards
Attempting to teach a new set of words every day
Before teaching us professional video production

Never again will I walk into the Middle College office
Just to play a game
Or help solve people’s problems
While skipping the one class I have to take

I won’t get those moments again
And I didn’t know the last time would be the last

If I did
I would’ve walked slower
I would’ve listened closer
I would’ve thought harder
I would’ve helped more

I found them today
Written in a notebook surrounded by math
Two letters
Four pages
5 post scripts
9 reasons, each starting with “*******”
I never sent them as I promised
But today I read them
And I cried
I cried for my stupidity
For the time lost
And for the pain I morphed into rage before
Out of that rage I got nothing but more pain
Out of that pain I got these letters
Seeping with insults
Seeping with “how could you”s
Seeping with anger
Asking him if “your sadistic goals were filled”
And asking her “how could you play with my emotions?”
Something that never happened,
But was whispered in my ear
Two letters
I promised to send them
I told you both to “check your mailbox
In about a week
There should be a letter”
But I never sent it
And I’m glad I didn’t

You can’t fight fire with fire
It’ll only burn quicker
Just like you can’t fight depression with sad shows
Sad songs
Pictures
Poems
Or people that remind you why your sad
Because in the end
All your left with
Are bitter memories
And tears cried for those who don’t deserve them

Love
Followed by regret

If you need an ear
To listen to your problems
If you need a shoulder
To cry all the bitter memories away
If you need someone
To sit by your side
If you need a friend
To show that life is worth living
If you need an outlet
to yell, call names, hit
If you need me
I’m just a phone call away

Another cute guy I want to walk up to and talk
But what do I say?
I could go over,
Fumble my thoughts around
Leaving him confused on what just happened
Or I could stay here, safe in a little bubble
Quietly kicking myself for not saying something

I feel lost in a world I’ve known my whole life
Turning in circles
Watching people navigate twisted intertwined paths
Shoved to new places every time I open my eyes

No time to get my bearings
The waters of adulting flood the maze of life
Sink or swim
I can’t make it
My strength is failing
As I slip under the waves I can only hope I can fight my way back up

No strength left I slowly sink lower
The light from the sky above fading
Sobbing muffled and distorted through water
My breath is running out
And I can’t get out of the water
Which way is up?

I’m drowning and nobody notices
Lost in this maze where I can’t even tell up from down

Will anyone save me in time?

If I could be crying right now
I would
For no ******* reason at all

The best thing about needing to wear glasses? The search when you can’t find them

Close your eyes
One last time
Breathe in
One last time
Feel the air
One last time
Smell the aromas
One last time
Hear the rush of blood
One last time
Think about your life
One last time

Who knew you didn’t need a heart to live?
Mine was torn up
Torn out
Thrown away

Left on ...
After the declaration
Then it pops up
You are my best friend

She yells at you
Not out of anger
But
Because you’re there to be yelled at
To give advice
To give your soul

My heart was stolen
I guess I don’t need it
But
I didn’t even see the theif

I’m tired of the repetition
Of waking up just to feel...
empty
Of going through the meaningless movements
In, out
Step, step,
Scrub, rinse
Type, delete
Because that’s all that life is
****...
I’m sick of it, but I don’t want to move on
I just want something different

Do you ever feel
Like you aren’t you
Living your life
Like you are just walking
In someone else’s skin
Do you ever feel
Like you aren’t controlling
What you do in your life
Do you ever feel
Like you are watching your life
From another view
Do you ever feel
Like there’s more than you know
About yourself

I don’t think I knew
How much I would miss you
Until you left

I got asked today
“How do you create?”
I write at night when nothing but the truth flows through me
I write in the dark where nothing can see me
I write alone so nobody can read over my shoulder
Critiquing my every word
I write in silence so I can hear every word
Or maybe a playlist subtly infusing itself in my words
But most of all I write the truth, because **** those who have a problem with me

There’s a war inside me
Between creation and destruction
Chaos and Law
Good and evil
Yin and yang

At any moment one force grabs my mind
Destroying the thoughts in its path
Hatred, fear, gone in a flash
Kindness, humor, love, ran through by recklessness

My mind is the battlefield
Soaking in the leftovers of a never ceasing war
Wanting nothing but piece
But the rain of violence continues

Wishing the weapons to turn to flowers
For trenches of hatred to become flowing rivers
For light to shine on the bleak hellscape
But the battle continues

Chaos beats Law
Good defeats evil
Destruction obliterates creation
But from chaos comes order
From good darkness arises
From nothing comes something
Yin from yang
Yang from yin

The war continues, a shadow of darkness ever encroaching
Until light is snuffed from the sky
The war lost

We were more than a school
We were a community
We supported each other
We brought each other back when we were upset
We challenged everyone to think more, think harder

We were more than classmates and teachers
We were family
We cared when someone said they had a problem
We helped when we could
We made each other better, brighter

We were more than students
We were teachers
And I miss it more every minute

Demos I say,
YOU KNOW!

The world may be falling apart
People turning weapons on those with nothing but their voice
Thousands dying of a disease with no cure
But the cat’s letting me hold him

How is it possible to hate someone
Yet care so much for them

Don’t get me wrong
I love writing poetry
Especially on here
Where poems flow
Where inspiration strikes me
From the work of others
But I need a break
I need to sit
I need to focus
I need to meditate
Give me a few days
Maybe weeks
Maybe all summer
Just to think
I want you all to know though
I love you all
Especially one of you
Reading this right now
I just need a break
So goodbye for now
Check back later
Sayonara
Adiós
пока пока
Bene noche
Goodbye

Do you ever wish for death’s sweet embrace?
To feel nothing
To stop the pain
But isn’t it ironic
The only way to freedom
Is the thing you’re desperately trying to escape?

“Register for school
August 16th”
August 16th...
Then the drama begins
My ex best friend and I will see each other
For the first time since she started dating Him
Most of my friends —
My group— are gone
Off to college
Off to bigger and better things
The ones who are left all know
They’ve defended me
They’ve battled for me
Or they’ve turned
Stood by their side
Who is still my friend?
And who do I need to avoid?
August 16th, we’ll find out

I always misspell “Write”
And it’s all my teacher’s fault
English was taken with Ms. Wright
Writing 115
Writing 121
A total of 11 essays
20 worksheets
4 poems
All with her name at the top
And now I can’t write wright right
Right?

Her arms held me as we stood in the parking lot
Wind blowing in our hair
“I missed you so much” she tells me
“Oh you had no idea”
I don’t want to let go
To just stay there talking
Catching up on what I missed
In those three long months apart
Our voices carry across the football field
I finally get to talk to her alone
I finally got my chance to apologize
She and I click again
As we did before
Regret sets in as I realize I missed so much
We hug again
Her hair smells of strawberries as I tell her
Once again “I’m sorry for being an *******”
She gets into her car
Driving away as I stand there
Crying tears of relief
I had no idea how much I missed her

Can I ask for some advice
Who can tell me
What to do
Who can tell me
What to say
How to ask
Where to go
Why this is so
Difficult
Why this is so
Exhilarating
Whether or not
I can do this
Someone
Anyone
Tell me an answer

Give me a chance to be your boyfriend
To bring flowers
To bring chocolates
To bring happiness
Give me a chance to be your boyfriend
To show you my love
To show you who I am
To show you how kind I can be
Give me a chance to be your boyfriend
I know the situation
I know you broke up
With my friend
I am the one
That talked you through it
Almost every night
That reminded you that
You’re perfect
That kept him away
Even if it ruined our friendship
I put everything on the line
I have told you
“I’m all in”
Give me a chance?

It took me 16 years
To get one to agree to go out with me
When will the next one arrive?
When will I get to hold someone’s hand
Feel someone’s lips upon mine
Hold them close to me
Experience everything with someone new
Someone better
Someone who doesn’t tear groups apart
Someone who actually makes me safe
Someone who cares about me
Someone who won’t break up with me over Snapchat
Who will it be?
How long will it take?

Once again mistaken for a woman
This time worse than before
She thought I could be her’s but she doesn’t like me
I’m sorry for how far it went
I didn’t realize before then
You thought I was someone else
But perhaps I knew all along and just wanted someone else to talk to

To all adults who feel they can ignore kids:
Why?
Why do you feel you can ignore us?
Especially when we’re old enough to know
**** isn’t perfect
We know things
We have opinions
Yet we get ignored
And let me tell you, it’s ******* annoying
So why do we get ignored?
And before you say
“It’s because we have life experience”
I understand that’s important
But we just want to be listened to
If you think we’re wrong, debate us
Change our minds
Give us that experience
Just don’t ignore us

Dark brown dripping into the ***
Plinking on the glass container
Steam streaming into the room
Filling the air with the bitter, delicious scent
Each drip closer to being ready
Drip, drip, drip

The story of me
How to tell it
How to describe those moments
Those emotions
How to break apart every conversation
Conveying the importance
The desperation
The depression
How to tell you everything
Without the words to describe it...
I’ve got a story to tell,
But only if you were here

We live in a world where people are killed
Based on the color of their skin
We live in a world where people live on the streets
Because they were evicted for no reason
We live in a world where people can’t report crimes
Without fear of being deported
We live in a world where people are afraid to speak
Because they fear that they’ll be told their lying
We live in a world where people would rather commit suicide
Than admit that they’re attracted to the same gender
Or because they don’t feel right in their body
We live in a world where someone seeking a better life
Is detained because someone thought they should be

The world is broken
We have to fight to fix it

I’m sorry for—
****. What am I apologizing for?
For being me?
**** that
I’m sorry that you don’t like me
I’m not apologizing for ****
******* for making me feel like it’s my fault for just being me

“I’m sorry, we have to let you go.”
“It’s fine
I understand”
“When there are no diners, there’s no need for a dishwasher”
“I get it. See you around.”
I want to cry as I walk through the restaurant doors
My glasses fogging as I take a shaky breath
****. What now?

Yet another problem solved
Yet another ******* solution given
Yet another friend helped
Any other problems?
I may be 17,
But what the hell, I’ll take a shot

If I want her to be mine
Why can’t I ask her
If she says no
What will happen to me
If my heart breaks
Will that be the end
If I can’t ask her
Will I ever know the answer