I won’t have that moment
When I walk across the stage
Looking out at the audience
Searching for the faces of my family

I won’t hear my aunts yell out
“Whoooooeeeeeee” when I grab my diploma
I won’t be able to thank my principal
I won’t be able to see my closest friends
As they do the same

I won’t have the moment
When I walk out to the auditorium
Where I’m blinded by the lights
That pave my way to the future

I won’t have my moment
When I realize
Who I’ve become

I’m not as innocent as people believe
My friends, my family
Most see me as pure
Incapable of harm, but it’s just a mask

They see me as a straight seventeen year old kid
Who’s never gotten high or drunk
Never had a girlfriend, much less a boyfriend
Someone who’s never stolen
But you all see the real me

They see what I allow them to
Because I can’t be seen as the child who failed
The child who got lost along the way
They see me as innocent
Because I can’t deal with what they might say

We all keep truths
Because it’s easier to lie, hide behind a story,
Than it is to face the reality of our lives

They see me as innocent
But I can assure you,
I’m not

If you stare long enough
You’ll start to notice the cracks
So please,
Look away.

I have nothing to do now
Everyday the same
Wake up at noon
Eat
Play video games
Eat again
Play some more
Sleep at 4 am

When will I  be allowed back outside
Allowed to speak face to face
With someone I’m not related to?
I’ve done all I can here
I’ve grown bored indoors
All I want is to leave

Give me something to do
So I have something to write

I stare at the shards on the ground
The dulled blue, green, and red sinking into the spreading coffee
I stare as my finger bleeds

I remember when I found it
At the warehouse sale for a discontinued show
I saw it and new it had to be mine
That was many years ago
Since I used it every chance I get

My favorite mug
Brown with blue green and red squares
Circling around the rim
The handle fit my hand perfectly
The cup just large enough for a morning coffee

I stare at the pieces on the ground
“Same”
I whisper

I hadn’t spoken in days
I was home alone
And nobody called
When I parted my lips to cry out
They slowly stuck, cracked and dry
I gathered the shards of the mug from the floor
Sticking my wounded finger in my mouth
Searching for a bandage
Dragging the coffee across the floor with every step

“Life’s a *****, and then you die”
“Yeah. But sometimes, life’s a ***** and you keep living”
The point is simple
Life’s a *****
And we all have to find a way to cope
But some people can’t
Life just keeps ******* them over
So more and more they draw back
Waiting for society to lend a hand
To pick them up
Some people need a hug
But everyone turns their back
Creating a wall that further shuts them into a corner
Huddling and waiting for someone to come...
Waiting....
Until they give up
And succumb to the darkness beyond
And all they can hope is the next step isn’t as hopeless