Shes dancing with shadows
And gets lost in the rain
She quarrels with her demons
That try to bathe in her pain

As she closes her eyes
She prays for the end
Because this life gets heavy
It gets so hard to pretend

Her tears flow freely
When she speaks the name
They soak her in loneliness
And drench her in shame

The life of a childless mother
Is a pain un-compared
Its a wonder she's breathing
With the weight she has bared

Voiceless in an endless chasm
Of fear, grief and pain
Echoing with memories
That only drive her insane

The gun looks tempting
The bullet chambered is coated in grief
She toys with the thought
Would it bring me relief

No it would only pass on the pain
It would bring no relief
It would make others suffer
It would pass on the grief.

Resonate with me for a moment
Open your heart to my mind
See me not as your opponent
For a friend in me you'll find

Lean not on the understanding of man
They will only let you down
Rise up and find your feet to stand
And straighten up your crown

You are more than what they did to you
You're more than this pain you feel
Looking back do you see how you grew
Find solace in peace and love that's real

Write yourself a letter
That lets you know you're proud
Of who you've become, how you got better
Then read the words out loud

You do this often and you will see
Progress and healing in the making
Write to you like you would a friend, kindly
Even if your hand is shaking

Tell yourself things that others forgot to
Share with the paper your desire and secrets
Share with it your dreams and be true
Show it all of your pain and regrets
In the process - get to know you

I try to keep myself distracted
From my breaking mind and heart
Over thinking how I overreacted
Trying to get the healing to start

The harder I try to heal
The more I feel attacked
The less I know what is real
The less I know how to interact

My words come out forced and slow
As my mind runs in a circle
My anger blooms and begins to show
Is this fight eternal?

Crying alone on the inside
Screams echo through my mind
It feels like I already died
In this darkened grave I lay confined

I've worn this mask for far too long
Pretending always that nothing's wrong
I always had to be the one to be strong always seeking Somewhere I Belong

The mask sinks it's Talons into my skin
I don't know where I end and The Mask begins
It seems now to be wearing thin
I thought it protected me- but it is my sin

It's the lie that I show to the world
The lie I've worn since I was a little girl
I was trained to hide all my pain
I was constrained to pretend I'm sane

I became the mirror to all who peered in
I withdrew to the iron and porcelain cage Within
Pretending always in this unending ruse
Hiding every tear and every bruise

Pretending I wasn't abused
Leaving my conscience more confused

I faked it so long I lost who I am
Condemning myself - feeling ******
No one needs to see my strife
So I've stayed hidden away all my life

Always in fear of what the world would do
If they found out my truth - if they knew
So I sublimated myself as I grew
Speaking my truth to only a few

Most often when I finally shared
My fear was realized - they abhorred me - or didn't care
Now it seems I can no longer hide
Because I can feel myself slowly dying inside

What will I do when my mask shatters
What will you do - I guess that's what matters
Will you also cast me away
Or will you still choose to stay

Disharmony
Disjointed notes of pain
Cacophony
Of voices driving me insane

So conflicted
So out of place
The damage inflicted
shows on my face

I used to try to hide it
But now I am far too weary
I can't climb out of this pit
The charade has grown dreary

You say I like this feeling
You say I am just lazy
That, that is why I'm not healing
That, that is why I feel crazy.

What do you know about me
that I didn't share with you
How wrong can one person possibly be
How can you say something so untrue?

The war I fight
is on the inside
I wrestle my demons day and night
with nowhere to hide

I cry out to God for mercy
I cry out to heaven for healing
I pray quietly for these demons to leave me be
I get impatient - No answer comes through the ceiling
While I lay awake
fighting my fight
hearing my mind and heart break
every day and night

I try to stand
but I fall back down
I am reaching out for a helping hand
from the grave I dug in the ground

I look around
for the voice of hope
and yet I am still bound
By the chains of my past and a hangman's' rope

I dance around these thoughts
that swim like sharks inside my brain
while my luster for my life rots
and yet I sit here and pretend to be sane

These pages don't judge me
like the world probably would
The ink spills from my heart - and silences the demon no one sees
Writing helps more than really anything else could.

Take a step back from me please
Walk away before you see my disease
I don't want to talk because I say far too much
I don't want a hug or a comforting touch
It doesn't make any of the pain subside
It doesn't erase the scars on the inside
I don't know if you are human or monster
So please, just leave me alone, sir
I don't even know if I am human or monster
It seems I may be half and half, sir
With so many scars stitching this smile to my face
It may seem unnerving or way out of place
Mainly its forced, so it seems like nothing is wrong
My words weave a pretty yet deceitful song
I'm fine, thanks for asking - I am hanging in there
Just so it seems I haven't a care
it keeps up these walls I built to keep you out
Or to lock myself away - so no one could hear me shout
Its my double edged dagger I planted in my own back
Its a personal torture another turn on the rack
I can isolate myself in a room full of others
Because I was always alone even with my siblings and mother
They saw me as a sum of all the trauma inflicted
I was the burden - Which is why I live life conflicted.

I am bleeding out from old wounds nobody sees
No comfort ever brings comfort to me
My broken mind and shattered heart
Have tried my whole life to tear me apart
feeling lost and lonely and scared
because none of my family ever cared
I was their burden - I was their shame
I was the one whom they couldn't speak the name
So they turned their backs to forget what they've done
They took the meaning from my life and thought that they won
As long as I am breathing I am living proof that they lost
As long as I keep going forward no matter the cost
I will let go and banish the demons they gave me
And let Christs' healing be what will save me
So I am not lost, though they led me astray
The blind leading blind - Well God gave me my sight today
So I could see clearly the webs of deceit
That bound my heart mind, hands and my feet
I can see through their whispered millions of lies
the part of me that perpetuates them - well today that part dies
I need to limit the voices circling in my mind
to shut out the hurtful - only hear what is kind
I need to hand over control to God - Who made me
I need to render spirit from flesh to set myself free
I will crucify the part of me that wants me dead
I will rise from those ashes and walk where angels have tread
I was created to be more than the sum of my trauma -The sum of the worlds endless lies  
When I come up on top - they will all be surprised
Healing takes time so I will take it slow
and soon I know the progress will show.

A life filled with uncertainty
That spills upon a page
A heart bled dry and empty
Torn apart through its age

So young and yet so tired
Songs unsung, as poems wither unspoken
A mind lost and uninspired
A soul fractured - feeling broken

How long can one live in misery
How wrong can things grow to be
How long can this burden be carried
How long until I am free?

Do I keep my self caged
In a past I can't change?
In fear of the future - All that's left is rage
Have I become deranged?

What IS insanity
What is normalcy?
What is this? Is it vanity?
No - Because I don't love me...

So how do I continue
To pretend that I am okay?
Lies are not a cure for what's true
How can I face the day?

When does surviving
Turn into thriving
When do the shadows and pain
finally fade or wane

Making a way for a new day
without the burdens of the past
or the heavy fear that love won't last
How - When - Why all questions carved on my heart
When does life become art
How do I make a new start
Why was my life torn apart.

My soul feels so cold
Lord, Please make me whole
I feel so alone
Lord, make this world feel like home
I am scared in the dark
since the world tore me apart
Lord, put me back together new
Let me truly see you
Reveal to me your plan
So I may continue to stand
I am begging you from the depths
of a long empty well
At the rock bottom
to which I fell
I lay here broken and torn
Only you can raise me now
call be back from this death
Because I don't know how
To come back from this edge
Lord, I beg you please
to show me your will
So I can follow you
And let my mind be still
Quell the aching in this heart
Please let the healing start
I needed you then
I need you more now
Show me the light on the path
because I don't know how
To change my course
or to find direction
Lord, I beg for your protection

What could I possibly say to you?
What should I say?
What could I possibly do -
To take the pain away?

How could I hope to help you -
When I don't know how to help myself?
What can I do to help you through -
When I put my own life on the shelf?

How can I paint you a picture
that will stay in your mind?
One that will keep you in scripture
when the world grows unkind.

How do I make an impact -
That  will ripple through the years?
How do I keep your heart intact
How do I stop the tears - Your fears?

I want you to know I love you
I will forever more
Near or far - even in heaven above you
no matter what life has in store.

Know I always wanted you close
I want to hold your hand
But I wanted your happiness most
I pray one day you understand

How do I say goodbye
without saying those words
because even if I try
I can't accept what they affirm

Because this isn't goodbye forever
Its see you later
One day we will be together
in the presence of our creator

I will always be your mother
I will always call you mine
I will love you each like no other
I pray you see that in time

This breaks my heart to pieces
But I will stay strong
I pray your faith increases
and you find where you belong.

It's so dark in here
Dark in here

I'm stuck deep in my fear
Deep in my fear

You used to let me out
Let me out

Now our mind is filled with doubt
Filled with doubt

I'm just your inner child

I'm you - before you were defiled

I was the you before you learned to fake a smile

Come talk to me for a while

Give me a hug
Show me the love
We only dreamed of

Give back to me what they stole from us
The peace and the joy we had before all the cuts
Before all the brutal betrayal all the knives in our back
You were me once - before your life turned black
You locked me away
With no words to say
You thought you were keeping me safe
But you weren't.

Now I'm just scared of being alone
I'm more scared of people
Then being on my own
Because of the monsters they all have shown
But being locked away - now the pain has grown

I wish you could see me
I wish you could hear me
I wish you could free me
I wish you could be me

I'm the inner child crying
I'm your inner child -
And I'm dying

I've become a shadow
Of who I want to be
I've become nothing more
Than a forgotten memory

Fading to the darkness
Once again I fall
Once again I'm flooded
Drowning in how I lost it all

Anxiety clutches my heart
Making it impossible to breathe
Making it impossible to think
Shutting me up - alone to seeth

The fear tapes up my mouth
When I want to scream I'm feeling helpless
The guilty words stream in my mind
Was my sacrifice really selfless

The monsters hide behind kind faces
In places where they can't let thier intentions be known
They keep their mask up until they get you alone

Then they have you and grab you to pull you under thier toxic spell
Leaving you broken alone and clinically unwell

They portray you as crazy with what they say to your friends and family
So in the end they insure everyone leaves

Narcissistic parasitic vampire that feasts on your fears
They shatter you and leave you drowning in tears.

After they are done and they've won  they take with them your sanity
So everywhere you go monsters are all you see

What do you do ...
When the illusion of intrusion
never seems to go away
When you have to fight off fantasies
of being gone today
When they won't stop no matter
how fervently you pray
When the delusions of anger and fears
Always get in your way
When they fight tooth and nail
Like they have a right to stay
The voices crowd your mind
Saying just come and play
But you know what's waiting for you
In thier demented game
So you do what you can
To shut them out and turn away
But they paint all your memories
In shades of black and grey
You just wish for a single moment
Where You  feel okay
And you want to cry every time
Someone asks how are you today
When your life's torn apart
Your mind lost in disarray
Then your trust seems to fade
While your hope begins to decay
When your heart feels like stone
And all you feel is dismay
Your sanity clings to threads
Your anxiety puts on a display
When you ask for a moment
Your mental repairs are underway
But really in your mind
your worst fears and memories are on replay
The anger bubbles up
And you want the world to pay
For what they took from you
But there's nothing left to say
You don't know how to articulate the pain
Or the thoughts you have to convey
So you don't feel so locked away
With the darkness that tells you
That its here to stay
You feel Your thoughts begin to fray
And your mind just saddles on you all of the blame and shame of a past you wish you could slay
Like a monster that seeks you out as its prey
I've learned it takes a lot of courage to say
I'm not well I need help I'm not okay

On the whispered wind of sorrow
That travails a sea of tears
On a boat named loneliness
That is weighed down with her fears

She tries desperately not to drown
in the oceans of her pain
She tries to rise above the waters
To not let it drive her insane

She looks around for land
to seek shelter from the storm
Will she find the rock she needs
Or will she remain forlorn

She can't see the sun
Or any stars above her
She prays and gasps for breath
to the God that loves her

He doesn't want to see her suffer
She knows this in her heart
He could whisper to the waters
and her pain would all depart

She holds out hope
for a Savior to come at last
to rescue her from her own mind
To save her from her past

I've been far better
But I've been worse
It seems to me
That is my curse
One step forward
And three steps back
I never can seem
To make up for what I lack
I'm always behind
Or missing something
But I'm always blessed
Never left with nothing
I feel broken down
And yet uplifted
I feel completely stuck
But like something has shifted
I feel thankful
I feel my pain
I guess I'm okay
Despite the rain
At least I'm breathing
I'm still above ground
At least I have something
I'm not hellbound
Though this pain can feel like hell
I think in spite of it, I'm doing well.

Thanks for asking
It shows you care
Don't feel bad for me
Please just send your prayer

Please, God  move this mountain
Take this weight off of me
Heal pain in my chest
My Lord please set me free
I'm being crushed
By this life I've been given
Lord please take away my past
and let me feel forgiven

I can't forgive myself
for the mistakes that I have made
please Lord heal this within me
Let me feel like the debt has been paid

I feel like I am lost in the wilderness
with monsters all around
Please save me from this darkness
Don't let it put me in the ground

I feel like I am already buried
beneath a past I can not change
I am so afraid Lord
that I've become deranged

Take the illness from my mind
Take the sorrow from my heart
Mend all of my broken pieces
Lord please show me where to start

The rustling song of midnight
brushes through her hair
the solemn summer rain
takes away her cares

She gets lost in nature
to find her secret bliss
She listens to the moonlight
and feels its soft kiss

It steals her away from worry
as she lets herself feel calm
It reminds her of life's beauty
On her heart it inscribes its psalm

The night is a reminder
to be thankful for the sun
It all is a reminder
of a creation so perfectly spun

She is thankful for the darkness
She is thankful for the rain
She is thankful for the sunshine
She is even thankful for the pain

It all reminds her that she is living
Though most times she feels like stone
But she looks up to the heavens
And Thanks God she's not alone.

Her humbled heart is yearning
For the life she knew before
As the gentle sea yearns for the shore

Her shallow breath grows steady
As she ceases her nightly weeping
Her eyes flutter at last she is sleeping

Her racing mind wakes her
Before she's ready to face the day
Her ears deceive her - was that her children at play?

Her quiet soul whispers softly
To comfort her broken spirit
Is her grief to loud to hear it?

Her darkened thoughts keep swirling
In memories of sorrow and reverie
Her eyes glossed with things she cannot see

Her shaking hands ache
To hold those that she misses
All she has are photographs - to pepper with her kisses

What most people call coping
To me is just dying slowly
I don't like the question "how are you"
I don't want to lie- but can't utter the truth

I lie with my smile
To forget for a while
How this truth is crushing me
How my past won't let me be

Sorrow darkens my door
Because I don't have you anymore
To lighten my heavy heart
Your absence tears me apart

I'm being ripped at the seams
Sifting through shattered dreams
I feel broken and tired
Lost cold and uninspired

I pray for guidance for my feet
I pray for a place to retreat
I pray for some divine relief
From all of the pain and the grief

Just a quiet moment in my mind
Solace from this world unkind
Take this from my soul so weary
Take the thoughts dark and dreary

Hanging tight to the end of my rope
Finding faith in the ashes of hope
A light far ahead in the dark
I only see a glint of a spark

I love you
I love you
I love you
More than Life itself
That is why
we have to say goodbye

I know you will be happy
I know you will find joy and peace
I know that you will be free
Find a way for faith to increase

Look for me in the rain
In the sunrise and the moon
Let go of all your pain
We will see each other soon

It may not be tomorrow
Or even in this life
But lean on Christ through sorrow
and He will take from you your strife

I will think of you every moment
Of every day I live
Because my love for you is potent
Remember the words I give

I will pray for you all the time
That your faith remains strong
So we can be together after the climb
Up to heaven, to join the angels song

They took you away
But they can not take our love
I will see you again one day
Even if its in heaven above

I died a thousand deaths
within my heart and mind
I took my final breaths
and left the world behind

I don't let my thoughts wander
within these things for long
I can't let myself ponder
on feelings that grow this strong

I can't look toward the future
nor linger in my past
My heart I must suture
or this day might be my last

I pray to God to take me
I am not afraid to say
Because death might make me free
But here I will stay

I will wait on God
I will try to find a purpose
I will put on a happy façade
and continue in this circus

I don't want to die
But I don't want to keep living
I can't keep up the lie
of the smile that I keep giving

The cracks in the mask keep growing
I am afraid that everyone will see
That the seeds I have been sowing
are slowly killing me.

I've lost everything
All meaning to live
All urge to keep breathing
my mind funnels through a sieve
It divides the joy and the sorrow
The fear and the pain
The darkness of tomorrow
From the soft summer rain
I stand in the middle of all of my grief
I search for an answer
Yet find no relief
The pain grows like a cancer
Heavy and deep in my chest
I don't want to go on without you
But they say its for the best
Those words sting, in ways I never knew

What do I do with all of the tears
Will they cause me to drown?
Where do I put all the fears
Before they put me in the ground

I won't give up because I know you're out there
Wondering if I am okay
Although this life has been far from fair
I will keep breathing through today

I won't give up the love we have shared
I won't let losing you **** me
I know it is my cross to be bared

You struck the match
That lit the bridge on fire
As it began to catch
My life joined the pyre

You pointed and said
"She is out of control"
You pulled the thread
It unraveled my soul

You left me shattered
And uninspired
My mind battered
My heart grows tired

You erased all my doubt
I finally stood up and turned away
I finally cut you out
With the knife you gave me anyway

Think of soft purple sunsets
as you drift off to sleep
Let go of pain and regrets
Please do not weep

Close your eyes
get some well deserved rest
Look forward to the surprise
As your imagination proves you are blessed

You have the power to reach for the stars
Remember I love you no matter how far
I know you are with me in my heart
That life has many ways to restart

Remember all the times we have shared
remember your worth
Remember I held you when you were scared
Remember the wisdom that you unearth

Sleep in peace
and rise and shine
Say your prayers that never cease
And know that you are mine

I've been lost and all alone
Never finding a home
Fighting battles on my own
Or so I thought it had to be
Until God laid his grace on me

I pushed my will until it shattered
Loved until my heart was battered
Until all my thoughts were scattered
So I give Him my thoughts will and heart
As I pray for a brand new start

It is pure grief
It is lonesome
As time becomes a thief

It will be sweet
It will be bitter
If ever again we meet

A moment in time frozen for me and you
Your smile brightens as the love shines through
Remembrance glitters in my eyes
As I turn away and say I'm fine

You're dreaming
As I lay awake
My mind constantly screaming

I close my eyes and pray
For all of you
Each and every day

I'll give my love to beauty
No matter what the cost
I will give my heart to peace
No difference what I've lost

I'll give my mind to clarity
And to my soul - sincerity

I'll reach out for kindness
I'll taste its sweet surrender
I'll give in to my dreams
I'll be truth's defender

With every fiber of my being
I will seek and find my joy
No matter what bridges burn
Or what my pursuit would destroy

I'm tired of always being tired
I'm weary from all that's transpired
Im sick of searching for a home
That my heart has never known

I'm done being so downcast
I'm through with my unforgiving past
Its all quickly fading into history
I'm looking forward into victory

I wouldn't wish for you to understand
The pain within my heart
That would mean you'd have to experience it
And let it tear you apart

That was mean your mind is your enemy
Just like mine is for me
That you have to fight every day
The feeling of never feeling free

It would mean life let you down
That you felt like you'd drown
In a vast sea of sorrow and pain
That no one could see
The misery
That buried you deep in the ground

It would mean you'd know what betrayal felt like with clarity
From those that you should be able to trust
You'd know well abject terror and loneliness in all its severity
The smell of fear distinct and robust

You'd fear anyone who calls you friend
But befriend the monsters in your mind
You'd be too scared to let it show - to let the facade end
Until your fears made you bitter or blind

No please don't say that you wish to understand
Because you don't know what that entails
Thank you for reaching out - offering your hand
I'll kindly refuse to show you through my travails

You'd thank me if you knew what I don't share
The details of the peril I've had to fight
Or maybe you wouldn't care
That's the fear that keeps me silent tonight

The fire flashed in the skies
It lit up her eyes
Her heart thundered in her chest
The rain pelted the ground
The wind moaned out it's sound
Her skin - it caressed
the storm in her mind grew calm
she reveled in natures song
At that moment she felt truly blessed
The might of the storm healed her soul
It made her whole
She knew she could finally rest

I am nothing more than a shadow of the former life I led
I have often wondered to myself why am I not already dead
After all I have been through and how my heart has bled
It poured onto the floor with every evil thing that they said
They only told me that they loved me to mess with  my head
How was I supposed to recognize what love is supposed to be instead
After all the misery it caused with all the lies that they spread
When they laughed behind my back for all the tears that I shed
The only way I knew love as a child was in fairy tales  I had read
So that is all it ever was to me because I'd been misled
Forever walking on egg shells being cautious where I tread
They knew they tore me down till I was left hanging by a thread
Now I realize that long ago I should've taken my broken heart and fled
Then I would be happy not carrying around all this dread
I will drop all this pain and replace it with joy in its stead
I will leave the past behind me with every memory I shred

I don't want to say hello because I hate to say goodbye
Everyone always leaves in the end no matter how hard I try
I never knew I'd lose everyone I  thought loved me
they turned their backs or I lost them because of insecurity
I'm scared of living more than I fear dying
With the first there's more disappointment, anguish and lying
When I mask the pain so no one else can see
With the other there's peace, bliss and finality
It is the last goodbye I'd ever have to say
But I'm still thankful for every blessed day

Stumbling through the ashes of my decimated dreams
Finding out the hard way nothing is as it seems
What my heart cherished most burned a hole right through
Leaving me lost and forlorn not knowing what to do
Trying in desperation to scrape my broken life back together
As it continues to fall apart I realize I lost you forever
Not everything that breaks you makes you stronger in the end
Sometimes it just leaves you shattered unknowing how to mend
The burning furnace of this life can forge the strongest steel
Maybe that's why my hearts so heavy because the flames were real
I watched resolutely while my life went up in flames
Now I can barely bring myself to whisper your names
This hell that I've walked through,I suppose they call it life
Has been one trauma after another followed by a twisting knife
I look up to the sky and watch the ashes fall like rain
Praying to God to remove from me the endless pain
Will He raise me from these ashes like a phoenix from its death
Or will I taste this bitterness on my dying breath

The cigarettes burn a hole
Right through my soul
But the feeling makes me know I'm alive
It reminds me of how I survived

I relive how I suffered every day
The living nightmares never go away
I never get a break from the thoughts in my head
Don't mourn me when I am finally dead

The grave is not something I fear
I will greet death as a friend so dear
Don't cry for me when I go home
I will be free from the pain I've always known

I am not eager to leave this life behind
I will go when it's the time that's assigned
Don't get the wrong idea - I don't want to die
I just want to live for more than to cry

I know that I'm blessed with each breath that I take
I should be thankful for each love and each ache
I grow so tired of the taste of sorrow
But I know it builds strength for tomorrow

I know there will eventually be rest
From the pain I carry in my chest
I know deep down where my home is
I know I can find peace, for I am His

How was I supposed to grow
When you watered me with fear and doubt
How was I supposed to know
What you could never figure out
How were you supposed to teach me
What you could never learn
How to truly love and feel empathy
Instead of letting the anger burn

Now I water the garden of my heart with tears
and I can never seem to figure out
why my mind is consumed while it feasts on fears
Or what I am going so crazy about

In my darkest hour I'll sing your praise
In the valley of death, I'll have no fear
I will still worship you all of my days
Because you proved your love to be sincere
Jesus gave up His life for me
He rose up to conquer death and the grave
He did it all to set us free
He lived, died, and rose for our souls to save
He sent down the Holy Spirit to be our guide
It spreads God's wisdom and love
It shows us grace and mercy from the inside
As it rains down from the Father above

Thank you for taking me into your heart
and showing me the meaning of family
For showering me in love from the start
For cleansing my heart of all its debris

You dusted off and healed my broken wings
when you took me under yours
You renewed my soul - and now she sings
You opened my eyes to how to end the wars

You are the mother that I never had before
You showed me what that love is supposed to be
You're crowned in God's grace - Of this, I'm sure
Thank you for how you teach love to me

You hold peace I never knew
Founded in faith that glows in your eyes
It shows in every word you say and all you do
You are a treasure, a true prize.

You could've taken my life
But you instead stole its meaning
You could have used a knife
But you carved my heart out with scheming
You took the air from my lungs
Without strangulation
I pleaded with who you've become
But you'd heed no dissuasion
You're a snake in human skin
Who wears a charming smile
To lie and lure victims in
To get them to trust you for a while
Then you strike with no mercy
Decimating all their dreams
Your ****** does not set them free
They have to live with their screams

Everything you do is like a song
Written by the beat of your heart
When you're near I feel like I belong
I can almost hear the music start

The rhythm in the way you speak
Your grace built in your fortitude
Drives me to no longer feel weak
Your presence of mind, ends my solitude

I have never had love like this before
I never connected on a level this deep
You make me forget all I had to endure
Your loyalty comforts me when I weep

You are the treasure
That the hero wishes to find
at the end of the adventure
You are the most precious kind

That person that you can turn to
Who will never turn their back
Someone who is always true
and will be there when you feel under attack

You have all of my admiration
For fearlessly being who you are
You have all my adoration
For helping me get so far

You have all of my dedication
You have my heart from now until forever
My love grows with every conversation
This tie between us will not be severed

I want to be for you -
what you have been for me
To always be true
To help to set you free

You already have your freedom
As you've made every sacrifice
You know who you've become
So I will lean on your advice

You are a lover and a friend
My husband in my mind
With a love that knows no end
That people can seldom find

You've held me through the dark nights
When I didn't think I'd see the dawn
You showed me how to win these mental fights
When I think my strength is gone

You are my light when my eyes fail
You lead me back to where I need to be
You are my billowing sail
When I feel lost at sea

Sorrow Grief Trauma Fear
These are the shackles that I wear
These chains are forged in pain
They increase the weight I bear

I fight endlessly in this war
But my hands and feet are tied
I'm entrenched and I'm drenched
In the swamps of tears that I've cried

My soul weeps and is weary
My memory is my torment, not my friend
But I will keep trying and crying for God-
For Him to help put my suffering to an end

This is worse than all that I've faced
Fear cut deep as the broken heart raced
Anger resentment pain all were placed
Into the mind that God had graced
Faith was strong - peace and War interlaced

The war of the living
The Peace of the Dead
Carrying every misgiving
Life Hanging On by a thread
The heart dark and unforgiving
Steeped in its dread
The eyes with reliving
This is like breathing death she said

Die to me - all of my past
All tears I've cried like oceans vast
Let go of the Soul so downcast
Remember, remember to faith - hold fast
This restores the peace you seek - at last

She held the darkness like a dancer
Holds tightly to the other
She held spark and fire - a pyromancer
The flames whipped around her

As She spun with her love
The only thing that made her feel alive
the flames were her lover - they fit like a glove
Her risky tryst that few would survive

As people watched on in awe
this violent passion - that lit up the night
Wrapped her in the warmth of its claw
They stood wide eyed in its beauty and fright

Her masterful art and the sway of the rhythm
left them exuberant as she seemed so defiant
To the heat of her craft - she cracked the algorithm
As the flames swayed around her - completely compliant

It followed her will - it would not consume
It was Chaos and law, Confusion and clarity
It could point to the wisdom of life and doom
She was a jewel in the heat - truly a rarity

She collapsed to her knees fast to the sand
Twin flames on  a ball on the end of a chain
That she pulled with each hand
Which Wrapped about her neck and back again

The fire didn't singe but caressed her face
Then sparks flew up to the stars above
Fire hit the ground followed by dark embrace
Silence was her applause -
as she extinguished her love.

I burden myself with the memories
that flood my mind once again
It steals my peace and strangles my joy
The darkness becomes my friend

I hide in it like a child at play
Where no one else could seek
I let myself be consumed by it
I resign to being a freak

I was different than everyone else
I knew that right from the start
No one would let me forget
That I began life with a broken heart

I was alone from the time I was young
and nothing has ever changed
there could be an ocean of people around me
- I still would feel alone in my cage

I know where the key is
for the lock on the door
It seems that it's just out of reach
So, I settle in to suffer more

Falling from on high
I plummet
through the beautiful sky
The ocean rushes up to meet me

I flew way up on wings
of feathers and wax
As my heart did sing
Your warnings I did not heed

I couldn't hear over my heart like a drum
  or over the wind
I was greatly overcome
With my first taste of feeling free

I'm falling I'm falling
Into the depths
You're calling You're calling
for my death swiftly comes from the sea

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you so bad

Your voice fades like a photograph

I'm afraid
I'm afraid
I'm afraid to let go

It's for the best as we both know

You're strong
You're strong
You're stronger than me

You have the power to set yourself free