I heard a song that reminded me of you
It brought waves of memories of all we've been through
I was flooded by the pain of not having you near
I thought of you on your deathbed and it fed into my fear
I was swallowed with regret
Of the words I've never said
I was burdened by the grief
Of the reasons I had to leave
I mean it seems I was only an obligation
A friend only in my own imagination
Not a daughter to love
A girl with out a father except the One Above
That to you I was a burden too hard to carry
So you dumped me in the world alone because my trauma was too scary
How am I supposed to forgive and forget
When you still turn your back and your mind is set
To excuse the abuse you watched people inflict
On me and my children to avoid conflict
Well you chose who you chose
And everyone knows
You'd turn your back on the one who loves you most in exchange for my foes
So I won't call because you don't want to be reminded of your flaws
So regret doesn't shake you around in its jaws
I'll just let it be what it is and walk away
Though it haunts me that I will lose you one day
But really I've already lost you before
When you stopped saying I love you and my heart was torn
When you and the others stripped away my life
You sided with my brothers to cause me strife
I should have had enough then
Ill say it now i wont let you hurt me again
I should have told you when my heart got broken
But it was too hard to let the truth be spoken

Seething rage kindled by hateful words
Your hands bruised my baby girl
You tell me it's my fault for not protecting her
My mind weaves hatred in a blur
You despicable low life drunken ****
I should help you remove your smirk
By making you swallow your teeth with your words
For every betrayal ..for every lie..for every tear you made me and my babies cry..

You deserve to die. No worse yet...you deserve to live in all your hate.
To torture yourself in a prison you create
To squander what you have to become grief stricken
Because you know you'll never be forgiven

It's your loss with the bridge you've burned.
Because every pain you have, you've earned
I hope you rot in the hell of your mind
That God hardens your heart and keeps you unkind
That you never get better, and end up alone
High up on your lofty throne
A throne built on S... and lies
Congratulations you're the lord of flies
You deserve worse than what i could do
You deserve to be alone with you
Drowning in your own self pity and doubt
Thinking you're better, as if you have clout
You're nothing to brag about!
You're violent, ugly, cruel and sick
I hope you choke on your own.......
Our family puts the fun in dysfunctional
And I'm through with the game
I pray one day that ill just forget your name.

I'm so drained and tired
I feel strained and uninspired
I feel empty darkness flooding in
Taking me back to where my pain begins

As I'm walking through the wreckage
Of my torn and tattered dreams
My life burning with the bridges
That were built up by their schemes

They held my joy hostage from me
Then told me I am not enough
I became my own worst enemy  
Because believing them was rough

They severed all my strength and security
Like the mighty Sampson with his hair
I am ****** by inferiority
And it's getting harder and harder to care

My heart had been broken and scattered throughout
But it always pulled itself together
Now it's completely hollowed out
And it feels like it will last forever.

People tell me this is for the best
But do they know that for sure
Pain has stolen all my rest
I don't know how long I can endure...

I've been convicted
By my own mind
Because I am conflicted
From my life being in a bind

My heart is broken
My soul is bereft
I am trapped - soft spoken
Half of me is left

You were my favorite part of me
What have I become with out you
You smiles alone set my mind free
Now I'm a hollow human forever blue

The silence is just too much
The lack of your laughter drives me insane
My silence is hell - music my crutch
I can't even find pleasure in rain

Because I'm drowning in brackish waters
That flow from my own eyes
As I think of my sons and daughter
As we again, say our goodbyes

I'm not strong enough to let you go
But not stable enough to keep you
I pray each day you know
My love will always run true

My sentencing is life forever lonely
Arms that feel so empty and weak
I will hold this place in my heart for you only
Until we meet again..my life is bleak

You have been called
Will you listen?

You have been called
Will you answer?

You have been called
Will you hesitate?

I heard you
I swear I did
I called back!
I swear!
But was it enough? Was I too late?
Did I forget? Are you still my mate?

The wind whispered and whistled
all around the bow
I shivered when the beam hit me
the light shined so bright
When it faded all I could see was you.
I could hear you calling
I could hear you laugh
I could hear my tears
and wondered why
Why would I cry?

I am blessed for each breath
each moment with you and Toby
I will learn to savor the flavor
of joy in each stride
Dignity until I die
and a love that won't

I cover up how cold I feel,
With a warm smile.
I gloss over what's inside
so I can hide it for a while.

It doesn't mean that it lasts
for even more than an hour
the best way to hide your tears
is to merely take a shower

Let the sorrow wash off your skin
Breathe in the heat and exhale
Learn to wash away the gloom
and you shall never fail

I just started to feel alive
The fear of death swells again
My heart begins to dim - it fails to thrive
My smile slides away - put on for a friend

My tears fall like summer rain
The joy mixes with the pain
I forget who, and where I am - at last
Surrounded suffocating by failures past