Falling asleep next to you was something I only dreamed about. Now, it’s my reality. Your brown skin against mine. Your soft lips ablaze amongst the moon light. The trickle of rain on the window. I am happy.

In the shower and you press me up against the wall
I can't even remember a time when a man has dominated me
Oh yeah, it's because it's never happened before
You stare at me with your black eyes-pupils dilated
And in this moment, I know you are about to lose control
You wrap your hands around my neck and press hard
Amidst the steam, I feel myself about to lose consciousness
You read me so well, that you let go and let me come back to earth
I want you inside of me
     Inside of my body
     Inside of my soul
     Inside of my mind

Watching you between my thighs is a gift straight from the heavens.

Home.

One day, I'll be coming home.

Today I saw a poll that said Florida is the worst ranked state to visit.
I laughed and then got filled with immense sadness.
You always hated it here and you loved to make fun of me for loving this state so much.
I took a screenshot and thought for hours about sending it to you.
I knew it would make you smile.
But, I didn't.
I guess some things are better left unsaid, truly.
I hope whenever you come here, you think of the little slice of heaven we once had in Florida.
I hope you think about holding hands in the hotel parking lot.
I hope you think about the five minutes we spent in the woods, before the bugs ate us.
I hope you think about how I ordered pizza and we sat in our underwear watching baseball.
I hope you think of my head on your chest and you asking me if I was falling asleep.
I hope you think of our goodbye and how you kissed me.

You're not the bad guy that my friends make you out to be.
They don't know the whole story and I don't want them to.
There is something special about keeping our story private.
It's like our little secret.
It's the only thing I have left of you and I want to hold it and hide it away deep in my heart, where only I can visit.

Last night, I watched your band's live videos on YouTube.
I cried.
I saw the sadness in your face.
The bags underneath your eyes.
Your grown out beard that I like to think you grew for me because you knew I liked it.
I didn't see you smile.
I saw the pain in your posture.
The hollowness of your soul.
I can't help but wonder if it's because of me.
You tell me that you're doing better-
Getting into a "routine".
Yes, I still listen to your music.
I listen to it when I hate myself and I want to feel you close to me.
I always regret it.
Because I always feel torn apart after I listen to my favorite songs.
I listen and search for you in every song,
In hopes that the music will one day bring us together again,
like it did the night I met you.
Remember how happy we both were?
To find one another.
We both admitted to feeling a happiness we haven't felt in a long time.
I thought I had finally found my "******".
Now, you are an empty memory-
One I constantly search for in the melodies through my phone.