Stewie

Stewie Jan 2018

You wrote me today and told me you had been thinking about me.
First of all, wow.
Where did THAT come from?
You say stuff like that and I remember how you smell.
I remember being in your arms in the hotel room and feeling you breathe.
It takes me back to when I hugged you and you walked away and as you were, I pulled you by your jacket and kissed you one more time.
I just couldn't get enough of your mouth.
You kissed me like I meant something to you-something more.
You kissed me like it was the end of the **** world.
Maybe it was the way you walked, or ran your hand through your hair, those green eyes.
Anyway, I tell you that I hope you're doing well, wish you the best, and all the rest...

is
h.i.s.t.o.r.y

It's over-doesn't mean I still don't allow you to cross my mind.

Stewie Jan 2018

Levels

Yes, I still think about you pushing me up against my car.
I mean, why wouldn't I?
At times I swear I can still smell your breath on my mouth.
It's the craziest getting lost, thinking about you.
It slowly becomes a crazy spiral of abnormalities of sorts.
You're a jagged edge stuck in my brain and if I pull you out,
I lose all sensation of what love actually is.
I am a lost mouse running through a maze, looking for any help along the way.
From your skinny jeans, to your jaw-
Your beard, to your menthol cigarettes-
To watching you drive away-
I'll gladly go through all of it, all over again.
Maybe one time, it will end differently.

You are someone I will miss until I am dead.

Stewie Jan 2018

Angel with Some Devil

I want to be the one who drives you insane.
Late night, cigarette smoke, kiss me and don't let me go.
Drive me to where I can see the stars and infinite galaxies.

***** on my breath and you're the only one who can make me tick.
I want to get under you skin like you get under mine.
I want to slow dance in the dark to the static of an A.M. radio.

I want to be lovers and friends.
I want to know what you look like when the sun kisses your face in the early morning.
I want to know what you look like when you cry

I want to see your face and your lips when you whisper, "I love you".
I want you to remind me who is always in charge as you slightly graze my throat with your hand-
And I let a Cheshire smile slowly appear on my face.

I want a dangerous love.

Stewie Jan 2018

Young Love

I was 16. You were 18.
I was on top. You were on bottom.
The kind of love that is unbreakable.
Skipping school to nap and eat late breakfast.
Kissing by the railroad tracks.
You were the only one who really loved my short hair.
Watching you put on your skinny jeans became my new obsession.
Always grabbing the small of my back while kissing me.

We fought as hard as we loved.
Manipulative arguments with hurtful undertones.
Breaking photo frames just to keep me near.
Running down the stairs, grabbing my wrists.
I fell against the wall as you pushed yourself on me.
Here we go, falling again.
I was too young to be dealing with this adult criteria.

That day, I went to your bathroom.
I came out as you sat on the edge of your bed.
My palms sweating, in my hand, a pregnancy test.
I began to cry.
I couldn't be a mother-I couldn't even care for myself.
He looked at me and grabbed my waist.
"You being pregnant wouldn't be the worst thing..."
I started falling for him yet again.
"You'd be a great mom, Ash."

Beep. Beep.

Negative.

The scariest moment of my life.

Stewie Jan 2018

Musician

After many weeks of holding it together and not thinking of you,
The unimaginable happened.
You crossed my mind and I had a complete breakdown.
I had cleared you from my head, from my phone,
But last night, I listened to your band and I couldn't breathe.
I forced myself to listen even though my hands begged me to hit stop.
I couldn't do it.

Your music was all I listened to for months.

Stewie Jan 2018

Expose

He asked me if I was going to write poems about him.

I told him that I don’t have any other choice.

Stewie Jan 2018

Beast

There is something about a glance, a stare, from someone who just gets you in an instant.
The way they look past your eyes and deep into the darkest parts of your hidden soul.
That turns me on most, when someone can penetrate my mind and not just my body.

I think about him a lot, especially at night.
I want his arms around me, his hands on my waist.
He has the patience of a king and understands my nature.
He can tame me just by giving me one look.

He gets me.