I stare at the moon and he knows me so well.
Upon my balcony, he has seen me cry, laugh, smile, and smoke.
He never judges me. He just patiently watches me every night and hopes that I find my way.
He tries to guide me and I try to listen to his advice.
From where he sits, he can see my future, but from where I sit, I see nothing.
I try to embrace his lunar vibes and soak them into my bright blue veins.
Life is so hard- I sulk and whisper to the moon
I know, he says, but better things are in store for you my sweet girl.
Everything you have gone through was meant to build you stronger. You will attract all of the things you want if you just believe in me and hold my hand.
I’m scared but I know I am not alone when he is in the night sky. He is my best friend. He is my confidant. He is my protector. He knows things about me. I spill my secrets onto the wind, that guide my dark tales to the stars, and it’s the stars that deliver my message amongst the star dust to the moon.

Don’t worry, he says. I will take care of you.

Every night I look up at the stars.
Oh, how I wish I was up there in the galaxy with them!
They cover my soul like a blanket and when I see them dancing, I don’t feel so alone.
I come alive in the nighttime.
Sometimes I wish on a star that you loved me. Sometimes I call myself stupid for wishing that.
The stars cry for me and I really don’t want them to.
I don’t want to be a burden upon them but they listen and gleam from light years away.
Sometimes I wonder if you’re looking up at the night sky, wishing for me.  
Sometimes I call myself stupid for wondering that.
Love can drive you crazy.
Someone leaving you can drive you crazy.
Instead of telling you how I feel, I will continue to vent to the stars.

I will continue to search for you.
In every glance.
In every passing stare.
In every hand hold and hug.
Every lingering kiss.

****, man.

I hate picking myself back up off the floor. I’m getting so good at it and truth be told, that scares the **** out of me.

I wanted it to be you.

But. What can you do? You can’t curse the universe. I hope you still think of me. Because you’re on my mind right before bed and right when I wake up.

Can someone tell me when that ends? I need a guide to tell me when the **** my heart stops hurting and when my head decides to stop thinking about you.

I’m in this odd limbo of wanting someone and not wanting someone. I can’t quite explain it. I’m just afraid that I’ll get so good at being alone, I won’t ever want anyone in my life.

You were not settling to me. You get me. Well, you got me. That’s gone now. Now, we are awkward and jagged puzzle pieces trying to make a whole picture on a cracked wooden table and we will never fit together. Not like I want it to.

I have this bad habit of trying to change people’s minds about me. Is it me? Maybe I’m the odd one out. All I know is, when I met you, I smiled at the sun. Life here didn’t seem so bad. I smiled at random people passing by. I enjoyed love songs. Now, I ******* hate everything all over again and there is

No
One
To
Blame
But




Me.

Today I had a panic attack.
I wanted to pick up the phone and call you.
                 But I didn’t.


                             I can’t open up to you anymore.




-friends

I made you a playlist that you never listened to.
Now, I write words you will never read.
Funny how life works out that way.
Thrown away words that never reach the one I want.