Isaac

Isaac Oct 2022

who knew love could expire?
i certainly didn't.

but when you leave anything out there
in the open, in the cold,
left to exist on it's own -
it will surely die.

Isaac Oct 2022

midnight feast

again, i am in a lull.
sleepless nights
but by my own hand,
i torture myself when there
is nothing to torture me

when you grow so parallel,
so close to pain,
it never sickens you how
you enjoy it.

Isaac Aug 2022

indescribable

i can barely put this feeling
into words.

it is awkward, it is uncannily
difficult to deal with, and i am desperate
to let it out but there is nothing
i can do.

there is a war in my mind,
and both sides
are losing.

it is not silent, it is
a low buzz, a muted
whisper, not really there
but still so real.

it makes its way into every
thought, every action, an invader
and intruder, an insatiable,
feral desire that you never
really know

i am trying to go both
ways at once, leave and enter,
exist yet be nothing at all

right and wrong are
never too far apart, and
i am getting tired of choosing.

the desperation for human connection is ironically so hampered by not being able to trust yourself and trust anyone else - it almost hurts.

how can they tell me to believe when I've done that all my life and every single time it's ended up the same way?

I will not willingly place myself in a position of disappointment. And yet...

#relationship

Isaac Aug 2022

lost and found

like a child who has grown
too old for colouring, i am
a half empty box of crayons
lost in the suffocating folds
of the sofa

i am a carton of stuffed toys
who've had their life
hugged out of them, i am
the dog ears on a yellow
paperback

and i am the friend you forgot
about when the popular kids
came your way and made me
watch you leave

i am a passing storm, i am
a circumstance that people
get all too familiar with
and eventually forget
is there

and i am not ashamed
to be these things. i am
a collection of long lost
memories, all of which
simply just happen to end the same way.

i am not beyond repair
but the knife edges are dull
and the needles hurt more than
they used to

not abused, just used.

Isaac Jun 2022

unsafe

it lingers on my tongue
like sour candy

the desire to collapse into
arms that aren't mine
is far too invasive for my
liking.

it lingers on my tongue
like lies.

i am forever unsure of the
truth, of myself, and my
resignation is propping itself
up against the wall in the corner
of my room. i am tired.

it lingers on my tongue
like false hope.

disappointment is my best friend;
and i am eternally wed to her.

Isaac Jun 2022

meltdown

is this what
a volcano feels like?
when the blood is leaking
from the top, a visceral tapestry
of stone that has long given in to the heat

when the ash dots the ground
like freckles on burnt skin, like how we
never realise each twinkling star in the night sky
is also dying

when the smoke clouds
your vision, but you could never
really see in the first place, and you could
never smell anything but the pungent scent of
regret

is this what a volcano feels like?
holding it all in because
you don't want to hurt everyone

yet letting it all out
because you simply
couldn't
help it.

Isaac Jun 2022

candystore: closing sale

i am lost, once again
in the candy floss
fantasy of his candied
nails, leaving caramel
trails as they flourish and
riposte upon the small
of my back

like a child, i want the
sickly sweet grape-flavoured
chapstick of his, glued to
the hairs of my peach-tinted
cheeks, lining the licorice
alleys of my palms

i want to remember and relish
in his flavour (that i have never
and probably will never ever
taste) - i want to store them
in display bottles in the back,
sugar crystals for my eyes
only

i want to be at the front of store
and i want to give him a
bouquet of my candy floss dreams
and wave extra long as the smell
of grape-flavoured chapstick
and caramel fades

he will never know me
as well as i do him

and he will never know me.

an unapologetic thirst poem