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Arek Aug 2022
A spring chicken I am not
but the chicken's still inside
while much older I have got
from many things I run and hide

I am petrified of heights
spiders, roaches, other men
I keep my lights on through the nights
because of ghosts I'm not a fan

When I see needles, I turn blue
so I've not had my Covid booster
There'll be no ****-a-Doodle-Doo
from me who'll never be a rooster
Arek Jul 2022
If my life was just one day long
I would be now my dinner plating
listening to my favourite song
an end to a hard day celebrating

With a dessert treat to look forward to
and my best loved TV show
Hoping there is much less to do
just an evening warm and slow

and when I'll finally fall asleep
among the moonlight beams
It's you that in my arms I'll keep
so I can find you in my dreams
Arek Aug 2020
One look in my direction
makes both of my knees weaken
My life gets an injection
that's making my heart quicken

My ears both start ringing
while I to get cross eyed
My stomach then starts singing
growling deep inside

My armpits both start sweating
as do both my palms
My lips are quietly chatting
"I want you in my arms"

Please don't think I'm nuts
with my sudden transformation
your one look makes me spill my guts
with far too much information
Arek Oct 2020
Seeing old chaps exercising
gives me lots of hope
that as my years keep rising
not to ditch my skipping rope

and also have my dumbbells handy
by the liquor cabinet
so my hands can hold more than a brandy
and a cigarette

definitely I'll keep my running shoes
as a memory when i was thin
and to run to get a bit more *****
or from wife's rolling pin
Arek Sep 2019
Breakfast is my lightest meal
said the killer whale
My day begins with shrimp and krill
on a massive scale

Then at lunch i would grab
a more substantial dish
I usually crunch a giant crab
with a cuttlefish

But dinner is when i let loose
with a monster meal
That involves an octopus
wrapped around a seal

While all this killing is admired
i sometimes feel the shame
But there's no plankton only diet
with killer in your name
Arek Sep 2019
don't overcomplicate things
eat, drink and laugh
enjoy what simple life brings
don't need a sonograph

or complex rocket science
to get you to the moon
your most advanced appliance
should be a fork and spoon

and that long corkscrew device
to access more fine wine
its my simple life advice
from me who's no Einstein
Arek Sep 2019
*** is overrated
It's time to take up knitting
It's far less complicated
and involves no rinsing, spitting

It's so much more effective
and you still use both hands
There's no need for a contraceptive
or to unzip your pants

You can make a sweater
and beanies of all sorts
It's surely so much better
than getting genital warts

It won't cure hepatitis
but knitting i must try
before the onset of arthritis
can poke out my eye
Arek Sep 2019
French sounds so confusing
to speak you need three lips
Polish sounds like you are using
a broom that ******* sweeps

Arabic has a blow fly
stuck inside your throat
and Hebrew i don't know why
like you're stuck inside a goat

Vietnamese sounds like a duck
has just laid an egg
and Cantonese when you pluck
all the feathers from it's leg

German sounds like my ex
the day she caught me cheating
and Mandarin is so complex
it's why Chinese are always spitting

only Italian has a way
of sounding with less sputter
where every word is like a play
and a song from La Traviata
Arek May 2020
everything has been done
thought of and created
in the million times around the sun
we've circumnavigated

everything has been invented
and its all been written
every recipe documented
and forbidden fruits all bitten

with nothing new left on the menu
our job is now done here
all that's left is a corner venue
that's serving perfect beer
Arek Sep 2019
If our leaders were female
there would be no more wars
With extra spending in retail
while men do household chores

The sale of guns would be suspended
and replaced with flowers
Weekends would be all extended
along with shopping hours

Their policies joy would be bringing
and much more might get done
Our anthem being Cindy singing
"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"

or it might be "Heal the World"
like it was sung by Michael
before into a war were hurled
when they coincide their menstrual cycle
Arek Nov 2021
She loved to play with food
and bicarbonate soda
experimenting with meat, she would
while talking just like Yoda

Adding strange things to her tucker
like oregano, dill and thyme
then laughing like she was Chewbacca
which helped these words to rhyme

and all her dishes were a show
theatrical like a play
She performed a long long time ago
in a kitchen far far away
Arek Aug 2021
If life gives you lemons
... then all you might need is vitamin D
Arek May 2020
Leo was a boy from Pisa
who had a nose so great
when sneezing even Mona Lisa
could not keep her face straight

and once at supper all there got
heavenly impressed
when Leo with his load of snot
everybody blessed

and every time a sneeze he let
he had such graceful style
that it was nothing to sneeze at
and made Mona Lisa smile
Arek Aug 2022
She was a damsel in distress
who ripped her wedding dress

the first time ever it was worn
now was brutally in half torn

with tears rolling down her face
she wished this day she could replace

but as she stumbled down the aisle
her face began to form a smile

she then her veil skywards threw
and let it rip with an "I DO"
Arek Sep 2019
what if i could start again
and be somebody else
board a very different train
with fewer ***** smells

board a very different flight
with less turbulence
end up winning every fight
not in an ambulance

what if there's a highway
from this prison grid
where i can do it my way
like Sinatra did
Arek Oct 2020
its not a lie but really
i sweat quite profusely
when im eating chili
but even if its muesli

and it gets much worse
when in an anxious state
i sweat then like a horse
at the starting gate

somewhere cold in Norway
early i'll retire
till then there is no escape doorway
from sweating like a liar
Arek Aug 2020
They say that life begins at forty
when you slow down and get less sporty
when you stop chasing after *****
becoming serious with less LoL's
and the only thing that's funny
is finding ways to get more money
with changes in your conversation
how you could better lead our nation
introducing some new legislation
discussing what's best for constipation
which should aid in defecation
lessening your heart's palpitation...
....
but i think my life began the day
when i saw you walk my way
and with that first initial greeting
i felt my heart then started beating
and since that first enchanting glance
it continues still to dance
this happened when i was twenty two
while playing football for a team in blue
Arek Mar 2021
I think I've worked it out
what life is all about

and money wasn't it
or being super fit

meanwhile to my surprise
love didn't take the prize

but after thinking for so long
and smoking/drinking things too strong

I felt a sudden wow
that life is about now
Arek Jun 2021
Celebrate each and every day
for life is so amazing
with every doughnut that comes your way
especially one's with glazing

Cheering, clapping, good times share
with each beat of the heart
after a salted caramel eclair
and then a custard ****

Then finish with a chocolate mousse
and slice of pecan pie
without them life is filled with blues
I'd rather choke and die
Arek Aug 2020
I'm not into eating out
with fancy dishes fed
give me a bowl of sauerkraut
with some crusty bread

i don't need to out loud laugh
with Le Chateau blah blah blah
give me a glass of homemade stuff
and I'll be ha ha ha

and i don't care if your thighs
don't fit in your old jeans
with beauty in your heart and eyes
we'll live like kings and queens
Arek Mar 2020
give the world back to the bees
the dolphins and the whales
black swans, white storks, wild geese
the cheetahs and the snails

give the world back to the leopards
the chickens and the goats
free the sheep from all the shepherds
and fish from fishing boats

give the world back to the fleas
and let them bite your ****
give the world back, do it please
before our home is Mars
Arek Aug 2022
What we write about means little
we're just a tiny drop
Nothing but a single skittle
in a chocolate shop

A grain of sand, a speck of dust
insignificant as an ant
A burnt useless piece of crust
that's not worth a cent

and yet each night these words we pen
and poems we complete
because even a single skittle can
make someone's evening sweet
Arek Oct 2019
from Heathrow i left from gate eleven
on the London to Sydney BA257

and it was somewhere over Brussels
i started to flex my drinking muscles

by the time i crossed the Rhine
i was on my second glass of wine

then i switched over to some gin
when i flew over West Berlin

and i could feel more intoxication
while crossing some eastern european nation

and by the time i reached Volgograd
i was best friends with a man called Vlad

though i wasn't sure he was a man
when we were passing over Kazakhstan

then over the mighty high Pamirs
there were ***** shots and lots of cheers

so much more that by Islamabad
i started to feel that too much I've had

and when we finally landed in New Delhi
i had to empty by entire belly

thankfully it was a long stopover
and that helped me lots with my hangover

and i felt better that i had a brandy
just before we left Indira Ghandi

but Sydney was no longer my destination
as i changed my ticket to a new location

and so i flew back to Heathrow instead
to get drunk again with my best friend Vlad
Arek Oct 2020
It wasn’t love at first sight
but at second glance I think
The first time she threw up all night
from far too much to drink

She vomited on my brand new shirt
and loudly at me swore
She was covered all with dirt
from rolling on the floor

But when she finally sobered up
our love became so clear
when she poured into a cup
her morning wake up beer
Arek Feb 2021
Love starts in a blink

then ends with words we ink
Arek Jun 2022
Love rhymes with glove
I think I know what that's about
it's that punch we get when we fall in love
which completely knocks us out

Then when we get up from the floor
with our heads still in a spin
all we want is to get punched more and more
and why love will always win
Arek Feb 2021
We are here, you and me
all because of luck
It's not that we were meant to be
that we're together stuck

It happened purely all by chance
the right time and right place
a simple act of coincidence
when we came face to face

and now we are a great success
bound together tightly
our luck almost started with an s
and that would have ****** slightly
Arek Sep 2019
I made friends with a bird
at my work during lunch
Then a second and then a third
then an entire hungry bunch

They ate out of my plate
and even from my hand
Every day we had a date
at twelve thirty planned

But after daylight savings
the clocks changed all of that
I found a new friend with hunger cravings
I made friends with a rat
Arek Sep 2019
i made friends with a bird
at my work during lunch
then a second and then a third
then an entire hungry bunch

they ate out of my plate
and even from my hand
every day we had a date
at twelve thirty planned

but after daylight savings
the clocks changed all of that
i found a new friend with hunger cravings
i made friends with a rat
Arek Sep 2019
my boomerang won't come back
because it's made in China
i should have had a better check
and read the fine print finer

my didgeridoo will not play
because it's made in Bali
apparently it's also made from clay
and perfect for Diwali

my painting has lost all it's dots
it's made in Bangladesh
only yesterday there were lots
but today sits in the trash

my patience now is wearing thin
on toast with Vegemite
i wonder where it's been made in
that my dog will not bite
Arek Jun 2020
a guy just needs his cave
that's all he really needs
and for an hour get a slave
to clean after he feeds

maybe for another hour
someone to do his cooking
he's not that good with eggs and flour
or for those utensils looking

a couple more hours would be nice
to do all his washing
and prepare a bite or slice
while his liquor glass is sloshing

and at the end of his hard day
he needs a minute maybe two
with somebody so he can have his way
that's why my cave needs you
Arek Aug 2021
Two heads
... are better than one
Arek May 2020
he was a posh and pompous cat
with fur as smooth as silk
who didn't care much for a pat
or a bowl of milk

his claws were always manicured
with teeth sharp as a knife
in french he only out loud purred
next to his feline wife

who whilst being tiny and petite
was a clever cat
guess which cat landed on their feet
and which one went splat
Arek Aug 2020
We discovered life on Mars
It’s really no surprise
It’s not just us among the stars
There are these Martian guys

It happened when a Martian rover
Suddenly was found
Hacked to pieces and turned over
With strange signs on the ground

Then transmissions all went dead
As the last image caused a shock
When on the Martian soil it said
Go back to your own rock
Arek Jun 2021
Mary had a little lamb
and a small dessert
then gained another kilogram
and now can't fit into her skirt
Arek Oct 2019
most successful people plan
their days and lives ahead
with calculators and a pen
and a bottle of nice red

others are a bit spontaneous
preferring to live risky
they like their drinks more miscellaneous
like beer, *** or whiskey

and then there is a small amount
who without drinking cope
but they don't plan and they can't count
from all day smoking dope
Arek Oct 2019
in my next life i don't want to be
an ant, a cockroach or a flea

i don't want to scamper, hop or walk
but fly up high just like a hawk

or maybe more just like a kite
so you can reel me in at night

and also from rain keep me dry
so tomorrow once more i can fly

and when by winds my spine is shattered
and my whole frame is bruised and battered

on that day you may cut me free
please God don't turn me to a flea
Me
Arek Jun 2021
Me
People are all the same
then what is wrong with me ?
A boy with an unusual name
that still sits down to ***

Never once was into cars
or any silly sports
Hated swings and monkey bars
and more so building forts

Where my idea of true love
held a deep frustration
instead I searched the stars above
for an explanation

and that's where I found you
now all that is remaining
is a little help inside the loo
with my toilet training
Arek May 2020
to meatballs and spaghetti
no one can say no
the snowman or the yeti
or aliens from a UFO

even vegetarians
from hunger get all gnarly
and all the Rastafarians
together with Bob Marley

want more more and more
it's easy to see why
when Bob Marley sang on a Jamaican shore
more meatballs no cry
Arek Sep 2020
Today is sausage sizzle day
time to cook some snags
next to me my dog will stay
while his tail wags

while my cat's eyes will be stuck
to every move i make
hoping that with bit of luck
i drop one by mistake

the neighbours i might meet as well
from both sides of the street
finding new friends from the smell
of sizzling sausage meat

today could really spice my life
while i get hot and flustered
might even meet and snag a wife
with my home made mustard
Arek Aug 2020
It's just you and me
a blanket and the covers
a pillow, two or three
it's all that's needed by two lovers

A clear and starry night
A moon that is a crescent
it's the only light
that's in our room present

with only our hearts beating
until the night is through
and i can't wait to be repeating
our meeting just for two
Arek Dec 2020
It's the memories we create
that's our biggest wealth
in the worst times and the great
when in sickness or in health

It's not the money in your account
or the value of your jewels
There is no amount
and the numbers are for fools

It's not about that dumb degree
or awards that you achieved
The best times in life aren't free
but how you richly through them lived
Arek Sep 2019
i'm half the man i used to be
and now weigh twice as much
my outside world is on tv
with my remote i touch

the other hand tends to grab
and shove food in my face
my solid plans have turned to flab
and have seen better days

more of this world and not my belly
one day perhaps I’ll see some
tonight it's pizza, me and the telly
is still my favourite *******
Arek Apr 2020
he loved the mountains, she loved the ocean
but yet they got along
she loved it quiet, he loved commotion
they loved the same sad song

she loved to walk, he loved to run
they both loved staying fit
he loved the rain. she loved the sun
they loved to watch and sit

they loved to do the things together
alone they would have hated
love is surprising like the weather
and why meteorology is complicated
Arek Sep 2019
Me speak english very good
people say me nice
and me never very rude
and me never lies

Me is working hard and long
and have many skill
Me is happy and is strong
but me nobody ****

Me is at work never drinking
maybe little bit
because too much me is thinking
me somebody hit

but me come work every day
and you pay me money
but if one day you not pay
me not very funny
Arek May 2023
There's a forest fire in Spain
and a typhoon in Japan
India's in floods from heavy rain
and an earthquake in Bhutan

There's a virus outbreak on a cruise
a ten car pile up on a bridge
and we just received some breaking news
there is no milk in the fridge

and the breaking came with quite a smash
like a collision of tectonic plates
then a loud thump and then a crash
and the slamming of front gates

so you might hear a disturbance great
with wives spitting like they're llamas
that's why early morning in aisle eight
there are husbands in pyjamas
Arek Oct 2019
hips don't lie
the truth is in the mirror
there is a reason why
you don't look like Shakira

you'll need more than a prayer
to look like Madonna
the longer that you stare
you’ll look more like her nonna

if you those biscuits touch
more truth your hips will gain
and this will not impress me much
and Shania Twain
Arek Sep 2020
Walk and do not run
but don't sit around all day
Don't get burnt but get some sun
Work and rest and play

Believe but do not preach
be real but have your dreams
Live a little bit in each
don't do anything in extremes

Life has a perfect fit
and the key is moderation
because your life will still be ****
but between diarrhea and constipation
Arek Oct 2019
there's more to life than money
but i am not so sure
it seems even the Easter bunny
keeps asking for some more

and Santas rates are higher too
quite a substantial whack
he charges extra to fit through
gifts via the chimney stack

money makes the world go round
might be as merry as it gets
the dollar, euro and the pound
were all just chasing debts
Arek Sep 2019
money doesn't grow on trees
you have to be much wiser
or we could all get rich with ease
using more fertiliser

money doesn't fall from the sky
that would be a goof
to get rich you'd simply try
construct a bigger roof

money makes the world go round
how it comes to you may vary
but you'll need it till you're in the ground
and after for the ferry
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