:-)

Happy people make me smile
especially in the morning
I love to happily greet them while
the day is gently dawning

and later mostly during lunch
I love people laughing
sharing stories as they munch
about everything and about nothing

Finally when my day is done
I can't sleep but instead
from laughter till I see the sun
I happily cry in bed

:-(

Happy people make me sick
especially in the morning
I want to beat them with a stick
till from pain they're moaning

and later mostly during lunch
I hate people laughing
I would prefer that it's my punch
into their face I'm stuffing

finally when my day is done
and things are quiet and dead
until I see that sickening sun
I happily cry in bed

It’s nice being in our bed
While outside it is raining
On my chest your head
for once is not complaining

We are both snugly warm
Beneath our blankets napping
While outside there’s a fierce storm
That’s on our windows tapping

It feels like we are in heaven
Away from winter's harm
Then suddenly at 5.57
I’m thrown to hell by my alarm

the only flower that firmly keeps
her head turned to the sun
and all day long the sun she sips
a tulip is the one

but one tulip looked away
and slowly turned her neck
from sun she looked the other way
her petals turned to black

and that is how she chose to stay
avoiding the suns light
she closed her petals to the day
to bloom just for the night

I am a normal guy
With a normal life
Some pants, a shirt, a belt, a tie
an almost normal wife

I have a normal job
With a normal wage
I drink, i smoke, i laugh, i sob
I am of normal age

But in a normal week
Normally Friday night
I look, i search, i find, i seek
dragons to a fight

And with my mighty sword
I am a dragon slayer
There's no one else on the board
as good a D&D player

Then home I'm normally back
Usually half past ten
I drink, i smoke, i hit the sack
I'm normal once again

there was magic when we met
and all my sadness disappeared
she pulled a rabbit from my hat
and my heart loudly cheered

she found a coin behind my ear
and all my pains abated
i was her favourite volunteer
as she my dreams levitated

her magic lasted for a week
but ended with confusion
when she showed me one last trick
that love was only my illusion

Love is absolutely free
it knows no credit cards or cheques
but two people absolutely disagree
a lawyer and my ex

Autumn is my favourite season
but it's not about the leaves
i have a very different reason
an autumn pleasure gives

it's not about the morning greys
or evening lit log fires
it's not about it's amber days
that my heart most desires

there's something closer to my heart
a secret i must spill
in autumn i finally get to start
roasting chestnuts in my grill

Every cloud has a silver lining

Addiction isn't just with drugs
or cigarettes and *****
For Aladdin it was about rugs
for Cinderella shoes

There's money addicts and also love
a fat chunk are with food
For Moses it was a guy above
for Noah it was wood

For some it's all about possessions
addicted to their junk
For me it's endless all night sessions
writing like a drunk

In the jungle the mighty jungle
there is a polar bear
there must have been a mighty bungle
how did it end up there ?

In the ocean the deep blue ocean
there swims a kangaroo
among the fishes there's commotion
did it escape from the zoo ?

In my garden my luscious garden
there is a black rhino
before you say i beg your pardon
how it happened i think i know

and why the lion the mighty lion
tonight is wide awake
in cargo hold flying Hawaiian
from yet another Fedex mistake

If i was a dog
all would be my friend
while everyone I'd snog
and eat from every hand

My tail would be like a fan
waving left to right
every woman, every man
i would love with delight

Except of course for cats
they think they are so smart
a bunch of dumb aristocrats
I'd love to tear apart

I'm not scared to bungee jump
I'm not a little girl
My heart won't any faster pump
and my hair will not curl

and when skydiving i have found
that my only fear
is when i finally hit the ground
I might get a blocked ear

but you could hear me scream and shout
at a much earlier hour
when from hot water i was out
halfway through my shower

don't wanna write bout flowers
don't wanna write bout spring
don't wanna spend a fousand hours
wif words that will not sing

don't wanna write bout love whateva
don't wanna write bout how i feel
don't wanna spend my time and hava
belief that love is real

don't wanna write bout anyfing
don't wanna sit in my room
but i fink of you and like a spring
a fousand poems start to bloom

Taking my dog for a walk
the highlight of my day
He barks while I always talk
we have so much to say

Twenty minutes of fresh air
we like to let it out
We cuss and curse and loudly swear
and at our problems shout

That's when we *** on all the trees
and our day wounds lick
and hope tomorrow is a breeze
while I go fetch a stick

i was once young too
but now feel 99
my stomach and my both ******* grew
my friend's a glass of wine

i once picked up chicks
but now i pick up colds
and i collect obscure antiques
not ******* centrefolds

i was once athletic
but now i'm running late
and i'm a type 2 diabetic
who dreams feeling 98

it's a good day when there is no mail
and the phone has died
it's a good day when there's rain and hail
and it's nice and warm inside

it's a good day when i'm home alone
and it's on the tv too
it's a good day when i'm on my own
and i'm laughing till i'm blue

it's a good day when the couch is mine
and the table pizza on it
it's a good day when there's loads of wine
and a bucket case i *****

it's a good day when i don't need pants
and i am dancing in the ****
it's a good day when i'll have the chance
and maybe one day feel this good

then i had a greater calling
no i didn't see a sign
there were no stars from heavens falling
and wasn't from the wine

there was no sudden apparition
no booming thunderous noise
i didn't see a premonition
in my head there was no voice

but it was a process slow and steady
like an old man's memory loss
and just when i thought i was ready
I've forgotten what it was

i'll be travelling light tonight
my toothbrush and my comb
for there's no easier journey than
the one that takes me home

the moon will light the midnight road
the stars will point the way
and i will not be looking back
to winds of yesterday

because i've walked the stormiest paths
and many shoes i've worn
my eyes they want to see the world
but heart want's where it's born

in my previous life i was
a great big wandering albatross

which is why i love to fly
staring at the big blue sky

that's why i sometimes stare for ages
at my atlas and it's pages

and when there's ocean on the map
that's when my both wings start to flap

so when my next life comes around
you'll know exactly where i'm found

hehehe = mc²

By my door I found a leaf
but which tree ? it wasn't mine
at the front of my house grows
only one dark winter pine

It seemed healthy and well fed
being here I found it strange
perhaps it lost its way when
we had last night stormy change

So i took this homeless stranger
dust and tears all of it shook
and a warm bed I prepared
between pages in my book

Aliens are already here
there's some which work with me
one who is an engineer
another in IT

A couple more are in reception
a weird bunch are in sales
some of whom do lack affection
and can be slow like snails

but their brains are super fast
complex problems solving
perhaps it's me that's from the past
who has stopped evolving

For a little rest i crave
Take off my shoes and hat
and upside down in a cave
hang just like a bat

Where its cosy and its dark
and water gently drips
Far away from peoples bark
and their frothing lips

I think i will stay for a while
maybe for some nights
and build a huge guano pile
on those nasty stalagmites

The lighthouse keeper was kept busy
through a foggy night
Spinning, spinning till he got dizzy
then fell and broke the light

and as he scrambled off the floor
he went into a spat
The lighthouse keeper swore and swore
with fog this and fog that

The Beatles sang about it
and Shakespeare wrote
Chopin couldn't shout it
but you feel it in each note

Vincent would just paint and paint
through each starry night
Valentine became a saint
and Romeo and Juliet might

It's also there each time I blink
maybe each time I snore
This love is here to stay i think
even when I'm sixty four

Another day, another dollar
but not another more
It doesn’t take an Oxford scholar
To work out that I’m poor

There are a few things that I own
and I've sown lots of seeds
But most of them seem to have grown
Only to be weeds

And writing will not make me rich
with every poem being a fail
This is why poetry they don’t teach
At Cambridge or at Yale

a man's life is a dream
he can stand up to ***
he works so well when in a team
does nothing when with me

he doesn't need no make up
and has two pairs of shoes
he can at midday wake up
then have another snooze

his haircut costs him twenty bucks
twice his best shirt's price
he eats so much it really *****
that so slim are his thighs

and he likes to watch his weight
by at his belly staring
and every guy is his best mate
all day rude jokes sharing

but a woman's life is complicated
we have so much to do
i had to write this while i sat and waited
peeing in the loo

"Girls looked at him not me
perhaps he was much taller
I walked like someone wanting to ***
he walked like a high roller

He rode a loud bike that looked cool
mine i had to pedal
He was the fastest swimmer at school
in maths i won a medal

then i got into computing
stuck behind a screen
while between girls he was commuting
hehehe you know what i mean

and he would get all the chicks
be one of those heartthrobs
while i became one of those geeks"
proudly said Steve Jobs

There is evil all around
with a lurking presence
Inside of us it can be found
and from presidents through to peasants

It's ugliness is often plotted
but sometimes it's abrupt
and often too late when it's spotted
as it's made to erupt

With an explosion that's horrifying
but it's worth believing in
that while evil will continue trying
good will find a way to win

I bought a magic rug
from an ugly genie
it was no longer snug
but frail, old and skinny

I took it for a ride
like Aladdin would
but it could only glide
and wasn't flying good

I asked for a new deal
and an extra wish
but genie turned me to an eel
a frail, old, skinny fish

"start low aim high"
will be my next motto
it's the reason why
i should play more x-lotto

it's the only way
upwards i can climb
before my blue skies become grey
and i am out of time

and when i strike it rich
my story will go viral
and end my motto "life's a *****"
on a downward spiral

A poet once wrote here
a long, long time ago
He'd often shed a tear
which helped the words to flow

He'd write about the trees
the stars, the moon and sky
and set them loose out on the breeze
which helped the words to fly

but then the poems ended
until there came a spring
that's when my heart your heart befriended
now once more my words sing

i dont know how to believe in god
but i hope he believes in me
and when that day comes and i get the nod
that he invites me for some tea

i dont think he wants us to him pray
or get down on our knees
he doesnt care if were straight or gay
or how we ourselves please

i do think he wants us to be good
and not be too obsessed with money
but to be happy although not too rude
unless its really funny

in god perhaps i will believe
on that fateful day
i hope a pat on my back he'll give
and we share a nice earl grey

the worst poem i could write
is one that's about love
wah wah wah was the night
with blah blah stars above

then insert some forever lies
and how we'll never part
something something in your eyes
this and that in my heart

i hope there'll never be another
love poems are so poo
but i still wanna nadda nadda
and always yadda yadda you

The paper is my silver shield
The pen in hand my sword
Behold the truth that ink will yield
with strike of every word

and each emotion in me rhymes
with each my heart will sever
A poet dies a thousand times
A poem lives forever

I wrote a poem for someone
I don't know who for yet
I wrote it staring at the sun
as it slowly set

I wrote it as the stars appeared
then I wrote through the night
as i got old and grew a beard
and pants became too tight

I wrote more as my hair turned grey
till my eyes couldn't see
I wrote and wrote until today
this poem just for me

I need a light on my horizon
Something money cannot buy
No brand new Iphone or a Dyson
or checkered blue silk tie

I don't need a car with four wheels
some Porsche or Lamborghini
or a girlfriend with high heels
wearing worlds most shortest mini

I just need an orange sky
when my painful day is done
because money cannot buy
the last ray of the setting sun

Why do I feel that everyone
is getting too frustrated
From doctors, teachers, even a nun
all feeling agitated

and everybody's speeding, swearing
filled with so much hate
No one's smiling, no one's caring
with all things running late

Is it just me who feels this way
or can you also tell ?
That something isn't quite OK
and our world is unwell

i want to change
from being so strange
why can't i be like Paul
he's into cars
and still has scars
from being in a brawl

i want to like
to ride a bike
why can't i be like Nick
i'll ride so proud
my Harley loud
and with my tiny ****

i want to try
just be a guy
why can't i be like Rob
watching telly
growing a belly
and shove food in my gob

i want to know
where all men go
why can't i be like Tim
each friday night
until daylight
why can't i be like him

instead i'm strange,
too late to change
i'll never fit in well
i now can see,
why mum named me
a name no one can spell

my boyfriend is in the police
he has a great mustache
he's tall and strong like Hercules
and he makes me blush

he calls his biceps his two guns
his six pack is a ten
and even cuter are his buns
he is my perfect man

he could have been a Chippendale
i know it's rather silly
but he should really be in jail
with that tiny *****

Once on a farm all the sheep
formed a staunch alliance
They jumped and bucked, some took a leap
to showcase their defiance

We stand united as a flock
No longer we'll be shorn
Our wool is steel, our horns in lock
Our hair will not be worn

We wont drink water from a trough
or be to slaughter led
Then Rex barked once and all ran off
straight to the shearing shed

i want a simple life for me
one less complicated
where my issues they might be
staying well hydrated

where my biggest problem is
what to eat for dinner
or if its worthy of a miss
so that i stay slimmer

and my difficulties are
what clothes should i wear
or if i have gone too far
colouring my hair

maybe my life's better suited
to be a simple tree
my only problem being rooted
when dogs on me ***

this poem isn't about love
no i am not that nice
it's not about the stars above
and how i see them in your eyes

this poem will not make you sing
or jump high in the air
but you make each day the first of spring
with flowers in your hair

this poem won't make your heart quicken
or skip a beat once in a while
i won't mention how my both knees weaken
everytime you smile

this poem might not make you laugh
but it gave me butterflies
how i quickly got through the first half
when i came to realise

that this poem which i tried to pen
had these perfect words aligning
if poems aren't about love then
why are all the stars so brightly shining

The meaning to life can't
be money or good looks
I heard this from my aunt
who read so many books

Nor is it having in your shed
all the tools to life
that's what my uncle said
looking at his wife

Then they both looked at me
and said you'll know when you grow up
while pouring a little bit more tea
into my half empty cup

Many things can **** you here
From a spider to a snake
Every step is walked in fear
And could be the last you take

You can even die from heat stroke
or it could be from thirst
It’s happened to many a bloke
And you wouldn’t be the first

So while you're sipping on your beer
the truth i must confess
that the most likely reason you’ll die here
will be from loneliness

These days all that I look forward to
is a lazy lazy Sunday
before I'm thrown back inside the zoo
on a crazy crazy Monday

In a cage with lions, wolves and snakes
and silly chimpanzees
Allowed only two five minute breaks
from stinging busy bees

I count each minute until five
then bolt free like a horse
so I can breathe and briefly feel alive
because a mad mad Tuesdays worse

I was told that during my baptism
things didn't go so well
They had to perform an exorcism
to drag me back from hell

Apparently I started myself soiling
while very loudly crying
It looked like the water started boiling
and the priest was a baby frying

Some people started to run and shout
leaving a lasting aftermath
that to this day I let bubbles out
when I take my Sunday bath

In the beginning there was nothing
then a coffee bean popped up
suddenly hot milk started frothing
with steam rising from a cup

There was sipping, there was slurping
with loud sighs of ohh and ahh
there was dipping, there was burping
and people laughing hahaha

Then on the seventh day God rested
that's when all of us got busy
so much caffeine was ingested
it still makes our planet dizzy

The answers do exist
if you search far and wide
beyond the hanging mist
that's by the mountainside

beyond where the road bends
next where the tall trees grow
the answers my dear friends
somewhere with four winds blow

but don't be too obsessed
with needing to know more
just eat and drink then play and rest
then like a bear snore