i stuck my finger in my nose
doing some gold mining
i found a pretty decent dose
but nothing that was shining

i stuck my finger in my ear
and dug out a yellow clump
i found it wasn't close or near
a gold nugget or a lump

i stuck my finger in my ***
there were pros and cons
i found besides a sore left thumb
no gold but at least bronze

Goodbye, you’re getting fired
Pack up all your stuff
Your contract has now expired
The earth has had enough

I gave you a much bigger brain
And removed the tail
But you only caused me pain
On a massive scale

You never learned to properly share
but like a virus breed
You stripped my land and oceans bare
With endless selfish greed

You have done nothing of distinction
causing mass pollution
then the world’s worst extinction
And called it evolution

and you started now to spread
to the moon and mars
so this contract we must shred
before you reach the stars

I should never had you hired
Maybe I was dreaming
But we are done here and you’re fired
So my earth can stop screaming

What makes a poem good
is it the rhyming style ?
is it based on your mood
or if it makes you smile ?

Is it about the storytelling
and use of metaphors
must it have the right spelling
a few might say of corse

A few might say that it's free flow
poems should have no rules
some poems will give out a glow
and others shine like jewels

But maybe every poem can
be good and have a light
and that's why every night my pen
just wants to write and write

Learning to levitate
so far has not been easy
I smashed my wine glass and a plate
and it made me dizzy

I thought it had worked on my cat
when he jumped in the air
but I think it turns out that
he freaked out from my stare

Then suddenly out of the blue
you lifted off the ground
after eating my home made vindaloo
and accompanied with a sound

I'm growing hair on my nose
its a sizeable plantation
it is healthy and it grows
without needing irrigation

even in the dark it shows
with no illumination
and nobody really knows
how to stop its propagation

and i can't find no cessation
its growing stronger through the years
and with some form of pollination
now it's growing in my ears

yet on my forehead decimation
it's all so very strange
i guess it's no longer my imagination
but proof of climate change

Everyday is a precious gift
The greatest present we call life
Worth more than gold that you can lift
Better than any from your wife

A gift that is filled with surprises
with many truths and sometimes lies
From the first moment the sun rises
Right up until you close your eyes

But when tomorrow comes around
Something for you will be waiting
and another great gift will be found
because each day's worth celebrating

always look at the bright side of wife
not the dark one holding a stick or a knife

not the one loaded with verbal ammunition
or the one directing an inquisition

but the side that is full of love and laughter
and you'll both live happily ever after

right after this spring morning's fight
because it's your fault the sun is so bright

Laughter is the best medicine
... that's what I heard

We all live only once
but who wants to live again ?
unless it is in southern France
or Ibiza Spain

I might even reconsider
having another go
if I could live in Florida
or Cancun Mexico

But there is no doubt
I'd live a hundred lives
if I could live all of them out
in beautiful Maldives

Goodbye Poetry

Where are you ?

Is this site down again ?

History repeats itself
but her story I only once read
and it wasn't from a book that's off the shelf
but the one that she smashed on my head

Poetry is dead
said my old schoolmaster
Why don't you instead
learn to add numbers faster

Poems will not make you richer
They're a waste of precious time
said my science teacher
who didn't like it when words rhyme

I said you're both so right
while I knew it's me they hated
that's when I wrote till very late at night
and one more poem was created

i was looking for an inspiration
about what to write
searching for a perfect combination
of words all day and night

i was hoping for a revelation
a burst of sunshine and of spring
waiting for a sudden palpitation
to make my heart again sing

and i was almost out of time
when you softly whispered hi
and once more each word and every rhyme
became the stars, the moon and sky

Once I used to be attractive
with a high IQ
My mind and body crazy active
I used to be like you

But now my looks have disappeared
I'm active like a sloth
my most attractive thing's my beard
I'm outsmarted by a moth

So jump each day and touch the sky
among the stars stand tall
before the only thing that's high
is your cholesterol

Indian girls
... just wanna eat Naan

magic happened every day
when she was with me
for the whole world on display
like a Christmas tree

every night was New Years night
with fireworks
all my dreams were taking flight
like champagne corks

but then Good Friday she got keen
with my sister
every day's been Halloween
after Easter

Home is where the
... salted caramel chocolate **** is

i bought a lovely home
on a lovely street
the front yard has a gnome
the backyard looks a treat

I've met my neighbour too
who first seemed rather nice
but then he said he knew
i've paid too high a price

and so i realised
that i have dropped my anchor
buying a home well overpriced
next to a nosy ******

Home is where the heart is
there is no journey shorter
all it takes is one quick ****
thanks to the aorta

My starsign is a capricorn
and this is what it wrote
"You think you are a unicorn
but you are just a goat

Standing on a mountain top
thinking you're a leader
But really your life is a flop
and you're a bottom feeder

Meanwhile your future is so glum
that's beyond hilarious
maybe the blame rests with your mum
you're not a Sagittarius"

it's been brought to my attention
you work ethic's down
at our most recent convention
you came dressed as a clown

at the conference hall
you heckled the guest speaker
and then you bared it all
running like a streaker

some people found it gutting
at the meet and greet
when you started cutting
toe nails on your feet

and at the black tie dinner
you unzipped your pants
then with a hot dog wiener
you used it to shake hands

so though i'm dissapointed
there will be no suspension
once more the host you've been appointed
for the next AA convention

I know there is a ghost
that comes into my kitchin
I've heard the crunch of toast
and kettle on off switchin

My pantry's open wide
but nothin I see missin
Meanwhile my cat is petrified
at the fridge door hissin

But I know this ghost well
and why he has been lookin
It's time to feed heaven and hell
with my delish cookin

Tonight my hugs are free
because you've been so nice
you can have one, two or three
with kisses at half price

Everything will be reduced
and heavily discounted
so hopefully you will be seduced
and into my arms shunted

So hurry throw yourself at me
this chance won't last forever
tonight we should make history
from my greatest sale ever

koala sleeping on a tree
rain then started pouring
a wintry spell
the big tree fell
koala kept on snoring

I am who I am
and that is all that I'll achieve
I failed trying to be Sam
and couldn't quite be Steve

I almost made it being John
but then it got too much
and when I decided to be Ron
I felt being out of touch

so I resigned just to be me
at least I feel at ease
and all day long I can be free
that even Sam agrees

I heard it through a rumor
that life can get depressing
Without a sense of humor
it can be sad, I'm guessing

Filled with so much disappointment
it can make you ill
While at this stage there's no ointment
there is an oral pill

and through a rumor I have found
it helps with constipation
When your mouth makes a goofy sound
from laughter being your medication

What happens to us when we die
when it is finally over
do we go up to the big sky
and get to meet Jehovah ?

or do we go into the ground
or further down to hell
an eternity of just one sound
when you from pain yell

or do we linger as a ghost
or is it more complex
and we live inside another host
paying twice the tax

while some believe we never die
in reincarnation theory
what if i come back as a fly ?
i think i best ask Siri

Knowledge is power ?
you should have told me that before
It's taken me over an hour
to fix that generator on the floor

if i was a butterfly
i would not ask why
but flap my wings
while sunshine sings
soaring through the sky

if i was a fish
for nothing else I'd wish
but swim all day
as far away
so that I'm not a dish

if i was a man
and maybe i still can
but all i know
is words that flow
from sunshine in my pen

i wish i was a fly
on your bedroom wall
so i could on you spy
and on all of your things crawl

when you're fast asleep
i could have my way
cause I'd know where you keep
your **** lingerie

I'd rub my hands in glee
when you are in the shower
i know I'd get to see
you naked for an hour

my life with you I'll spend
and have a fun filled caper
knowing today it could quickly end
with yesterdays newspaper

"Who are you ?" said the sea
I am a grain of sand
a tiny speck down here, that's me
where all my days i spend

My name you'll never know
who wants to know a grain
Your waves they always come and go
but here i remain

and for you here I'll wait
to take me in your swirl
Although I'm small my dreams are great
of one day being a pearl

For married men there is no vaccine
only a dose of patience with caffeine

Thinking isn't good for us
making us believe we're smart
intelligent and clever plus
it can set us apart

With believing that we're always right
and everyone else is wrong
It can even make us want to fight
feeling powerful and strong

like for example this poem here
has me thinking it's the best
but perhaps the only thing that's clear
is that I need an IQ test

My world is still a little sadder
since you're no longer here
after climbing your starry ladder
way past the stratosphere

Then further out beyond the moon
and into the unknown
you left one morning much too soon
and to the darkness flown

but sometimes there's a shooting star
that flashes in the sky
so I know on those nights you are
still somewhere nearby

I'm looking for some proof
that there is more to this
From raindrops on my roof
to hearing my cat hiss

In the way the early bird
sings his favorite tune
To your softly spoken word
when you spot the moon

The answers must be all around
with evidence astounding
maybe the proof I need is found
in how our hearts are pounding

it's curry night at my place
come over if you dare
of ****** maybe just in case
bring an extra pair

to start I'll serve a rogan josh
then tikka masala
you'll hear loud screams of oh gosh
then prayers to god and allah

and you'll learn about a dish
its called a vindaloo
and why first mouthful's so delish
but then it ends with loo

so tomorrow sunday morning
the church bells will be ringing
bellowing out a warning
of your impending high pitched singing

I need to reinvent my wheel
from going round and round
It makes my head spin and i feel
like I am nowhere bound

Every day i get more dizzy
from the same repeating
All my hair is turning frizzy
and my brain's overheating

Stuck in a perpetual roll
something has to give
before my journey hits the wall
I need to stop and live

I always dreamt in black and white
no red or green or blue
always until last night
that's when my eyes met you

and now my dreams have come alive
with purples, yellows, pinks
i cant wait neath the bed sheets dive
to get a few more winks

and all i want is to see you
while snoring with delight
in red and green and also blue
not boring black and white

Sometimes love takes time
arrives with no surprise
takes a lot more than one dime
to win the grand first prize

You have to invest wisely
and pay with all your heart
then you might see it progressing nicely
on your life's Gannt chart

But with the deadline looming
you might need to act fast
or have you wrongly been assuming
love will forever last

My love for you is true
like one plus one is two
In every other calculation
my love is part of the equation
and if i minus or i plus
the answer always equals us
It's true that numbers never lie
my love is endless just like Pi

My endless search for inspiration
has taken me to many places
from looking up at each constellation
to down at my shoelaces

Sometimes on a kitchen bench
it's suddenly located
or when my right hand holds a wrench
while a bolt is being rotated

It's strange and always unexpected
when inspiration blooms
Sometimes we can all be affected
by simply changing rooms

the curtains will stay drawn today
in half the candles cut
TV has orders not to play
and all the books be shut

the lamp knows that it wont be used
and kettle will not sing
all cups of tea will be refused
and phone will not dare ring

the pen will not spill any ink
the towels will stay dry
same will happen to the sink
and clothes on the floor lie

this couch shall not give out a creak
but in its depths me swallow
beneath these blankets i must seek
a window to tomorrow

We're yet to find the Yeti
perhaps he's gone woop woop
and now lives in the Serengeti
with his gorilla troop

Unlike his cousin Bigfoot
where you can see him play
wearing his size thirty boot
in the NBA

My first love wasn't for a girl
but i fell for a cloud
one that would to heavens curl
mighty strong and proud

and I loved every single type
from Cirrus through to Stratus
while Cumulonimbus took most of the hype
i even loved Mammatus

then all i ever wanted to do
was to learn more about the weather
but then I met a girl like you
and now we love these clouds together

women do not ****
till after they are married
this problem strangely doesn't start
till through the door they're carried

this happened on our wedding night
soon after our first kiss
i got an unexpected fright
from hearing something hiss

and my excitement took a slide
from odours legendary
that evening something in me died
along with our canary

it's a tale so so sad
of two lovers far apart
they longed for each other so so bad
with each beat of their heart

one decided it would be so so nice
if they finally met
so she booked a ticket with a so so price
and on her journey set

but when they finally met at last
she saw he looked only so so
and their love was over so so fast
when she found he was a hobo

I used to Zinc back then
you were my Oxygen
a shoulder I could cry on
and as strong as Iron
but as the years passed
your love began to rust
and when I got the flick
I Zinc you were my Arsenic

Jing was meek and shy
never once said hello
never once been with a guy
and only played her cello

and every time she played
all were mesmerised
such lovely sounds her cello made
that most were hypnotised

like Jong who lived next door
she had him in a trance
until he couldn't wait no more
and peered over the fence

in the moonlight glow
Jing whispered to him hello
that night she put away her bow
and silent stayed her cello

John was a famous **** star
though his acting wasn't great
his claim to fame was his monster
it's where his success had most weight

if his lines were complicated
he could have won an Oscar maybe
instead of while being fellated
he would only muster - oh baby

but then John became too sick
and the films came to a stop
today every movie with his ****
is a spectacular massive flop