What does my future hold
before my heart flat-lines
Will I curse each day as I get old
or celebrate with wines ?

Is it written somewhere in the stars
or inside a ******* tip
Will my heart be feeling all the scars
or joy with every sip ?

But perhaps it's best that I don't know
so before I go to sleep
pour a glass, sit back and enjoy the show
until my heart goes beep

Celebrate each and every day
for life is so amazing
with every doughnut that comes your way
especially one's with glazing

Cheering, clapping, good times share
with each beat of the heart
after a salted caramel eclair
and then a custard ****

Then finish with a chocolate mousse
and slice of pecan pie
without them life is filled with blues
I'd rather choke and die

Addiction isn't just with drugs
or cigarettes and *****
For Aladdin it was about rugs
for Cinderella shoes

There's money addicts and also love
a fat chunk are with food
For Moses it was a guy above
for Noah it was wood

For some it's all about possessions
addicted to their junk
For me it's endless all night sessions
writing like a drunk

Sometimes I think to myself
Why am I so odd
Not from a book that's off the shelf
a blunder made by God

Completely different than the rest
by strange things motivated
You'd classify me as a pest
so why was I created ?

Perhaps I'm simply a mistake
or maybe I'm part alien
It's best that during my lunch break
I ask my librarian

She was an oil engineer
and specialised in gas
She was bold and had no fear
a brave courageous lass

She worked on an oil rig
in the middle of an ocean
She fixed all things however big
and then got a promotion

She then worked in the city
and with the big heads all day mingle
but despite being very pretty
her love of gas still made her single

and so she found a highland terrier
when he was just a little puppy
and now her life could not be merrier
with every **** they're both so happy

When i was in New York
I went to Central Pork
No not the place that's green
this was about cuisine
but more so was about the chops
a tiny place between the shops
where only pork's on sale
from snout through to it's tail
a place that's coloured pink
I'll forward you the link
because you can't go to Manhattan
buying only beef or mutton

It's time that we relax
so I won't shave today
or remove my ear wax
and let my nose hairs grey

I won't trim my fingernails
or use antiperspirant spray
I won't weight myself on the scales
but throw that thing away

and maybe I won't brush my teeth
or my last hairs comb
but just stay all day underneath
our blanket's where we're home

Mary had a little lamb
and a small dessert
then gained another kilogram
and now can't fit into her skirt

My endless search for inspiration
has taken me to many places
from looking up at each constellation
to down at my shoelaces

Sometimes on a kitchen bench
it's suddenly located
or when my right hand holds a wrench
while a bolt is being rotated

It's strange and always unexpected
when inspiration blooms
Sometimes we can all be affected
by simply changing rooms

Don't wait till the time is right
or you might be waiting
Every problem however slight
will keep you procrastinating

Don't wait till the cows come home
the future contemplating
In your enclosed paddock roam
all day masticating

Don't wait till the 11th hour
or till you see a sign
Don't wait until the milk turns sour
because it's now 10.59

Take me to a happy place
where sadness is a sin
take me where my gloom-filled face
has to have a grin

where tears are against the law
and cryings not allowed
where you cannot drop your jaw
but use it to laugh loud

Take me from this awful hell
and close all the doors after
then throw me in a jail cell
where punishment is laughter

in the darkness words i write
on pages that are black
in my bed, all of the night
laying on my back

my index finger is my pen
my tears are my ink
and i see clearly like no one can
i think like none can think

but then the night turns to a day
my pages are washed clean
and so in bed i wait and stay
for darkness to come in

:-)

Happy people make me smile
especially in the morning
I love to happily greet them while
the day is gently dawning

and later mostly during lunch
I love people laughing
sharing stories as they munch
about everything and about nothing

Finally when my day is done
I can't sleep but instead
from laughter till I see the sun
I happily cry in bed

:-(

Happy people make me sick
especially in the morning
I want to beat them with a stick
till from pain they're moaning

and later mostly during lunch
I hate people laughing
I would prefer that it's my punch
into their face I'm stuffing

finally when my day is done
and things are quiet and dead
until I see that sickening sun
I happily cry in bed

My dreams are rather small
and I have no desire
to know, to feel or see it all
or set the world on fire

I want each day to be the same
and every night be clear
Towards the stars my fingers aim
while you're with me here

and I don't want to travel far
to taste some fancy dish
I only need a falling star
for us to make a wish

I feel the need
the need for seed

Once upon a time
I was young and healthy
didn't have a dime
but with life I was wealthy

didn't own a thing
flexing my tiny muscle
but i lived like a king
one without a castle

and now I own so much
I came to learn a truth
there is no money that can touch
the value of your youth

The answers do exist
if you search far and wide
beyond the hanging mist
that's by the mountainside

beyond where the road bends
next where the tall trees grow
the answers my dear friends
somewhere with four winds blow

but don't be too obsessed
with needing to know more
just eat and drink then play and rest
then like a bear snore

This guy here
will have a beer
His senorita
a margarita
The guy with the hot car
will have a *****
his boyfriend Barry
a ****** Mary
My mum I'd say
a chardonnay
Meanwhile my dad
will have a red
While my flower
a whiskey sour

and finally me
I'll have a tea
as I've been sober
since October
I can't start now
I made a vow
but maybe
.....maybe just this time
I'll have a ***** lemon lime
I have developed quite a thirst
and today is November first

A poet once wrote here
a long, long time ago
He'd often shed a tear
which helped the words to flow

He'd write about the trees
the stars, the moon and sky
and set them loose out on the breeze
which helped the words to fly

but then the poems ended
until there came a spring
that's when my heart your heart befriended
now once more my words sing

Twinkle twinkle little star
how i wonder what you are

It's an exploding ball of mass
filled with putrid noxious gas

Emitting deadly radiation
and heat beyond imagination

with burst of massive solar flares
that quickly would burn all your hairs

so thank your stars you're from one far
for in a twinkle you'd be char

I think I've worked it out
what life is all about

and money wasn't it
or being super fit

meanwhile to my surprise
love didn't take the prize

but after thinking for so long
and smoking/drinking things too strong

I felt a sudden wow
that life is about now

Happiness is a cake
with lots and lots of icing
There's no salad you can make
that can be as enticing

It's wonderful for sharing
can be eaten any place
and you can get away with wearing
some of it on your face

and after the party ends
and you've blown out all the candles
you can eat the rest without any pants
wearing nothing but your sandals

Don't forget to live a little
time is your only asset
before your bones become too brittle
and muscles become flaccid

Don't delay your hopes and dreams
leave now and head on out
before you are applying creams
to help you with your gout

Don't just sit there reading this
but live a life much greater
before the only thing you kiss
is a respirator

The meaning to life can't
be money or good looks
I heard this from my aunt
who read so many books

Nor is it having in your shed
all the tools to life
that's what my uncle said
looking at his wife

Then they both looked at me
and said you'll know when you grow up
while pouring a little bit more tea
into my half empty cup

Maybe my life is a test
for whatever happens next
and when I'm finally laid to rest
I will get a text

"Congratulations you have passed
the toughest test of all
with all the knowledge you amassed
while being strong and tall

but now it's time to move on
and be a better human
Congratulations you have won
the chance to be a woman"

I just can't find the wirdz
to write how I love birdz

From pecalinz and seagalz
right to the mitey eagalz

I love to see em in the skiez
happy like them butterfliez

singing all day in the treez
flapping their wingz in the breez

and i'm so happy that I chooz
to be with a bird like youz

Learning to levitate
so far has not been easy
I smashed my wine glass and a plate
and it made me dizzy

I thought it had worked on my cat
when he jumped in the air
but I think it turns out that
he freaked out from my stare

Then suddenly out of the blue
you lifted off the ground
after eating my home made vindaloo
and accompanied with a sound

We are here, you and me
all because of luck
It's not that we were meant to be
that we're together stuck

It happened purely all by chance
the right time and right place
a simple act of coincidence
when we came face to face

and now we are a great success
bound together tightly
our luck almost started with an s
and that would have ****** slightly

The humans that are worst
live at both ends of the spectrum.
In truth they're so immersed
that they speak out of their ******.

Spreading their diarrhea
with every word they say.
Igniting lies from their fat rear
with their toxic spray

and ideas so demented
needing a second flush.
They are the reason we've invented
the disposable toilet brush.

Love starts in a blink

then ends with words we ink

What happens to us when we die
when it is finally over
do we go up to the big sky
and get to meet Jehovah ?

or do we go into the ground
or further down to hell
an eternity of just one sound
when you from pain yell

or do we linger as a ghost
or is it more complex
and we live inside another host
paying twice the tax

while some believe we never die
in reincarnation theory
what if i come back as a fly ?
i think i best ask Siri

"Who are you ?" said the sea
I am a grain of sand
a tiny speck down here, that's me
where all my days i spend

My name you'll never know
who wants to know a grain
Your waves they always come and go
but here i remain

and for you here I'll wait
to take me in your swirl
Although I'm small my dreams are great
of one day being a pearl

Patience is a virtue, so
I better make this snappy
no big exotic words, oh no
but simple one's and happy

now I will write this quickly, yes
no need to show I'm smart
it's best to write fast and think less
with words straight from the heart

so while the moon shines bright above
and night is oh so starry
don't waste your time waiting for love
but grab it in a hurry

Obesity is a disease
which cant be taken lightly
The most obvious symptom is
that it looks unsightly

With lots of floppy bits
some swaying others flapping
Two very droopy ****
and a stomach that's heard clapping

I don't think that it's contagious
but impossible to stop
when your appetite is voracious
living next to a pizza shop

The lawns are alive
With the sound of crickets
there are bees in a hive
buzzing in the thickets

The birds in the skies
are singing and wings clapping
all the butterflies
are theirs also flapping

They're all celebrating
that spring's finally begun
while I'm sneezing, suffocating
hearing my nose run

Love is like a squid
really odd and weird
all this time it hid
then suddenly appeared

Making you fall deep
down to the oceans floor
taking a giant leap
where you've not been before

and suddenly it's gone
sometimes in a blink
but poems like this live on and on
written with it's ink

Where are you ?

Is this site down again ?

All you have to do is walk
you don't have to diet
you don't even have to talk
it's time that you should try it

Take it slowly step by step
then get into a flow
maybe do a second lap
and even further go

Then start jogging for some fun
a kilometre, two or more
and won't be long before you'll run
Forty Two point One Nine Four

Teach a man how to fish
and he will smell like fish forever
and it's then when you will wish
your idea weren't so clever

Give a man a fish
and he will always hungry be
so stop serving it as a dish
and just order KFC

I know there is a ghost
that comes into my kitchin
I've heard the crunch of toast
and kettle on off switchin

My pantry's open wide
but nothin I see missin
Meanwhile my cat is petrified
at the fridge door hissin

But I know this ghost well
and why he has been lookin
It's time to feed heaven and hell
with my delish cookin

It's the memories we create
that's our biggest wealth
in the worst times and the great
when in sickness or in health

It's not the money in your account
or the value of your jewels
There is no amount
and the numbers are for fools

It's not about that dumb degree
or awards that you achieved
The best times in life aren't free
but how you richly through them lived

Twenty twenty will be known
as a year of the virus and vaccines
and also one where I have grown
that I can't fit in my jeans

No man is an island
but some are like continents
with a massive highland
and no top button on their pants

He had a calming presence
as others all cried foul
and ran around like pheasants
while he sat like an owl

composed, cool and collected
as others looked to blame
he slowly dots connected
then carefully took aim

but he didn't swoop
and no one was empowered
when all he did was his pants ****
then ran off like a coward

The secret to a life of bliss
is sweet potato chips
I thought it might be in your kiss
but they weren't on your lips

and the more we kissed and kissed
my hunger amplified
and more and more their taste i missed
and was unsatisfied

so in my hand I grabbed a few
then made you on them crunch
and in your kiss I suddenly knew
the secret to eat lunch

I bought a magic rug
from an ugly genie
it was no longer snug
but frail, old and skinny

I took it for a ride
like Aladdin would
but it could only glide
and wasn't flying good

I asked for a new deal
and an extra wish
but genie turned me to an eel
a frail, old, skinny fish

Thank you for the memories

Je ne cigarette rien

I'm no poet really
all i do is rhyme
writing poems silly
simple, short but I'm

trying to write longer
poems with more heart
so you think I'm stronger
and a bit more smart

but unfortunately I'll
never be that guy
though if i leave you with a smile
this poem's worth a try

It was on sale at half price
light blue with a slim fit
The suit felt tight but I looked nice
so quickly I bought it

I wore it almost every day
proudly with confidence
I even wore it to LA
for a week long conference

I strutted knowing I look best
one girl said I look cute
until I noticed she was also dressed
in the exact same ladies suit