Love rhymes with glove
I think I know what that's about
it's that punch we get when we fall in love
which completely knocks us out

Then when we get up from the floor
with our heads still in a spin
all we want is to get punched more and more
and why love will always win

The end of the world is coming
I can taste it in my rice
and while I'm nom nom nomming
on sweet potato fries

It's in the coffee too
in every single sip
I think that we are through
and all about to tip

Perhaps it's for the best
we're all about consumption
so finish your pizza, pasta and chicken breast
because this world needs a resumption

Last night I had a chat with God
We used to talk much more
So I guess it was rather odd
that he knocked on my door

We spoke about the usual stuff
with lots of questions why
Some serious one's, some worth a laugh
some even made us cry

Our evening lasted for so long
but before God said good night
She said the answer's in a Bob Marley song
and everything's gonna be alright

With climate change all of us affecting
some countries are their names correcting
I recently heard that Scotland
is changing theirs to Hotland
Also nearby green Ireland
will be red fiery Fireland
and tiny small Slovenia
shortening theirs to Ovenia
but at least cold frigid Iceland
will be warm and balmy Niceland
but there's a country where I wouldn't want to be
with Greenland disappearing into a Green Sea

I had a young shark as a pet
when he was still so small
We would both love to get wet
and with the sea waves roll

Chasing surfers, scaring girls
with both our fins out
Hiding beneath oceans swirls
as they scream and shout

From shocking many scuba divers
we would get our kicks
There wouldn't be any survivors
from our bag of tricks

But then suddenly one day
our friendship hit a snag
and I no longer with sea waves play
because I have one leg

It all began with weight gain
followed by hair loss
Then shoulder, neck and back pain
making me all night toss

Then sore and bleeding gums
and needing reading glasses
arthritis in my thumbs
while emitting deadly gases

While lately I've been thinking
there is no need to panic
but could it be my ship is sinking
faster than the Titanic

Poetry is dead
said my old schoolmaster
Why don't you instead
learn to add numbers faster

Poems will not make you richer
They're a waste of precious time
said my science teacher
who didn't like it when words rhyme

I said you're both so right
while I knew it's me they hated
that's when I wrote till very late at night
and one more poem was created

Everyday is a precious gift
The greatest present we call life
Worth more than gold that you can lift
Better than any from your wife

A gift that is filled with surprises
with many truths and sometimes lies
From the first moment the sun rises
Right up until you close your eyes

But when tomorrow comes around
Something for you will be waiting
and another great gift will be found
because each day's worth celebrating

There will be good days, there will be bad days
that's why they call it life.
Some will have colours, some will have sad greys
painted with a knife.

Some will be balmy, some will be freezing
and many will be blue.
On some you'll be laughing, on some you'll be sneezing
worse than from a flu.

But then you'll feel better, sometimes so quickly
and ending all your worry
and once more feel healthy, no longer sickly
life really is a beautiful story

All the doer's and the thinkers
have a little snooze
all the gamblers and the drinkers
put down your chips and *****

All the poets and the dreamers
time for a little break
all the plotters and the schemers
there's no move you must make

All the saints and the sinners
don't get on your knees
because we are already winners
just let us nap now, please

She loved to play with food
and bicarbonate soda
experimenting with meat, she would
while talking just like Yoda

Adding strange things to her tucker
like oregano, dill and thyme
then laughing like she was Chewbacca
which helped these words to rhyme

and all her dishes were a show
theatrical like a play
She performed a long long time ago
in a kitchen far far away

The paper is my silver shield
The pen in hand my sword
Behold the truth that ink will yield
with strike of every word

and each emotion in me rhymes
with each my heart will sever
A poet dies a thousand times
A poem lives forever

Knowledge is power ?
you should have told me that before
It's taken me over an hour
to fix that generator on the floor

Is that a cold sore on your lip ?
did you catch the flu again ?
No it's from our shopping trip
and suggesting my wife she try size ten

Women like to grow their nails
Why ? The answer's simple
It's because there's many males
with an itchy pimple

A diamond is forever
but Cubic Zirconia gives me the time that I need

Indian girls
... just wanna eat Naan

For married men there is no vaccine
only a dose of patience with caffeine

If life gives you lemons
... then all you might need is vitamin D

A diamond a day
... will make your wife with you stay

Two heads
... are better than one

Every cloud has a silver lining

Laughter is the best medicine
... that's what I heard

Home is where the
... salted caramel chocolate **** is

I came,
I saw,
.... I added croutons

There is a road to happiness
but it's an arduous trip
you must first pass through loneliness
and face dip after dip

Then cross the long flat plains of sadness
and rivers full of tears
Through cities oozing crazy madness
grinding all your gears

but then the trip comes to an end
and finally there'll be smiles
you'll shout out as you on the mountain stand
"this trip's been worth the miles"

My first blind date was a disaster
finishing after the appetizer
The second ended even faster
before my first Budweiser

The third blind date went all so wrong
she said I was a creep
The fourth continued for too long
that she fell asleep

The fifth date actually made me cry
but I'll be fine again
before my sixth blind date I'll try
drinking Heineken

Take a look around
not just the road ahead
Pull over, listen to the sound
of the wind instead

Taste it's sweetness in the air
hold your head up high
and when the day is in repair
touch the starry sky

Smell the living Earth
Don't just blindly drive
Then scream out like you're giving birth
"thank God I'm alive"

I'm a hopeless old romantic
who just wants to be with you
I'd cross the Pacific, the Atlantic
and then reach Timbuktu

I'd walk to the ends of this rock
and climb Mt Everest
I'd adjust the Big Ben's clock
and make it our love nest

I'd steal Neil Armstrong's boots
then make my giant leap
It's what happens when cupid shoots
you in the heart so deep

Little spider on my ceiling
what are you from my house stealing ?
hope it's that annoying fly
that's been landing on my pie

or that moth which loved to dine
on my favourite Calvin Kline
perhaps it's that mosquito which
gave me that persistent itch

So hurry please leave out the door
where you can hunt and eat some more
because you don't want to be at all
like that last spider on my wall

If I could turn back the clock
when is it that I'd go ?
would it be the birth of rock
when Elvis was on show ?

or wait until it evolved more
when Pink Floyd wrote the wall
or try to maybe hit the floor
when Bee Gees span the disco ball

But while I am no historian
There's a time I found this power
So to Huey's I'll take my Delorean
past 88 miles an hour

True friends are hard to find
so I bought a lie detector
then I could carefully read their heart and mind
to find who's true and who's an actor

but when the findings were compiled
the results were quite a blow
I was so upset but then eventually smiled
and I joined this TV show

Every day will be a gift
even grey and rainy Mondays
because eventually all the clouds will lift
and they'll become sunny Sundays

Every night will be the best
even when the wind is screaming
because eventually it will have a rest
and amongst stars we'll be dreaming

Every moment will feel better
and you will shed your last tear
just when you think your winter will get wetter
suddenly the skies will clear

On a scale from one to ten
she was a nine point nine
from head to toe she had a tan
her swimsuit looked divine

She turned the head of every man
I saw an old guy drool
and even women would stare when
she'd flaunt it by the pool

but there was just one little flaw
one tiny, teeny weeny
when I choked and to my horror saw
that she wore my mum's bikini

Aliens are already here
there's some which work with me
one who is an engineer
another in IT

A couple more are in reception
a weird bunch are in sales
some of whom do lack affection
and can be slow like snails

but their brains are super fast
complex problems solving
perhaps it's me that's from the past
who has stopped evolving

The ocean is calling and I must go
away from all it's threats
Where I won't feel it's cold wind blow
and enjoy my cigarettes

Don't want to hear the seagulls screech
and smell that fishy air
just take me from that stinking beach
where less frizzy is my hair

Don't want to be by sand flies bitten
and get sand in my shoes
I think every ocean poems written
by a drunk poet on a cruise

History repeats itself
but her story I only once read
and it wasn't from a book that's off the shelf
but the one that she smashed on my head

The following is a little blurb
about a day I kissed the curb

Lying all night in the gutter
when whiskey was my bread and butter

Back in the days when all I knew
is hit the pub and have a few

Though few would always turn to many
that's when I lost my job then Jenny

Eventually all my friends moved on
Frank, Larry, Tony, Steve and John

and as I lay there in the rain
I heard a voice come from the drain

It said in a loud gurgling voice
tonight you'll have to make a choice

We can keep drinking in the sewer
or you can leave and be who you are

A man who might fulfill his dreams
or stay with me and hear the screams

and you will hear them day and night
that's when I woke and saw the light

A light that got me on my feet
and helped me stumble off the street

and I kept walking and slowly heal
until my dreams became all real

That was my brief life changing bit
I wrote here by our fire pit

while sipping a lemon honey tea
with Jenny sitting next to me

I heard it through a rumor
that life can get depressing
Without a sense of humor
it can be sad, I'm guessing

Filled with so much disappointment
it can make you ill
While at this stage there's no ointment
there is an oral pill

and through a rumor I have found
it helps with constipation
When your mouth makes a goofy sound
from laughter being your medication

Sometimes life is like an onion
sometimes like a peach
sometimes you fall into a canyon
sometimes lie on a beach

Sometimes life is like a rose
sometimes like a thorn
sometimes each new day really blows
sometimes feels like you're born

Sometimes I think that I'm so smart
usually me so dumb dumb
but your salted caramel chocolate ****
will always taste so yum yum

In the grand scheme of things
does it really matter
if I eat a bucket of chicken wings
and keep getting fatter ?

Then gobble up a bag of fries
and drink a large thick shake
Maybe a couple of apple pies
and a chocolate cake

You must look at the bigger picture
life's just like KFC
It's all about a tasty mixture
if you can see past me

Things, the basis of all greed
Wings, is really what you need

Dreams, is actually what matters
Screams, is when they are in tatters

From, always wanting more each day
Come, take my hand let's fly away

Coco no
You peed inside the house
Coco no
You ripped my brand new blouse

Coco no
You chewed my Nike shoes
Coco no
For that there's no excuse

Coco no
You made the postman run
Coco no
Now letters I'll get none

Coco no
You're such a naughty puppy
Coco don't go
Because no one makes me so happy

Taking my dog for a walk
the highlight of my day
He barks while I always talk
we have so much to say

Twenty minutes of fresh air
we like to let it out
We cuss and curse and loudly swear
and at our problems shout

That's when we *** on all the trees
and our day wounds lick
and hope tomorrow is a breeze
while I go fetch a stick

I used to date...
But now it's just a small, dried fruit

It's the little things that matter
the big things can all rest
I prefer a mild heart flutter
not a full cardiac arrest

and driving like my grandpa does
not fast like some young bloke
so my brain only gets a buzz
not a massive stroke

because life doesn't need a shove
but a touch that's so much finer
so that your heart feels all the love
not pain from an Angina

The greatest city that's on earth
is in Australia mate
It's not Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth
and Sydney's not that great

But it's a very quiet place
that's perfect for a nun
Where every day is not a race
but you can still have fun

Nestled between the sea and hills
filled with many parks
If you're the type that's into thrills
the gulf has great white sharks

but if you're placid and like wines
your dreams can still be made
so come where the sun always shines
you will love Adelaide

It suddenly happened overnight
but somehow I got old
It wasn't from a sudden fright
or noticing I'm bald

I woke one morning feeling fine
then my mirror cracked
Have I not noticed my decline
and it has gone unchecked ?

and as I stared back at my greys
I began to weep
then said hello to my old face
and went back to sleep

My world is still a little sadder
since you're no longer here
after climbing your starry ladder
way past the stratosphere

Then further out beyond the moon
and into the unknown
you left one morning much too soon
and to the darkness flown

but sometimes there's a shooting star
that flashes in the sky
so I know on those nights you are
still somewhere nearby

People are all the same
then what is wrong with me ?
A boy with an unusual name
that still sits down to ***

Never once was into cars
or any silly sports
Hated swings and monkey bars
and more so building forts

Where my idea of true love
held a deep frustration
instead I searched the stars above
for an explanation

and that's where I found you
now all that is remaining
is a little help inside the loo
with my toilet training