I missed out on so much
A Special day
A ceremony
A dance
Saying goodbye to so many
That I'll never see again
I hope they're doing all right

Love is something that I miss.
I haven’t felt love for a long time.
I don’t even think my parents do anymore.
My friends at home hate me
I end up hurting people I love
The one person who I thought loved me
doesn’t anymore.

I've stopped caring about what other people think.
I'm doing things that make me happy.
I'm thinking things that are making me happy.
I'm saying things that make me happy.
I'm tired of people telling me what should make me happy.
I know what I need to be happy.
So I'm going to follow through
And be selfish for once.

Why can’t I stop thinking? I don’t know what to do anymore. I really want to get back together with you, but I don’t think it would be healthy for the two of us. I don’t want you to get hurt again. And I don’t want to hurt you again. I can’t get hurt again. And that’s why I am scared to start anything with anyone. I am scared that I am going to end up hurt. But I am even more scared that whoever I come in contact with, they are going to get hurt. I can’t put anyone though that again. I’m scared that I am not going to make them happy, or that I will never be there when they need me most. I’m scared that I am going to get used again. What do I have to do be happy again?

I'm at the point where i just want to drink and pop till i forget.  like i said when you asked" Someone that can understand where i go and the circumstances that come with it" and then later down the road back out. it hurts

Im entering a new chapter in my life.
I finished High school and I dont know what im doing with my life.
I'm happy but at the same time im so scared
scared im going to fall back in the hole i was in 2 years ago.

ive lost track of the time
the days
and the tears.
ive spent countless hours distracting myself by watching netflix and anime
and i always end up in bed and crying. not sure how.
its the only thing to make myself feel better.