On the very first day,
I wore that white coat
for its true purpose
my father's cheeks were
wet with tears.
They fell despite his resistance
  for that year the rain had been too much
and the dam had been worn down by dreams
and the white coat was a beautiful rainbow.

Fear,

wound it's tentacles around my body

round and round

squeezing, suffocating

around my arms, legs and torso

its head resting on my hip.

Its black sticky ink preventing me from seeing.



So I walked the hallways of my home

with the added weight of an octopus-blinded

and let sleep lull me into its sweet embrace

the octopus by my side, subdued for now.

the tide came slowly, shyly

and then receded on

that silvery sand

and the sky with its bleak

gray clouds watched me

pitifully.

I did bad things to the people I love
And even worse to those that love me.

I stared at the wall unblinking while minutes
bled into hours, into days, into weeks and into months.

I felt like the pebble stuck to the river,
battered and bruised, never allowed to just let go.

I filled glass bottles full of pain
And flung them onto the ocean
hoping someday someone would find them.

I chased the horizon into Neverland
And came up empty handed.

In short,
I am exhausted.
I wish to go back
to the depths of the earth
from which I was called upon
Back to just an idea in the mind of the Creator.
Back to peace.

When you leave
The length of your life,
To the love of strangers.

I chose to loose myself
in the stories I read
And the stories I heard
And the stories I saw
Until I forgot to write my own.

debris fell on my face.
I heard a volcano erupt,
Guns firing everywhere,
I heard the screams of innocents and
my own terror mingled theirs.

I heard missiles overhead,
and the blades of the helicopters.

Yet through it all I chose to close my eyes
To hear but not to see.
And I pretended to keep myself safe
inside myself,
some part of me knowing
  very well that I was in fact a fool.

Somedays,maybe whole weeks

I become a collection of mistakes
   stacked one on top of another
one leading to another
over and over again
until,
I am not.

And somedays I just stop remembering
   all the good things about myself
    and all that I aspire to be
    until, suddenly
I am not.

And somedays this stacked up
collection of mistakes makes it hard
to even get out of bed
and then I pray
And I'm not.

You are not a mistake,
You are not here by chance.
There is beauty
in all your imperfections,
I love the way
your fault lines add up.

I have no overflowing words
within me,
waiting to be anchored down.
Just empty silence.

We don't have
to talk
to get each
other.
...............................................

I guess I  expected to live
Unblemished , unscribbled.
But I  forgot the scribbles
and the crosses all add
to your beauty.
It means you broke a little,
Loved a little.

There's something
in first love
that makes you
come back to it
over and over again.

do we play this game ?
You'll make polite
Small talk
And I'l laugh along
While both of us avoid
the elephant in the room.

rewritten on paper
written over and over again
Until there's nothing more to say.

I accepted them with grace
Too late to notice
How riddled with holes
they were.

Like a breeze
Untethered,
Subtle,
Lazy.

I dreamt
A delicious dream
Today
and awoke
Feeling
betrayed.

Such strong fragile things
Our heart
Broken and mended
Over and over again.

You forgot to take
The memories,
The feelings,
The emotions.

Take them too.

We are too complex
to be build,
by anything less
than an artist.

We speak in exaggerated voices,
Of all our various exploits
but beneath it all,I hear
A thousand unshared words.

I fall,
And fall,
And fall
some more
But that's okay.
I break
that's okay
when it's time to fly
I'll Fly.

I've lived 17 years
And how sad it is
I can count
all the sunrises
I've ever seen.

I try to make sense
  of this mess
you dare call life.

You might think I am silent.
But inside I've traveled
the whole world and back.

I've conversed with you
more than you know.
Finally what comes out
would be a 'Hi'.

My mind contradicts my heart
and my heart my mind.
I fail to get a word out
with all this commotion in.

My actions
cannot contain
the myriad
of dreams
I wish upon.

I wish I had
A pair of wings
To fly away

Thoughts are powerful.
Every sad thought ever
            Real or not            
brings a pang along.
I barely remember you
but my heart remembers-
each and every thing about you.