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401 · Feb 2022
To My What If ?
Anugraha Feb 2022
It's been so long since we last saw
So all I can do is imagine
A nest of hair on a long pole
Small brown orbs

I remember your lips
Did it learn to smile through the years
or is it still frowning?

I knew that you loved me
So whenever I feel ugly
I remember,
you loved me at my worst.
Love is forever even when it is love lost or love forgotten.
357 · Jun 2021
Pieces written on my Heart
Anugraha Jun 2021
rewritten on paper
written over and over again
Until there's nothing more to say.
324 · Jan 2022
Stories
Anugraha Jan 2022
I chose to loose myself
in the stories I read
And the stories I heard
And the stories I saw
Until I forgot to write my own.
251 · Jan 2021
Awake
Anugraha Jan 2021
I dreamt
A delicious dream
Today
and awoke
Feeling
betrayed.
238 · Aug 2021
Scribbles
Anugraha Aug 2021
I guess I  expected to live
Unblemished , unscribbled.
But I  forgot the scribbles
and the crosses all add
to your beauty.
It means you broke a little,
Loved a little.
210 · Jan 2022
Outside I heard bombs drop,
Anugraha Jan 2022
debris fell on my face.
I heard a volcano erupt,
Guns firing everywhere,
I heard the screams of innocents and
my own terror mingled theirs.

I heard missiles overhead,
and the blades of the helicopters.

Yet through it all I chose to close my eyes
To hear but not to see.
And I pretended to keep myself safe
inside myself,
some part of me knowing
  very well that I was in fact a fool.
185 · Jun 2021
Why oh Why
Anugraha Jun 2021
do we play this game ?
You'll make polite
Small talk
And I'l laugh along
While both of us avoid
the elephant in the room.
121 · Feb 2022
Something is wrong,
Anugraha Feb 2022
When you leave
The length of your life,
To the love of strangers.
113 · Dec 2020
Forgot
Anugraha Dec 2020
You forgot to take
The memories,
The feelings,
The emotions.

Take them too.
Something lost , something forgotten
103 · Mar 2022
Despodency
Anugraha Mar 2022
I did bad things to the people I love
And even worse to those that love me.

I stared at the wall unblinking while minutes
bled into hours, into days, into weeks and into months.

I felt like the pebble stuck to the river,
battered and bruised, never allowed to just let go.

I filled glass bottles full of pain
And flung them onto the ocean
hoping someday someone would find them.

I chased the horizon into Neverland
And came up empty handed.

In short,
I am exhausted.
I wish to go back
to the depths of the earth
from which I was called upon
Back to just an idea in the mind of the Creator.
Back to peace.
What the hell am I doing here?
100 · Dec 2020
Untitled
Anugraha Dec 2020
We are too complex
to be build,
by anything less
than an artist.
99 · Dec 2020
Heart
Anugraha Dec 2020
Such strong fragile things
Our heart
Broken and mended
Over and over again.
99 · Dec 2020
Stay
Anugraha Dec 2020
A long time ago
You took me to a place
with five walls.
The windows showed me
A beautiful garden.
But you asked me
to stay there
And stay there I did,
just like someone
once asked you to stay there
And stay there you did.
95 · Nov 2020
Silent
Anugraha Nov 2020
You might think I am silent.
But inside I've traveled
the whole world and back.

I've conversed with you
more than you know.
Finally what comes out
would be a 'Hi'.

My mind contradicts my heart
and my heart my mind.
I fail to get a word out
with all this commotion in.
#shy and awkward
95 · Jul 2023
My Octopus
Anugraha Jul 2023
Fear,

wound it's tentacles around my body

round and round

squeezing, suffocating

around my arms, legs and torso

its head resting on my hip.

Its black sticky ink preventing me from seeing.



So I walked the hallways of my home

with the added weight of an octopus-blinded

and let sleep lull me into its sweet embrace

the octopus by my side, subdued for now.
94 · Dec 2021
Somedays
Anugraha Dec 2021
Somedays,maybe whole weeks

I become a collection of mistakes
   stacked one on top of another
one leading to another
over and over again
until,
I am not.

And somedays I just stop remembering
   all the good things about myself
    and all that I aspire to be
    until, suddenly
I am not.

And somedays this stacked up
collection of mistakes makes it hard
to even get out of bed
and then I pray
And I'm not.
#reality
90 · Jan 2021
She passes her days
Anugraha Jan 2021
Like a breeze
Untethered,
Subtle,
Lazy.
Especially lazy.
89 · Jun 2021
You gifted me with wings
Anugraha Jun 2021
I accepted them with grace
Too late to notice
How riddled with holes
they were.
#dreams
84 · Nov 2020
Wolves
Anugraha Nov 2020
My teacher told me a story once,
The story of two wolves
Within each of us
resides two wolves,
Always fighting.
One all things good
And the other all things bad
So I asked who wins
She replied
The one you care to feed.
I didn't understand it then.
83 · Dec 2020
We
Anugraha Dec 2020
We
We speak in exaggerated voices,
Of all our various exploits
but beneath it all,I hear
A thousand unshared words.
#friends.    #drifting
80 · Aug 2021
TODAY
Anugraha Aug 2021
I have no overflowing words
within me,
waiting to be anchored down.
Just empty silence.
80 · Aug 2021
You and Me
Anugraha Aug 2021
We don't have
to talk
to get each
other.
...............................................
Anugraha Jul 2023
the tide came slowly, shyly

and then receded on

that silvery sand

and the sky with its bleak

gray clouds watched me

pitifully.
78 · Dec 2021
Fault lines
Anugraha Dec 2021
You are not a mistake,
You are not here by chance.
There is beauty
in all your imperfections,
I love the way
your fault lines add up.
78 · Nov 2020
Question
Anugraha Nov 2020
I question life
and it's complexities
and it's idiocracy
and you question me.
74 · Jan 2022
Love and Lies
Anugraha Jan 2022
Why does life have to be so hard?
Why can't we just be the things we
wish our hearts to be?

Why does every encouragement
come with a concealed lie?
My back is filled with old knife wounds,
promises and lies.

On the crowded street called life
I watched all those people pass by
some assisted and some not.
As I stood right there, cemented.

And I watched those I love, love and lie to me
And I watched as I loved and lied to them.
Tell me

Why don't hearts change too?
Are we fated for "too late"?
Are we doomed for failure?

Is it okay to live half dead,
loved and lied to.
I am loved and lied to.
72 · Nov 2020
Actions
Anugraha Nov 2020
My actions
cannot contain
the myriad
of dreams
I wish upon.
#procrastination
71 · Dec 2023
White Coat
Anugraha Dec 2023
On the very first day,
I wore that white coat
for its true purpose
my father's cheeks were
wet with tears.
They fell despite his resistance
  for that year the rain had been too much
and the dam had been worn down by dreams
and the white coat was a beautiful rainbow.
70 · Nov 2020
Sense
Anugraha Nov 2020
I try to make sense
  of this mess
you dare call life.
68 · Nov 2020
Count
Anugraha Nov 2020
I've lived 17 years
And how sad it is
I can count
all the sunrises
I've ever seen.
66 · Nov 2020
Fly
Anugraha Nov 2020
Fly
I fall,
And fall,
And fall
some more
But that's okay.
I break
that's okay
when it's time to fly
I'll Fly.
61 · Nov 2020
Wings
Anugraha Nov 2020
I wish I had
A pair of wings
To fly away
#Escapism.
58 · Aug 2021
First love
Anugraha Aug 2021
There's something
in first love
that makes you
come back to it
over and over again.
46 · Nov 2020
Her
Anugraha Nov 2020
Her
I forgot how it felt like,
Yet today I heard a cry
An old echo of my heart
and I remember, remembering
how it felt to be her.
I am savouring this feeling,
that she has given me.
How magical life is to a child.
40 · Nov 2020
You
Anugraha Nov 2020
You
Thoughts are powerful.
Every sad thought ever
            Real or not            
brings a pang along.
I barely remember you
but my heart remembers-
each and every thing about you.

— The End —