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983 · Apr 2019
Failure
Xander Jansen Apr 2019
Are you proud of me?
Did I satisfy your needs?
Or did I fail you?
526 · Apr 2019
Confusion
Xander Jansen Apr 2019
There is confusion
In my heart, it lays waiting
for one to teach me
My first haiku. I hope everyone likes it!
478 · Apr 2019
I must walk away
Xander Jansen Apr 2019
You gave me such love,
but you treated me so wrong.
I must walk away.
247 · Apr 2019
"You did this to me"
Xander Jansen Apr 2019
"You did this to me"
Those are the words that you sent.
Before your last breath.
164 · May 2019
Smart
Xander Jansen May 2019
Basic knowledge of many things,
makes others think I'm a genius.
139 · Apr 2019
Trauma
Xander Jansen Apr 2019
I never had a certain trauma.
I never overcame a severe drama.
I was never beat, ***** or suffered harm,
But I still have marks along my arm.
My trauma does not exist inside the world.
My problems are something I have earned.
They live inside my thoughtful mind.
When someone looks, they are hard to find.
But for me, they thrive in every second.
Always there, they never lessen.
I torment myself for no set reason.
My mind has gone and committed treason.
I don't control the thoughts in my head.
The thoughts that wish I was dead.
They push me into misery and pain,
All while others think I'm the same.
I don't show the world the problems I have.
No one will care.
I did not suffer.
I did not overcome.
I simply am broken.
With no one to love.
132 · Apr 2019
Silence
Xander Jansen Apr 2019
I sit in the Silence.
The slow tick tick ticking of the clock on the wall.
Nothing is here, no one is here.
I have only the thoughts in my head to keep my company.
I would choose any other company over them.
Their words like poison.
The thoughts spread like wildfire.
My breathing quickens.
I begin to sweat.
I'm no longer thinking.
Only panicking.
I pull out my phone.
I send a text.
I answer a call.
"Hey handsome."
Suddenly I'm not alone in the Silence.
But this is not the reality.
No one is there to save my breaking mind.
Instead, I sit.
And panic, and think, and panic some more.
Only myself, my thoughts, and my demons
to keep me company in that cold Silence
118 · Apr 2019
Living
Xander Jansen Apr 2019
I awaken to a feeling I have grown accustomed to.
The neverending search of something greater.
Shuffling from day to day,
hoping to find the spark that can ignite my life.
No longer living, only surviving.
114 · Apr 2019
Others
Xander Jansen Apr 2019
I try to please
to please the others
The ones that are always there
Watching me, judging me
I act as though I don't care
But caring is the only thing
that I know how to do
I care and think and wish and pray
That somehow, someway, someday,
I can please the others.
103 · Apr 2019
Lies
Xander Jansen Apr 2019
Lies can be small and do no real harm
For lies that are big, you'll need to use charm
For many can see through a simple thought lie,
But it’s not so easy if you can fake a good cry.
You force them to think that they know your whole story,
But really, they don't know that you're boring.
You fake stories and make up tall tales,
All in fear that they will see all your fails.
It doesn't start large, or even with many,
It starts as just one, you're trying to be funny.
You make up a story that gets some good laughs,
You smile, and think, “That wasn't so bad”
That's only the start, the lies they pour in,
Soon you're a prisoner of the lies that you live.
One turns to two, two into three,
Until lies are they only thing you can be.
They believe you at first, they trust that you're truthful,
But it only takes one to find a small loophole.
You forgot a key detail, they see through the lie,
Now they all question, and you only can try,
To convince them that you only misspoke,
But soon they feel that you've made them a joke.
You sold them stories with no true meaning,
Sold them lies that have left them bleeding.
Not from a wound that any can see,
But inside, their trust is beginning to flee.
One by one, they all turn away,
And leave you alone, just to live out your day.
No one to talk to, no one to hold,
They now can see you do not fit the mold.
The mold you made and put yourself in,
All in the hopes of feeling a win.
But now you having nothing, no one and no smiles,
Nothing but time, and your old stubborn lies.
You think it’s impossible, that they won't ever catch you,
But you'll be surprised when they finally don't trust you.
So before you get there, before you must cry,
Please, for me, do not tell those lies.
86 · Apr 2019
Secrets
Xander Jansen Apr 2019
We all have secrets we hold close.
Some that will never be spoken.
They control us and change us.
Always hoping the world will never know,
the secrets we hold close.

— The End —