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Anonymistress Mar 2020
You don't want to hear how he put a gun up against my head because there are no magic words to take away a memory that demeaning.
Or how he blacked out and didn't remember screaming at me for putting my pants back on.
How defending myself got me trapped between two walls with no way out.
No,  you don't want to picture his hand around my neck and the fear that filled my eyes.
You're right. Let's not bring it up, I wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable.
I never needed magic words. I needed you to hold me when I was falling apart. That's how you silence the hurt, even for just a moment.

... This was written with hesitation, not spite. My confidence is hindered and there is no hiding that. I fear letting a new love in because how am I supposed to let my guard down. How is a new man supposed to love me, given my past. What am I supposed to tell him in a moment of intimacy when I start to cry for no reason but the hauntings of my own memory? I am damaged, no one wants that.
Anonymistress Mar 2020
There's an optical illusion in the theory of closure.
The mental torment and suffering may recede, but souvenirs imprint their terrain.
Awaiting recollection is inevitable.
No one is free of this.
Anonymistress Mar 2020
His eyes are empty.
Have you ever seen a soulless stare?
It leaves you feeling cold inside.

As if he is feeding off your light,
Until you are left alone in the dark.
Yet I can't help but wonder, who hurt him?
Anonymistress Mar 2020
"...all you need in life is a roof over your head, milk in the fridge, and someone to love."
I can never remember where I heard this from, but it's been years and it's still some of the best advice I've ever come across. Life is simple. "Live and let love."
Anonymistress Mar 2020
I want to be a light in your life. A simple reminder to smile on your bad days. But I am so **** broken. And you deserve much more than that. My problems aren't your burdens. And I never want to weigh you down.
About to push away the one man who is kind to me.  The one man who made a difference. Who made me forget for just a moment.
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