Chaos;
not just outside,
but inside too.

Words;
spoke too much,
understood a few.

Destroy;
the walls around,
and open the shell.

Speak;
Not just for you,
but for others as well.

The words that I speak,
are they my own?
Or do I try to hide?
things unknown....

Do I at times,
even make sense?
Or, when I say I'm fine
is it all a pretense?

Do I even wish
to be understood?
Maybe not, because
I know, I never would...

I trace the cobwebs
in the depths of my mind,
refreshing my memory
hiding what I find...
There are things
that can't be heard, can't be told
For some of my thoughts
might be too blunt, might be too bold
What do I fear?
Judgement? I know it too well
Whatever it is, it's hard to tell
So, let me just omit
the secrets that you don't know
And to the recesses of my heart
these words will go

When it's all over
And the pyre doesn't burn
Don't collect my remnants
Don't put my ashes in an urn

When not just the body
Even the soul goes void
Don't think of me as someone you loved
Think of me as someone you'd rather avoid

Don't douse me in a river
I've never been so strong
Just leave me with the wind
Let it gently carry me along

Let me for once take the reigns
For long I was deprived
Let this end be the beginning
Even death has survived

So when it's all over
Don't dare to turn
But still, do me a favour...
Don't put my ashes in an urn.

When the curtain falls,
and the show's all done...
I take off my mask
and become a "no one"

When the audience is gone
My pretence goes away
And from the one who's outspoken
I become the one who's got nothing to say

When I finally try
To be the true "me"
The stage is all deserted
And there is no one left to see....

'I'm okay.'
- 'No, you're not.'
'What can you say?'
- 'About you, well a lot.'

'About Life?'
- 'Painful and Long.'
'The way out?'
- 'Put it into a song.'

'Will someone understand?'
- 'No. But, you'll have the upper hand.'
'Is that how you're dealing?'
- 'Doesn't matter, I'm devoid of feelings.'

'Seriously now, are you?'
- 'You'll reach here too.'
'Does that make it better?'
- 'nothing ever does.'

'Is that why you're almost dead?'
- 'Well, take your pills and go to bed.'

Don't say you know me
When I'm someone I'm not
Don't say it's alright
When it's not okay at all

Don't promise me anything
For you always break them all
Don't say I'm silent
Because chaos surrounds us all

Don't say you'll remember
Because you always forget I'm here
Don't bid me good bye
'To meet again' we'll try...

Tell me it was a lie
the voices that said die.
Tell me I was wrong
about life being a song

Tell me I have to heal
because it's no big deal
Tell me that you care
and won't just stand and stare

Tell me it's not over yet
I have goals to get
Tell me to feel alive
for success I have to strive.

She deftly lifts the veil,
and the view startles me.
No, not the exquisite beauty...
but the scars that I see.

And she smiles coyly,
for a secret she's revealed.
But under that pretty smile,
there are tears concealed.

She lets the veil fall...
"No one else knows" she says.
And from the girl in the mirror,
she slowly parts ways

At times, I write poetry
not for the sake of writing
but to feel free

To let out repressed emotions,
that stare at me blankly
that ask me questions....
to which, I don't know the answers

And when I do... I hide it
I hide it in a medley of words
Because, answers are scary
scarier than the questions themselves

So, at times, I write poetry
because spilled ink on paper
gives me the light to see

Out in the shadows
Where we stand each day
We wait for that glimmer
To light our way

That one little talk
With a stranger unknown
And that chance encounter
While we stand alone

When I glance in the mirror
And observe it reflecting me
I find a stranger looking out
And I wish I could know me...

When everyone around
Are being what they want to be
I find insecurity surmount
And I wish I could know me...

When I hear those praises
Which don't mean a thing, you see....
I close my ears
And I wish I could know me...

What am I feeling?
Am I aware?
Hiding and crouching
in your deathly stare..

What am I feeling
lying so low...
Trying to get away...
From what? I don't know...

What am I feeling?
As I sway along...
In life's high and low
humming the silent song.

There's a simmering rage
down the depths
of the tattered page
hiding something scary
Emotions, dreams.....
and thoughts, weary
Talking in vain
of that unseen
How do I say? - "Pain"
Throttling the breath
out of life
choking you till death

I'm facing
sheer turmoil....
Don't wish to be
one of your charity cases
And you're confusing me
with your multiple faces
There are times
when I am aware
that I won't do
and that, you don't care
yet I'm placing faith
and hope in you
And deep down I wish
that you do too....

You look me in the eye
but don't even see it
That silent sigh...
Did you notice?

The specks, the colors,
of the orb
blasphemies, troubles,
that they absorb.

The silent word,
hidden under wet lashes.
Things absurd,
just one thought flashes.

Every feeling,
waiting for your glance.
Waiting for help,
What's your stance?

I tread along,
the lines of an indifferent verse
singing an unheard song
because it's hard to converse

I tread along,
a different way
shedding my own light
because I'm trying to stay

I tread along,
to places unknown
waiting for the time
when I'll be gone

When memories surface
up the stream of mind
Do they leave a trace?
Or are they hard to find?

When memories surface
up the stream of mind
Do they make you reminisce?
all the things unkind...

When memories surface
up the stream of mind
You glance into the void
and there's nothing you can find...

We climbed aboard
a runway train
with a destination
that we didn't know

We plummeted into a tunnel
each one, searching for a light
We held onto each other
as there wasn't a glimmer in sight

We held on like pilgrims
waiting for salvation
But at the end, I had an epiphany
Sadly we were on the wrong station.

Sometimes I fear
that his words of consolation
and understanding
are just a pretension

Sometimes I fear
that he secretly mocks me
each time I open up
to reveal the scars that cover me

Sometimes I fear
of his judgement
that makes me embarrassed and ashamed
of my own predicament

I dream with open eyes
of endless summers
and starry nights.

Of misty morns
and lazy days
being comfortable in all ways.

Of cold dewdrops
that glisten bright
on daisies pure white.

Of unsaid words
that hang in the air
along with a love-struck stare

Of bright sunshine
that filters through
the window for our view.

Of loving the comfort
of my own company
and not needing anybody.

I desire no more
to "hold on" or "hang on"
Because, what future holds in store
I have never known

The next day
might have a potential
of an endless river
seeming surreal

So, I climb on the bodies
of those who failed
to carve out...
and uncertain way.

Praises,
falling deaf
to the spark within
the folds of the heart.

Can't douse
the eternal fire
of the hatred
that engulfs.

Can't care
to respond
to that awfully
unwelcome sound.

They ask me to
write poetry
to pen it down
and make my soul free

They ask me,
to tear my soul
and put those fragments
back into a whole

Then they praise me
for my eloquent feeling
are they aware
of how I'm dealing?

They call my words intense
but under that pretense
I hide something deep
It's secrets that I keep

So, I play along
and just smile.
Letting the praises fall deaf
on my ears for a while.

All emotions,
bare for you...
Come and see,
they stare at you.

Can you hear,
that song I sing?
Does that 'day',
that 'Memory' ring?

All those averted eyes
and all those coherent signs.
All those words choked inside
when silently you stood beside.

We parted long ago,
can you come?
Or maybe you intend to remain,
that long gone hum...

Have you ever looked at the world around you?
The edges, the curves and the beauty too?
Have you seen the sky at three?
The starts, the moon, and you who’s free

Have you felt things speak up at times?
Narrate a story, that’s unique and fine…
have you ever felt all eyes upon you?
And did you feel the admiration in them too?

Did you ever feel that you were strange?
Different or perhaps unique in a way?
Did you feel that interacting was strange?
Or maybe you saw the world in shades of grey?

Maybe you forget at times to, be you?
You- who’s different, you who’s you.
Did you feel defeated or plaintively weary?
Or did you, at times, sleep with your eyes bleary?

Have you ever tried to find answers?
Answers to all your problems?
Did you at times blame the world around you?
Or perhaps scream and shout in agony too?

Maybe, all this was a part of a test?
A test- that brought you to your fate
Perhaps it tried to bring out your best
To show that, your destiny awaits….

In the hallway of glances
she looks for attention
and there's none
not even to mention

Thoughts confused
and emotions bleary
reflections weird
and eyes weary

The mirror shows
the depth of pain
The heart knows
there's nothing to gain

Roughly stands,
for the strength is gone
In crowded spaces,
"She Stands Alone."

In the darkest hours,
of the night so long
secrets unfold
like an unsung song.

Slowly, gradually,
a syllable- a note
tuned- untuned
the music will float.

Emotions, Feelings,
of the heart that's pure.
reflecting on dealings,
of life, that's sure.

Going forth
till the break of dawn,
the heart's oath,
that will go on....

If only we could change,
the fate that was ours.
If only we could turn,
back the days and hours.

If only we could heal,
the scars deep beneath.
How nice it would have been,
if those moments we could relive.

If that pain could be hidden,
under that pretty smile.
If only our heart,
could narrate how it feels.

Then we could laugh,
under the sheet of stars
And then our smiles,
would mingle with our tears.
And long gone will be
our fears and inhibitions.

And then the dead would live,
for old times sake.
Perhaps then we could give,
the love that we could never take.

Today, I'm bidding goodbye
not just to others...
but to ME as well
Because, "I need to leave"
is something I tell
And it's hard
Harder than what I anticipated
because of this shell that I've created
around me to hide
because I find it hard to confide.
I'm bubbling....
not with energy, but with doubts
About me, about you
and about the world too
What goes around comes back too,
to stand in your view
to obstruct the little glimmer
of hope that seems to shimmer
from cracked windowpanes
that glance into dingy lanes
So, I stand on the edge
of the cliff that I've created
And I'm jumping off....
For this day, long I've waited

I shout into the void
to hear back nothing
The daily voices
Some silent, some whispering...

I plunge right in the dark
to search for the light
I look for that one mark
don't know what's right....

I try to get over it
But, still manage to drown
I wait near the kingly throne
for the worthy crown.

My words stop short
as I begin to speak
about years of emotions
that I had to keep

So, I don't say
that I am sad
I won't say
that my days have been bad

I will not tell
the truth, if that's fine
My tears do swell
but who cares, after all they're mine

Whose fault is it?
Never mind, I blame me
I am that jigsaw
that can never fit.

Trust me...
I'm right there
to hold your collapsing world,
while my own remains eternally destroyed.

Trust me...
I'm right there
to lend a shoulder
while my own tears turn colder.

Trust me...
I'm right there
to wipe blood off your scars,
while my own skin, a razor mars.

Trust me...
I'm right there
as usual, with a smile.
burying my own sorrows for a while.

Trust me...
I'm right there like I used to be.
But, maybe not any longer.
Because, I'm fading away waiting for you to notice me.

If eyes could tell the truth,
then one would never lie.
If eyes could hide the pain...
then one would never sigh.

If the heart could talk out loud..
then all feelings could be told.
If the heart could narrate...
the no story would be untold.

I've been in a void
where darkness seemed to be light
Tell me what to do
Tell me what is right

I see hope fading
in my own eyes
Give me a hand
help me to rise

Be my light...
Be my light...
Wake me up
to a whole new sunrise

I walked to the terrace, late at night
for the night was stuffy,
And there was no one in sight.
Up there I wondered,
If I could really fly.
So I took the step slowly
up the terrace that night.
But I saw a girl, already up there,
she looked tired and serene.
She was like an apparition,
staring at the scene.
I stood in the comforting silence,
wondered if I should break the ice.
She spoke first to my relief,
And asked me why I was late to arrive.
I wondered, what she meant,
but she continued without a pause.
"If you came a little early,
you might have saved a loss."
I needed and sked,
"But would my words have mattered,
If your mind was already made up?"
She replied without skipping a beat,
"Without trying how could you give up?"
So, I didn't think of flying anymore,
maybe because I thought I'd fail.
Instead I told the girl beside me,
"I'd be on time from now on,
so you can rest assured."

The doors are open
just walk inside
in my heart that's hollow
come confide

Words- expressions
all that you want
make depressions
just for a start

Trespass slowly
because I am aware
completely, wholly
of the unabashed stare

Undressed lie
emotions bare
and a heavy sigh
for you to hear.

A scar, a cut and a flaw
that unlucky face that you saw.
those sad words that you read,
masking emotions in my head.

'Pretty Rude' and 'Unruly'
Never actually 'Yours truly'
With an aura of mystery.
That shell, that I carry.

'Who are you?' they ask.
And answering is a pitiful task.
To describe myself in a word I try.
'I'm Hamartia' I cry.

Those Promises
Those Words
and that day...
                        Those feelings,
                        the hurt,
                        " I was never okay!"
The truth,
hidden beneath,
a blanket of lies,
was unleashed.
                         " It's Okay"
                           wasn't heartfelt
                           going away
                           hard to accept.
The mirror held,
a new face.
And pain was all,
the eye could trace.

The ghosts of our past
don't haunt us anymore.
Before us lie infinities vast.
For years the scar we bore.

Long gone are our days of agony.
Smiles have washed all our sins.
We quietly suffered fate's tyranny,
and at last perseverance wins.

And once again we try to live
forgetting our past
It's happiness we'll take and give
Until our lives last.

Today I sang for me
Strumming my guitar absentmindedly
Not for 'him' or 'her' or 'them'
uncaring of the reality

Today the notes rang
a little differently
as I hummed and sang
a song that's mine, entirely

Today I tried to be me
because I wanted to see
till where my song would go
in this life's high and low

Shadows...
clinging along
like old memories
and that unsung song.
       Like pain, agony
       all mixed in one
       and those memories...
       of that special someone.

Shadows...
that don't drift apart
that have been there
right from the start.
        That don't fall away
        when the day shines bright
        that crouch in corners
        for our weary sight

Shadows...
that shape us, form us,
and that may at times,
even **** us.

When the words we speak
Just don’t tumble out
When the future looks bleak
and the soul shouts out
When dreams and desires
aren’t there any more
And all one wants is a heart that’s pure
When there is grief
as heavy as a stone
And those meetings brief
while you walk alone
When all you want is a good day ahead
just plop down on the pillow and go to bed
Just close your eyes and try to rest
and think of my words, which are for the best….

Did something change after that day?
No, nothing in an unusual way...
Nothing that could break the heart.
Nothing that could tear you apart
Nothing that could be told
After all, secrets are something,
that the heart holds.

Labyrinth of suffering,
labyrinth of pain,
labyrinth of dying...
tell me, what is there to gain?

Long that we have lived here
Long that we have been...
Long we've lived in fear,
So much that we have seen.

How do we get out?
The key is straight and fast.
Hide in the shell and shout
Until our life will last.