i can hear the wheels turn
between your ears
as your train of thought departs
down stubborn tracks
taking you far away from the place that i have brought you
only to realize upon arrival that
you can’t outrun them
for there are problems at every station
but i will be there waiting, love
wherever your destination.

life is a high stakes game and
you’ve always gambled with consequences
I used to love that
you paid no mind to the risks
you weren’t afraid to lose
until I realized
I was no exception.

so tell me,
was the jackpot worth it?

beauty is pain
and the truth is ugly
so I beg you
to tell me one lie

please

make me feel pretty
just one more time.

You’ll be the captain of your dreams,
And I’ll be the waves that set you
                                                             ­       free.
You’ll never weather a storm alone,
For I’ll be the tides that carry you
                                                                ­ home.

i was never taught how to swim
and always struggled to stay afloat
but that didn’t stop me
from diving headfirst
into the depths of a lustful hell
so with eyes closed and breath held
i sank to the bottom
because i couldn’t save myself
from drowning in the toxicity
of a body called
“You”

we’ve learned a lot
in what it means to love, Love
that gives me hope
hope that we continue
to learn
to fix
and to mend
we will learn to love, Love
learn to love again.

Where do I go from here?
Each direction feels so wrong,
When lost at sea.
Clinging to a buoy of hope,
Admittedly struggling to stay afloat,
In such troubling waters.
Looking to the sky for answers,
Perhaps the stars will point the way.
To place called home,
Where I'm not alone,
Where I'm not,
A Castaway.

i like comparing emotions to colors
they’re simple, sweet, and succinct
but those colors fade
and the memories made
are quick to follow
they fade to black reminding me that
shade is full of sorrow.

in my past life
i had made peace with pain
finding comfort in the suffering
and relief in the darkness
as the deafening silence
lulled me to sleep
and there i would dream
until you came along
ridding me of all inflictions
and awakened my soul
from such bittersweet slumber.