a fragile love
much like the glass heart
i bear upon my sleeve
it is liable to shatter

but oh, how it shines in the light .

we laughed about life
the beginning
the end
and how a circle just doesn’t make sense .
we live
and we die
on a linear timeline .
there’s ups
there’s downs
but no circle brings us back around .
so we live
and we die
on a crooked little line .

phantom lies
behind hazel eyes
broke these bones

a gentle smile
and sweet denial
made it easy

days gone by
with no goodbye

and that is how they leave me .

it’s tempting
not to love you .
with the way you love
its so hard to love back .
because you’re set in your ways
leaving me stuck
between your love
and a hard place .

i make my bravest promises
under the shade of night fall
and wake in the morning
just to see my fears dancing
in the sun,

chasing down the light of day.

I hate the way you make me feel
like I fall just a tad too short
in every one of your god forsaken standards.
I hate you for the past
that can never really be left there
for it follows like a shadow and you love the company.
I hate so many things,
but most of all
I hate that none of it matters
when I’m so helplessly in love with you.

We go together like
coffee, sugar
and *** on Sunday mornings.

life is a high stakes game and
you’ve always gambled with consequences
I used to love that
you paid no mind to the risks
you weren’t afraid to lose
until I realized
I was no exception.

so tell me,
was the jackpot worth it?

i fell in love with a mountain man
with an insatiable hunger for beauty
in search of never ending views
on summits shaded by cloud sewn blankets
just beneath the stars and blinding sun
always en route to greater peaks
with each new sight prettier than the rest
he met me in the Rockies
then left me for Everest.

Where do I go from here?
Each direction feels so wrong,
When lost at sea.
Clinging to a buoy of hope,
Admittedly struggling to stay afloat,
In such troubling waters.
Looking to the sky for answers,
Perhaps the stars will point the way.
To place called home,
Where I'm not alone,
Where I'm not,
A Castaway.

we’ve learned a lot
in what it means to love, Love
that gives me hope
hope that we continue
to learn
to fix
and to mend
we will learn to love, Love
learn to love again.

i like comparing emotions to colors
they’re simple, sweet, and succinct
but those colors fade
and the memories made
are quick to follow
they fade to black reminding me that
shade is full of sorrow.

i can hear the wheels turn
between your ears
as your train of thought departs
down stubborn tracks
taking you far away from the place that i have brought you
only to realize upon arrival that
you can’t outrun them
for there are problems at every station
but i will be there waiting, love
wherever your destination.

i was never taught how to swim
and always struggled to stay afloat
but that didn’t stop me
from diving headfirst
into the depths of a lustful hell
so with eyes closed and breath held
i sank to the bottom
because i couldn’t save myself
from drowning in the toxicity
of a body called
“You”

beauty is pain
and the truth is ugly
so I beg you
to tell me one lie

please

make me feel pretty
just one more time.

You’ll be the captain of your dreams,
And I’ll be the waves that set you
                                                             ­       free.
You’ll never weather a storm alone,
For I’ll be the tides that carry you
                                                                ­ home.

in my past life
i had made peace with pain
finding comfort in the suffering
and relief in the darkness
as the deafening silence
lulled me to sleep
and there i would dream
until you came along
ridding me of all inflictions
and awakened my soul
from such bittersweet slumber.

salt crusted lips
kiss ****** wounds
just to remind us
that love hurts
and only time can stop the bleeding.

“sticks and stones may break these bones
but words shall never hurt me”
and so the saying goes
failing to acknowledge  
just how hurtful words can be
when left unsaid

as if twigs and pebbles weigh more
than the burden of the
“i don’t love you”
hidden in his eye.

write your story as you will,
and read mine just the same.
there’s a war of words and hearts,
between the lines of fear and blame.

i read and then i reread,
every word you’ve placed upon these pages,
describing lovers of your past
in the most perfect of ways,
in sentences i only wish could contain,
my name.
reveling in all of their sin and glory,
because the two seem to go hand in hand.
and though i shouldn’t,
i continue.
i read and then i reread,
your ****** tellings of beautiful women with bodies incapable of imperfections,
with characteristics that unmistakably contradict mine.
truthfully it hurts in the most painful of ways,
but I’ve learned better than to ask,
and i no longer question why.

i just read and i reread,
picturing your hands,
on her thighs.

there is a fine line between,
what is real and,
what is a dream,
it is just
the unjust divide.
———————————————
and i’m on reality’s side.
so i’ll whisper my goodbye
with a peck upon your cheek
because i can’t force you awake
when you would rather be asleep.

Born to love
Oh, but cursed to feel
The pain that comes accompanied
By love lost and time spent
Wasted, waiting for reciprocation
That will, truthfully, never make
it’s way back
home.

Do not hand me a feather
And expect me to fly .
For feathers feel heavy
When I carry so many .
And I know I should be stronger
Because others carry more .
But my body’s grown weak
and
I will
                        

drop
them .

staring in my eyes
relentless in pursuit of understanding
the answers to every unfavorable question
searching, though he may never see
transparency is a fatal weapon
for a girl like
me

the world weighs heavy on my back
so i try to carry it in my palms  
i take one unbalanced step then fall on both hands and knees
searching for answers in the sky, i plea
for the strength of a God whom i don’t believe

the simple truth is
i just want to be
brave
the girl who saves the day
but maybe
i’m just not that heroic

burning your candle at both ends will never
lead a blind man through the dark
so be weary, sweet girl
when you see the fire in his eyes
for the flames will fade away
and once they do
he will be just as lost
as you are dead

and it will make no difference.

kisses like the softest
  
    n    
         o    t  
                    e    
                       s

off grand piano
  
     k
          e    y
                    s

play my foolish heart
like your piano

     p  l   e   a
                       s  
                          e

memories ignite like matches
emotions reek of gasoline
thoughts soaked in kerosene
fill my head
then set it aflame
crippled by the pain
choking on inferno haze
leave me here to burn

In the middle of your bedroom
Hand in hand
Nose to nose
I followed your lead
Swept away by the grace
In the steps of your two left feet
Just dancing to the sound
Of our rhythmic hearts’ beat

Now when you’re away
And I feel alone
I find myself dancing
Just dancing on my own.

it seems to me that maybe
my entire life I have mistaken
pain for love because truthfully
i don’t know the difference
when those i love are
pushing me to do better  
and laughing as i fall
allowing me to foolishly believe
that love is built with  
bandaids and a wrecking ball

if emotions are colors
love is a burning red
sadness the deepest of blues
so i painted seven oceans on fire
and named it after you

the waves still crash
the tide still pulls me
and when I’m drowning
he still holds me
refusing to let go
whispering the air to my lungs
he breathes

“hope floats”

I breathe in
I breathe out
I don't miss you but
You've missed out and
That's okay
I have a true lover now
He's my breath of fresh air
He's a comfortable breeze and
He welcomes me
For all that I am and
All that I can be
Yet I can't be when
I'm lying here
With damaged lungs
Making it so incredibly hard
To breathe in
To breathe out

and your words cut
                                                           deep
i press my fingers to these ****** wounds
and i run straight into your arms

because it’s the safest place to  
                                                          we­ep

You could never be his cup of tea
Nor his last shot of whiskey
No, he had acquired tastes for
Luke warm tap water
And bottom shelf gasoline

Walking the streets and passing time
No particular place in mind
Simply searching for my peace of mind
Proving it’s hard to find
So tonight I’m
Sleepless in Seattle

i think i like the view better
Up here at 37,000 feet
where stratus top dunes create an endless sea
washing over my past life
mopping my conscious clean
Up here where the moon may listen and stars shall sing
and the sun sets within arms reach
and on the horizon
the gates of heaven glow
casting my shadow over the hells below

That beauty that you’re searching for
It won’t be found in me
At least not where you’re looking
It won’t be found in my eyes or my smile
Nor will you see it in the curves of my  
    hips or the arch of my spine
But Maybe
If you close your eyes
You might catch a glimpse
Here, listen
Listen to me
Focus on the words that I say and the way  
   that I speak
Hear the steady rhythm of this lonely  
   heart beat
This is the beauty that your eyes may never see
What?
You can’t hear it?
Well maybe
You can feel it
Here, come close
Oh, but keep your eyes closed