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By the edge

Of town

( the woods )

/:/

A thin girl

Large *******

She is always right before me

••. ••

from the graveyard where she was born

She ventures closer to our courage

Hoping

For a new lover now
Tonight I sat down at my laptop and thought maybe I could make something good.
For weeks there has been a buzzing in my brain like a scratchscratchscratching pencil circling in on itself endlessly and endlessly. A scrawl, a squall, a squall of scrawls in my skull.
Life's a roller-coaster and I'm in a slump.
There's no discernible reason,
no obvious problem,
no escape from my pit.
I am stuck in a body with myself
and maybe that it the problem.
i am not a man
--conventionally, one considers me as one;
for many purposes
i am a man--
at long last as a 'compliment'
; as a stoic ideal
; or as pejorative
; as body.
but i am not conventional:
i am not a man
Love silent falls
lofty floats, touches invisibly soft
unseen through the scope of eyes
comes brushing by or comes in a down pouring
wet washing the soul, unwavering, wordless it unfolds
travels most rugged terrain, then smooths the way
there is no season for its efflorescence
it sits a silent bud any moment to flower
always we've known it's fragrance
it is the way, the path
a flitting ethereal flower
deeply felt, though in hand
never grasped.
I tried water
wading, floating, drowning
the pooling and spilling of years
immersed myself holy
deeply to find the fear
dark in the deep end
the coming home to soul
the pain of it all
unknowingly I'd slept
heart wrecked
frozen in fear
unwilling to look
until there was
no other choice
until one day discovering
hidden truths beyond
my darkest void.
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