i go back to the day
the one where things came falling,
from the sky, a dark dark cloud
my name it would not stop calling
the calling of death
it was so present
the only option in sight,
the weight was too unbearable
i could not see the light
the light was gone
i was confused
didn’t recall its disappearance,
but a tornado came and swept me up
i did not look for clearance
the clearance did not come,
it started slow and quiet
but now its chasing fast and cunning,
on the sand my feet flew fast
i could not stop the running
i was running on the beach
snow still on the ground,
the voice it clawed at me: “give in”
i listened to its sound
the sound of my mother
when i rushed back home and confessed
she could see i was unwell and weak
shaking and distressed
distressed i stayed
a long long time
the jokes she made were cruel
she did not know what to say
just trying to keep her cool
my cool was kept in my session,
i told her my thoughts exactly
would i end up in a ward perhaps?
i wondered matter of factly
as a matter of fact i did not get sent
to the place where mirrors are plastic
instead i stayed in the place of steel
where measures were so drastic
drastically different
my psyche was changed
for better or for worse,
now under my breath
it is my own name
that i have come to curse.